Another one bites the dust (me)

[mike787]

3 minutes ago, donim said:

And tommorow she will again.

 

This reoccurs every month here along with a regular visit to the loo.

along with the 90 day report and tea money????  non stop in the Land of smiles....

[Mike Teavee]

1 hour ago, tingtongtourist said:

ANY relationship anywhere will not survive if female thinks

" there is no benefit to me at all" or

 " I getting nothing out of this"

Briffaults law... https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

[mike787]

You have done more than good to her and the village.  If she cannot see the value you have demonstrated over 4 years, then another minute will NOT make a dam difference.  Don't settle for second best, go live your life.  You made it this far with out a piece of crap like that, you will go further, be richer emotionally, financially, and be happier without her holding you down.  Add this experience to you common sense and wisdom, then apply it.  Thailand is NOT Elysium/Utopia.  There are other places and more beautiful ladies that know how to appreciate a good man.  She doesn't deserve you...Cheers!   

 

[rumak]

2 hours ago, holy cow cm said:

Thai women are always very irritable. Women don't like men talking as they think the foreign men are acting like women (them). Can come to the point where they think you are not Thai enough for them and that is what they want, and then because they think you are not, their heritage and nationalism kicks in rearing its ugly head that you know nothing. 

I really don't know what ALL Thai women are like.  I've lived with a few and also a Filipino and they all had some good points and some differences.   The one thing NONE of them had was a bitchy or disrespectful attitude .   The thing I learned more and more was to stop thinking how can I make them happy.  It definitely became who is going to appreciate me and try to keep me happy !   The "wise ones" here will say you have to do this and you have to do that and you can't expect them to blah blah blah.

BS !     DISCLAIMER:  I am assuming that all you guys are nice and caring people  ????  .  If so, try to pick wisely if you're thinking long term.   And ultimately I always side with those on here that ask why would anyone stay with someone once it goes downhill.   

[rumak]

2 hours ago, owl sees all said:

Secondly; are there any nice bits of fluff in your village, that would appreciate a kind hearted, steady, calm farang?

 

I think finding some "fluff" would be much safer in a village far away !

[rumak]

23 minutes ago, mike787 said:

You have done more than good to her and the village.  If she cannot see the value you have demonstrated over 4 years, then another minute will NOT make a dam difference.  Don't settle for second best, go live your life.  You made it this far with out a piece of crap like that, you will go further, be richer emotionally, financially, and be happier without her holding you down.  Add this experience to you common sense and wisdom, then apply it.  Thailand is NOT Elysium/Utopia.  There are other places and more beautiful ladies that know how to appreciate a good man.  She doesn't deserve you...Cheers!   

 

Very good post.   We are ASSUMING  that khun pravda is deserving of all that you suggest.....  ?

[totally thaied up]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

He's right!

Tell her no VISA, then no divorce.

I'd do a multi entry from Suvannakhet, just need the marriage cert and copies of her ID/house book.

15 months (in 90 day chunks) for 2kbht.

I would do two things. I have been thru this wringer before and you need some time. Do what is said above. Go find yourself a nice hotel for a week and spend some quality time with yourself and think this out. 

 

I was with mine (Filipino) for seven years, she found another man about two years prior and I didn’t know and it took me about two weeks staying in a nice hotel to get my answers I needed. She wanted a divorce and I was unsure. I had just lost around a million dollars in a bad business deal and she was not hanging around. I agreed.

 

Good luck. Asians hold grudges deeper than we think and for them to come out and lose face from all of this is a pretty big step back for them and if you chill out now for a few days and work out what YOU want, it would be for the best.

 

My current marriage is not perfect -we have ups and downs and with me being bipolar, my moods shift easily. I just ride the waves now and it seems to be okay but the moment I was to become seriously unhappy or tense in this relationship, from prior experience, I place my happiness now first and would take action to remove any problems.

Edited April 22, 2019 by totally thaied up

[Pravda]

37 minutes ago, rumak said:

Very good post.   We are ASSUMING  that khun pravda is deserving of all that you suggest.....  ?

Probably not as we live in Bangkok, not the Village.

[holy cow cm]

44 minutes ago, rumak said:

I really don't know what ALL Thai women are like.  I've lived with a few and also a Filipino and they all had some good points and some differences.   The one thing NONE of them had was a bitchy or disrespectful attitude .   The thing I learned more and more was to stop thinking how can I make them happy.  It definitely became who is going to appreciate me and try to keep me happy !   The "wise ones" here will say you have to do this and you have to do that and you can't expect them to blah blah blah.

BS !     DISCLAIMER:  I am assuming that all you guys are nice and caring people  ????  .  If so, try to pick wisely if you're thinking long term.   And ultimately I always side with those on here that ask why would anyone stay with someone once it goes downhill.   

Been with mine 20yrs and going on forever with family. But everything comes out of the woodworks in a tat at some time or the other, so just have to blow it off as an act of stupidity or if more harsh the relationship has dipped and is not good anymore.. I have had relationships myself and am one to know when it needs to be hitting the road time. Just in my last 20yr one it is finally ok.

[Pravda]

Well, I noticed bus fares are up, some as much as 25%.

 

Has never a been a better time to leave!!!!

 

Kidding. Hustling around the mall Bangkapi, watching the world (girls) go by it's a depressing thought going back.

 

 

Edited April 22, 2019 by Pravda

[Myran]

"Big mistake"

 

You sure about that? Do you really want to spend your life walking on eggshells, terrified of making your partner upset? You might have had a comfortable life, but the comfort zone can sometimes be a crutch we lean on, when in reality we could be outside of it and actually achieving happiness.

 

You'll bounce back, and once you do, you'll be in a much better place than you were a week ago.

[kickstart]

It is a two-edged sword, she said "No future with youyoun4 years wasted" etc,

Did she say it in Thai and you translated it to English for your post? I think not, this is Thailand, land of food .do you eat any Thai food, of do you stick with Ahan-Farang, foreign food 

So .you do not Sub her, I think one of the big issues, do not speak Thai, so when you go anywhere she has to translate for you, do not eat .lets say much of the Thai diet, I am not surprised she wants to call it a day.

I know, When in Rome ...............but how about trying to change your ways just a bit, it takes two to tango. 

[473geo]

A phrase that often digs out the truth "Where is the added value"

 

Op states in another thread, had the benefit from living in the house of his wife, was actually increasing his savings. Fine no problem for him, but where was the added value for his wife? Is she right to think she deserves better? Perhaps a little more spontaneous, generous, consideration.

 

 

 

 

 

[totally thaied up]

2 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Fine no problem for him, but where was the added value for his wife?

There should be no added value in the relationship because both of you should in most cases, work as a team. That is the value. A relationship will not work if you cannot work together. You need to bring your characters together, not just look at them as a “value added” transaction. Too many people I personally know do this and it is just a relationship built up on money or face. Once either party loses that, they have nothing so why keep a relationship going on such values.

[wombat]

people spend more time buying a second hand car than they do choosing a partner.
thank the system for 80 baht divorces.

[Pravda]

4 minutes ago, 473geo said:

A phrase that often digs out the truth "Where is the added value"

 

Op states in another thread, had the benefit from living in the house of his wife, was actually increasing his savings. Fine no problem for him, but where was the added value for his wife? Is she right to think she deserves better? Perhaps a little more spontaneous, generous, consideration.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I agree.

 

And I paid for every outing and Vacation (which was at least once a month in a 4-5 star hotel).

 

I asked numerous times what does she want and if she wants money how much, but I was always met with silence. I guess I was supposed to be a gentleman and guess her thoughts. There has always been a lack of communication from day one, but I put up with it.

 

When I met her she kept harping on and on about how she doesn't need a man in her life because she has a job, house and her parents are doing fine, blah, blah.... like she didn't want me from day one ???? Her mom though kept asking her when are we going to get married, so 2 years later we did. Village wedding, all taken care of by her parents. I just had to buy some gold, but I received the equal amount back in chains. She was not stingy with money in the beginning, but like my previous Thai gf I think she got influenced by her facebook friends playing hiso.

 

I am considering going a few months to Philippines now to clear my head.

 

I am even considering getting a TEFL job tbh, just to get out and do something.

 

 

 

 

[dotpoom]

6 hours ago, Pravda said:

I'll be out of the Thailand by the end of the month

Not hanging around for the divorce?

[NightSky]

Hmm, Im not sure..

 

You say you dont help with monthly finances and so you're wife calls you a 'cheap Charley' and its also the way you use the language 'banging whores' which leaves me thinking that to see the problem...

 

..you should maybe look at yourself first.

[473geo]

Just now, totally thaied up said:

There should be no added value in the relationship because both of you should in most cases, work as a team. That is the value. A relationship will not work if you cannot work together. You need to bring your characters together, not just look at them as a “value added” transaction. Too many people I personally know do this and it is just a relationship built up on money or face. Once either party loses that, they have nothing so why keep a relationship going on such values.

Clearly you are struggling to understand the concept of two people offering 'added value' to make the relationship more successful - other than funding

For example, I help my wife on the farm, I handle cattle, I shift manure, I help dry rice, I sealed the concrete and painted the house, I hang pictures, do plumbing, all these things alongside my wife. I iron my own shirts, cook - occasionally

Now if I just paid up and sat having a beer do you think the 'added value' would carry the same impact?

[Pravda]

Just now, NightSky said:

Hmm, Im not sure..

 

You say you dont help with monthly finances and so you're wife calls you a 'cheap Charley' and its also the way you use the language 'banging whores' which leaves me thinking that to see the problem...

 

..you should maybe look at yourself first.

 

My wife doesn't call me Cheap Carlie - I doubt she even knows the term. I call myself that.

 

As for the language I said it before. Forum and private life are 2 different things. I never swear in front of her.

[totally thaied up]

28 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Clearly you are struggling to understand the concept of two people offering 'added value' to make the relationship more successful - other than funding

Funding is 90% of the reason most Thai girls stay. I know guys that treat there wife’s like shit but they stay. In fact, 90% of the people (guys I personally know) are in a relationship/marriages started from a financial transaction processed at a bar. Hell, I was in one many years ago started like this till we broke up. Sure, I do the washing, ironing and cook at times but I know where I stand with most women. I do equal amounts of work in a relationship but I am the bread winner, yet after a while the girls tend to forget this, get online with highso Facebook friends and that is when trouble creeps in. Face is a terrible thing here and I have seen it ruin more than one relationship from family and friends.

Edited April 22, 2019 by totally thaied up
Added content

[BobBKK]

Rent don't buy

[Lacessit]

4 hours ago, luckyluke said:

Know my wife since 2000.

 

Due to circumstances (her 2 children) we decided a few years ago to have a L.A.T. (Living apart together) relation, instead of the eventuality of a rupture. 

 

Her children coming first. 

 

This suit us best.

 

We are about 15 days together in a month (in 3-4 times). 

I do something similar. One week in my GF's village, two weeks at my condo. We spend one week in three apart. IMHO it refreshes the relationship.

[BobBKK]

21 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Clearly you are struggling to understand the concept of two people offering 'added value' to make the relationship more successful - other than funding

For example, I help my wife on the farm, I handle cattle, I shift manure, I help dry rice, I sealed the concrete and painted the house, I hang pictures, do plumbing, all these things alongside my wife. I iron my own shirts, cook - occasionally

Now if I just paid up and sat having a beer do you think the 'added value' would carry the same impact?

Hope you got a work permit... or at least don't get 'shopped' for your 'added value'

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Hope you got a work permit... or at least don't get 'shopped' for your 'added value'

What you mean like the time on my way back from the farm through the village, a rainstorm was due any minute, and as people were hastily bagging rice I helped carry a couple of tons into shelter - 'Added value' not always about money

[watcharacters]

6 hours ago, Pravda said:

I am a guy who always harps about his marriage being so perfect and always bashes on posters marrying bargirls.

 

 

Maybe time for a little reflection?

 

[watcharacters]

46 minutes ago, Pravda said:

 

I agree.

 

And I paid for every outing and Vacation (which was at least once a month in a 4-5 star hotel).

 

I asked numerous times what does she want and if she wants money how much, but I was always met with silence. I guess I was supposed to be a gentleman and guess her thoughts. There has always been a lack of communication from day one, but I put up with it.

 

When I met her she kept harping on and on about how she doesn't need a man in her life because she has a job, house and her parents are doing fine, blah, blah.... like she didn't want me from day one ???? Her mom though kept asking her when are we going to get married, so 2 years later we did. Village wedding, all taken care of by her parents. I just had to buy some gold, but I received the equal amount back in chains. She was not stingy with money in the beginning, but like my previous Thai gf I think she got influenced by her facebook friends playing hiso.

 

I am considering going a few months to Philippines now to clear my head.

 

I am even considering getting a TEFL job tbh, just to get out and do something.

 

 

 

 

 

Good luck to you in your new life.  

 

The above post makes me think maybe you  might have been deceiving yourself about how happy you were in your marriage.

 

Possibly  this  one can serve as a learning experience for you.

 

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, moe666 said:

Always remember there are two people involved so 2 sides to every story

Yeah but their side is always the same story, you don't give me enough money and I'm not in the mood for sex (with you).

[BritManToo]

57 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Clearly you are struggling to understand the concept of two people offering 'added value' to make the relationship more successful - other than funding

As far as I'm concerned the added values are I give her money and home, she provides me with sex and children.

Everything else is just smoke, and when a guy talks about 'partnerships' we all know he's living in a sexless relationship.

 

I'd bet real money 80% of the people claiming 'successful relationship with, own job, never worked in a bar' on TV are essentially in sexless relationships. Which is totally OK if you miss your mom that much.

Edited April 22, 2019 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, holy cow cm said:

They always want the wife to go too. so hard case here.

That's extensions, it's not required 1 year MEVs in Suvannakhet or HCMC.

Edited April 22, 2019 by BritManToo