I got pulled over by the police last night driving home from the pub. The copper asked me if I’d had a drink. I told him I’d had eight pints of Guinness, two large whiskys and four sambucca shots.

He said I’m going to have to ask you blow into this tube.

I said why? Don’t you believe me?

I bought a head of lettuce from a small grocery shop called Mama’s and Papa’s.

I can’t eat it though, because all the leaves are brown.

A lorry load of ballroom dancing gowns has crashed on the motorway.

Drivers have been advised to go slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

My mate accidently sat on a lettuce and got it wedged up his behind.

The doctor put a dressing on it.

3 hours ago, dcsw53 said:

I had a lovely massage in Pattaya. It made me feel like an 18 year old. So I went down Beach Road and got one.

1 hour ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Great to know that the best possible help is on the way. We have seen how effective it is to prevent mass killings with AR-15 riffles.

 

 Is it to soon .......?