Has the sexpat scene totally destroyed the dating scene for 20s-30s farang? (Younger guys not getting any love in Thailand due to negative association)

[BobbyL]

4 minutes ago, donnacha said:

It cracks me up when the relatively inexperienced guys presume that the "older boys" are desperately grabbing whatever "used goods" they can get, while failing to realize that their own sweet, innocent lady has been "used" far more, and from a far younger age, than they could possibly imagine.


 

You do realise that a large percentage of Thai women aren't in the sex game and are therefore not being 'used' by every Tom, Dick and Harry. 

 

It would be interesting to know your age as I assume if you're an older gentleman I highly doubt you have had any real interactions with Thai women in their mid - late 20s apart from the sex scene. 

 

[BobbyL]

Just now, BritManToo said:

How many Thai virgins did you break?

None. I couldn't think of anything worse than being with a virgin who has no idea what she's doing. 

[Thingamabob]

Dating respectable Thai girls in Thailand is complicated for reasons too many to go into here.  Try to find a Thai girlfriend, maybe a a university student, outside Thailand. It will be more fun and much easier.

[Ajvat37]

Sounds like you have no clue about Thai culture and the behavior of younger Thai women.  You need to relax and not overthink things when it comes to dating thai girls.  Get out of your head and enjoy the moment.

[4737 Carlin]

Here in Chiang mai, I would say the 20s-30s farangs have totally destroyed the dating scene for 40s-50s farangs. 

[Geeyore]

22 hours ago, BritManToo said:

 

Most Thai ladies can value your transport, shoes and accessories in 10 seconds.

Well not Tudor watches even though there's a Tudor shop directly connected to every Rolex outlet in Krung Thep. (Rolex owns Tudor) "Mai rujac Tudor." Maybe splurge up, or get a nice fake Rolex somewhere (although fakes are readily ID'd by Thai ladies of all economic classes)

[thaibeachlovers]

On 10/10/2019 at 9:29 AM, Genmai said:

My suspicion is that the younger generation are painfully aware of the stereotypical dark skinned Issan bar girl whoring herself out to pervy foreign grandpas and want to avoid the association with foreign men at all costs. Within my social circle the only young Thai-farang couples I know of live outside of Thailand. 

The first Thai girl I took out wouldn't walk with me in public because of the association with pros factor.

 

There is no equivalent of the Thai farang scene anywhere else in the world that I know of, so don't compare to other Asian countries- not in any way relevant.

 

On 10/10/2019 at 9:29 AM, Genmai said:

I check all the basics (dress clean, tall, cut hair and shave, good body and oral hygiene, not particularly weird or fat or anything) and the puzzling thing is that I still do better with women back in Europe and the West.

Why do you think Thai girls give a monkey's about what you look like?

Conversations between Thai girls seem to revolve around food. Are Thai girls Into discussing the sort of things women in western countries talk about? I don't know, but I doubt it.

 

On 10/10/2019 at 9:29 AM, Genmai said:

Now, there's nothing at all wrong with any of that. But what about the young(er) guys here in their 20s and 30s looking to date "normal" women in their age bracket? 

LOL. Everyone knows that young guys don't have fat wallets.

BTW, what the <deleted> is a "normal" woman? Every girl I ever met is different. 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, donnacha said:

I think the boom boom thing mainly applies to bar girls who have already been shagged senseless too many times to count.

LOL. I think you overestimate how many "dates" a BG actually gets, unless they are spectacular, and then they only do it till they make enough money to leave it.

Thai girls in the majority of cases are only in the biz to make money till they have enough or catch a rich farang. Most don't see it as a lifetime career. Some though, stay around a while because they enjoy the party lifestyle and it beats working in a sweat shop or as a maid ( ie slave- I knew a girl who gave up the bar to work as a maid. She was back in the bar pretty quick ).

 

Edited October 11, 2019 by thaibeachlovers

[Sydebolle]

A younger fellow dates in a more normal environment - be it the office, the regular coffee shop, an evening class on something or the hang out pub after work.

Women you meet there are not as much ATM-driven as their sisters on the stainless steel poles or in the bath tubs of all these "Turkish baths" etc. 

Another issue is the conservative attitude; a younger woman working in Bangkok coming from a poorer upcountry region might have second thoughts bringing a "farang" boyfriend back to the village/town. People might look down on her (and her family/parents), as the only known way (according to their thinking) to meet a farang is the sleazy trade of the non-existing industry. 

Take it slowly, resort to where you would meet women in the West and take it from there. As we all know, Western women are also no guarantee like their Western brethren .......... 

The elder geezers act as ATM-machines on two legs, he gets the care, attention and service while she gets the cash; a clean trade deal if both know exactly, what they are in for! 

[Stevemercer]

I reckon you just have to take it easy and have no expectations. If there is no spark then make your excuses and leave. Never wear out your welcome.

 

That said, smile and be generous. If there is a spark then just enjoy a bit of flirting, live in the moment, and don't worry about what may or may not happen. Just be open and have a good time.

 

Sometimes you might know someone as a casual friend for weeks, months or even years, with nothing much happening. But suddenly things click and the opportunity is there. Sometimes it might happen with someone you have just met. 

 

There are plenty of opportunities in Thailand, no matter who you are or what you look like. But you have to be relaxed, easy going and in no hurry.

[Enoon]

 

17 minutes ago, Sydebolle said:

The elder geezers act as ATM-machines on two legs, he gets the care, attention and service while she gets the cash; a clean trade deal if both know exactly, what they are in for! 

 

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife"

       First line of "Pride and Prejudice", Jane Austen, 1813.

 

The way of the world since then........and long, long before.

 

 

Edited October 11, 2019 by Enoon

[KKr]

16 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

The sex industry has nothing to do with love. 

absolutely wrong,
love for money is the most important force behind sex industry

[NoshowJones]

On 10/10/2019 at 11:51 AM, BritManToo said:

Normal women want money too.

Never met a single woman who ever 'dated down' anywhere in the world.

If you don't have money, or looks, or fame, or drugs, or a nice house, you're destined to be single.

 

You're probably a bit dull, not that aggressive, and don't seem to be willing to spend money.

Try buying and wearing an expensive gold chain or bracelet, that often works as a lure.

Most Thai ladies can value your transport, shoes and accessories in 10 seconds.

"Try buying and wearing an expensive gold chain or bracelet", OH Gees! That would just make you look effeminate and maybe attract, well you know. ????

[Mac98]

Thai girls know young guys want it for free. That doesn't help provide for the family. Older guys are seen as generous and respectful and grateful. You young predators are seen as the pervs. ???? 

[FritsSikkink]

39 minutes ago, KKr said:

absolutely wrong,
love for money is the most important force behind sex industry

sex for money, this isn't love for money.

[ThomasThBKK]

Same age, in Bangkok, never had any problem. Happily in a yearlong relationship tho... 

Even had real estate agents stalking me... I don't know man, I know no one of my friends, in Bangkok, to have any issue hooking up with Thai girls. I look average, that's it, certainly not a Brad pitt... 

 

You either look broke or boring, that's what girls worldwide run away from, they all want successful and entertaining guys. If they just want to hang out and talk then they can do that with their gay/girl friends and don't need you.... 

Edited October 11, 2019 by ThomasThBKK

[KKr]

52 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

sex for money, this isn't love for money.

love of money. 
longing for money.
 

[NanLaew]

21 hours ago, Beggar said:

"Like I don't think I've ever managed to get a 7/11 girl to smile in 4 years. Mostly they just say "xx baht" and look away impatiently."

 

And I have thought I am the only one with this experience. 

They're exactly the same as bar girls and gogo dancers in that you've got to get 'em when they're, fresh, new and naive. After they've done a few cash register reconciliations and midnight stock deliveries, they hate everyone, especially farangs.

Edited October 11, 2019 by NanLaew

[MadMuhammad]

Just keep looking. I’m 41 and I found my 25 year old, working, non-bargirl after many years of searching. 

Tak is perfect. She worked in a law form when I met her and she’s now a manager at a wholesale company. Never worked in a bar, 1 boyfriend previous to me, doesn’t drink or smoke and I can’t shut her up. She’s one of the most loving and caring girls I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. So much so I’m going to tie the knot with her soon.

 

You’ll Matt a huge amount of girls bar and non, that I’ll expect money, it just comes with the territory. 

Hou say you have trouble talking to them, do you speak any Thai at all?

 

Anyway don’t have too many expectations and be patient, it took 6 years for me 

 

Good luck!

[Cricky]

Like you said 'pay-for-play'.

 

How cashed up are you?

 

The girls are clever these days, looking for a wealthy guy. No money no honey.

 

Thai girls are a lot smarter today, they are not looking for "scooter boy", "snowflake guy".

Unless you're seriously cashed-up, Try your luck back home.

[Tony125]

On 10/10/2019 at 1:14 PM, donnacha said:

The main part of your self-description that stood out to me is that you get no reactions from the girls in 7/11. I mean, the rest of it was pretty telling - because your experience is highly unusual, regardless of how you might look - but the 7/11 thing really pins the problem down.

You are too intense and lack flow. That could come be an innate part of who you are, but it is more likely to be something you will grow out of when you learn to stop worrying about this stuff.

Do yourself a favor and try to kick away all these theories that are percolating in your fevered little mind, they are just crutches. The sex industry and the reputation of farangs has no bearing at all on your ability to establish fleeting, friendly connections with girls working in retail. Seriously. German soldiers could manage that with shop girls in occupied France, it is just a natural thing between men and women.

Attracting the interest of Thai women, even when they suspect that you won't be a good longterm match for them, is like shooting fish in a barrel. A relaxed, friendly, calm, jokey (but not too jokey) manner is all it takes. Don't take yourself too seriously. A well-timed self-depreciating comment or gesture is a killer weapon that lonely Thai women have no natural defense against.

Even though Thailand has become richer and more hostile towards Westerners, the over-supply of high quality women is ridiculous. You don't need to dumb anything down, just try to date smarter women. If you actually have the intellect necessary to have a serious conversation when necessary, you are actually far more valuable to a smart Thai woman than a dumb one. A lot of them have already been bored out of their minds in previous relationships with Thai men and are actually open to foreign men not for money - they have money of their own - but because our education systems expose of to far more ideas and we have seen far more of the world than most Thai men.

Looks matter but not as much as you might imagine. This may blow you mind, but the cute small girl walking in the mall with the much older, obese German guy might not have married for money alone ... Gunther might simply have been the guy who turned up at the right time, said the right things, made her laugh, and touched her heart. Thai women can be astonishingly unfussy if they believe you have a good heart and truly like them. Western women are far more worried about what their friends will think.

Of course, there are circumstances in which most Thai women will not even consider dating a foreigner, but you mentioned that you are Caucasian. I am absolutely sure that the problem is that it isn't happening because you are anxious about it, and women can feel that.

Suggestion: Next time you are in a small, not-too-busy 7/11 with a pretty assistant, say you have a headache and ask for her advice on what to get. If her replies are good, be sure to compliment her English and ask if she is a student. Pretend to be extremely impressed by whatever crappy course she is studying. Then cut it short by thanking her warmly for the pill recommendation and leave.

Then, next time you are there, thank her again, the headache pills worked great. If she doesn't know what you're talking about ... it doesn't matter ... just laugh and that will cue her to laugh too. The point is that you have now established some shared history and rapport with her.

You are the friendly, slightly lost farang who always says hello. Establish that relationship with the men and women in all the places you frequent. If you see someone outside the context of their shop, don't be shy, wave hello. They will be flattered that you remembered them, and your own mood and confidence will be lifted.

The point is to get yourself out of your own head a bit. If you increase the amount of time of each day that you are in a relaxed and naturally humorous mood you will soon see a pay-off. At the very least, you will improve your game and increase your flow.

If you happen to come across any Irish people in your social circles, study how they interact with people, they are the masters of the sort of warm-but-wry, natural, self-depreciating attitude I am talking about.

 

 

Agree with most of your post. When I was in teens to 21 was kinda shy  never thought I would have a lot of girls be a playboy like a relative. After getting out of Army more self asured confident had no trouble attracting girls in US or Thailand. Ordered take out at a fast food place and girl smiled broadly and tilted head (in US) friends who were with me said  "get her number !" I said no not going to rush her willbe back again if she still interested will strike up conversation. We never went out but she used to give me discount on any foods I bought 50% off at times. Another friend is a personal fittness trainer and body builder, tall good ooking. Kept asking a Thai girl out but he told me she is too busy said can go to Thailand and find nice girl. I struck up a conversation with her after ordering take away and told her of the many places I visited in Thailand. She ended up telling me  "I get off at ten" but I told her I was on my way to work, didn't want to make my friend feel bad and already had Thai wife.

Don't push it like a stalker but if you're polite frequent place they will know your not some single guy looking for a 1 night stand and may open up to you.

[HandsomeTallFarang]

The amount of delusion on this forum is simply staggering. You think just because you’re white in Asia, that every woman should worship you. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

 

the amount of old, ugly, bald dudes on this forum who think that they should have every beautiful woman at their beck and call because they have “money” (aka, more money than the average Thai but definitely still less than 40k USD a year) is laughable. If you aren’t tall and good looking, you are nearly invisible to women the world over. If you are short and bald and old, you are on the bottom of the totem pole. Stop thinking like a moron.

 

 

Also, the premise of this thread is pure coping mechanism nonsense. I’m in my 30s and I consistently get with hot, thin, young Thai girls who desperately want to please me and stay with me. The secret? It’s called being good looking, dummy. Just because you aren’t fat and “dress nice” doesn’t mean you are attractive. Just because you are white and in Asia and have more money than poor issan rice farmers doesn’t mean you are a catch. Just because you are some bald, pale crusty mofo from the United kuckdom doesn’t mean there aren’t  other dudes that numerous hot Thai girls can choose from on their tinder matches and phones. You telling yourself that “sexpats” are the reason the dating market is poor, is a pure COPE. The real reason: you were never good looking to begin with, nobody wanted you in your own country, and struck out over in Asia as well.

 

Women are surely more shallow than men and appreciate attractive, tall men and are far less forgiving of flaws than you want to believe. It has nothing to do “sexpats” flooding the dating market and making it hard for you to find a date, and has everything to do with your subhuman genetics. If you aren’t tall, handsome, and masculine, I got some bad news, buddy, you fell for the “just be white in Thailand, bro!” Meme.

 

 

Good looking men are ALWAYS in demand. If you don’t have women pursuing you, especially in Asia as a white guy, you were never attractive to begin with. Sorry to break it to you.

Edited October 11, 2019 by HandsomeTallFarang

[khunPer]

On 10/9/2019 at 10:29 PM, Genmai said:

Do I have to be an aging pot bellied sugar daddy to get sum luving here?

Not where I live in Thailand – the age group you are mentioning as "sugar dad" don't have many chances, the young and younger girls are interested in young foreign men, not sugar dads – I see, and I know, numerous younger farang men in their 20'ies and 30'ies dating young, or younger than themselves, or young looking, Thai girls.

 

I've met a number of guys in the 30'ies dating a Thai girl, and often they say that they got tired of Western girls, and all their demands and expectations – looking for the ideal and perfect boyfriend or husband – whilst Thais are so much easier to date.

 

However, even in a normal relationship a Thai girl will most often expect the man, or boyfriend, or fiancee, to be a provider; that's also often – to my surprise – custom in same-aged Thai-Thai relationships. It might be hard to avoid the money-thing at all.

 

One 19-year old girl told me about a young foreign guy in his early 20'ies she felt for, and he was so much in love with her. »But...« she said with tears in her eyes, almost crying, »it could not work, because he was a student« – studying classical music at the music conservatory in his Scandinavian home country – »and he would therefore, for many years, not be able to provide for a family.«

 

Another girl in her late twenties told me, that the farang man she was going to marry, was not the one she loved – I know, she had fallen for another young farang, a friend of mine, but he couldn't provide – but he loved her, and she could "live with him".

 

It's little hard be the sugar dad-age you mention where I live, because some girls often react just as you describe it, and instead they look at, and smile to, the young handsome fellow behind me; even that I'm slim, well dressed, shaved and clean, well behaved, and looks like I can afford a sugar babe, or two...????
 

However, then I smile, perhaps little joking – if that's appropriate in the situation – and then I very often get a smile back, and some interest, in spite of my age. But on the other hand, I don't try to ask the girl out for a date – that might be little inappropriate if a 70 year old man asks a 20 year old "normal" girl out for a date – so I don't know if that would work? And one also need to remember that with nice Thai girls, it can take long time before one succeed with a date...????

 

Have you tried to visit Thai discos or night club venues – not the places that sugar dads are frequenting – that could be where to meet Thai girls that are looking for a date or relationship. I remember being the only ???? in such places – admitted, 20 years ago when probably looking younger than my age at that time, that's at least what the girls guessed – amazing how much attention i got...???? You might end up with a phone number, and thereby an invitation to ask a girl out for dinner, or cinema, or... – but if she's a nice girl, she might bring a friend also, a chaperone...????

 

 

[SpanishExpat]

Why are you whining instead of working on yourself? Thailand alwaYs was, is and will be the Paradise on Earth regarding to women. Tell me any other country, where you install tinder and get to the 99+ likes under 2hrs?

 

I guess your main problem is that you just can‘t flirt/ they see you as boring guy. Appearance is just a part of the whole package. I am surely no Chris Hemsworth, but I‘ve never been rejected by any Thai women I dated in 4yrs here. So when I wanted to kiss/end up in bed It always happened. I‘ve dated students, business women, Hi-so women, single-moms ...c‘mon...even an actress with several millions followers on IG (wasn‘t aware she was famous). And it always worked with a mix of being smart, funny and flirty. However, I‘ve never been the guy to just meet for sex and go. I met them with a self-confident „I don’t give a sh** attitude“, as I know there would be so many other options, if they had no interest. 

 

Now that i‘ve got my gf my priorities shifted of course. But all I can say is that it would have been impossible to get a woman like her( attractive , fit , educated , independent, great job )back in Europe. She is the 1% 99%of the guys are looking there .

 

So you should be thankful to have the chance to live here and not whine. Work an your non-verbal communication. Women want funny, flirty and mysterious guys. And thats what you obviously Are not giving them. 

 

 

 

Edited October 11, 2019 by SpanishExpat

[BritManToo]

28 minutes ago, SpanishExpat said:

Tell me any other country, where you install tinder and get to the 99+ likes under 2hrs?

The Philippines, Cambodia, Vietnam, Brazil, Dominican Republic, etc. ............

[Seeall]

On 10/10/2019 at 4:53 AM, Puchaiyank said:

Do I have to be an aging pot bellied sugar daddy to get sum luving here?

 

Young Thai women know what sugar daddys are here for.

 

Your intentions are suspect!  You may think of yourself as a grand prize of great value and therefore should not have to cough up any baht for your night of young lady entertainment...

 

One thing all ages of Thai women understand...the value of their sweet spot!  

 

????

Sweet ok, but western girls think diamonds are dropping out of it like a huge mining cave

[YITB1980]

3 thoughts.....

 

• You mentioned Chiang Mai. Meeting and dating young Thai women is a bit more challenging in Chiang Mai for a number of reasons....including the fact that there are lots of digital nomads running around.
• Maybe you should forget about the Thai women for now. Many of the Western women in LOS are lonely because most of the white guys are getting with the Thai girls.
• As has been mentioned by others, you don't need as much "game" here as you do in the West but you still need some game. Start with lots of jokes and lots of smiles. Tease them like your bratty little sister.

[Beggar]

20 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Women are attracted to good looks, power, intelligence and money.

In Thailand, I'd say only movie star looks or money will get one to the finish line.

You can look like a movie star but I think in the end money will win. If you don't have to work anymore money gives you and your girl many options. Just fly with her to the alps and show her snow or to Venice or wherever. You will see that a movie star without money will be forgotten pretty soon. And you can give her financial security. There is no endless battle how to survive the next few months. Or how to find a job. Or.... Sure - the best option for her would be a rich movie star ????

[soalbundy]

22 hours ago, cyril sneer said:

you should start looking at a younger age group

 

perhaps get a job teaching at a high school or wait outside the gates for them to finish

 

forgot what the rule is, half your age minus 7 years, might be the opposite, not sure..

no wisdom teeth I think

[brianthainess]

On 10/10/2019 at 4:44 AM, PatOngo said:

You are too young, it should get better when your in your forties.

And a big pension coming soon.