British humour

An old gent is in his posh private club reading and having a drink when his fellow member Wardley comes in with his drink and newspaper and sits down.

“I say, Wardley,” the first one says, “so sorry to hear you buried your wife last week.”

“Yes,” replies Wardley wistfully, “had to…dead, you know.”

Political memes removed, they are off topic

Johnny goes to confessional. "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl" he says.

 

The priest ask: "Is that you Johnny?" "Yes, father" he replies.

 

"And who was the girl you were with?" "I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation."

 

"Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now." "No, I  will not"

 

"Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I’ll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I’m sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

 

The priest sighs in frustration. "You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

 

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers: "What’d you get?" Johnny replies: "Four months’ vacation and five good leads …"