Thai lady / girlfriend, is she? maybe?

[Jack19290]

10 minutes ago, PMZ said:

I think if it feels good and feels right for now, progress with her, no problem for now, it might work, it might not, neither you nor any of us respondents know that answer for sure. Lots of assumptions going on.

Just take care not to fall too much in love, to a disproportionate level, versus the real situation, of you in UK, with her in Thailand and with her 'working'.

Also, ensure that you help her financially, at least a little bit, for the near future at least, as time goes by, you will see if her lifestyle starts to change. You mentioned that you barfine'd her for five days and only paid for food. She will have lost money in drink-fees and tips, so no harm in giving a small amount each day or after a few days, does not mean much to you and will mean a lot to her.

One point to note, getting a passport is the easy step. Getting her a visa for UK Entry will be a significant challenge, as it is likely to be rejected the first time. 125 USD (plus a trip to BKK I think) each application and you may need to make more than one application. 

I would suggest that you remain open, have fun, understand that it is a difficult geographic situation, see how it goes.

There is some very sensible advice on this thread, but to some degree, you have to take it forward to see how it goes.

I will definitely take your advise on board, thank you.

[warrima]

1 hour ago, Kadilo said:

1 hour ago, Jack19290 said:

This is a bit weird, I offered her 10,000 baht a month for her to go home back to Isaan with her mum but she declined saying I don't want your money and I don't want to move to the uk. I want to provide for myself and I want to see if you have a good heart in the coming months. What do I say to that? Another trick or plan?

I’ll take a wild guess and say it may have something to do with her getting 6000/shag. 

Classic negotiating skill - always refuse the first low ball offers . 10k a month is nothing for a bar girl - she has clearly learned already she can make way more on the game. 1k barfine (she gets a cut), 6k a roll (according to you but that seems excessive), cut on the lady drinks - and she can do this several times a night. Also you met her in a club - so she is likely freelancing after work. Hell she can clear 10k easy on a good night.

 

I know a girl who has 3 guys who send her 50k a month each. She openly posts a screen shot of the transactions on line app (line is what they really use - not whatsapp). She has just bought a new house in BangNa. Fair play to her i say. 

 

 

[khunPer]

13 hours ago, Jack19290 said:

A few answer here, thanks everyone. I'll answer as best as I can.

 

I told her I will return in 2 years time. The apporch thing, how to explain, I'm a good dancer, I danced my way over to her and she is also a good dancer so we bounced off each other. 

 

She didn't ask me any of those questions and still hasn't to be honest. Actually she did ask how long I was on holiday for which was 6 days remaining.

 

At 63 if you can hang from a fire escape you are welcome to the girl lol 

 

She is not sexy, she is average and cute I suppose, there are a whole lot more sexy girls than her.

 

I don't care what people think, I just wanted to make sure I'm not being played. Which I think nobody is to sure yet as this is a weird situation. I do make good money but don't want to send it over there because then it will be like I'm paying for someone's company and I do not do that, don't need to lol

 

Everyone is human, prostitute or not, everyone deserves a good life and yes I would introduce a prostitute to my family as long as she no longer is, everyone's life is hard so reason to belittle anyone.

I've not read all the pages in this thread, but I think I got enough info to give you a reply.

 

Yes, it can well be that a girl on 24 indeed likes a foreign guy on 27, bar-girl or not, and it's more likely than she would fall in love with a "handsum" man on 63 – or me, even I also am an excellent dancer; however I won't hang in a fire escape for a 24-year old, as I'm afraid of heights, and furthermore I might not be similar physically well-trained as @NCC1701A...????

 

That you met the girl in a club doesn't change her work, and you did pay (quite high) bar-fines; they might have gone up since I last visited a bar, or perhaps it was a go-go bar...????

 

Even the girl didn't ask you for money, and even she might not wish to ask you for money, you shall bear in mind that in general Thai girls expect a man to be a provider for a family, which can include part of her family, as it's common that girls provide for their parents.

 

To understand the gap better between your Christian European background, and her Buddhist Thai culture, I will recommend you to buy and read the book "Thailand Fewer". Its bilingual written, so the the book is both in English and Thai, so your friend should also read that book for better understanding of your background, and your way of thinking. You can read more about "Thailand Fever" here; the book is widely available in both bookstores and online.

 

Another thing you need to consider, if you won't return to Thailand before after 2 years is, that the girl you like works in a bar from where girls can be bar-fined for out-patient private service. In some bars a girl might receive a small basic salary, and pay for her own accommodation (she'll have no overhead left); or she'll get free accommodation and no salary (at all). She can make 30-40 baht (or some value close to that) from a drink, and typically get some of a bar-fine also if she leaves the bar (often 100 baht, but might be 200-300 baht if it's a high fine). If she works in a go-go bar, the basic salary is (little) higher, but she has to perform a number of points of combined lady-drinks and bar-fines, and she otherwise will be deducted in her salary. I mention this, as if you don't wish the girl you like in need to service other men – with the risk that she might find someone more handsome, and more rich, than you: or just fall in love with somebody else – you will need to take some level of financial responsibility. Normally a man would like the girl to change job from nightlife to something totally different. The financial responsibility is a trap for some men – especially if she is a hi-so "gold digger" – but you should also look at it from the other side, the girl you like need some income to survive, and she might have some responsibilities (also you even not know of, yet). Furthermore, she might have "greng jai", meaning she would feel embarrassed, or be to humble, to ask you for support, which is otherwise common and expected in Thai culture, where a young man would give his fiancee his whole monthly income, and the fiancee would in return hand him little pocket money. Yes, I've seen Thai men being ripped off relative more than foreigners.

 

The reason I mention the money side is that I have met a number of young birds from the nightlife, who really fell in love with young foreigners, but had to let go because he couldn't provide (enough) for the girl's obligations. Really very sad stories.

 

If you wish the girl you like to stop working, and instead be supported financially from you, you should get her to begin in a English language school – she'll otherwise get bored of doing nothing – which is the best gift you can give both her, and yourself. For you, she will be able to communicate in a language your are familiar with, and which also makes sense if she should visit your country; and for her, she'll have something valuable for the future, no matter if your relationship will last, or not. I'm talking from positive experience.

 

You mentioned passport; the 1,000 baht fee is correct, however a first time Thai passport will be for 5 years only. You should check what might be needed of documentation from both her and you, if you wish to invite her for a visit in Great Britain.

 

All the horror stories you hear about relationships with Thai girls might well be true, however there might also be more horror stories shared than good success stories, because the latter don't sell headlines equally well, but might outnumber the bad stories. Relationship with a Thai girl is a kind of balance, and observations, and one's own feelings about the situation; but also about taking a (calculated) risk if – or more often when – there is a need for financial support; I talk from experience.

????

[NCC1701A]

23 minutes ago, anon7854 said:

Pretty much all women in this world will eventually "Size you up" including respectable Thai woman. Those questions really say nothing about the type of women you have in front of you. If just a myth of the know-it all sexpat.

not a myth for me. I am just articulating what is a everyday occurrence. same questions. sometimes in the same order. hundreds of times i have been asked the same questions. over and over.

 

and really to be asked within 1 minute of meeting the third question is do you have a job?

and how much money do you make? that says nothing?

 

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

You think a Thai prostitute loves you?

What is love, I ask? Is that animal attraction that courses through the veins of the young, hot and steaming in the night? Or is that bond between two people forged in lust and tempered by the years of happiness and tragedy?

 

Or is it me handing some crip new pinks to a young lady before she jets away on a motorbike....

[Spidey]

14 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

What is love, I ask? Is that animal attraction that courses through the veins of the young, hot and steaming in the night? Or is that bond between two people forged in lust and tempered by the years of happiness and tragedy?

 

Or is it me handing some crip new pinks to a young lady before she jets away on a motorbike....

Depends how old you are. Young- animal attraction. Middle aged - bond, old - wad of pinks.

 

I would never have given Kamala Harris a wad of pinks when I was younger. Now, let me get my CC.

[crazykopite]

Face facts ! the girl is a prositute who most probably tells every guy she rides the same story . If your looking for a nice Thai girl then it’s no good going to bars because the don’t hang around there . Maybe you should look at a decent dating Asian dating site and see what response you get .

[Jack19290]

I think people skip most of the posts on this forum and just reply to anything not even my OP lol

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, Jack19290 said:

I think people skip most of the posts on this forum and just reply to anything not even my OP lol

Welcome to TV.

[bkk6060]

8 minutes ago, crazykopite said:

Maybe you should look at a decent dating Asian dating site and see what response you get .

Yes, Thai Friendly definitely all marriage material..

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, bkk6060 said:

Yes, Thai Friendly definitely all marriage material..

I don't think marriage to a transgender is legal in Thailand.

[strabel23]

 

 

So, let me tell you this and take it for whatever you want. 

 

Firstly there are decent girls everywhere. Just because a girl works in a bar doesn't mean she's no good. This is, after all, an 80% agricultural country and as everyone should know farmers are poor. This girl is most likely from a poor family, lacks a decent education and may have a child from a previous failed relationship.

 

Something brought her to work in a bar. Could be a friend most likely thinking that she's helping her out. Not many even in desperation just wind up working in a bar without the aid of someone else bringing them there. So you must realize she is there for the money. Most bar girls would like to meet a foreigner that will save them from this type of existence. Problem is there are many foreigners that just use them and dump them so they eventually figure this out and begin to play the game. Now if the guys old and fat then he will get played even if he is smitten by the bar girl. What young girl would want to hang onto a guy that has 1 foot in the grave or is too ugly to find anyone in a normal relationship. Once he is on the plane, no matter he has promised to take care of her until he comes back, she will be looking for the next opportunity to come along.

 

Having said that if you are not so old and decrepit she might see an opportunity to have a secure and meaningful relationship. BUT if you do not offer to support her so she doesn't have to rely on the bar for a living then she will be sleeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along.  After all, everyone needs money to survive. It's your choice. If you really like her then ask her if you give her some baht will she go back to where she was before the bar, provided it was a safe place, and wait for you to return. Keep in constant contact with her and ask to see her together in photos or video with her family back home until you can come to see her again.

 

There are many foreigners that have found decent ladies in the bar and have had long-lasting and enduring relationships. I would say probably at least 75%. The relationships that failed are mostly the fault with the foreigner. Some drank too much, were obese or were just plain stupid and cheap Charlie.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

[Kadilo]

5 minutes ago, strabel23 said:

 

 

 

There are many foreigners that have found decent ladies in the bar and have had long-lasting and enduring relationships. I would say probably at least 75%. The relationships that failed are mostly the fault with the foreigner. Some drank too much, were obese or were just plain stupid and cheap Charlie.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

75%? Very optimistic I would say. 

[NanLaew]

4 hours ago, KC 71 said:

Salsa,have you tried Latin America ?
Might be a better prospect


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

I attended a couple of Salsa lessons at the Rendezvous (lobby bar @ Landmark on lower Sukh) and ended up banging a fellow dancer who happened to be a Camerounian student of sports physiotherapy. Only cost me a fridge for her digs in Hua Mark.

 

Ahhh...those were the daze.

[Jack19290]

14 minutes ago, strabel23 said:

 

 

So, let me tell you this and take it for whatever you want. 

 

Firstly there are decent girls everywhere. Just because a girl works in a bar doesn't mean she's no good. This is, after all, an 80% agricultural country and as everyone should know farmers are poor. This girl is most likely from a poor family, lacks a decent education and may have a child from a previous failed relationship.

 

Something brought her to work in a bar. Could be a friend most likely thinking that she's helping her out. Not many even in desperation just wind up working in a bar without the aid of someone else bringing them there. So you must realize she is there for the money. Most bar girls would like to meet a foreigner that will save them from this type of existence. Problem is there are many foreigners that just use them and dump them so they eventually figure this out and begin to play the game. Now if the guys old and fat then he will get played even if he is smitten by the bar girl. What young girl would want to hang onto a guy that has 1 foot in the grave or is too ugly to find anyone in a normal relationship. Once he is on the plane, no matter he has promised to take care of her until he comes back, she will be looking for the next opportunity to come along.

 

Having said that if you are not so old and decrepit she might see an opportunity to have a secure and meaningful relationship. BUT if you do not offer to support her so she doesn't have to rely on the bar for a living then she will be sleeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along.  After all, everyone needs money to survive. It's your choice. If you really like her then ask her if you give her some baht will she go back to where she was before the bar, provided it was a safe place, and wait for you to return. Keep in constant contact with her and ask to see her together in photos or video with her family back home until you can come to see her again.

 

There are many foreigners that have found decent ladies in the bar and have had long-lasting and enduring relationships. I would say probably at least 75%. The relationships that failed are mostly the fault with the foreigner. Some drank too much, were obese or were just plain stupid and cheap Charlie.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

I am 27 and she is 24, I am very healthy and speak 3 lauganges and learning my 4th which is thai. 

 

I have a decent job for my age and a very good salary. I offered for her to go home to her mum and I send her 10,000 baht a month plus 20,000 extra every 6 months. This would not effect my salary or life the least hence why I came up with these figures.

 

Unfortunately she declined saying she doesn't want my money and wants to see if I have a good heart while we FaceTime and chat over messages.

 

????

[rasg]

And that dating site probably has many "players" and probably no different from a bar.

[Lacessit]

33 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

75%? Very optimistic I would say. 

We all know what is said about opinions. It would be interesting to get hard data on farang/Thai relationships w.r.to success/failure ratios. I suspect the noise made by the failures tends to drown out the quiet successes.

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, Jack19290 said:

I think people skip most of the posts on this forum and just reply to anything not even my OP lol

who are you and what are you talking about?

[catman20]

7 hours ago, Bugsy777 said:

I personally know 2 guys living in Australia who met their current wifes in a bar.  One in Pattaya and one in Phuket. No question, these ladies were prostitutes. One couple has been together for 11 years and have 2 children and the other have been together 7 years and have one child. So far all seems well. I've been visiting Thailand regularly for nearly 20 years and I guess the success rate with bar girls is less than with others. The problem for you is falling in love and then finding out that she is just out for your money. Painful lesson for many blokes whether in Thailand or anywhere. Also, good Thai girls don't hang around bars but just because she does, doesn't mean that she is necessarily bad.

 

If you intend maintaining this relationship then you need to keep your wits about you and don't let the hairy lassoo tie you up. At some point, you will begin to trust her. So all I can say is this. A crocodile will watch you come down to the river many, many times before it strikes.

you have a very fair point, but lets be honestest here who in there right mind would go to the red light district in there home land meet and date a hooker then marry her buy a house in her name then have kids with it and brag to anyone and everyone shes a real girl and she love me like all the blokes here do

i have lived with hookers but as for failing in love with them buying a house in there name having kids with them............ come on i know im better than that and i know my old mum would turn in her grave.

Edited March 2, 2019 by catman20

[Jack19290]

6 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

who are you and what are you talking about?

I'm the OP lol

[Brayka]

A lot of guys call bar ladies wh..., how many of you did go to a bar and do that thing .....after drinks? Don’t judge the sometimes hard life of the bar girls,....!

As for you young man, use your head and enjoy the time with her, here or in your hometown. See what the future brings and you soon find out how deep her and your love is.

if she and you in future really mean it,....go for it,,

 

 

[marcusarelus]

5 minutes ago, catman20 said:

you have a very fair point, but lets be honestest here who in there right mind would go to the red light district in there home land meet and date a hooker then marry her buy a house in her name then have kids with it and brag to anyone and everyone shes a real girl and she love me like all the blokes here do

i have lived with hookers but as for failing in love with them buying a house in there name having kids with them............ come on i know im better than that and i know my old mum would turn in her grave.

Klaus Schweikert, Richard Gere,  J. Howard Marshall II

[sanemax]

Just now, Brayka said:

A lot of guys call bar ladies wh..., how many of you did go to a bar and do that thing .....after drinks? Don’t judge the sometimes hard life of the bar girls,....!

 

 

Prostitute? Its a statement of fact , rather than a term of abuse

[Jaxxper]

Lot of negative BS posts probably by guys that have been bitten.

if the money is no consequence then play the game. It's like a game of cards. Could be a long con but on the other hand some girls have little choice. If you are serious make a commitment somehow.

By the way getting a visa to Europe or the US is not easy first time round.  Also Thai passports are valid for 5 years , not 10.

good luck.

 

[Ctkong]

My my , 17 pages and counting... this is a thread close to our hearts. 

 

 

 

 

[Jack19290]

5 minutes ago, Ctkong said:

My my , 17 pages and counting... this is a thread close to our hearts. 

 

 

 

 

17 pages less than 24 hours lol 

[rasg]

40 minutes ago, Ctkong said:

My my , 17 pages and counting... this is a thread close to our hearts. 

 

 

 

 

And close to many empty or partially empty wallets. Hence the cynicism. As I said in my first post on this thread. They all crawl out when somebody makes a genuine post and add their own brand of vitriol. It would have been 5 pages without that.

[khunPer]

1 hour ago, Jack19290 said:

I have a decent job for my age and a very good salary. I offered for her to go home to her mum and I send her 10,000 baht a month plus 20,000 extra every 6 months. This would not effect my salary or life the least hence why I came up with these figures.

 

Unfortunately she declined saying she doesn't want my money and wants to see if I have a good heart while we FaceTime and chat over messages.

 

????

In reply to your "????".

If you think of your post mentioning two men (only) and 6,000 baht – I presume it was 2 x 3,000 baht – you might realize that 10,000 baht a month is not much, that's what a low wage job pays in Thailand, cleaning in a hotel often pays little more, and normally giving you Social Security on top.

 

Most girls have for longer than a decade asked for not less than 20,000 baht a month plus some extra, which could be quite a bit for many (about £500), but understandable if you begin to calculate; today even 30,000 baht a month is more like "the going rate". A young attractive girl – she don't need to be sexy, charming and smiling means a lot more in this game – can perform up to 20+ services a month, which can equal 60,000 baht or more, plus extras for this drinks, and tips, and gifts; a 70,000 baht a monthly income is not impossible, rather the norm for many.

 

Would you stop working for your "good salary" if someone offered you 1/7th of that..?

 

You shall also take "face" into consideration, or rather "loosing face". She might not be able to return to her family and village with a 10,000 baht a month income, without loosing face; money is important, but face can be more important.

 

As I read your post, she might rather keep all her options open. Mind you, even she might be new i the bar-game, the girls talks a lot with each other, and get advises from the more experienced "love entrepreneurs". Some girls might accept a 10,000 baht a month donation, but won't stop working, as it's far from enough to cover her expenses (I know girls like that).

 

If she mean "good hearth" in bar-girl-English, she say "farang (foreigner) with much money". 

 

She seems like a cleaver girl.

????

[Jack19290]

1 hour ago, khunPer said:

In reply to your "????".

If you think of your post mentioning two men (only) and 6,000 baht – I presume it was 2 x 3,000 baht – you might realize that 10,000 baht a month is not much, that's what a low wage job pays in Thailand, cleaning in a hotel often pays little more, and normally giving you Social Security on top.

 

Most girls have for longer than a decade asked for not less than 20,000 baht a month plus some extra, which could be quite a bit for many (about £500), but understandable if you begin to calculate; today even 30,000 baht a month is more like "the going rate". A young attractive girl – she don't need to be sexy, charming and smiling means a lot more in this game – can perform up to 20+ services a month, which can equal 60,000 baht or more, plus extras for this drinks, and tips, and gifts; a 70,000 baht a monthly income is not impossible, rather the norm for many.

 

Would you stop working for your "good salary" if someone offered you 1/7th of that..?

 

You shall also take "face" into consideration, or rather "loosing face". She might not be able to return to her family and village with a 10,000 baht a month income, without loosing face; money is important, but face can be more important.

 

As I read your post, she might rather keep all her options open. Mind you, even she might be new i the bar-game, the girls talks a lot with each other, and get advises from the more experienced "love entrepreneurs". Some girls might accept a 10,000 baht a month donation, but won't stop working, as it's far from enough to cover her expenses (I know girls like that).

 

If she mean "good hearth" in bar-girl-English, she say "farang (foreigner) with much money". 

 

She seems like a cleaver girl.

????

I could pay 20,000 baht a month to her and still be comfortable however anymore than that and it would effect my comfortable life at home lol 

 

She meant good heart, as in the body organ.

 

About the 2 x 3,000 you could be correct, I am not to sure to be honest. She wasn't keen on talking about it.

 

I won't send any money unless she gets out of the bar and moves home. If she did then I could consider 30,000 bath a month with me going there for 7-10 days every 3 months.

 

I dont know it's all weird and complicated, no money has been exchanged as of yet other than the 1,000 for the passport.

[Mai Mee Tang]

I could pay 20,000 baht a month to her and still be comfortable however anymore than that and it would effect my comfortable life at home lol 
 
She meant good heart, as in the body organ.
 
About the 2 x 3,000 you could be correct, I am not to sure to be honest. She wasn't keen on talking about it.
 
I won't send any money unless she gets out of the bar and moves home. If she did then I could consider 30,000 bath a month with me going there for 7-10 days every 3 months.
 
I dont know it's all weird and complicated, no money has been exchanged as of yet other than the 1,000 for the passport.

Once I met one Thai girl in Bangkok, small and cute, the type of girl most Thais like, she was working on a bar at Sukhumvit, but a different kind of bar, you just need to drink something once you get in and there are plenty of freelancers to choose from, most of customers at that place were asian guys.

Anyway, the important part is what she told me: she was making around 100.000 to 140.000 bahts per month working most of the nights, she told me she was saving to build a new house for her family and another one for her, after that she would quit and go back to her village, at least this was her plan at that time. One day a young American guy, under his thirty I would say, fell in love with her and offered to send her 30.000 bahts per month so she could stop working and be his girlfriend. She told me he was really cute and she could feel he loved her, still she plainly declined the offer as it wasn't enough money for her purpose and plans.

I don't think she was a bad girl at all, in fact she gave me really good advice and helped me understand much more about this kind of lifestyle many girls in Thailand choose.

In regards your case, take it easy, keep on knowing each other and take only the decisions you feel comfortable with, whatever it comes from there no one knows. There is a lot of good advice on this thread from more experienced people, although most of the times people doesn't learn from other's experience.