THE WELSH COW   The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Wales . It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.  "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"                       The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Wales ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:   "My wife's from Wales "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was going to make my wife a nice Korean dish as a surprise for when she came home from work,

but someone let the cat out of the bag.

My favourite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. 

Until mum found out and hid the urn.

What goes clip clop.....clip clop....clip clop......BANG!!!

clippity clop..clippity clop..clippity clop..clippity clop?

An Amish drive by shooting.

Counting Sheep... 

 

 

 

 

A herd of sheep walks into a bar.

One of the sheep says "A round of beers, please."
The bartender says "Okay, so that's one, two, three, four.... five..... six.......

zzzzzzzzz

Dog and sheep

Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up.

 I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

I, for one, like Roman numerals.

People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything.”

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

People say I’m condescending. That means i talk down to people.

Hi James...

 

 

A guy with a 25-inch Willy went to a Doctor & said;

 "I can't live with this big willy anymore! It's too long."

 

The Doctor replied;

  "I can't do anything for you but if you see the Witch Doctor, down in the Bayou, she can help you."

So, he went to the Bayou and saw the Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor said;

 "Go into the swamp & find a female frog. Ask her to marry you, she'll say no & you'll lose 5 inches off your member immediately".

 

So, he went to the swamp & found the female frog & asked her;

 "Will you marry me"..???

 

"NO", she said & right enough, he lost 5 inches off his member.

The guy liked the results & thought 20 inches is still just a little too much.

So he asked the frog again;

 "Will You Marry Me"..???

 

The frog said;

 "NO" & the guy lost another 5 inches.

He thought, good, 15 inches is great  but 10 inches would just be perfect.

 

 So he asked her again;

 "Will You Marry Me"..???

& the frog said,
*
"How many <deleted> times do I have to tell you.. NO..! NO..! NO...!"