Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[FritsSikkink]

35 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

Gotta meet friends up for dinner. The friends that I told to hold off on purchasing their flights.

You are making mistakes now, you told earlier they already booked.

[madusa]

2 hours ago, KhunProletariat said:

It's a sad fact of life that nice guys finish last. It sounds like she has taken you for a ride due to your openness and sincerity. 

 

The golden rule whilst dating a Thai girl from any social/economic background is to let them know who's boss. If you don't stamp your authority on the relationship early on, then she will see you as a door mat and use you as she sees fit.

 

Lay down the law early on, grow a pair and show her you mean business. In your case it's already too late. DO NOT take her back. No forgiveness. She will cheat on you again and again because you did not safe guard yourself early on. 

 

Find someone else and use the above as a guide for future interactions with Thai girls.

 

KP.

Is that advice based on the teaching of Che Guevara? Or on Proletariat meeting.(workers union meeting perhaps)

Edited January 6, 2019 by madusa
correct spelling

[KhunProletariat]

3 minutes ago, madusa said:

Is that advice based on the teaching fo Che Guevara? Or on Proletariat meeting.(workers union meeting perhaps)

No. Just the teachings of how not to be labelled as a sucker for all eternity.

 

KP.

[Hummin]

So, how did she react on your confrontation she had been unfaithful? 

 

Have she admitted anything? 

[SuperTed]

 
You disagree with what?
 
 

Read the first line - your point on age difference


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[lensta]

Trust gone=End of relationship. Do you really want to live your life wondering where she is going every time she leaves the house or where she is every time she is 5 minutes late. End it now.

[madusa]

2 minutes ago, KhunProletariat said:

No. Just the teachings of how not to be labelled as a sucker for all eternity.

 

KP.

If that is the case Jesus must be a sucker too since he being the son of God allowed himself to be nailed to the tree to save human kind.

I find myself reluctant to say your advice is very damaging. Of course your not being aware of it makes you happy.

[KhunProletariat]

3 minutes ago, madusa said:

If that is the case Jesus must be a sucker too since he being the son of God allowed himself to be nailed to the tree to save human kind.

If you think that Jesus Christ was nailed to a tree then I have absolutely nothing to say.

 

I'm ending this one right here.

 

KP.

[forqalso]

Too late now, but why did you go the official Thai marriage and marriage visa route and not the quicker, fiancée visa option?  

 

Also, will the Thai divorce court award you ten of the bottles of Johnnie Walker, 20 half-bottles or joint custody of all of it?

[catman20]

Move On, lots more fish in the sea, she is just a wrongern. damage limitation 

[ehs818]

I didn't even waste my time reading any of the other comments to your situation. The simple choice is this: Would you marry anyone that lies about such an important thing to you, being true to you?  For me, the clear answer is no. Having had my own disappointments with Thai women, I know what it feels like. Having lived here about 15 years, I've seen this happen to countless men I know, close friends and acquaintances. I'm American, have simple standards and requirements, but telling me lies about who she is sleeping with doesn't pass my test. As it's said here so often, "Up to you"! If you think she's going to change her ways (lying is a Thai trait), you are mistaken. Do you want to be tied to her forever, with kids, even after the divorce? Cut her loose, email your invited guests, and cut your losses now, before it becomes a perpetual drain on your funds, sanity, and life.

[BarnicaleBob]

Listen to your inner voice, all that doubt is there for a good reason.  You have one foot in a trap and you are seriously thinking about putting your other foot into the trap too.  This has as much or more potential if not a lot more to lead to a life of misery than to a life of happiness.  Cut your losses, get out before it's too late, mark it up to an expensive life lesson and move on.  Sure this may upset friends of your who have spent money for airfare but it is better to piss them off a little now than to live a life as a prisoner to the having made the wrong choice.  There are a lot more fish in the sea. 

 

[SuperTed]

1 mil baht, with a verbal word to send the family $400-$500 USD per month

I know it’s the trolling hour on TV . . .

But any thoughts on SinSod? THB300,000 for a bachelor’s degree? OP’s THB1mn for Master’s Degree? Does anyone with experience think this is reasonable? I doubt many of the angry old men here married a real college graduate.

Monthly stipend from the man seems a stretch; I understand Thai women earning their own money will send some to their parents, but Thai men are not willing to pay. Thoughts?


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[TheFishman1]

Bro I feel for you but she will cheat on you again if married will cost you more then 20 bottles of JW really just mark it down as experience learned because you want to have children think man what paying alimony and children support would be like lucky you found out before you got married. RUN Forrest Run TIT

[OmarZaid]

Bail .... off to a bad start and will only get worse

[BestB]

OP you came to the wrong place to ask for advice . All the experts here will do nothing but troll you yet sitting in the very same sutuatiom just too stupid to know it.

 

if you able to forgive her, would you ever trust her again?

 

would she really finish with a Thai guy?

 

keep in mind in 10 years you are old man, in 10 years she is still a desirable woman with high sex drive

 

what if you get a child and she cheating again ? 

 

See where I am going with this?

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, lemonjelly said:

Enjoy being single. ...... 48 and want kids?.... my wife had our first kid when I was 48, it can be really hard work, I sometimes just want to chill rather than deal with a naughty kid at this stage of my life...... the 20 bottles of JW.... let it go, move on before she screws you over again.

 

Please do not even pay any attention to this comment. Anyone closed minded enough to think that 22 years of separation between a man and a woman is an issue, is either jealous, prudish, very American, or simply does not possess much understanding of love. 

 

If it were me, I would move on. If she cheated because you were far away, and did it once, it is likely it will happen again. And having a child will not change anything. If anything, the relationship will become far more complicated, and she will feel like she owns you. 

 

Sorry you invested so much. I find it is better to keep one's finances pretty close to the vest for the first few years, until you find out what she is really made of. Then you can share, but best to always hold something back. Some really like to spend, and knowing what you have is all the more excuse for it. Plus there can be petty resentments within the family, if you have alot, and are not willing to share it!

 

There are alot of great women here, who would be thrilled to be with a man of means, who is kind and generous. You still have lots of time. No need to cloud your thinking and rationale, with the time limits. 

Edited January 6, 2019 by spidermike007

[Emdog]

All that money you spent, be it $150,000 or $15 shouldn't effect a sane decision. It's gone, you won't get it back, and you'd be throwing good money after bad (a common enough mistake).

If you feel worse about your friends bookings than you do about your potential life of pain, then pay them whatever they lose in cancellation charges.

Children? That is nuts. If anything that would put you deeper into her web and give her more leverage to get away with cheating.

Whatever it costs, get out of this. Even if you forgive her, you would still be the loser, as that is what you would become in her eyes. Sad but true. She would have no respect for you. I know. I've been down that path.

[Hummin]

Another view in it, is, you know here lying, you know her .........., so no more worries. You get a good life let her free to do what she wants, and you can relax your mind. Totally surrender and a relief. Any woman you will be together with you will worry. 

 

What I really wondering about, is, how many of you have ever felt doubt about your wife, gf or been lied to by thais. How much do you lie yourselves, and do you go out for a little bit excitement yourself. Last question is not to op, since he earlier decleared he do not lie or cheat. 

 

Insecurity leads to many stupid mistakes, just saying. 

 

And one last question, leaving your gf behind for months going home to work, and keep your gf here at her best age, full of dreams, hope and missing some intimity. When I was in my best age, I would not wait for a lady oversea maybe come back and take care of me. All my life depends on this woman fullfie her promisses to me. Especially if you are good looking, no money, and need someone to take care of you financially. 

 

Just think about it, and if she comes from tourist places, where her good looking and attitude, makes it as easy as picking apples in the season when she want. 

[BobBKK]

A Thai girl cheated?  say it ain't so!  do what the Fire Brigade advise?

 

Get out and stay out

[neeray]

4 minutes ago, TheFishman1 said:

Bro I feel for you but she will cheat on you again if married will cost you more then 20 bottles of JW really just mark it down as experience learned because you want to have children think man what paying alimony and children support would be like lucky you found out before you got married. RUN Forrest Run TIT 

Geez, it took over 100 posts for somebody to finally say "RUN Forrest Run".

But about the child support. The financial support is one thing, the loss of access, or full time companionship with his so-badly-wanted-child could be much more expensive, EMOTIONALLY.

Cut her loose now. Let her dwell on what she had in the "prize" farang that she frigged around on. Let her go to her Thai boy who pleasured her while engaged/married, whatever, to you.

 

[Hummin]

14 minutes ago, SuperTed said:

 

I know it’s the trolling hour on TV . . .

But any thoughts on SinSod? THB300,000 for a bachelor’s degree? OP’s THB1mn for Master’s Degree? Does anyone with experience think this is reasonable? I doubt many of the angry old men here married a real college graduate.

Monthly stipend from the man seems a stretch; I understand Thai women earning their own money will send some to their parents, but Thai men are not willing to pay. Thoughts?


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

 

I hear one million for a woman in her mid 30íes, with one kid, but good job, house, car, education etc. 

 

I told the man she had already her sinsod, and there is never paid twice. If kids from before no sinsod. Thats one rule. You paying for mothers milk and good mom taking care of here daughter so she can be a good wife. I guess not many left to pay sinsod for, when it comes to women who run off with foreigners. 

[BobBKK]

2 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

 

Please do not even pay any attention to this comment. Anyone closed minded enough to think that 22 years of separation between a man and a woman is an issue, is either jealous, prudish, very American, or simply does not possess much understanding of love. 

Obviously those old guys that come here and marry 20+ younger girls that they can't get in their own country really have an "understanding of love"   ????????????

[SuperTed]

Obviously those old guys that come here and marry 20+ younger girls that they can't get in their own country really have an "understanding of love"   [emoji23]????[emoji23]

Ah, now, Bob, you really are raising the question - “what is love”?

That is for another post and another section of this forum - this section is “marriage and divorce” - very little to do with love.


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[spidermike007]

17 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Obviously those old guys that come here and marry 20+ younger girls that they can't get in their own country really have an "understanding of love"   ????????????

 

Some do. Some do not. Age is irrelevant. I was married to a women ten years older than me, a long time ago, and am now married to a woman quite a bit younger than me. In my case, I tend to be somewhat youthful in appearance, and habits. I find most Thai women my age to be very set in their ways, inflexible, ultra conservative, very conventional, unwilling to change or adapt, far too old school, far too traditional for my taste, and far, far less fun to be around, and to look at!

 

To even consider that I do not understand love, because I am married to a younger woman is a thought that is so inane, so clueless, so without intellectual consideration, that is barely deserves any attention. I would say it equates with a lack of understanding of life's basic principals, and is in keeping with an astonishing degree of social convention. 

 

If one keeps an open mind, the possibilities are endless in life. A man is free to make his own choices, without the judgment of others. I see the way some look at me when I am out with my wife. Most foreign men look at me with envy and jealousy. Most foreign women look at me like I did something illegal, by beating their system. Means nothing to me. Most Thais barely give us a glance, except for some of the guys who I catch admiring her. It is all good. It works for us. May not work for you. Personally, I offer a hearty congratulations to any man who can find a woman 10 or 20 years younger than himself, and then engage in a wonderful relationship with her! And if a guy is more comfortable being with a woman his age, good on him. It all works if one is open to love. 

 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by spidermike007

[jvs]

3 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

I shortened the version for language help on the other topic, when I started the thread. If you see my responses on the other thread, I did clear up that I'm already married 11 months ago and having a 2nd wedding reception for my friends and family from USA. Take it as you will, but I'm just looking for advice before calling 30 friends. Need to fully think it through.

Well you either call your 30 friends now to cancel everything or you call your 30 friends later to tell them she has left you!!!

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, jvs said:

Well you either call your 30 friends now to cancel everything or you call your 30 friends later to tell them she has left you!!!

Can still go on with the party without the wedding part? Great uppertunity to collect all your good friends and family at same place. Once a lifetime uppertunity. 

[Nip]

There are many on here talking sense but the one talking most sense is your sixth sense which is telling you to move on. When salty water comes out of a Thai woman's tear ducts it's generally because she is loosing something tangible and not for any emotional reason.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Nip
Spelling

[helloagain]

Ditch the bitch

[cyberfarang]

How many more threads do you intend posting on this subject? Only last time you did not mention you`re married to her already.

 

 

 

You were told by several of us who got our Thai wives to help with the translation after posting a copy of the chat text that your Thai wife was cheating. I told you that on reading the chats with my wife, that your wife was having sex talk with that guy, they declared their love for each other and she hinted that after she gets your money, she`ll leave you. Some people have accused her of being a slut for doing this, it`s all in the chat text.

 

She`s a cheat and is still cheating on you now. She has a boyfriend or more guys on the go, who knows? So you either want to accept this or not.

 

Be careful, if you are officially married to her and have assets in your own country, she may try and lay some claim to them as your spouse. Get a lawyer and be shot of this woman a.s.a.p.

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by cyberfarang