Restraining order

[winslowsjardine]

My wife has a relative who's getting out of prison tomorrow. he's a violent drug addict. apparently he plans on coming to visit or stay with us. we want nothing to do with him particularly as he has been violent towards children in the past and we have a 5 year old living with us. so is there any way to obtain the equivalent of a restraining order in Thailand and if so how do you do that?

[stupidfarang]

would he pay any attention to it? Maybe find someone in the family (Older person) who he may listen to, mother, father, granma, granpa? or say the house is full with people staying or just say no cannot stay, not even for one night, once the foot is in the door hard to get them out.

[hmficc]

Once the camel gets it’s nose under the tent.....

[UbonThani]

Move

[ramrod711]

Go to the local police station, apprise them of the situation and the name of the unwanted felon. Perhaps you can stay out of trouble yourself if you ask for help up front.

[eyecatcher]

You never know maybe he has rehabilitated, found Buddha and become a reformed character just like everyone else who gets locked up to repent.

ok I know its a long shot.

 

Thats it.......shoot him!

[jackdd]

I would suggest to try the Thai way first:

Buy a bottle of whisky or some other gift and visit your local police station. Talk to somebody with a higher rank, explain the situation and ask for speedy assistance if the relative shows up, give him the gift for his help. Make sure you get a direct phone number of one of his officers.

If the relative really shows up and refuses to leave call your new police friend to take him away.

[geriatrickid]

Put your big boy pants on and do not allow him into the home. If he enters, call the police and have him removed.

Having a restraining order issued will only upset him and cause him to lose face and you know what the outcome will then be.

 

Bbesides, you cannot have a restraining order issued if there has been no  "cause". Unless the relative threatened or did something wrongful, he is free to go where he chooses unless subject to a release order  specifying conditions. he  is not free to go to your home should you say no.  even if your wife says yes, you do have a legal right to say no if you are paying expenses or upkeep.

[Brightly]

Boy, this is a tough one.

 

I think the best idea is to view this through the lens of Thai culture.

 

Will a restraining order further anger this individual/cause him to lose face?  Is the extended family on “your side?”

 

There are many culturally sensitive questions and issues to consider.

 

My anecdote is a complete “apples and oranges” analogy, but here it is:   Years ago, I had to make the choice about taking out a restraining order against a former patient.

 

In my case, my local police were extremely helpful and sensitive in helping me make the choice of not enacting a restraining order.  They even had a consulting  psychologist weigh in on the existing evidence.  It was ultimately my choice, but their insight and input was invaluable.

 

Perhaps your local police may not show the same finesse mine did, but they may have a sense of “how things go/work out,” and provide some guidance on how to proceed.  
 

And befriending a senior police officer is an excellent idea!

 

Every case is different.  If the guy is a whack job, a restraining order does no good.  
 

Of course, literally don’t let this individual “get his foot in the door.”  Do NOT open the door!

 

And walk back from tangled extended family dynamics that may pull in gossip, guilt, shaming and meddling.  Stand your ground.

 

Good luck, and give us an update!

 

 

Edited February 29, 2020 by Brightly

[BritManToo]

How about going on holiday for 6 months to a year and renting the house out.

He wouldn't be able to find you, and he couldn't move into the house.

 

You didn't say who the relative was ....... is it her brother?

Edited February 29, 2020 by BritManToo

[scubascuba3]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

How about going on holiday for 6 months to a year and renting the house out.

He wouldn't be able to find you, and he couldn't move into the house.

was thinking the same thing, even a 2 week hol may work just lock everything up really good

[thequietman]

Everyone seems to be overthinking this due to their perceptions of Thai culture.

 

A Thai homeowner ( male) would tell him to get on his bike and the same applies to you. Your house, your rules. If wife insists, give her a choice and if she chooses wrong, then be on your way.

 

Simples. ????

[cornishcarlos]

2 minutes ago, thequietman said:

give her a choice and if she chooses wrong, then be on your way.

 

Just like a Thai male would ??

[thequietman]

Just now, cornishcarlos said:

 

Just like a Thai male would ??

The direct opposite actually. I know a Thai male who lets his wife work in a bar and go with farangs. He tells her to keep the pooper for him and he's OK about it. Sad really. ???? 

[thequietman]

2 minutes ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

Just like a Thai male would ??

Most likely, yes, a Thai educated male would walk. For the 'others', a gun or knife might appear.

[Just Weird]

On 2/28/2020 at 7:36 AM, ramrod711 said:

Go to the local police station, apprise them of the situation and the name of the unwanted felon. Perhaps you can stay out of trouble yourself if you ask for help up front.

Ask for the help of the police for something that hasn't happened?  How does that work, do you mean ask for off-duty officers as security?

[Just Weird]

On 2/27/2020 at 8:57 PM, winslowsjardine said:

My wife has a relative who's getting out of prison tomorrow. he's a violent drug addict. apparently he plans on coming to visit or stay with us. we want nothing to do with him particularly as he has been violent towards children in the past and we have a 5 year old living with us. so is there any way to obtain the equivalent of a restraining order in Thailand and if so how do you do that?

Lock your doors and don't answer any knocks.

 

How could you obtain a restraining order for someone who has not yet done anything?

Edited February 29, 2020 by Just Weird

[cornishcarlos]

15 minutes ago, thequietman said:

Thai educated male would walk

 

So the majority would just pull a knife or gun then ?? 

[ramrod711]

18 minutes ago, Just Weird said:

Ask for the help of the police for something that hasn't happened?  How does that work, do you mean ask for off-duty officers as security?

It means that you explain that an ex-con is coming to your house against your wishes and specific instructions. If he comes there may very well be violence that you would rater avoid. If the police would rather prevent than react they will be ready to respond. If you think it is more advisable to wait until he get's there and stabs you, or you him, by all means, sit and wait for him to get there. Personally I would try to avoid any situation that might see me end up in a Thai jail.

[Just Weird]

1 hour ago, ramrod711 said:

1 hour ago, Just Weird said:

Ask for the help of the police for something that hasn't happened?  How does that work, do you mean ask for off-duty officers as security?

It means that you explain that an ex-con is coming to your house against your wishes and specific instructions. If he comes there may very well be violence that you would rater avoid. If the police would rather prevent than react they will be ready to respond. If you think it is more advisable to wait until he get's there and stabs you, or you him, by all means, sit and wait for him to get there. Personally I would try to avoid any situation that might see me end up in a Thai jail.

I didn't say that I think it is more advisable to wait until he gets there and stabs someone. 

 

I did say that the police will not and can not take action against someone if they have done nothing yet, obviously. 

 

What do you think the police could do, arrest an innocent man before he gets there or before he commits any offence?  For what?  Perhaps you think that the police are obligated to post officers at the OP's house 24 hours a day, just in case?  In which world does that happen?

Edited February 29, 2020 by Just Weird

[Ventenio]

glad i read this, thanks.

 

Add to list of questions to potential wife:
 

Do you know anyone in prison?  who?  

Has anyone in your family ever been to prison?

Do you know anyone on drugs?

 

if i ever lose the plot and get married, we'll rent a different room in a different city every night for 11 years.  that will get the stalkers exhausted.  

[FritsSikkink]

Don't let him in your house.

 

[scubascuba3]

In Thailand you have to wonder if it's an ex boyfriend

[DLock]

"apparently he plans on coming to visit or stay with us."

 

Apparently, you don't seem to have a say in this.

 

Apparently, your wife thinks this is ok.

 

Apparently, you are a beta male who needs to make your position clear that he is not coming to stay or visit you or your house. Period.

 

Apparently, most of Thai Visa seem to think the police will help you for a bottle of whiskey.

 

Weak.

[Dumbastheycome]

The  OP did   say "we want  nothing to do with  him". I see no problem  in  both  approaching  local police to tell them of concerns  about this  intending  visitor if that is really the  case. They might be sympathetic and being fore warned be prepared to act quickly in the event of any issues.

 

 

 

[thequietman]

22 hours ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

So the majority would just pull a knife or gun then ?? 

Ohhhhh, harsh - yet fair. ????

[Rookiescot]

If you live out in the sticks then have a word with the village headman. Although they dont have much official power they do seem to have ways of settling disputes in their village.

Usually because they turn up with a truck load of locals.

[orang37]

On 2/28/2020 at 9:58 AM, jackdd said:

I would suggest to try the Thai way first:

Buy a bottle of whisky or some other gift and visit your local police station.

 

How much of the bottle should you drink before the visit ?

 

~o:37;

[orang37]

This is Thailand, not Disneyland; not a place where "sensitive" police counsel you not to get a restraining order, not a place where a bottle of whatever does more than get you through a door.

 

This is a place where a powerful Thai patron(s), and/or fat red-envelopes, can get things done.

 

I agree with the suggestion of going to your Nai Moo Ban (village head) first, and making it worthwhile for him/her to help protect you. He/she may be able to connect you with the "right" police to contact, or get involved. Or, you might look for a lawyer who is "well-connected."

 

As another poster pointed out: unless your spouse and her family are "on your side,"  and have told you "the truth," [1] you are compromised.

 

I don't intend to seem paranoid, but, I have seen many "complications" arise here in farang-Thai relations with an almost inevitable outcome of the farang needing to, having to, forced to, "pay up"

 

I'm sorry to hear you are going though this !

 

~0:37;

 

[1] "the truth:" in Amazing T., so often this is an oxymoron.

Edited March 1, 2020 by orang37
teething pain after re-birth as insect