Do you have any “ real” friends nowadays?

[DJ54]

Thailand 1 US 1 Ex Wife 1..... That’s about it. A guy that worked with me once said when you die most people can count real friends on one hand..

[Berkshire]

35 minutes ago, 473geo said:

A true friend, would not see a person in difficulty if he had the means to fix it, a fair weather friend would refuse to loan money on 'principle'. I have friends who would not enjoy lending money to another, to do so would go against the grain, but if a good valued friend, without causing the lender any hardship, they would do it.

I suppose a true friend would be like family.  I would do anything for my brothers.  It's because friends will come and go, but family is forever.  I've had friends in my life who were almost like family.  Almost.

[timkeen08]

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

I suppose a true friend would be like family.  I would do anything for my brothers.  It's because friends will come and go, but family is forever.  I've had friends in my life who were almost like family.  Almost.

Family takes care of family. I am 1 of 5, our parents taught us to never loan money to family or friends.  We were taught that if a family member needed money it is up to us if we GIVE them the money or not without any expectations of anything in return.  It is up to them if they want to reciprocate in the future. I don't know of any time where any of us asked for help from each other but I have given when I knew it was needed and I have had a helping hand once.  She didn't need the money back so I bought her something nice.  Once 4 of us got together and helped out a brother and it was made clear that we didn't want the money back. My sisters married into money so no worries there.

[CharlieH]

29 minutes ago, timkeen08 said:

Family takes care of family. I am 1 of 5, our parents taught us to never loan money to family or friends.  We were taught that if a family member needed money it is up to us if we GIVE them the money or not without any expectations of anything in return.  It is up to them if they want to reciprocate in the future. I don't know of any time where any of us asked for help from each other but I have given when I knew it was needed and I have had a helping hand once.  She didn't need the money back so I bought her something nice.  Once 4 of us got together and helped out a brother and it was made clear that we didn't want the money back. My sisters married into money so no worries there.

Fortunate for you. I am one of 5 too and I know any one of us would crawl over burning coals rather than ask any of the others for a penny ! (or help).We were always taught to stand on your own and sort your own mess out. When the parents died the 5 were scattered, no glue holding them and rarely bother with each other. Sad! but as the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family !

[timkeen08]

9 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Fortunate for you. I am one of 5 too and I know any one of us would crawl over burning coals rather than ask any of the others for a penny ! (or help).We were always taught to stand on your own and sort your own mess out. When the parents died the 5 were scattered, no glue holding them and rarely bother with each other. Sad! but as the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family !

My family has been lucky enough with keeping tight relationships.  All, including my sons, were in support of my decision to live in Thailand until I pass away without ever going back to America.  My whole family including nieces and nephews are on my Facebook page along with a few past coworkers.  Both of our parents have passed away and we are still tight with each other if not in person but always in thought.  I do miss out on get-togethers but share them on facebook.  My parents made plans to equally disperse all inheritance before they passed and I feel this avoided any fallback among us over inheritance.  We had very wise but tough parents.  Of course us being career army brats may have a lot to do with brothers and sisters still remaining a close family.

[giddyup]

17 hours ago, Berkshire said:

I suppose a true friend would be like family.  I would do anything for my brothers.  It's because friends will come and go, but family is forever.  I've had friends in my life who were almost like family.  Almost.

Haven't seen my only brother in 9 years, we're chalk and  cheese with nothing in common except a mutual dislike for one another.

[Berkshire]

3 minutes ago, giddyup said:

Haven't seen my only brother in 9 years, we're chalk and  cheese with nothing in common except a mutual dislike for one another.

Yes, but he's still your brother and that will never change.  I've got friends that have disappeared from my life, yet I can still make new ones.  Can't make a new brother. 

[giddyup]

29 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

Yes, but he's still your brother and that will never change.  I've got friends that have disappeared from my life, yet I can still make new ones.  Can't make a new brother. 

Like the old adage says, you can choose friends but not family. It's not compulsory to get along.

[dundas]

Sometimes we discover who our friends are. Both times I've had surgery, I've had a friend who entirely of her own volition became my advocate in the hospital system, putting medical staff and administrators on notice that I was one patient not to be ignored or messed with, because she was on my case. Having experienced that, I would happily do the same for here and for others, actually. So maybe the question is  'how can we build friendship?' and yes, we shouldn't expect reciprocation, but we can reciprocate to the kindness of others if we want. 

And maybe we shouldn't expect too much from friends as we get older because if we don't die, most of them will. I know of a married couple who went gaga in their 80s and died in aged care in their 90s. By that time none of their friends were left – only family were at the funeral. 

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, dundas said:

And maybe we shouldn't expect too much from friends as we get older because if we don't die, most of them will. I know of a married couple who went gaga in their 80s and died in aged care in their 90s. By that time none of their friends were left – only family were at the funeral. 

Hard to be friends with someone that doesn't remember you.

I had an aunt and uncle with dementia in the UK, they had been married 40 years, in the same care home, and didn't know each other either.

[CharlieH]

As far as this "brother/sister" label goes, I always ask people this, forget about blood and all that nonsense (to me it is) ask yourself this question, if it were not for the fact you share parents, would you want to know that person and would he/she be a good friend ?

For me the answer is absolutely not, so there you have it, the blood tie etc or family label doesnt really hold much water or count for much for them as "people", I have met and have much nicer acquaintances than them.

[sipi]

My list of "people I never want to see again" is far longer than my "friends" list.

[GarryP]

2 hours ago, giddyup said:

Haven't seen my only brother in 9 years, we're chalk and  cheese with nothing in common except a mutual dislike for one another.

I haven't seen my brother in 28 years and he was alive for 26 of those. I did not know he had died until 8 months after the event. He buggered off to Canada and I came out here. Lost all contact. We didn't dislike each other but I think we were both running away from something, although not the same thing. 

[timkeen08]

34 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

As far as this "brother/sister" label goes, I always ask people this, forget about blood and all that nonsense (to me it is) ask yourself this question, if it were not for the fact you share parents, would you want to know that person and would he/she be a good friend ?

For me the answer is absolutely not, so there you have it, the blood tie etc or family label doesnt really hold much water or count for much for them as "people", I have met and have much nicer acquaintances than them.

For me, YES.   I am so sorry that you feel that way.

[giddyup]

35 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

As far as this "brother/sister" label goes, I always ask people this, forget about blood and all that nonsense (to me it is) ask yourself this question, if it were not for the fact you share parents, would you want to know that person and would he/she be a good friend ?

For me the answer is absolutely not, so there you have it, the blood tie etc or family label doesnt really hold much water or count for much for them as "people", I have met and have much nicer acquaintances than them.

I know people that dislike their own parents and once they left the nest they had very little contact with them again.

[BobbyL]

Interesting topic. I am 31 so have a lot of friends (all British) through work, football and golf plus two mates that I knew from home before I moved here.

 

I often wonder what it might be like living here in my 60s and onward. Will some of the people I see regularly now still be living here, and will I have to meet new friends as I get older. 

 

It is definitely different living abroad when it comes to meeting legitimate friends. I would say three of my current friends here now I would class as 'proper' friends. If they all moved on to new places it would be a strange feeling.  

[elgenon]

On 8/26/2019 at 12:58 AM, Emdog said:

I used to work on a ranch, quite good around horses. Boss said I was a stable genius...

Yes, but your "cologne" was not the best. By the way, are you trump? That's what he says he is.

[simon43]

I used to have about half a dozen good 'farang' friends when I lived in Phuket.  some were a little older than me, some were younger than me.

 

With the exception of one old guy ALL of them are dead, due to cancer, diabetes, alcoholism, motorbike accidents and suicide.....

 

The old guy always looks after his health, doesn't smoke, drinks little, exercises every day.

 

Their early demise encouraged me a few years ago to change my diet and embark on an exercise regime.

 

So no close friends now, which might be an issued as I grow older and perhaps need assistance.  Time for another wife!

 

 

[Tagged]

On 8/26/2019 at 7:47 AM, bkk6060 said:

Too many negative complainers and guys that look at life thru their brown colored glasses because they see the whole world as S...

The world is beautifull, but we treat it like <deleted>! Thats the problem. 

[kokopelli]

19 hours ago, CharlieH said:

As far as this "brother/sister" label goes, I always ask people this, forget about blood and all that nonsense (to me it is) ask yourself this question, if it were not for the fact you share parents, would you want to know that person and would he/she be a good friend ?

For me the answer is absolutely not, so there you have it, the blood tie etc or family label doesnt really hold much water or count for much for them as "people", I have met and have much nicer acquaintances than them.

My best friend was my twin brother who would do anything for me.  Sadly he has passed. But I do have friends both in Thailand and at home who would help me in my need.  

[spidermike007]

Yes. I have some very close friends. Both here, and back in the states. Guys and gals I have known for 10-40 years. A handful of close friends here. All ex-pats. And quite a few back in the states. Guys who I would do anything for, and visa versa. It takes work to maintain friendships like that. And for sure, it is a two way street. But, it sure makes life alot sweeter, having people like that in your life.

 

Now, the one area of frustration for me, is that having lived here for well over a decade, I have not made one single Thai friend. Sure, I know some guys, that I would describe as acquaintances. But not dinner buddies, or guys I could just phone up to chat. I am not about to make this into a "let's talk trash about Thai men" thread. Just saying it strikes me as strange how incredibly indifferent or disinterested nearly all Thai men are, about foreigners. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎8‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 8:44 PM, georgegeorgia said:

how many real friends can you count ?

Not talking about your partner 

Personally, none. I used to think I had real friends, but as I got older I realise that none would let me come and live with them if I was in the poo, which is what I think a real friend would do. When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time with a few people that I loved as "friends", but now they won't even return my e mails.

The only one that said that I could come and live with him when I got old did me out of a lot of money, after a 30 year relationship.

I had one other long term relationship that I thought was real, but he turned out to be a sociopath.

As for "partner's", they can be the worst. I've been robbed twice by partners, and the first time I was starting again from scratch at 35. The second and last did me so badly I had to leave Thailand and go back home to get a pension.

I do have "friends", but the thread is about "real" friends, not just acquaintances that will help out if it's not too inconvenient.

In the end, only family will stick by to the end, but not always. I grew up afraid that my parents would abandon me, and in the end they did. Given we are products of our upbringing, I guess that we are as good at making friends as we were taught, and my education in that was terrible.

 

I always thought that a real friend was one that one could say anything to, and they would still accept one, but the only people I can say what I really think to are a group of strangers that I will never meet on an internet forum.

 

Happy days, not.

[thaibeachlovers]

28 minutes ago, kokopelli said:

My best friend was my twin brother who would do anything for me.  Sadly he has passed. But I do have friends both in Thailand and at home who would help me in my need.  

I had a brother that died when he was 2 and I was 4. I always regret that I never had the opportunity to know him as a friend, and it always bugs me when people that do have a brother(s) are estranged, when I didn't even have a chance to know mine. They don't know how lucky they are. Such a waste.

 

I do have friends both in Thailand and at home who would help me in my need. 

I think the guys that kill themselves in Pattaya by jumping do so because they don't have anyone in their life that would help them, and they can't go on completely alone. Loneliness is as much a killer as cancer.

[Fex Bluse]

Acquaintances, yes. 

Family, yes. 

Friends, no. 

 

Of course, my definition of friend is more rigorous than someone I drink and socialize with. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎8‎/‎26‎/‎2019 at 5:47 PM, bkk6060 said:

Too many negative complainers and guys that look at life thru their brown colored glasses because they see the whole world as S...

I'm guessing, but you've never been down so bad that ending it seems like a better prospect than living.

It's hard to empathise with others that have done it hard when life has always been good.

It's like someone that can't understand loneliness when they've always been in a relationship.

Even being in a relationship when one hates the partner is less lonely than being actually alone. Actually hate is a great motivator, as good as love in that respect.

[Berkshire]

16 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Yes. I have some very close friends. Both here, and back in the states. Guys and gals I have known for 10-40 years. A handful of close friends here. All ex-pats. And quite a few back in the states. Guys who I would do anything for, and visa versa. It takes work to maintain friendships like that. And for sure, it is a two way street. But, it sure makes life alot sweeter, having people like that in your life.

 

Now, the one area of frustration for me, is that having lived here for well over a decade, I have not made one single Thai friend. Sure, I know some guys, that I would describe as acquaintances. But not dinner buddies, or guys I could just phone up to chat. I am not about to make this into a "let's talk trash about Thai men" thread. Just saying it strikes me as strange how incredibly indifferent or disinterested nearly all Thai men are, about foreigners. 

To your last sentences regarding Thai guys, I've made quite a few Thai friends.  But sadly, we're still not super close.  A big barrier is the language thing.  While I'm relatively fluent in Thai (compared to most foreigners), I'm still not "Thai level fluent."  So when I'm at gatherings, they always try to speak English to me...which is a struggle for these guys.  But my Thai is not strong enough to keep up with their banter. 

 

Something else.  Although these guys have tried to get me into their circle, it's apparent that the really close friends among them are guys that basically grew up together.  Known each other since they were little kids.  So it's hard to crack that group of lifelong friends.  Us expats are wanderers who are used to making new friends.  Most of these local guys are not.

[Fex Bluse]

38 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Yes. I have some very close friends. Both here, and back in the states. Guys and gals I have known for 10-40 years. A handful of close friends here. All ex-pats. And quite a few back in the states. Guys who I would do anything for, and visa versa. It takes work to maintain friendships like that. And for sure, it is a two way street. But, it sure makes life alot sweeter, having people like that in your life.

 

Now, the one area of frustration for me, is that having lived here for well over a decade, I have not made one single Thai friend. Sure, I know some guys, that I would describe as acquaintances. But not dinner buddies, or guys I could just phone up to chat. I am not about to make this into a "let's talk trash about Thai men" thread. Just saying it strikes me as strange how incredibly indifferent or disinterested nearly all Thai men are, about foreigners. 

I have to agree about Thai men, and I would add Thai women (save for intimate, sexual relationships). 

 

Of all the countries I've lived and worked in, I have friends in nearly all except Thailand. Thais are uniquely disinterested in the world and its people, save for Thailand and Thai people. 

 

Some people say it's language. I disagree strongly. It's not that simple. 

 

Edited August 28, 2019 by Fex Bluse

[thaibeachlovers]

18 minutes ago, Fex Bluse said:

I would add Thai women (save for intimate, sexual relationships). 

Read the lyrics of Springsteen's "Secret garden". Sadly, I don't think men can ever have a real friendship with women of any ethnicity, in the same way that men can with other men. The movie "women in love" dealt with that very well.

[Dexlowe]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I think the guys that kill themselves in Pattaya by jumping do so because they don't have anyone in their life that would help them, and they can't go on completely alone. Loneliness is as much a killer as cancer.

There's a lot I could say about that as I understand completely where they are coming from. I've been alone all my adult life. I'm also due to return home shortly, and I can't say it thrills me. But at least I have some family there who accept that I'm a bit peculiar, otherwise I might fall into a depression. 

 

But you know the saddest thing about it all is that little can be done about it. It seems to me that a surprising number of people have poor communication skills, and therefore don't make friends, or are just wary of others and keep everyone at arm's length. Even over here on the darkside, where the expat population would seem to be more settled, the solo drinkers are in almost every bar. 

[Boycie]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I think the guys that kill themselves in Pattaya by jumping do so because they don't have anyone in their life that would help them, and they can't go on completely alone. Loneliness is as much a killer as cancer.

 

The charity Samaritans is available around the clock for people who want to talk.

If you or anyone you know is in need of mental health services, please contact the Samaritans of Thailand at their 24-hour hotline 02-713-6791 (English), 02713-6793 (Thai) or Thai Mental Health Hotline at 1323 (Thai).

 

http://www.samaritansthai.com/news/samaritans-of-thailand-english-hotline/