Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions from his pupils. One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.

 

Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson, quite enjoying himself while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little 'zero'. "This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole."

 

"Ahh, right" said the children.

The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in one hole."

 

"Hmmmm," Mr Dickinson said, "How do you put 7 holes in one? Well, I'll be darned. I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"

 

"Yes," said Little Johnny, He asked me to tell you, "Take a flute and shove it up your ***"!

A symphony is preparing for a concert.

The crowds eagerly await this outdoor performance of the Hallelujah Chorus. However, it's the middle of June, and the heat is terrible. All the flutes, trumpets, and tubas are out of tune. The choir is miserable and sweaty.

Ultimately, they're forced to cancel the performance. It was simply too hot to Handel.

Two great musicians hated each other

And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.

After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the results were a dead heat- half of the audience voted for one, half voted for the other.

Angrily, the first musician took out a clarinet.
“Let’s see how you manage THIS” he hissed at the second musician. The second musician dutifully brought out his own and they played. Thirty minutes later, both musicians tired but nonetheless angry, asked the audience to cast their vote.

The votes were tallied. Again, completely equal. Aghast but furious, the second musician brought out a piano, the first followed, and they played away. A full hour of a duet. Rachmaninov’s piano concerto in triple time, Flight of the forty million bumblebees. The musicians were exhausted but enraged. The vote cast. Another dead heat.

So it went on. Each duet a different instrument, a longer time, a dead heat. Bassoons, oboes, flutes, Swiss alpine horns,  the list went on.

Sweating profusely, absolutely livid, the first musician had enough. He staggered over and reached his hand into an ornate box. Suddenly the second musician, terrified thrust out his arm in desperation.

“NO! We must not resort to violins”

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23 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I've been learning German for twenty years.
It's zwanzig jahre.

I don't get it?

12 minutes ago, stuarty said:

I don't get it?

20 years..... zwanzig jahre = 20 years

My wife said to me “There’s 14 reasons why I’m leaving you, and don’t even get me started on your tennis obsession!”

I said “Well that’s 15, love...”