Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don't know what you're missing!

If you’re feeling down,
try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Bored? I suggest you visit the police museum for a good day out.

The place is arresting, particularly their taser collection, which is stunning.

I can't believe how strong the wind was last night.
I nipped out to get my wife some milk, and got blown into the pub.

Try the new 007 Viagra.

It makes you Roger More.

As the burglar entered the darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes...
...and then let the cat do the rest.

I queued 40 minutes to get petrol yesterday. When I finally got to the pumps I became all emotional.
I started to fill up.

I got the sack from my job at the local Salvation Army soup kitchen yesterday evening.

All I said was, "Come on, eat up. Some of us have ******* homes to go to!"

I visited a friend's new condo and asked him. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?"

"That is the talking clock," he replied.

"How's it work?"

"Watch," he said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?".

With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

11 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don't know what you're missing!

Yes you end up getting shafted and become the butt of all the pointed jokes!

The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.

"Good heavens," shrieked the teacher. "Is he all right now?"

"He must be," said Johnny. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."