Why do the French like to eat snails?

Because they don't like fast food!

Bloke thought he'd try something new at the local curry house.

He went for Pelican Madras.

Quite tasty but the bill was enormous!!

Why did the Jelly baby not want to go to school?

He didn't want to become a Smartie!

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said that Davy Jones from the Monkees was dead.

Then I saw her face.

Now I'm a bereaver!!

Excited young boy:   "Mum, do you think the new lady next door will show me her aviary?"

 

Mother (puzzled):      "What on earth makes you think she's got an aviary?"

 

Young boy:                "I overheard Dad telling the postman she's got Great Tits"    

What's the similarity between a Income Tax Inspector and a Stork?

 

They can both stick their bills up their RRs

15 hours ago, fangless said:

What the Bleep are you on about?

It's ok I'll run away and get my coat now!

????

Too late ...

A dog ???? and a cat ???? are having an argument on who is the favorite of humans. 

 

The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more."

 

The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one, you know." 

Why my Airbnb failed.