Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[marcusarelus]

3 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Umm.... I've been back in Thailand for over a month bud.... enjoying a care free life in my wife's house. She's fine thank you ????

 

As for the poster above insinuating that paid arrangements somehow bother me, well it's just another back-paddling reply as I simply pointed out that age difference does make a difference even in Thailand proof being that he is having sex with a much younger woman for a financial exchange. @SuperTed disagreed with my opinion that age difference makes no difference here. I am just proving him wrong as he thinks that he beat the biology somehow by being in Thailand.

 

And sure this is relevant to the topic as the OP has been burned to high heavens for being in exact same situation. The difference being that @SuperTed  actually lives in Thailand and can pay a close attention, while the OP didn't have that luxury sort of speak.

Nice you are back. 

[soalbundy]

On 1/6/2019 at 8:36 AM, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

In your first post regarding the facebook chat with "Zen", you conveniently forgot to add this fact.

 

You are too old. You are even to old for a mid 30 Thai woman.

 

If she is cheating on you know while you are showering her with gifts and money you are thinking about giving it a chance (probably after sleeping on it and ignoring all the advice from the previous thread). Just imagine how much she will love you true when you hit 50 and she is 28. Even better when you are 60 and she is 38. Even at 40 years she could have dozens of foreigners lined up on her chat apps while you are one foot in the grave.

 

As for your reasons and the one including that too much money has already been invested

 

 

Surely I do  think now that this is a  troll post as no one could be this dumb?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is American, ie. naive, idealistic and from the sound of it has never fathered a child, sleepless nights changes your mindset alright. 

[OneMoreFarang]

12 hours ago, BestB said:

Hey OP, just thought about financial side of things you can always play smart.

 

Tell her, if she repays for all your losses , wedding costs, gold etc, you will not object to green card but if she does not, you will notify US authorities of the split up and her green card along with American dream are gone.

 

Just some food for thought

Think twice about that! Because I wouldn't be surprised if the US authorities won't like that and maybe they accuse you of fraud or something like that. Maybe she can even use it against the OP if he would be stupid enough to write it down somewhere.

[rvaviator]

Think twice about that! Because I wouldn't be surprised if the US authorities won't like that and maybe they accuse you of fraud or something like that. Maybe she can even use it against the OP if he would be stupid enough to write it down somewhere.

Very true - going down that route sounds like a ‘make a trade for a great card’ .... Feds are not going to be happy for that one ...

If she has got US education - she should be able to get US work permit to gain work experience .. Then if she is good at her work as an engineer and find a 1/2 dissent company they should be able to sponsor her for a green card ...

That is assuming she is actually an engineer ..and have a US degree ...


Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[rvaviator]

Green card ...


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[BestB]

50 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Think twice about that! Because I wouldn't be surprised if the US authorities won't like that and maybe they accuse you of fraud or something like that. Maybe she can even use it against the OP if he would be stupid enough to write it down somewhere.

True, did not think of that. Can still make an offer and then not show up for the green card interview . At least can recover some losses caused by her infidelity 

[mikehongpark]

19 hours ago, Elkski said:

Mike, I read all of both threads.   The first thread got off course. I swear if I met the guy who quoted that chat text  log I would toss my beer in his face. 

 

Don't take any offense from all the haters.  They don't read all or have very poor comprehension.   But you did leave out the married part in the first thread.  I am assuming you are officially married in the eyes of USA since your using this for the green card.  I think you need to worry about your assets in USA.   I'm not sure how the green card works.  Can you stop it ? Or is it up to her to get?  Forget the booze 20 bottles at 2000 baht is nothing .  

You were  stupid to shower her with gifts and travels you now regret.  Giving parents  15,000 is crazy.  You can support a mia noi fir not much more.   You need to go to Thailand as a  single stud and claim your place.  You won't believe the choices you will have.   I think 20 years younger is ok and I've heard about 30 years working until the American man died leaving a well off widow.  Forget about rushing into kids.  You have time.  

All these guys who think once trust is lost it's over are wrong.  But you were  married.   If you had said this in first thread you would have had more haters on her.  the talk about leaving you after she gets your money is the deal breaker for me. 

You met a Thai in America that is much different than a Thai woman in Thailand.   

I'm glad you have decided to end the relationship.   Your not the only story i have read about in my 3 years doing careful research via massive reading and many visits to Thailand.    

My rule list I have learned. 

Don't spend more than you can loose. 

Trust but verify

If it good today it will be better tomorrow so don't rush into things, time is on man's side. 

Stay worth more alive than dead

Keep finances private. 

Don't flaunt money

Support is part if love for a Thai woman

Don't bring a Thai woman to the USA but I may break this rule as Thailand seems to less attractive  as each month passes. 

 

 

You are a very wise person. Thanks for the advices.

[mikehongpark]

19 hours ago, billybog said:

Just the fact that you are writing this alone...should tell you what to do. RUN..RUN  as fast as you can. There is no reason to cheat, she either loves you or loves the lifestyle. If she has cheated once...be assured she has cheated before.  The final say of course is in your court....but once she has a marriage license....you are toast.

We have a marriage license in Thailand on 2/23/2018. However, the visa process just got approved to proceed with DS-261 this week. She has no problem with the divorce papers as she has more to lose than me, as without divorce, she cannot claim a next victim.  

[mikehongpark]

14 hours ago, BestB said:

Hey OP, just thought about financial side of things you can always play smart.

 

Tell her, if she repays for all your losses , wedding costs, gold etc, you will not object to green card but if she does not, you will notify US authorities of the split up and her green card along with American dream are gone.

 

Just some food for thought

 

 

No, I wouldn't ever do anything illegal. She could never repay anyways, as she only makes 32,000 baht per month and is supporting her parents and brother. She's been using my high limit CC for the last 1+ year, but never spent recklessly. No more than $300 - $500 USD per months. In addition, she got fired from her job last month as she met up with me for a European trip 2 months ago but took sick days when she didn't have any vacations, against my advice. Her employer found out and she got canned.

 

[mikehongpark]

18 hours ago, Hummin said:

No problem to find out who owns the pics, so please do not say you stole it from an webpage? 

Of course, try finding out any info from this pic and you will know when it was taken, etc...

[mikehongpark]

18 hours ago, catman20 said:

proud of yourself when you look yourself in the mirror. good luck time is a healer.

Thank you. Haven't called my friends who already booked. But I have talked to people who were booking soon.

[mikehongpark]

19 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

That's a nice ring. Did you get it back and if you did mind selling it? 

 

I haven't given my wife anything nice in a while and she sure deserves it.

I told her she can upgrade this ring from 2/2018 wedding, about a month back, but good thing that she didn't. The new ring was 3x the price after trading this one in.

[mikehongpark]

17 hours ago, Sydebolle said:

Are you for real? 22 years age difference makes you the perpetual sugar daddy, the kids will be HER life insurance. You do not want to have kids, the first one when you're 49 years old. You'll attend the graduation ceremony as an old man and the last child might remember its graduation with dad in a wheel chair or buried on plot 8424A. 

Walk away, cancel the flights, write off the booze and get a life. You can get a Thai out of Thailand but you cannot get Thailand out of a Thai. The girl takes zero risks and if she has off springs with you you'll be paying alimony straight through your nose. 

How often does a partner have to cheat you until you realize what really goes on? Good luck! 

I told that everything is cancelled and let her mom in on some of the details. She was pretty much having a side boyfriend until her visa is approved.  

[mikehongpark]

17 hours ago, losworld said:

Was it an ongoing thing with a potential mate or some fling?  

It was a ongoing side boyfriend while waiting for the visa approval to come to the USA.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

24 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

No, I wouldn't ever do anything illegal. She could never repay anyways, as she only makes 32,000 baht per month and is supporting her parents and brother. She's been using my high limit CC for the last 1+ year, but never spent recklessly. No more than $300 - $500 USD per months. In addition, she got fired from her job last month as she met up with me for a European trip 2 months ago but took sick days when she didn't have any vacations, against my advice. Her employer found out and she got canned.

 

 

What was her job if you don't mind me asking. I find it strange that she was studying in USA as it's usually the parents who pay for this. I dated a Thai student in Canada and she never sent parents any money, it was the other way around.

 

I don't understand why would she need to send money to her parents and why would you agree to pay them $500 a month after you get married. Where are they from? Are they in debt? Any previous marriage or children?

 

[Gracas]

OP. You should consider yourself VERY luck that all this came to light prior to getting her the Green Card and taking her to the USA.

 

Just out of interest what type of engineering degree does she have ? Sounds like Structural engineering, in charge of erections.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, Gracas said:

OP. You should consider yourself VERY luck that all this came to light prior to getting her the Green Card and taking her to the USA.

 

Just out of interest what type of engineering degree does she have ? Sounds like Structural engineering, in charge of erections.

 

That's lolz

[xtrnuno41]

It is up to you and only you, can you cope with it? Forget, forgive?

You never will know what is in the mind of the other person. 

Been married for 10 years with young kids, when my wife decided for divorce, just out of the blue.

Me thinking it was going well and then ....end. Ever since then, all ive met, with a story and sadly cheat in different ways. Conclusion: hard to find the real thing, no matter what time and effort you put in.

It's a weird thing and you are never sure, not in month not in 10 years.

Yeah she is crying, but what about you? You arent happy aswell.  A long distance relation is hard, you can, but she had problems with it.

She says so, but as you say why? You lost trust in her, can you bring that back? Can she change? Maybe. A woman can tell anything, but what is the truth? I know, lived it.

 

I think you are steady in your ways as i was and still am when in relation. But what is the mind of your partner? You never can tell. You hope everytime for the best and honesty and respect.

 

Kids, i have them and i never see them anymore, thanks to indoctrination by my Ex. No, i dont crawl in the dust to get them back, it was there decision and still, and they arent young anymore, adults ! If they dont want by themselves, i dont have to either, sad but it's live. Heard many stories about kids and parents. It can become a hard thing when they are older. You can loose your kids for another stupid reason. Many fathers will know about that or even lived it.

 

Cant help you, it is what you are and you think! May you make the "right" ( as you will only know after you are about to die, or even then not.) decision,

 

It's human live, making decisions, learn, restart, learn again, it will cost you a lot and not only money

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9and have a good live.

[puukao]

4 hours ago, soalbundy said:

He is American, ie. naive, idealistic and from the sound of it has never fathered a child, sleepless nights changes your mindset alright. 

What???????  LOL.  Americans are naive and idealistic?  Which country are you from?  It doesn't even matter, America saved your butt and likely helped your country 1 million more times than your country helping America.  Idealistic????  Where are you from?  You have probably never been to America, or extremely jealous of the success that country has had, and will continue to have.  Don't throw stones....

[Elkski]

Let's respect the OP and keep some side fights off of here. 

 

I just keep thinking about the part of the translation  where she told Zen she doesn't even like him and that she will leave as soon as she gets his money.  That would be hard to forgive.   

 

The crazy replies on this thread make me hesitant to post a thread about my Thai woman questions, issues.    

Are Americans know to be naive?

You mean they really weren't 40 year old virgins?

[cyberfarang]

I`ve been reading many such stories about cheating women and there some good shows on YouTube where cheating girlfriends and wives get caught in the act and slut-shamed on national TV and in court. Guys that have been in a relationship or married to women for several years take DNA tests and discover their child or children are not theirs, or that their wives have had a secret lover for many years and the husband has been totally oblivious to what`s been going on. On 1 show one guy`s wife had a secret occupation as an escort, telling her husband she was working in an office at a call centre at night. He discovered her real activities after 2 years and still decided to stay with her.

But what I fail to understand is what attracts and why guys fall in love with these types of women? Guys that have discovered their girlfriends or wives have been unfaithful and deceiving them, yet still desperate to continue on their relationships with these women.

Why is it that there are many guys that allow themselves to be treated like crap? It is because these men are insecure, weak of character and a wife or girlfriend becomes some sort of substitute mother?

As I said in a previous post, if a wife or girlfriend cheated on me, as far as I`m concerned she`s spent, no matter how long we`ve been together. Sorry to say; but when guys discover their female partners don`t really love and respect them, then try to cling on to those relationships at all costs, I have no respect for whatsoever.  I`ve always made it crystal clear to my wife since the time we were first married that if I ever caught her cheating, she`d be out the door within minutes and I`d be straight in to see my lawyer the following day, including stopping all my financial support for her and even changing the locks on my door with all her belonging being thrown outside the gate.

My point being guys that are not able to demand respect but instead cry like pussies and ask; my wife is cheating on me, what should I do? Are absolute wimps and their female partners will continue to disrespect them, a sort of, up yours jerk, what are you going to do about it I simply don`t care, because you`re a pussy not a man.

People only get treated the ways they let themselves get treated, the law of the jungle.

[thaibeachbum365]

What you should do:

 

As KP and Simon43 stated clearly and have given experienced based, factual reasons why: FINISH IT IMMEDIATELY

 

What you will do:

 

Go through with the second wedding because your softhearted, emotionally weak, and you're in love (your penis is your brain). 

 

Sorry to lay it on the line so harshly but your story had been repeated thousands of times by other foreigners coming to the LOS and it always ends up with the same result: MISERY and POVERTY for the farang. But yeah, go ahead because you've got the victim look stamped all over you. 

 

Good luck.

[Hummin]

@cyberfarang

 

It goes both ways, so I guess, it is just how nature is. Those with many sexpartners, is attractive to the other sex. Alphamale and alphawoman comes in many ways, and humans is not made for monogamy, and some just accept they have to share. 

Edited January 7, 2019 by Hummin

[theguyfromanotherforum]

10 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

But what I fail to understand is what attracts and why guys fall in love with these types of women?

 

 

Because most guys would be alone otherwise. Why not be completely honest and say that Thailand attracts that exact type of men. There is not a single alpha male on this forum, I bet you my nutz

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

 

Because most guys would be alone otherwise. Why not be completely honest and say that Thailand attracts that exact type of men. There is not a single alpha male on this forum, I bet you my nutz

Coming for your nutz 

[marcusarelus]

6 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

Because most guys would be alone otherwise. Why not be completely honest and say that Thailand attracts that exact type of men. There is not a single alpha male on this forum, I bet you my nutz

My wife works at a factory 6 days a week and I stay home and watch football and play with bar girls and walk my dog.  My wife carries the groceries and shops for my beer.  My wife mops the floor every night and puts my feet up on a foot stool to not get them wet.  My wife got a loan for our house not me.  She always asks me if I want a beer after I climax or continue on with the activities. 

Edited January 7, 2019 by marcusarelus

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

My wife works at a factory 6 days a week and I stay home and watch football and play with bar girls and walk my dog.  My wife carries the groceries and shops for my beer.  My wife mops the floor every night and puts my feet up on a foot stool to not get them wet.  My wife got a loan for our house not me.  She always asks me if I want a beer after I climax or continue on with the activities. 

I believe you misunderstood how to be a alpha male! 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

19 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

and shops for my beer. 

oops...

[scorecard]

19 minutes ago, thaibeachbum365 said:

What you should do:

 

As KP and Simon43 stated clearly and have given experienced based, factual reasons why: FINISH IT IMMEDIATELY

 

What you will do:

 

Go through with the second wedding because your softhearted, emotionally weak, and you're in love (your penis is your brain). 

 

Sorry to lay it on the line so harshly but your story had been repeated thousands of times by other foreigners coming to the LOS and it always ends up with the same result: MISERY and POVERTY for the farang. But yeah, go ahead because you've got the victim look stamped all over you. 

 

Good luck.

Nice points.

 

Also possible is that the man braves up and says NO, and quickly finds a way to calmly let all concerned know he is the one that cancelled the whole show and there are good reasons.

 

No need to say any more, those folks with a brain will realize, those who don't realize bad luck.  

[cyberfarang]

 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by cyberfarang