Need advice on marital situation

[remorhaz]

15 hours ago, Enki said:

No, he is not. There is no country in the world where one partner in a marriage is liable for the other partners debts.

Sadly that's not true.  Ask any American divorced male.  I personally got 100% of my ex-wifes student loan debt upon our divorce - debt that she racked up before we even met.  Here in Thailand the other posters are correct. 

 

To the original poster your lady doesn't care or understand about life outside of Isaan.  Her family is there and that is all that counts.  Things like schools, and living condition mean nothing - everything is about family and YOU are NOT on that all important list.  She is earning her way to heaven by giving money to her parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and likely a boyfriend.  The bleeding will continue until the cow drops dead.  If you pay off the 3M baht loan she will very grateful and immediately get another loan... rinse wash repeat until the cow is milked to death.  This is the Thai way, you are not the first, you won't sadly be the last and this is what is going to happen 100%.  As you have children that complicates things a lot.  In Thailand it doesn't matter but you better believe she's already gotten plenty of helpful advice about collecting child support from Australia.  Are the Aussies as brutal and cruel as the US when it comes to this absolutely undischargable in bankruptcy you must pay or go to prison type of debt?  I don't know but they are probably similar. 

 

Understand this - you are now in a position where she can demand money from you to see your children and that is absolutely what is going to happen.  About the only hat trick you could try would be to offer her a stupid amount of money for full custody - i.e. you bribe her with 5 million baht and take the kids back home to Australia and CUT ALL TIES (THAIS).  If she follows you back there at any time in the future you will immediately be dragged into court, she'll promptly take custody from you because feminist courts are the rule, and then they'll slap onerous child support on you, likely retroactively leading to you owing her 100's of thousands of Aussie dollars, and then she'll take them back to Isaan along with her monthly tribute order.  To say you've put yourself in a bad situation would be an understatement, sorry.

[OzFlyer]

3 minutes ago, remorhaz said:

Sadly that's not true.  Ask any American divorced male.  I personally got 100% of my ex-wifes student loan debt upon our divorce - debt that she racked up before we even met.  Here in Thailand the other posters are correct. 

 

To the original poster your lady doesn't care or understand about life outside of Isaan.  Her family is there and that is all that counts.  Things like schools, and living condition mean nothing - everything is about family and YOU are NOT on that all important list.  She is earning her way to heaven by giving money to her parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and likely a boyfriend.  The bleeding will continue until the cow drops dead.  If you pay off the 3M baht loan she will very grateful and immediately get another loan... rinse wash repeat until the cow is milked to death.  This is the Thai way, you are not the first, you won't sadly be the last and this is what is going to happen 100%.  As you have children that complicates things a lot.  In Thailand it doesn't matter but you better believe she's already gotten plenty of helpful advice about collecting child support from Australia.  Are the Aussies as brutal and cruel as the US when it comes to this absolutely undischargable in bankruptcy you must pay or go to prison type of debt?  I don't know but they are probably similar. 

 

Understand this - you are now in a position where she can demand money from you to see your children and that is absolutely what is going to happen.  About the only hat trick you could try would be to offer her a stupid amount of money for full custody - i.e. you bribe her with 5 million baht and take the kids back home to Australia and CUT ALL TIES (THAIS).  If she follows you back there at any time in the future you will immediately be dragged into court, she'll promptly take custody from you because feminist courts are the rule, and then they'll slap onerous child support on you, likely retroactively leading to you owing her 100's of thousands of Aussie dollars, and then she'll take them back to Isaan along with her monthly tribute order.  To say you've put yourself in a bad situation would be an understatement, sorry.

Or I can move to the UK, Dubai, another Asian country and get an office job there?

 

I am not bound to Australia if things get heavy and she knows it.

[FarFlungFalang]

Status is very big here that's why they run amok and if you stop devoting you life to the raising of their status then you "not help nothing",one of the misuses favourites to which I reply "yes dear" which I have been informed is the secret to a successful marriage.If she refuses to take my advice then I just sit back and enjoy the show!These women can be very head strong and deceptively loyal if you can put up with their behaviour (trying to be polite).I may contribute the funds but she contributes total control and ownership.If you enjoy her company when she is not under (financial) pressure you will get quite good with your strategies and learn to enjoy the battle ground that is marriage! 

[bartender100]

Maybe the parents are rich because they had 3 daughters before her?

[soistalker]

Tell her the online business is not doing well. Tell her you dont have the money.

Buying that property in Isaan and badgering you to pay for it is her way of transferring your money to her. You will never have control of that property, and you will never, ever see a single satang back from it. Dont give her any money for it. And what kind of a wife buys a property against her husband's wishes, then expects him to pay for it?!

Make sure she understands that if you die, the money dies with you. Be careful not to be the victim of a "suicide." Always live in a "suicide" proof house or condo, i.e. not above the 6th floor. When she talks about divorce, obviously she is  contemplating it.

This isn't someone you want to be married to, but you are...and stuck. I wouldn't, as other posters have said, consider the kids in the relationship. She will do what she wants to do with your kids with the help if her family, and you probably have little say in the matter. 

Remember: guys married to Thai "ladies" have been murdered for a lot less than what you just wrote about. I'd prepare a bug-out bag if I were you. 

[pookondee]

15 hours ago, Just Weird said:

So if my wife takes on a loan in her sole name with no countersigning or guaranteeing or any other input from me or knowledge about it, you're claiming that her debt automatically becomes mine also?  That's novel.

There have been a few reports here where the Thai wife has racked up gambling debts unbeknown to the husband...

 

When the payments are left to default, the wolves will come for the house and theres nothing the husband can do about it, other than pay up OR loose the house.

 

Id say its a tactic Thai women use on purpose to push a "no longer usefull" farang out.

 

One famous case,a few years back, where the sharks even threatened to kidnap a guys kids.

I think in that case, the ex-wife forged papers and sold his expensive property(s) very cheap to people who were in on it.

The guy end up in Bangkok protesting at Prayuths office i think.

 

And dont kid yourself. there is always ways to help Thais win against farang.

 

In Isaan the lady only has to have friends or family working at a district office and its no problem processing house papers, documents, whatever, with the farang husbands signature forged.

 

You would well to quit scoffing at everything and open yourself up to what could happen unless you yourself are caught un-awares.

 

Id say theres been many a guy who thought it was BS..until it happened to them.

 

 

[OzFlyer]

7 minutes ago, soistalker said:

Tell her the online business is not doing well. Tell her you dont have the money.

Buying that property in Isaan and badgering you to pay for it is her way of transferring your money to her. You will never have control of that property, and you will never, ever see a single satang back from it. Dont give her any money for it. And what kind of a wife buys a property against her husband's wishes, then expects him to pay for it?!

Make sure she understands that if you die, the money dies with you. Be careful not to be the victim of a "suicide." Always live in a "suicide" proof house or condo, i.e. not above the 6th floor. When she talks about divorce, obviously she is  contemplating it.

This isn't someone you want to be married to, but you are...and stuck. I wouldn't, as other posters have said, consider the kids in the relationship. She will do what she wants to do with your kids with the help if her family, and you probably have little say in the matter. 

Remember: guys married to Thai "ladies" have been murdered for a lot less than what you just wrote about. I'd prepare a bug-out bag if I were you. 

It's a 2 storey house and the drop down is only 4 metres. I think I can get away with a few broken bones if pushed out and don't land on my head.

 

I think some of the other guys have said I should be strategic with this and tell a few fibs. I can do this but is it healthy doing this for the next 20 years or so, or is this just par for the course in Thailand? You just lie as they lie and roll with the punches. I won't be giving her a single cent. All the money I spend her goes towards the kids which is totally fine. She hasn't received a dime from me in the past 4 months. Clearly the money is rolling in (purchasing luxury goods from Lazada) but my fear is that it's all show to keep up with the Jones' (what's the Thai equivalent?) and she is racking up debts unbeknownst to me.

 

 

[OzFlyer]

21 minutes ago, bartender100 said:

Maybe the parents are rich because they had 3 daughters before her?

She is the eldest child.

[chrissables]

If married in Australia, look into the legal side of things!!!

 

I was seeing a gogo girl years ago who was married to an Aussie, separated / divorced and he was sending each month to support her due to a court order in Australia. 

 

So he was working in Australia, and sending a huge amount of his income to a lady here. He had no choice!

[mike787]

1 hour ago, remorhaz said:

Sadly that's not true.  Ask any American divorced male.  I personally got 100% of my ex-wifes student loan debt upon our divorce - debt that she racked up before we even met.  Here in Thailand the other posters are correct. 

 

To the original poster your lady doesn't care or understand about life outside of Isaan.  Her family is there and that is all that counts.  Things like schools, and living condition mean nothing - everything is about family and YOU are NOT on that all important list.  She is earning her way to heaven by giving money to her parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and likely a boyfriend.  The bleeding will continue until the cow drops dead.  If you pay off the 3M baht loan she will very grateful and immediately get another loan... rinse wash repeat until the cow is milked to death.  This is the Thai way, you are not the first, you won't sadly be the last and this is what is going to happen 100%.  As you have children that complicates things a lot.  In Thailand it doesn't matter but you better believe she's already gotten plenty of helpful advice about collecting child support from Australia.  Are the Aussies as brutal and cruel as the US when it comes to this absolutely undischargable in bankruptcy you must pay or go to prison type of debt?  I don't know but they are probably similar. 

 

Understand this - you are now in a position where she can demand money from you to see your children and that is absolutely what is going to happen.  About the only hat trick you could try would be to offer her a stupid amount of money for full custody - i.e. you bribe her with 5 million baht and take the kids back home to Australia and CUT ALL TIES (THAIS).  If she follows you back there at any time in the future you will immediately be dragged into court, she'll promptly take custody from you because feminist courts are the rule, and then they'll slap onerous child support on you, likely retroactively leading to you owing her 100's of thousands of Aussie dollars, and then she'll take them back to Isaan along with her monthly tribute order.  To say you've put yourself in a bad situation would be an understatement, sorry.

Enki is an alien not from this planet....forget educating him...its like asking Thais to drive safely.  NOW WAY!!!!

[mike787]

32 minutes ago, soistalker said:

Be careful not to be the victim of a "suicide."

Soistalker is right!!  

 

You get to be a victim once, second time is a choice!

[BestB]

45 minutes ago, pookondee said:

There have been a few reports here where the Thai wife has racked up gambling debts unbeknown to the husband...

 

When the payments are left to default, the wolves will come for the house and theres nothing the husband can do about it, other than pay up OR loose the house.

 

Id say its a tactic Thai women use on purpose to push a "no longer usefull" farang out.

 

One famous case,a few years back, where the sharks even threatened to kidnap a guys kids.

I think in that case, the ex-wife forged papers and sold his expensive property(s) very cheap to people who were in on it.

The guy end up in Bangkok protesting at Prayuths office i think.

 

And dont kid yourself. there is always ways to help Thais win against farang.

 

In Isaan the lady only has to have friends or family working at a district office and its no problem processing house papers, documents, whatever, with the farang husbands signature forged.

 

You would well to quit scoffing at everything and open yourself up to what could happen unless you yourself are caught un-awares.

 

Id say theres been many a guy who thought it was BS..until it happened to them.

 

 

Yeah house is in wives name, of course husband can not do anything about that.

[kwonitoy]

17 hours ago, Lacessit said:

It's been 50:50 for me - twice. Guess I'm just lucky.

I just got divorced this week.

The case went to court as the wife wanted 50% of a condo in Jomtien bought after our marriage.

Judge asked me who's name its in?

Mine I replied.

Who paid for the condo?

Me I reply

Do you want to give your wife half? he asks. 

No I reply

Do you want to give her anything? he asks

No I reply

Case closed and I'm divorced and she gets nothing

Now she can take me to court and sue me for the 50%, but I've been in enough Thai courts to know that I can drag this process out for years until I leave 

The women don't automatically win in this country

[Just Weird]

1 hour ago, pookondee said:

There have been a few reports here where the Thai wife has racked up gambling debts unbeknown to the husband...

 

When the payments are left to default, the wolves will come for the house and theres nothing the husband can do about it, other than pay up OR loose the house.

 

Id say its a tactic Thai women use on purpose to push a "no longer usefull" farang out.

 

You would well to quit scoffing at everything and open yourself up to what could happen unless you yourself are caught un-awares.

 

Id say theres been many a guy who thought it was BS..until it happened to them.

"There have been a few reports here where the Thai wife has racked up gambling debts unbeknown to the husband...

When the payments are left to default, the wolves will come for the house and theres nothing the husband can do about it, other than pay up OR loose the house".

Loan shark borrowing/debts are nothing whatsoever to do with the situation that was being discussed, i.e. the legal liability of the husband's situation!

 

"You would well to quit scoffing at everything..."

You would do well to read the OP and my comments and get the context right before bashing away on your keyboard.  You would also do well to stop assuming that you are in a position to give advice to other members about what they should post here.

[Almer]

These posts sicken me, we all come over here to find a relationship for our remaining years and these stories blight the horizon.

i met my wife of 3 years in the UK and she is great, she is a mother and grandmother and yes helps look after the 2 grandchildren with school cloths etc but no big cash hand outs and she encourages her 2 to keep looking for better jobs and thanks me as she can see some if my advice is helping them.

My experience whilst limited is its the brothers and sisters who are the problem they put pressure on asking why they cant have some of her money and she explains its not hers to give away, its ours.

In a moment of weakness i/we agreed to lend with no profit% etc 50.000bt 

to a sister who is working but fell on hard times, the months went on and on and no money only excuses.

One day she appeared and i thought my lucky day but no she asked for more and was politely told that that was no solution to her problem, none of you will be surprised to hear now she wont talk to us and no we haven't had any money, so thats ok but upsets my wife. 

Many things we as people coming from more affluent areas need to understand is  that many have and still struggle and just want a little help on the way.

Why do many many 25 year old females leave there children with there parent/s and go away and do things they don't like with 5 or more men everyday but it earns them money to send home.

There  will always be the ones who exploit and i can understand it whilst not approve and some are just ungrateful with the help they've received and want want want.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide with what appears to be an ungrateful woman, and don't forget to fill the engine with something nasty before you leave it  that will soak up some of the money you leave behind

 

 

[Tomahawk21]

20 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

There are two children involved here, and they require consideration in this.

maybe his wife should think about that.

[bwpage3]

First off, your children are 1 and 2 and not ready for school yet.

 

So there is no immediate need to move to the city.

 

I would suggest having that talk a few years down the road.

 

Currently you have two choices?

 

Either except living in Isaan with the house you helped buy, working things out or get divorced.

 

Sooner or later you have to own up to what kind of relationship you really have and if it is the kind you really want.

 

She may not stop at the house and buy a car, etc. knowing if you are around, then you will be the one to pay.

 

To me it doesn't sound like a very loving relationship at all and you need to figure that one out quite quickly.

 

She married a farang and wants to have all the face in Isaan at your expense. You either go along with it, or get it over before you are responsible for more of her debts.

 

It is no fun living in Isaan what so ever.

 

But your choices are pretty cut and dry.

 

If she is in it for your money, she will bleed you dry before you get a chance to leave.

 

Sad situation to be in with the kids for sure, but these money seeking types rarely change.

 

She is in Isaan on her turf with all the game/support in her favor.

 

If it is going south and you love your kids, maybe she will take a cash deal to let you have the kids.

 

The way things are going and from what you have described, there will be no limit on her spending.

 

Ask anyone that has been married a long time if their Thai wife would ever buy a house without their consent or without talking it over as husband and wife?

 

You are too you to blow it all on this woman and you need to think clearly about that and your kids

 

My wife is from Isaan, and even though she has everything she ever dreamed of, she would never, never, never do something like this.

 

She is still thankful to this day for every single little thing.

 

Wish you luck.

 

[blackcab]

Off topic posts have been removed.

[Almer]

12 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

First off, your children are 1 and 2 and not ready for school yet.

 

So there is no immediate need to move to the city.

 

I would suggest having that talk a few years down the road.

 

Currently you have two choices?

 

Either except living in Isaan with the house you helped buy, working things out or get divorced.

 

Sooner or later you have to own up to what kind of relationship you really have and if it is the kind you really want.

 

She may not stop at the house and buy a car, etc. knowing if you are around, then you will be the one to pay.

 

To me it doesn't sound like a very loving relationship at all and you need to figure that one out quite quickly.

 

She married a farang and wants to have all the face in Isaan at your expense. You either go along with it, or get it over before you are responsible for more of her debts.

 

It is no fun living in Isaan what so ever.

 

But your choices are pretty cut and dry.

 

If she is in it for your money, she will bleed you dry before you get a chance to leave.

 

Sad situation to be in with the kids for sure, but these money seeking types rarely change.

 

She is in Isaan on her turf with all the game/support in her favor.

 

If it is going south and you love your kids, maybe she will take a cash deal to let you have the kids.

 

The way things are going and from what you have described, there will be no limit on her spending.

 

Ask anyone that has been married a long time if their Thai wife would ever buy a house without their consent or without talking it over as husband and wife?

 

You are too you to blow it all on this woman and you need to think clearly about that and your kids

 

My wife is from Isaan, and even though she has everything she ever dreamed of, she would never, never, never do something like this.

 

She is still thankful to this day for every single little thing.

 

Wish you luck.

 

Likewise and well posted

[Tomahawk21]

ooooooooo the wonderful joys and perks of getting married ????

[Tomahawk21]

23 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

First off, your children are 1 and 2 and not ready for school yet.

 

So there is no immediate need to move to the city.

 

I would suggest having that talk a few years down the road.

 

Currently you have two choices?

 

Either except living in Isaan with the house you helped buy, working things out or get divorced.

 

Sooner or later you have to own up to what kind of relationship you really have and if it is the kind you really want.

 

She may not stop at the house and buy a car, etc. knowing if you are around, then you will be the one to pay.

 

To me it doesn't sound like a very loving relationship at all and you need to figure that one out quite quickly.

 

She married a farang and wants to have all the face in Isaan at your expense. You either go along with it, or get it over before you are responsible for more of her debts.

 

It is no fun living in Isaan what so ever.

 

But your choices are pretty cut and dry.

 

If she is in it for your money, she will bleed you dry before you get a chance to leave.

 

Sad situation to be in with the kids for sure, but these money seeking types rarely change.

 

She is in Isaan on her turf with all the game/support in her favor.

 

If it is going south and you love your kids, maybe she will take a cash deal to let you have the kids.

 

The way things are going and from what you have described, there will be no limit on her spending.

 

Ask anyone that has been married a long time if their Thai wife would ever buy a house without their consent or without talking it over as husband and wife?

 

You are too you to blow it all on this woman and you need to think clearly about that and your kids

 

My wife is from Isaan, and even though she has everything she ever dreamed of, she would never, never, never do something like this.

 

She is still thankful to this day for every single little thing.

 

Wish you luck.

 

good post , the OP should take on board what said here

[Travelerusa40]

Greetings, 

 

Facts:

1. She can get child support if you divorce from Australian for the child that was born in Australian. She can also make the other child a Australian Citizen and then get child support for this child.

2. While married and living in Thailand, If you stop giving her money then she gets do money. You will not be liable for any business or loan she takes out because you are not a Thai Citizen - so don't worry about it.

3. She is not going to move from Issan - family is everything in Thailand and as long as you support her she will not leave Issan or her family.

4. Thai parents send there children to Australia, US, Europe, and other to meet successful partners who will marry their daughters and have them return to Thailand to support there parents so they can retire. This is a common practice and you are just know realizing it. So, you are not alone. Every Issan girl want their foreign husband to build them a house. It is all about status. It will never stop. Thais have it in there heads that foreigners are rich, rich, rich, because your skin is white. They do not understand what it cost to live in Australia even if you spell it out. They only see how amount you make or what assets you have in Australia and that makes them think you are internally wealthy.

 

Recommendation:

 

1. Call Siam Legal. They have helped me with property issues and other legal matters and speak english They are located: Thailand: +66 2259-8100
US-Toll Free: 1-877-252-8831
United Kingdom: 0207-101-9301
Australia: 028-015-5273

 

2. Everyone will give you advise but you need Qualified Legal Advise. You already know what is going to happen if you stay. What you don't know is the impact if you leave and what that could look like. So, write down all your questions and call or email them. They give you alot off free information just by talking to them, unlike attorneys in The west.

 

3. Just remember one think. If you are in Thailand and you are white you are a status symbol to the family and you are classified as being rich and held to a different price and standard by all communities in Thailand. Thai price and FRANG price. Your wife will also have to pay and will be treated differently because her kids are white. They will charge her more money once they see the kids. This is true where ever you go in Thailand. Also, if you a white or a FRANG the courts will always favor the Thai's in a legal argument concerning any business you may venture in to. Also, courts system takes for ever. If you wife does not know about child support in America that could be towards your advance and you can make some type of payment arrangment should you choose to leave Thailand and go back home.

 

4. I recommend you work out a payment of 1/3 of your income for child support and keep documentation of payment.

 

5. You can also get divorced in Thailand, even though you were married in your home country. It will be held up in your home country as well. Talk to Siam Legal about this. If you got married in Thailand you can get a divorce in Thailand and the divorce will be legal in your home country. Again, you need to talk to Siam Legal

 

Good Luck. 
 

 

 

[OzFlyer]

33 minutes ago, Travelerusa40 said:

Greetings, 

 

Facts:

1. She can get child support if you divorce from Australian for the child that was born in Australian. She can also make the other child a Australian Citizen and then get child support for this child.

2. While married and living in Thailand, If you stop giving her money then she gets do money. You will not be liable for any business or loan she takes out because you are not a Thai Citizen - so don't worry about it.

3. She is not going to move from Issan - family is everything in Thailand and as long as you support her she will not leave Issan or her family.

4. Thai parents send there children to Australia, US, Europe, and other to meet successful partners who will marry their daughters and have them return to Thailand to support there parents so they can retire. This is a common practice and you are just know realizing it. So, you are not alone. Every Issan girl want their foreign husband to build them a house. It is all about status. It will never stop. Thais have it in there heads that foreigners are rich, rich, rich, because your skin is white. They do not understand what it cost to live in Australia even if you spell it out. They only see how amount you make or what assets you have in Australia and that makes them think you are internally wealthy.

 

Recommendation:

 

1. Call Siam Legal. They have helped me with property issues and other legal matters and speak english They are located: Thailand: +66 2259-8100
US-Toll Free: 1-877-252-8831
United Kingdom: 0207-101-9301
Australia: 028-015-5273

 

2. Everyone will give you advise but you need Qualified Legal Advise. You already know what is going to happen if you stay. What you don't know is the impact if you leave and what that could look like. So, write down all your questions and call or email them. They give you alot off free information just by talking to them, unlike attorneys in The west.

 

3. Just remember one think. If you are in Thailand and you are white you are a status symbol to the family and you are classified as being rich and held to a different price and standard by all communities in Thailand. Thai price and FRANG price. Your wife will also have to pay and will be treated differently because her kids are white. They will charge her more money once they see the kids. This is true where ever you go in Thailand. Also, if you a white or a FRANG the courts will always favor the Thai's in a legal argument concerning any business you may venture in to. Also, courts system takes for ever. If you wife does not know about child support in America that could be towards your advance and you can make some type of payment arrangment should you choose to leave Thailand and go back home.

 

4. I recommend you work out a payment of 1/3 of your income for child support and keep documentation of payment.

 

5. You can also get divorced in Thailand, even though you were married in your home country. It will be held up in your home country as well. Talk to Siam Legal about this. If you got married in Thailand you can get a divorce in Thailand and the divorce will be legal in your home country. Again, you need to talk to Siam Legal

 

Good Luck. 
 

 

 

Thanks for all the advice thus far.

 

Whilst divorce is a last resort, what I need to figure out is how to play a mind trick on her to convince her to leave Issan and head for the big cities for the betterment of the kids. 

 

Has anyone had experiencing in changing their mindset? Her parents are not at retirement age and still collecting alot of money with their businesses and don't intend on stopping in the next 20 years. Her younger brother is independent also. He lives and works in Japan. This isn't a typical Issan household in the traditional sense. I think the daughter is just lazy and wants to live near the parents. How do I teach her some good ol' western values that everyone needs to leave the nest ? Can I do some good ol' brainwashing of Thai women and turn the tables?

[Travelerusa40]

Greetings, 

 

Facts: You have fallen for one of the oldest and common trick in Thailand. Why do you think Thai Families send there girls to Australia .... just to learn English??

 

1. She can get Child Support Order until the children are 18 years of age if she files in your home country of Australia. If the children are yours and born in the Australia.  If not born in Australia she still an contest Child Support but will have to first convert the child citizenship which takes time and money. Note: No Child Support in Thailand. Most Thai guys are not ordered to pay Child Support because they can not enforce it in Thailand. The family will Enforce it themselves through Shaming the Thai man and his mom and dad and family members. So, If you girl does not understand or know about Child Support in your country I would not bring it up, but offer an mutual agreed upon plan for Child Support. In most western countries it is 1/3 of your gross annual or monthly income. If you do plan to exit you need to be sneaky because again, you are a target and they already have been planning this since they sent their Thai girl to Australia. They all talk. In fact, once you arrived the town and friends most likely started to ask your wife when will you start building the house. Very common. This may seem like a set up and it is. But is also the Thai Culture for the past 20 years.

 

2. While married and living in Thailand, If you stop giving her money then she gets do money.

 

3. You are "Not" liable for any business or loan she takes out because you are "Not" a Thai Citizen - so don't worry about it. If the financial institution knows she is married to a Foreigner she has to disclose this and the whole town will most likely know any way. Some times she is charged more for loan fees and processing, but it means nothing to you - just double standards in Thailand because she is associated with you in marriage.

 

4.  She is not going to move from Issan - family is everything in Thailand and as long as you support her she will not leave Issan or her family. She needs her family to help her with the kids so she can have a life.

 

5. Thai parents send there children to Australia, US, Europe, and other to meet successful partners who will marry their daughters and have them return to Thailand to support there parents so they can retire. Even if the parents have a good government job with retirement. This is because being married to a FRANG is a status symbol.

 

6. Common practice and even Culture and you are just know realizing it. So, you are not alone. Every Issan girl want their foreign husband to build them a house. It is all about status. It will never stop. All Thais have it in there heads that foreigners are rich, rich, rich, because your skin is white. They do not understand what it cost to live in Australia even if you spell it out. They only hear and see that you make X amount or one X amount of assets in Australia and that makes them think you are forever wealthy. I have been married 12 years to a Thai girl and her parents are retired government workers with a pension but then keep asking and I keep saying "No"! If I gave them money it would go to there children to pay for XXX or to be spent very foolishly. 

 

7. Also, Thai girls and there family make it unbearable for you to live with them or around them so you will leave eventually, in most cases based on the limited time period with your Thai girl and her family. I meet these guys all the time in Chaingmai. They all were in ISSAN and build a house (which you can not claim title to and no one will ever buy it). Title is only in Thai Girl and Families name never in FRANG Name. So, even if you do make it to court they will say ok sell the house and when sold you get half money back, but the house will never sell. 

 

Recommendation:

 

1. Call Siam Legal. They have helped me with property issues and other legal matters and speak english They are located: Thailand: +66 2259-8100
US-Toll Free: 1-877-252-8831
United Kingdom: 0207-101-9301
Australia: 028-015-5273

 

2. Everyone will give you advise but you need Qualified Legal Advise. You already know what is going to happen if you stay. What you don't know is the impact if you leave and what that could look like. So, write down all your questions and call or email them. They give you alot off free information just by talking to them, unlike attorneys in The west. 

 

3. Just remember one think. If you are in Thailand and you are white you are a status symbol to the family and you are classified as being rich and held to a different price and standard by all communities in Thailand. Thai price and FRANG price. Your wife will also have to pay and will be treated differently because her kids are white. They will charge her more money once they see the kids. This is true where ever you go in Thailand. Also, if you a white or a FRANG the courts will always favor the Thai's in a legal argument concerning any business you may venture in to. Also, courts system takes for ever. If you wife does not know about child support in America that could be towards your advance and you can make some type of payment arrangment should you choose to leave Thailand and go back home.

 

4. I recommend you work out a payment of 1/3 of your income for child support and keep documentation of payment should she figure out how to challenge you in Child Custody Court in your home country.

 

5. You can also get divorced in Thailand, even though you were married in your home country. It will be held up in your home country as well. Talk to Siam Legal about this. If you got married in Thailand you can get a divorce in Thailand and the divorce will be legal in your home country. Again, you need to talk to Siam Legal. Just remember Child Support or any agreement you make within your divorce in Thailand can be used in your home country. I would recommend just getting the divorce and leave the Child Custody language out and try to agree on something before you go back to your home country. However, you could stay in Thailand and move somewhere else and continue your business and visit your kids from time to time. You don't have to leave once your get the divorce. You will have to get a business Visa or Student Visa, or Tourist visa and go in and out of country every 3 months.

 

6. You have more options then you know. But please check with SIAM legal. I would not stay in the relationship I would try to get a divorce. There are good women in Thailand. I married one and it has been great for over 10 years. But you are the classic story. Unfortunatelly, your wife is being pushed in the direction she is going by her family and culture. I told my girl I don't play this way if she tries anything she is gone.

 

7. You are a movie star in Thailand and women will come at you in all directions. Some Good and Some with hidden motives just like the girl you are with. Thailand is a fantastic place but you need to understand you are a FRANG (Rich White Man) and will always be treated that why by Thais no matter how long you live in Thailand. You and your family will always pay the FRANG price even if you have a yellow book, ID, Drivers License, - it does not matter. But that is small stuff compared to when you become a Target by a Thai Girl and her Family. Go hang out in Chiangmai. You will have to leave Chiangmai during the burning season (FEB-MAR-APR). So, just avoid long term contracts that fall within this time frame, because the burning is so bad you will want to leave. Bangkok is great as well but they have air problems as well. 

 

Good Luck. 

[AverageBloke]

 

It's a long way from Melbourne to Maha Sarakham and a whole new way of life and only being in your 30's can make it seem that much further. 

Firstly, I think it might be a nice idea to take your wife out for dinner and see if you can actually talk things through in a pleasant environment. Maybe she would be open to living in Khon Kaen which is a much larger city with bigger schools and still only an hours drive from her family. 

If all attempts to find a level playing field fail then start looking into your legal options, I'm not sure if there is a reciprocal agreement between Thailand and Australia but centrelink could tell you. There's also a group on facebook called Mahasarakham expats, maybe as locals, they could give you a bit of insight. The worse that could come of it would be a to have a few beers with a few blokes that probably understand. Good luck and I hope it works out for all of you. 

[Thaidream]

15 hours ago, Bangkokhatter said:

here are always two sides....
Seems to me the OP and his wife didn't really communicate much before they got married, did you ever discuss what her plans were ?
Most Thai girls much prefer to live close to Mum and Dad and if they can run their own successful business while doing so all the better. Chuck in the prospect of some Luk Kreung and she's cracked it.
It maybe she is having problems with the business ( not surprising in the current economic climate) but asking properly for support is beyond some Thais what with the whole face nonsense.
Look at it from her side for a second, well off parents, just married a foreigner ( they think we are all rich ) her business starts to fail. Can't tell family or friends due to loss of face....next option loan sharks...
The divorce comment is typical, same as a baby spitting his dummy out.
To sum I am trying to say you have 2 kids to think about, try some real communication first before you take drastic action, you have plenty of time on your side.
If it does come to divorce make sure you divorce here, courts will be much fairer.
I wish you well.

Excellent advice and I can second it.  I have been married to 3 Thais over 45 years- one great (deceased); second-divorce; current 80% good.  

 

The main problem over the years is communication- we don't understand them and they don't understand us.  Throw in all the cultural differences  and it's a miracle any of us stay married.Sometimes, you need the patience of Job to make it through the day,

 

Before making any decisions- you need to know exactly what your wife has got herself into; and how much it will cost to get out of it.

 

Some of the questions you need to ask-

 

-what is the 3 Million Baht for- land;  land and house

=Who is financing this purchase and the monthly payment? Are there any  private lenders involved?  Is her Mom/Dad aware?

-What is the status of her business- amounts made each month etc.

 

You need to take the time to go see the land/house.  You can easily explain that for you to make a decision you must know  everything to include why she purchased the land.

 

If she refuses to provide the above-  simply tell her no money 

 

However, if she provides credible and honest information and is willing to discuss her future plans and ideas- listen intently and well .  She may have purchased the land as an investment for herself and children.

 

The overriding problem is that you do not want to stay in Issan but want to move to a larger city. However, the  issue that needs to be fully explored is how you will earn money now and in the future if you live in Thailand as opposed to Oz.

 

Can you realistically run a business from Thailand and is this business viable for expansion in 1 year; 5 years; 10 years etc or would you do better economically  returning permanently to Oz.

 

She needs to understand this from an economic viewpoint as well as a practical viewpoint.  There is also the retirement aspect to think of.    How will you live when you are 60 and on what?

 

You might want to think more about the children and discuss their schooling, If you are thinking about Inter national Schooling- and a move to Bangkok/CM or other large city be prepared to pay around 400,000 each year for each child plus maintaining 400K in the Thai Bank for your marriage Visa.

 

Part of being married  is compromise and having a realistic expectation of what is possible and what is not- both financially and emotionally.

 

I am sure this is taking a toll on you  but IMO you really need a lot more information and communication before making a decision.

 

My best to you/

[Travelerusa40]

If she got a loan out and used the house as collateral you are dealing with the whole family not just her. Her family or parents would of have to agree with this. You are no longer in the equation if she is taking loans out and making demands. If you think you can do a Jeti Mind Trip on her whole family and extended family then you have a lot to learn about Thai culture. A few people on this post have several years married and living in Thailand. I would respect that wisdom. Did you not read what they are saying - You are not the only one this happens to. There are many expats I have sat down with over my 15 years and your story is just like theres. I can tell you the future, but you think you and become a Jeti Mind Trip Master you are mistaken my friend. It is all about face. 

 

You can be honest with her and tell her you killing me with all this and you are sad that she is making these decisions without you and ask her to stop and let you make all the decision concerning the finances and contracts. If she disagrees or continues her behavior there is no game to play. The Thai family unit is the strongest cultural experience you will have. "You will always be a FRANG". The only way I have been successful is to get her away from her family & friends that are in Thailand. Thai girls in your home country that have come from Thailand change the mind set because of the distance from there Thai Family. If you want her to go Bangkok or Chaingmai just tell her. If she dosen't go she will not go. My friends tried the same thing but there wife's kept the house and Thai Family and visits him once in awhile and he goes and visits them once in a while. Thai's will not leave the family unit unless you build something better and bigger away fro

m there grass roots home that they can brag about! So, make it bigger and better some where else and she will go but will always return to visit the family. She will also invite the family to your bigger and better place and they will move in and may not ever leave. This is Thai Culture. or a family member or distant relative will move in. This is all just experience from my friends and myself who have lived among Thai Culture for many years.

[NanLaew]

3 hours ago, OzFlyer said:

Clearly the money is rolling in (purchasing luxury goods from Lazada) but my fear is that it's all show to keep up with the Jones' (what's the Thai equivalent?) and she is racking up debts unbeknownst to me.

This appearance of being wealthy combined with the OP's assertions that her own business is profitable albeit he doesn't have the language skills to be 100% assured as to where her revenue is coming from, still leads me to consider she's gambling. I don't mean she's having a flutter on the state lottery or the moobahn numbers game but suggesting she's actually running one of the latter. These are hugely lucrative and provide substantial bi-monthly 'income' for the organizers. However, it's not unknown for them to live well beyond their means, get sucked into the 'my money' fallacy before being caught woefully short when a player has won and thus claims a substantial amount or when a partner wants to cash-out of the venture.

[Travelerusa40]

I also totally agree with most the recent comments above. Communication is challenging but needs to happen. It is important to find out what is happening with the money, land, and her business. I totally agree with the "Face". Thai people will not talk about there failures if they become compromised. 

[natway09]

I could have got in the same position as you as we own 5 properties in the village obviously

all in my wife's name. But I have only invested as much as I can afford to loose.

You are NOT responsible for the mortgage as not in your name.

Some tough decisions await,,,,,,, grab the kids & flee ?

or try & work it out if that is possible

Good Luck