What do you call a sleepwalking nun ..?
A roaming catholic ....

 

(See what sort of stuff you get in a joke thread?)

I was getting chatted up by an ugly bird in the pub last night.
She said "Have you got a nickname?"
I said "Yeah, my mates call me The Sledge
She giggled, and said "Is that because you're a good ride?"
I said "No, it's because I always get pulled by f***ing dogs"

It was raining cats and dogs lest night, oops, I stepped in a poodle. 

Went out for a walk in the countryside. Along a lane……..across a field……….through a wood……..down a slope…………climbed over a stile………..up a great big hill………….along a ridge……….down a scree slope………..waded a stream…………scrambled across a boulder field…..through another stream……up a mountain…….down the other side…….around a lake…….

I was just rambling really.

 

The brash Texan approaches the African villagers, hoping to impress upon them his savvy in developing agricultural farmland and produce for their economic growth and prosperity.

 

As he overlooks their vast fertile plains, in his classic southern drawl, “That’s right, people! We’ll combine my know-how and expertise with your labor and resources to plow and irrigate the greatest yielding crops you never seen the likes of!”, he boasts.

 

The war-painted natives and tribal elders together react, pounding their sticks and spears on the ground, jumping up and down, “ Goom Wah, Goom Wah!”, they all chant. A crowd gathers around as their enthusiasm seems to grow.

 

“Yessiree!”, he continues. “In no time flat we’ll be running cattle and crops to the horizon, my friends!”

The villagers are now locked in unison, stomping their grounds, shouting “Goom Wah! Goom Wah!”

 

“And that’s only for starters!”, the barrel chested, bolo-tied entrepreneur promises, under his ten-gallon hat. “We’ll build hotels and shopping centers to boot, he envisions.

 

“Goom Wah! Goom Wah! Goom Wah!”, the entire village is now hysterical.

 

As the excitement settles down, the village chief, through his interpreter, calmly asks the man, “So, you about done, sir?”

 

“That’s all I got for you today boss; so we got a deal?” winks the cowboy.

 

Through his interpreter, the patriarch replies, “Let us think this through, all these plans and ideas, but as you leave, gesturing toward the scattering cows, “Be careful not to step in any of that Goom Wah on the ground.”

 

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

 

Obviously never been an Apprentice.

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The trouble with purely joke threads I've seen on other forums is that they die out. Even the active ones only have one or two posts a week, or even month.  Once you've exhausted the old ones, there isn't a sufficient supply of fresh new material to keep them going.  At least new memes are created daily, many of them topical, and provide a near endless supply of material. 

 

I'd be happy if this was turned into a joke only thread - though then I suspect it would then also turn into a series of YouTube clips, but until that day happens, I'll continue sitting with a coffee in front of my computer in the morning, looking through memes and jokes on one or two sites, and reposting a few (lot) on these pages.  It's not a chore, or a hassle, I'm going to be looking at them for my own enjoyment anyway.  The only really trouble I go to is when I edit or create a new meme, but I enjoy doing that too - especially when I see one of mine from this forum appear in another.  If it does start to become a drag then it'll be time to retire, and if I ever lose my sense of humour it will be time for the river, sack and brick.

 

Now, as Jimmy Carr once said, enough of the serious stuff, back to the knob gags.

Great post @ballpoint  Agree 100%

Keep on keeping on!!! 👍😊

 

This thread contains some corny, nonsensical silliness.......because it's a joke thread and that's just how it should be.

Just remember....."If it ain't broke, don't fix it"

1 hour ago, VocalNeal said:

 

Obviously never been an Apprentice.

Oh yes!  🙏

Did you ever get sent for a "long stand", or a "box of Amps" or a "left-handed hammer"? (I only fell for the first one! 😒)

1 minute ago, oxo1947 said:

 

A guy at a work place told me God is everywhere. 

 

So I asked is he really everywhere or is he small and moves very fast so appears that he is everywhere like the dot on a TV screen.

 

He never spoke to me again.