Well booger.. I think my licence might be in jeopardy.. 
and all just because of a stupid Hwy Patrol...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:
Cop: "LicenCe and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Cop: "Ok' let's do a little test!

 - Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance; What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Cop:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Cop:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
‎Cop:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?‎
Me:"A motorcycle."
Cop:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Cop:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me: "So... counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Cop:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things sorta went downhill from there, and now I have a court date to attend... 

 

 

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

Hire your "friends" to do the second "break-in" and claim the insurance to pay for the holiday!

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.

One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"


The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest!  ????

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned

"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

 

They send me a BLIND policeman!"

A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..

The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"

Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs Vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom."

"So be strong, I love you too and always will even.........."

What runs faster than a Liverpudlian burglar with a TV?

His cousin with the DVD! (or the remote!)

1 hour ago, tomazbodner said:

Or the milk of human (un)kindness!

 

Apollo 13; "Houston we may have a problem here:
I can't find any cream to use for my coffee!"
Houston; "There is no problem we cannot solve except that one;

 

Because in space no-one can hear use cream"

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

It sticks out a country mile that you have must have been spoon fed anti Chinese propaganda,  There must be a chink missing in your education somewhere!

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him.

The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung <deleted>?".

The Chinese man says, "why you ask that? Because I Chinese? That's jus racist!".

The Irish man says,

 

"No, I ask because you're drinking my bleeding beer".

Three Chinese friends

Chu, Bu, and <deleted>, decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and <deleted>.....

decided to travel back to China.

A wise Chinese/Korean (insert as required) guy once said:

If a dog barks-

It's undercooked.

 

PS;  If you are western would you be barking mad to eat it?

18 minutes ago, fangless said:

A wise Chinese/Korean (insert as required) guy once said:

If a dog barks-

It's undercooked.

 

PS;  If you are western would you be barking mad to eat it?

And if your bat seems to be enjoying bath in your soup, he's probably Wuflu...

 

7 minutes ago, tomazbodner said:

And if your bat seems to be enjoying bath in your soup, he's probably Wuflu...

How many Bath is it worth, or like me, do you just wash your hands of it and bat it away!

 

 

PS; Weflu here by Thai Airways, who did your family fly with and was it too much of a strain?

36 minutes ago, fangless said:

"do you know Kung <deleted>?".

Did anyone else know before now that KungFu was such an offensive art before the nanny state on this site censored it???

 

1 minute ago, fangless said:

How many Bath is it worth, or like me, do you just wash your hands of it and bat it away!

 

 

PS; Weflu here by Thai Airways, who did your family fly with and was it too much of a strain?

Generally THAI Airways... when they could still afford to pay for onboard entertainment license...

A nanny state version of a previous post a few minutes ago:

Three Chinese friends

C-h-u,

B-u,

     and

F-u,

 

decided to immigrate to the United States

In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American.

C-h-u became C-h-u-c-k,

B-u became B-u-c-k

                           and

F-u..... decided to return to China which had more freedom of speech!