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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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Image may contain: text that says 'I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.'

those were the days...

 

 

 

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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"

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With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

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33 minutes ago, fangless said:

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

You picked a fine time to leave me old ford.

With coke in the glove box ,now nothing to snort!

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When we divorced my ex insisted on a settlement that included:

1 pint of milk,

4 eggs,

1 vanilla pod,

4g of caster sugar,

and half a pint of double cream.

She mixed it all up and threw it in my face ...

The jokes on her - I got custardy.

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9 hours ago, jvs said:

You picked a fine time to leave me old ford.

With coke in the glove box ,now nothing to snort!

A Thai variant

You picked a fine time to leave me old ford ranger.

With a local behind the wheel now, some more farang in danger!

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What's an Old Snowman called?

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A: A Puddle

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
 

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I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.

 My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned:

couldn't concentrate.

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4 hours ago, tifino said:

 

What's an Old Snowman called?

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A: A Puddle

I once uncovered a mass grave of snowman remains and called in the UN to investigate a possible genocide. 

Imagine my embarrassment when it turned out to be a carrot field.

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I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor told me: "Your patella only measures 2.54cm."
"Inch high knees?" I exclaimed in surprise.
The doctor replied: "你的髕骨尺寸為2.54厘米"

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