A mother and her very young son were flying Virgin Airlines.. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big aeroplanes have baby aeroplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the steward.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the steward. The steward smiled and said, "Did your Mummy tell you to ask me?" 
The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby aeroplanes because as the Virgin Airline the Captain always pulls out on time. Your Mummy can explain that to you."
 

"Oh Father, Father," said the distressed woman to her parish priest. "How would you tackle a serious drink problem?" 
"With a corkscrew," came the reply. 

Did you hear about the man who lost two fingers working in the car factory? 
Funnily enough he didn't realise he'd lost them until he left work and waved goodbye to the foreman. 

"Billy" said the young woman who had moved in next door. 
"I forgot to get some milk at the corner store, do you think you could go for me?" 
"No" said the boy, "but I overheard dad say he could." 

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Shout out "my money's on the one with the knife".

 

How do you stop an argument between two deaf men?

Turn off the lights.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a Rottweiler?

Just the Rottweiler.

 

 

 

“ i love lamp “

2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

“ i love lamp “

It's OK if you just want a light snack.

Who said religion can’t be fun ??

Confucius Says:

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

 

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
 

Baseball rules is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
 

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
 

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
 

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
 

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
 

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there quick time.

 

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

 

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

 

Crowded elevator smell different to midget. 

Two women talking over the garden fence. 
"My husband's an efficiency expert." 
"What's that then?" 
"Well, I'll put it another way. If a woman did it, they would call it nagging." 
 

Three Welsh farmers are walking across the mountainside when they spot a field of sheep. 
"Heh, there's some good looking sheep over there," the first one jokes. I wish one was Jordan." 
"I wish one was Baby Spice," says the second. 
"I wish it was dark," whispers the third. 
 

7 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Confucius Says:

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

 

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
 

Baseball rules is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
 

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
 

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
 

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
 

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
 

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there quick time.

 

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

 

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

 

Crowded elevator smell different to midget. 

Man who eats meat and peas on same plate not hygienic.

 

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

11 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

Jesus really seems to be jumping on this forum recently; see post 2633 et al

Jesus really seems to be jumping on this forum recently; see post 2633 et al

Eddie is not as fast as he thinks [emoji51]

Apologies to red necks !!, that’s if someone takes the time to read it to them [emoji51]