Do you hate your father

[marcusarelus]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

I've got the other two on ignore, so you can't be that bad.

I don't have anyone on ignore.  But, I'm well adjusted and don't need the head in the sand approach to life even considering being abandoned by my birth parents.   

[Spidey]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've got the other two on ignore, so you can't be that bad.

Shame that as Sanemax has just made an excellent post, really insightful. Maybe it was the goading, or maybe he's turned a corner.

[richard_smith237]

10 minutes ago, sanemax said:

That was when She was being nice .

When I was a toddler , I had a bad "accident" , fell over , hit my face on the floor and smashed my teeth up, giving me missing teeth and buck teeth , leaving my unable to talk properly , unable to pronounce words and so I never smiled and rarely spoke to anyone .

   It was only when I got to my early teens that the dentist was able to straighten my teeth and I could then talk properly .

  I left home about 15 and didnt go back .

Went back about ten years later though, just to say hello .

And She strongly hinted that I didnt have an accident and that she deliberately smashed my face up and she was laughing about it , she had a mad , evil look in her eye and laughing at the same time .

   I just shrugged my shoulders , got up and walked out

 

Thats Nikky Six stuff... Brutal...    Some people just don't deserve to have kids, but then half the decent people in the world wouldn't be here if they didn't - a catch 22 situation. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, marcusarelus said:

I don't have anyone on ignore.  But, I'm well adjusted and don't need the head in the sand approach to life even considering being abandoned by my birth parents.   

He can't hear you mate, he's got you on ignore.

 

Shame as I've really appreciated your posts in this thread. Thanks.

[richard_smith237]

1 minute ago, Spidey said:

Shame that as Sanemax has just made an excellent post, really insightful. Maybe it was the goading, or maybe he's turned a corner.

 

Brit can't handle anyone who uses intelligence and logic in a discussion in conflict with his extreme views....     He prefers to discus banging numerous 20 year olds than face discussion with people who disagree with him...  part of me kind of agrees with the poor old bugger on that point !!!!

[mommysboy]

59 minutes ago, allanos said:

I have two children from generation X, and two who are millenials, all born in South Africa.  I gave all of them the education I could afford, and tried to be a good mentor and role model for them.  I made every effort to avoid them seeing me drunk at any time, for example, although I was a bit of a party animal. I gave them all a modest start in one way or another.

 

Two are now in the United Kingdom, one is in Ireland, and one is in New Zealand.

 

Their achievements are all down to them.They have all got on with their lives, and, to this point, made a success of them.

 

My belief is that motivation comes from within, and that every person with an average IQ can and will become a success, if they have the will to do it. It has nothing to do with the generation they were born in.

 

To continue the last thought, less than 4% of the baby boom generation have become self-supporting (and which I would largely define as success).  Living on a state pension is not my idea of success.

 

Yes, just 4% as you say.  And that was the good times!

 

Even tougher now imo.  My brother did a great job with his two kids, both are in good jobs, and sadly don't have a pot to pxxx in.  On the contrary, both suffering under the millstone of student loans even a few years' later.  

 

I've done reasonably well, but I think it was much easier, and I am not averse to hard work if the money is there.  I'm still eager to go but really everything I run through my mind simply doesn't cut the mustard.

 

I respect South Africans, but on this occasion mate......

 

 

[marcusarelus]

14 minutes ago, Spidey said:

He can't hear you mate, he's got you on ignore.

 

Shame as I've really appreciated your posts in this thread. Thanks.

When you find out a bit about a person it changes your attitude.  I appreciated Sanemax's post too. 

[gk10002000]

Loved him when I was a kid.   Recall a few disappointments but growing up we weren't beaten or abused or anything like that.  He knew of my interest in science and while in retrospect he got me stuff that was typically second hand, chemistry set, microscope, telescope, etc. that also helped me learn how things worked.  he didn't make a lot of money.  he had the potential to do so, but not the discipline.  Later in life when I worked at the family restaurant I came to not like the way he operates professionally but not a big personal issue.  later later in life I came to not like his personality all that much.  He had a lot of money from his restaurant that I was a shareholder in but I got nothing from the sale. No issues there, I had my own career.  But he apparently held grudges that I didn't stay at home and work in the restaurant after graduating from engineering school.  He was mad that me, his best loyal hard working look out for the place employee left.  Well, there was only one six month period where I received a pay check out of 7 years of working there, so my charity had to end.  Turns out he really was a low level alcoholic which is a shame because when they sold the house and the restaurant he had a ton of cash and promptly blew it.  He never took any advice from anybody about finances.  Most of his golfing buddies were affluent, judges, lawyers, stock brokers etc.  was not a good learner.  Towards the end he took out a reverse mortgage on the condo that was just about paid off and then ran up more debt trying to open a failing breakfast place in Florida because that's all he knew.  So he basically left the family with nothing but debt.  Not that I was expecting anything but I heard him once say "nobody left me anything so why should I leave anything?".  Well, that kind of put a negative twist on things that a parent had no feeling of or obligation to even try to leave any legacy.  So be it.   And of course being a chain smoker for 40 years his lungs eventually didn't work much and his last few years he was miserable.   What were funny jokes initially, 50 years on they became tiresome and crude.  Stereotype jokes can be funny, but not to the people they are aimed at.  Anyway, no gripes, no long term grudges held here.  I paid them rent and sent him money every month since 2000, and that was even when I was between contract jobs.  I had the financial discipline to plan  for such things.   I didn't like some of the things he said a few times.  He was a wiseguy and when I got older I let him know that.  But I didn't expect that leopard to change his spots.   We definitely were worlds apart in personality.. so be it.  In retrospect, I was born in 57.  Back in the days when I grew up, nobody had big money, regular high paying white collar jobs like I ended up with.  I know there were struggles and it is only later that one can appreciate the stress parents had to put up with.  On the whole he had a big heart, but was just a jackass sometimes.   Christmas growing up as a kid was great, although I don't agree with Xmas much more as I think it gives kids the wrong ideas and expectations and kids feel bad when they see others get things.  He made it to 79 which is pretty good given his smoking.  That's too bad because he had a great physique when younger and I remember watching him play in the basketball league he was in.  He was a scratch golfer too at his prime and was a regular single digit golfer forever.  Mom just turned 90 and is growing strong.

 

  So do I hate him... No. I don't dwell on the past at all. If we were not best of friends, that's OK.  Just because I was born to him, doesn't mean he should be my best friend or vice versa.  I appreciate the work I know he did to try and raise us.  We had a house and food and utilities and a good neighborhood.  I am 62 and about to coast into retirement as a millionaire and in good health and able to live and travel anywhere.  So maybe watching him smoke, and drink too much and piss away his money and have no financial acumen, maybe that consciously or subconsciously taught me a lesson or two that I learned and I did not repeat his mistakes. 

[gk10002000]

12 hours ago, suzannegoh said:

It’s hard for anyone to judge how economic conditions are for other people, that’s why it’s hard for the “old uns” to know.   When your neighbor loses his job you think it’s a recession, when you lose your job you think it’s a depression, but either way your impression of the economy mostly reflects the very small slice of the economy that you participate in.

I don’t have kids myself but my brother and sister bother have sons who are now in their early 20’s and you’d get the exact opposite impression of how good of opportunities have by looking at either set of kids.  My sister’s kids were a bit nerdy but big for their age so they didn’t get bullied.  The studied a lot and when then goofed off it was by doing nerdy things like writing code or tinkering with old electronics equipment.  And after high school they went to university and majored in engineering.  In contrast, my bother’s kids were among the cool kids in school, were popular, but never developed any intellectual curiosity nor any demonstrable skills other than doing a bong hit.  And after high school they jobs hanging sheetrock.  So now, with them no longer being “kids”, I could look at my sisters kids I might conclude that the future is limitless for kids.  Or I could look at my brother’s kids living in a slum and conclude that kids today don’t stand a chance.

Well stated Suzannegoh.  My sister that has kids both are out of college.  One an engineer with Cisco in the bay area, one a Nurse just finishing her Master's in Florida.  Both are self supporting with a lot of potential and room to grow.  And the friends I grew up with that have kids,.. all their kids graduated from college and have various jobs from professional nurse, to judicial jobs, etc.  Somebody quoted "If you think the cost of education is expensive, just wait and see how expensive it is to not have an education".   Not saying that college is the answer for anybody, especially with so many soft degrees out there.  But so many institutions require a degree to even get in the door. You want to be an Office in the Army Navy Air Force Marines?  A BS is mandatory as are many civil service job levels.  Doesn't mean you have to stay in those careers but they can sure be jumping off places.  After my engineering BS there were no jobs in Rhode Island.  I went to USAF Officer Training School, got commissioned, did ten years, got all my security clearances then worked for different companies and eventually did contract engineering.  Made me a millionaire.  Lived in about 16 states. A path I never planned on but things turned out OK.  Robert Frost "Take the path least traveled"

[sanemax]

33 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Thats Nikky Six stuff... Brutal...    Some people just don't deserve to have kids, but then half the decent people in the world wouldn't be here if they didn't - a catch 22 situation. 

 

 

It is getting a bit melancholic , lets have some music  

[RobMuir]

On 4/28/2019 at 3:31 PM, madmen said:

Extremely violent alcoholic east European father who beat both me and my mother senseless throughout my whole child hood . I celebrated when the pig died.

Did you bash him for bashing your mum when you were old enough? 

 

My dad hit my mum once when my brother and I were small. When we got big enough we thoroughly paid him back several times and we told him why.

He had to go to work with carpet burns on his face one time. He took it fairly well and we get on fine.

 

He kicked my dog also so he also received a kicking.

 

If I was the OPs dad he wouldn’t be getting a cent. 

[faraday]

My father was a strong, compassionate man.

 

Very successful, independent & loving towards us.

 

Far from perfect, but then who is ?

 

I remember with such warm feelings, him holding me close outside, on the cold winter evenings to show me the stars, & point out the Constellations.

 

Many decades passed....

 

After two strokes, & in his final few weeks, he was so weak, so exhausted.

I helped him into bed one night & he held on to me: Beaten

 

Son became father.

 

Miss him, miss him so much.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by faraday

[gk10002000]

Just now, faraday said:

My father was a strong, compassionate man.

 

Very successful, independent & loving towards us.

 

Far from perfect, but then who is ?

 

I remember with such warm feelings, him holding me close outside, on the cold winter evenings to show me the stars, & point out the Constellations.

 

After two strokes, & in his final few weeks, he was so weak, so exhausted.

I helped him into bed one night & he held on to me: Beaten

 

Son became father.

 

Miss him, miss him so much.

 

 

I wasn't quite as nice as you were to yours, but the night before my dad died I was home when they took him to the hospital. I had pulled a lot of strings to get a contract job near home so I would be around during his final time.  It was sad to see what once was a physically fit man just beaten down.  Broke, in debt, unable to get around due to his lung issues and 40 years of chain smoking.  Had not much left to live for.  Hats off to my sisters that would call him regularly and make small talk as he sat in his reclining chair.

[donim]

 

 

I have no interest in the company in the video below, AJE is it for me, 

but the videos were well made and said much.

 

 

 

I wanted to post another video, but couldn't find it.

It was a son, showing up at dads door with a crat of beer. No words said, but a big hug and a cold glass was it.

 

The message was clear; even if you and dad derails, he is always your dad and with the right stuff everything is possible.

 

Rgds,

[Enoon]

 

Phew!

 

"Thanks for sharing" everyone.

 

Now........sibling loathing........any thoughts on that?
 

 

 

[Wake Up]

I use it to hear the same story in trials at courthouses. Grown men would cry and say My parents were bad so I should I not be punished for my crimes. Did not work then and does not work now. You are responsible for your actions not your parents or anyone else. The consequences you are suffering from are self inflicted. Forgive your dad and move on to a better life. 

[gk10002000]

9 minutes ago, Wake Up said:

I use it to hear the same story in trials at courthouses. Grown men would cry and say My parents were bad so I should I not be punished for my crimes. Did not work then and does not work now. You are responsible for your actions not your parents or anyone else. The consequences you are suffering from are self inflicted. Forgive your dad and move on to a better life. 

I definitely agree with you about some of the so called court room defenses.  Gosh everybody had some bad experiences, maybe a bully here and there, had there books dumped while walking between classes, etc.  I remember at the "rehearsal" of my Junior High school graduation.  Just a simple thing,  We sit down in alphabetical order with seats on both sides of the main aisle.  They call your name and you get up and walk up to the podium two by two.  As I got into the main aisle there was this "person" next to me that said "look at what I got stuck with".  I wasn't hurt.  I was 15 at the time and had my own friends and self worth.  I was just amazed that this nit said such a thing and for what would be a 30 second walk. 

[Bang Bang]

 

[allanos]

1 hour ago, Enoon said:

 

Phew!

 

"Thanks for sharing" everyone.

 

Now........sibling loathing........any thoughts on that?
 

 

 

Five words.

 

Edward VIII and George VI

[bendejo]

16 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

The boomers all got rich at the millenials expense , How? A house was 10% of the cost compared to the 1980s and wages havent gone up since the GFC. 

 

What???  That must mean there is a fat payoff waiting for me somewhere!  Tell me where it is and I'll pay a commission.

 

Seems I read your original post a little differently at first, OP, and this statement caused me to go back and re-read it.

So you hate your father because he won't support you, and you blame your love of drink on him.  Jeez!

Were you victimized?

Did he exploit you?

Did he physically abuse you?

 

I never met the guy, and I'm certainly not going choose a side in this because I don't know either of you.  But you sound like the spoiled <deleted> my friend has for a son.  You get US$2 per day while your buddy gets a crumbling building, and the president of the US continuously got millions from his dad that he squandered in bad business deals.  Maybe there is an international court of some sort you can take your case to.  You should have figured out by the time you reached legal drinking age that life isn't fair.  A word of advice:  grow the hell up!

 

BTW this is not condemnation, it's tough love.

 

Least you could have done is become a pot head instead of a lush.

 

 

[bendejo]

2 hours ago, Wake Up said:

I use it to hear the same story in trials at courthouses. Grown men would cry and say My parents were bad so I should I not be punished for my crimes. Did not work then and does not work now. You are responsible for your actions not your parents or anyone else.

You reminded me of this one, from the 1980s.

"All I wanted was a Pepsi, AND SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME!"  Talk about abusive parents!

 

 

 

 

[Pattayabeerbacon]

1 hour ago, bendejo said:

 

What???  That must mean there is a fat payoff waiting for me somewhere!  Tell me where it is and I'll pay a commission.

 

Seems I read your original post a little differently at first, OP, and this statement caused me to go back and re-read it.

So you hate your father because he won't support you, and you blame your love of drink on him.  Jeez!

Were you victimized?

Did he exploit you?

Did he physically abuse you?

 

I never met the guy, and I'm certainly not going choose a side in this because I don't know either of you.  But you sound like the spoiled <deleted> my friend has for a son.  You get US$2 per day while your buddy gets a crumbling building, and the president of the US continuously got millions from his dad that he squandered in bad business deals.  Maybe there is an international court of some sort you can take your case to.  You should have figured out by the time you reached legal drinking age that life isn't fair.  A word of advice:  grow the hell up!

 

BTW this is not condemnation, it's tough love.

 

Least you could have done is become a pot head instead of a lush.

 

 

Yep recieving 2 dollars a day whilst recovering from alcohol addiction in a third world country is spoiled.

 

And some people are nasty , cold and selfish

[Pattayabeerbacon]

1 hour ago, bendejo said:

You reminded me of this one, from the 1980s.

"All I wanted was a Pepsi, AND SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME!"  Talk about abusive parents!

 

 

 

 

 

[suzannegoh]

2 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

Yep recieving 2 dollars a day whilst recovering from alcohol addiction in a third world country is spoiled.

Maybe not as spoiled as Aussies who have enough money to buy an iPhone and a plane ticket to Thailand and then complain that if they don't go back to Oz after a certain amount of time they'll get cut off the dole.  But it's close.

[Tomahawk21]

On 4/28/2019 at 3:28 PM, sanemax said:

You blame your Father for your drinking and gambling  ?

Why should he give you any money ?

the OP sounds like another loser with a chip on his shoulder.

[Lacessit]

Many sad posts on this thread. I feel grateful to my parents. They had their faults; however, they were supportive when I was growing up.

The OP has a choice. Employment in Thailand, even for farangs, is not very lucrative unless one is very high up the food chain. It takes money to live in Thailand, like everywhere else.

IMHO he should go back to Australia and buckle down to finding a job, then building financial security.

Or he can continue to wallow in self-pity here. I hope he chooses correctly, because staying here won't end well.

[Pattayabeerbacon]

2 hours ago, Tomahawk21 said:

the OP sounds like another loser with a chip on his shoulder.

Yeh trying to sober up and stop drinking is for losers? 

 

[giddyup]

3 hours ago, suzannegoh said:

Maybe not as spoiled as Aussies who have enough money to buy an iPhone and a plane ticket to Thailand and then complain that if they don't go back to Oz after a certain amount of time they'll get cut off the dole.  But it's close.

You can only receive the dole if your travel outside Australia is approved by Centrelink, so don't know where you get your misinformation.

Edited April 30, 2019 by giddyup

[Pattayabeerbacon]

30 minutes ago, giddyup said:

You can only receive the dole if your travel outside Australia is approved by Centrelink, so don't know where you get your misinformation.

Yep.

Dole is linked with immigration and cut off when one leaves OZ.

 

Spreading misinformation is borderline trolling.

[Mavideol]

21 hours ago, Spidey said:

As usual, you are picking holes in other people's posts whilst making zero contribution to the thread yourself.

 

Come on Sano, at least tell us, was your relationship with your father good or bad? 

he's taking the 5th