36 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

I used to have a mexican girlfriend who only had 1 tooth ..........

 

              ........ her name was ........... Juanita ????

Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situations

 

1. At the movies:
"Hey ! What are you doing here ?"
Me: "I sell tickets in black here. Don't you know?"

 

2. In bus: A fat lady steps on my feet:
"Sorry did that hurt ?"
Me: "No not at all. I'm on local anaesthesia. Why don't you try again ?"

 

3. When I get woken up at midnight by a call: "Sorry! Were u sleeping ?"
Me: "Na ! I was doing research on monkeys in Africa.
You thought I was sleeping, you st**** b******

 

4. When they see me with shorter hair: "Hey ! Have you had a haircut ?"
Me: "Nah ! Its autumn. my hair's shedding !"

 

5. When someone calls on land-line and asks: "Where r you ?"
Me: "At the market with telephone around my neck !!"

 

6. When I m washing my car....
Neighbour: "Hey ! Are you washing your car ?"
Me: "No, I m just watering it so that it grows into a big bus.

A woman, about to undergo a Tax/earnings audit, asked her accountant for advice on what to wear. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire and claim it on expenses".

Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper".

Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you a story" replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel'".

The woman protested "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "Don't you see? It doesn't matter what you wear my dear! Either way, you still get screwed and the results will be the same"

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer, and an accountant were all up for a job interview:

The mathematician was called in and asked as part of the interview, “What is 1+1?” The mathematician gets his calculator out and does the calculation and says “2.”

The engineer is then asked the same question when he is called in and he asks for some paper and a pencil. He then draws a few diagrams and he again says, “2.”

The lawyer is again asked the question, thinks about it for a second, does some research and says “This answer was proven back in 1946 in the case of 1 vs 1 in which the answer was found to be 2.”

The accountant is then asked the same question and he stands up, closes the blinds, turns off the light, closes the door, gets really close (pre-COVID) and whispers

 

 

“What do you want it to be?”

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

If it works, don't knock it.

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Necessity is the mother of invention...

19 minutes ago, billd766 said:

If it works, don't knock it.

That looks like a fair idea for me when I am cutting down the grass and scrub. I can see through it, it has a vent at the top to let the sweaty heat out and it is long enough and strong enough to keep most of the grit and stones off my face. A bonus is that I wouldn't need to wear a face mask either.

3 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

I'll drink to that method!

50 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Do jou want to rent a letter "Y" from me?

 

 

PS;  It took me a while to work it out, probablj something to do with the Y&B Whiskj I have been drinking!