2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I wonder if any of them are looking for a good filling? 

If so I volunteer to provide the meat!

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The next phone call from the kidnappers will be asking the husband how much he wants to take her back!

Truly, they walk among us, at least they blanked out the plate.

 

 

Was it set up??

 

Who really knows? I was married to a blue-eyed, blonde Essex girl (dead heat in a zeppelin race), everything you have heard is true (and I loved her to bits for 20 odd years, plus half a dozen sensible ones).

 

 

3 hours ago, overherebc said:

I have heard of making your bed and lie in it but crumbs I have never heard of making your bread and lie in it unless you were well toasted the night before!

A Classic Christmas Joke which I had to be first with!

 

Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. 
 
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must  each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into  heaven." 
 
he first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a  lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.  You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. 
 
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set  of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint  Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. 
 
The third man started searching desperately through his  pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.  
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and  asked,

 

"And just what do those Symbolize?" 
 
The man replied, "They're Carols".
 

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.
He removed the Justin Bieber Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
 

A Baubles Anonymous Meeting!

Every Christmas day we have pigs in blankets.
Or as some people might call it, her relatives sleeping in the spare room!
 

Anyone younger than 8Yo please turn your eyes away!

For Christmas, I am going to give my wife an alarm clock that swears obscenities instead of just beeping.
She’s going to be in for a ******* rude awakening!
 

What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?
A Christmas tree will stay up for weeks, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights on.

"Mom, can I get a dog for Christmas, please?"
Mother : "No, you'll be getting Chicken, like every year. We are not Korean!"
 

4 hours ago, Crossy said:

Truly, they walk among us, at least they blanked out the plate.

 

 

Was it set up??

 

Who really knows? I was married to a blue-eyed, blonde Essex girl (dead heat in a zeppelin race), everything you have heard is true (and I loved her to bits for 20 odd years, plus half a dozen sensible ones).

 

 

When I was about 17/18 I had a friend whose dad had a filling station, we used to meet there at times. Lady pulled in one night in a mini and asked for water for the car. She was pointed to the tap and watering can. She seemed to take a long time to top up.

After a while she came in the office and said there is oil coming out the engine. We went to look and she had been filling the engine, not the radiator. My mate managed to convince her to get a taxi home and he would get it all drained and oil filled again. Next day the car did start ok and she picked it up and left. 

PS She wasn't blonde.

13 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Perhaps the one on the right should fiddle the answer? ????

8 hours ago, VBF said:

Perhaps the one on the right should fiddle the answer? ????

Or maybe get someone to pull some strings!