My wife loves more her relatives than me

[Isaanbiker]

1 hour ago, maprao said:

Done that one. Then asked here to come pick me up in Pattaya in the car I bought for her to chauffeur my ass back to Nakhon nowhere. 

 

It works a treat.

* Warning* this approach may be dangerous for some!

With all respect, the best way to say where you've met your wife.

 

  

[RichardColeman]

I have lent money to my wife's sister - and brother in law - on about 6 occsaions. It was always paid back within a week. 

 

I am happy lend small amounts , I can see come back, but I'd think it foolish to lend a large amount at first go

[watthong]

20 hours ago, Logosone said:

Apart from that you also need to sit your wife down and explain to her your displeasure, that her actions are completely unacceptable and it can never happen again. 

 

Sorry don't want to rain on anyone parade but that was the road I took and "You don't understand khon Thai culture" was the cul de sac I found. Actually that was of some help since that did make my decision lot easier.

[Suitcase]

You should’ve figured out that from day one that a Thai family comes first and you are the last one on the totem pole

You are below the Soi dog and given the title of Mr ATM

Love seldom figures into the equation and if it does it

does not have the same meaning as you give it.

More money does not mean more love

[faraday]

2 minutes ago, Suitcase said:

You should’ve figured out that from day one that a Thai family comes first and you are the last one on the totem pole

You are below the Soi dog and given the title of Mr ATM

Love seldom figures into the equation and if it does it

does not have the same meaning as you give it.

More money does not mean more love

A load of rubbish.

[billd766]

48 minutes ago, marquis22 said:

You have joined the foreign husband brigade, enjoy the ride!

I have been in the foreign husband brigade for 20 years now and you are right. The ride is great and I wouldn't change it in anyway.

[easydoor]

don't blame your wife, just blame yourself. Try to understand another culture before making such a conclusions. You are the only one to blame.

[chippendale]

1 hour ago, WhereIsMyRyeBread said:

If you take this social pressure to support family and relatives and conclude your wife doesn't love you as much, you're mistaken. It's also the the Asian group think versus western individualism.

She knew she wouldn't jeopardize the relationship by taking out the 100 k without your consent. So she can have the cake and eat it too.

If you have a couple of mil in one account you could use the excuse that the bank's insurance level per account and bank is actually just 1 million, which happens to be true for most banks.

So it's wise to arrange so each book bank is not more than 1 million anyway. Plus for migration and/or if you ever want to incorporate a company (need around 2 million) its always wise to keep the money in your name for those reasons too.

 

But I feel ya, At one stage I had a bag of 40 or 50 Megadeath and similar t-shirts I kept for some reason sitting in my Mrs and my house.

One day while I was away my wife generously gave the whole bag of t-shirts away to her sister to donate to random peeps or for selling at local markets or anything. She didn't even tell me and I didn't realize until 6 months later.  Trust me, I did not approve of this maneuver!

 

But to avoid her taking the shirt off your back like me, keep your savings separate!

 

 

 

If you store a pile of T-shirts in a bag for months and never wear them, then they can't be of much value to you. Better to distribute them to the peasants.

 

If, on the other hand, they were cool Motley Crue, Poison, or Ratt T-shirts, not atrocious Megadeth, then I would commiserate.

[faraday]

2 hours ago, WhereIsMyRyeBread said:

 

 

But I feel ya, At one stage I had a bag of 40 or 50 Megadeath and similar t-shirts I kept for some reason sitting in my Mrs and my house.

One day while I was away my wife generously gave the whole bag of t-shirts away 

 

Your wife did you a favour.

 

*Laugh emoji*

[Dap]

22 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Any one that comes on here complaining about 100K when they claim to have millions is not telling the truth.

 

Sorry, this is just not a believable story.

 

 

 

 

I don't think you are old enough to make that statement

[chilli42]

22 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Look at like this, you just paid 100k and found out the true lay of the land.

 

Now its time to learn from that and isolate any and all assets so that it doesnt/cant happen again. Next step is the "Trust" conversation and how its been violated, then you take it from there.

 

Best of luck, as I think you have a bumpy if not painful road ahead, but for the sake of the kids, you need to guard yourself and your assets until trust is restored. (if thats possible)

Nice of you to say it like this ... positive and constructive.  However, if this gentleman has been married to the woman for 12 years and is only now discovering the lay of the land then it’s likely he will never learn.  Even asking the question my wife loves her relatives more than me is Naive.  My only surprise here is that seems to be the first time in 12 years 

[Rhys]

First sorry for the BS.  Hmmm what was the money use for according to the wife?  If it is not straightforward, then it may be the gambling itch... and your MONEY IS GONE. 

 

As experienced TV posters have mentioned, protect yourself and consider all option, especially when the wife's family starts using your kids and culture against you... You have to make a hard call, but you will be better for it and less stress.. Because the her family will NEVER consider your Western Values.

 

Cheers Mate  All the best be strong.

[mettech]

I had one like that and we are not together anymore short story she had access to a join account and guess what surprise money flowing out like water.

[DUNROAMIN]

You wont change her way of thinking, its part of their culture, most Thai women will put family first and you second. Lock up your money and assets, pay her a monthly salary for her to spend anyway she wants, above and beyond that its not your problem, keep in mind before you came along they where surviving on their own just fine. If she keeps pressuring you about money, time to exit stage left.

[The Old Bull]

If you are the  source of the funds then you must control them. You could put a little in a joint account for show but keep the main finds in your own account.There is no way I would have a joint account with  a Thai.

[Lacrimas]

She got the money back after I got really angry at her and her cousin. They won't ask for money anymore but I found out that this was my wife's mother idea. The cousin almost got her house taken by the local agricultural cooperative and desperately needed money. My problem is that they never told me anything, I would have helped if they asked me. Seems the situation is OK now.

[Isaanbiker]

1 hour ago, Rhys said:

First sorry for the BS.  Hmmm what was the money use for according to the wife?  If it is not straightforward, then it may be the gambling itch... and your MONEY IS GONE. 

 

As experienced TV posters have mentioned, protect yourself and consider all option, especially when the wife's family starts using your kids and culture against you... You have to make a hard call, but you will be better for it and less stress.. Because the her family will NEVER consider your Western Values.

 

Cheers Mate  All the best be strong.

  What a load of rubbish.

 

Nowhere did the OP mention that the money was being used for gambling.

 

      Nor seems his wife be addicted to gambling.

 

Where did the OP"s wife use the kids against him, Drama Queen? 

 

  You suggest a hard call. Are you even in a relationship with a Thai woman?

 

Please stop using "what experienced TVF posters have mentioned.

 

  If you don't have anything useful to say, just be silent, please. Thanks. 

 

 

[mike787]

RUN...get away fast.  The kids can be raised if you divorce, life goes on, this is not a terminal diagnosis.  

[thaipo7]

I have been married for 48 years and know others that have been married for a long time.  Yes, you wife will have believe that she loves the family more than you.  She is a Thai.  Sometime I feel completely ignored when she is with family.  My friends feel the same way.  I can't change this and my friends cannot change their wives.  I do agree that she should not have given the 100K Baht away without your consent.  When you marry a Thai, you get the whole family.

[bbbbooboo]

Hmm... a cynic might think we have value to Thais because of our money

[ross163103]

Better to consider it a gift to the relative...that way it doesn't eat away at you forever. I've done this a couple of times in the past.....but no more "loans" to the family now.

[MartinBangkok]

6 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

I have lent money to my wife's sister - and brother in law - on about 6 occsaions. It was always paid back within a week. 

 

I am happy lend small amounts , I can see come back, but I'd think it foolish to lend a large amount at first go

You're happy to lend small amounts of money to Thai people? What are you? A freaking bank? 

Tell them to go to a f... bank if they need a loan. Or ask them if you can borrow money from them!

[KhaoYai]

6 hours ago, Suitcase said:

You should’ve figured out that from day one that a Thai family comes first and you are the last one on the totem pole

You are below the Soi dog and given the title of Mr ATM

Love seldom figures into the equation and if it does it

does not have the same meaning as you give it.

More money does not mean more love

If you married someone who in fact didn't marry you but married your wallet - then yes, been there, done that.  But, the majority of Thai females are just normal people with the same, hopes, desires and needs as any other woman. I would suggest, that if you marry a bar girl or similar, then you're more likely to find a 'wrong un' - think about why they did the job they did. I say more likely but I know enough ex bar girls to know that some have made the change back to a 'normal life' very well and their affections are genuine.  Marriage, no matter who to, is what you make of it but if you choose badly, you're going to have a hard time.

 

Like the girls, there are also bad families - those who think their daughter married the 'jackpot' but that certainly doesn't apply to most.  My ex wife's family fell in to that category and although my ex had never 'worked bar' (as far as I know) - she was indeed, trying to take me for a ride and milking me - Thai boyfriend, the full monty!  She failed and hence she's the ex and now back working in the factory.

 

My current wife's family couldn't be more different, I am made very welcome, I take part in family activity and it is clearly appreciated.  We had a family party/new year party and some of the other foreigners in the village were invited - as usual they tried to separate themselves by all sitting at the same table. If you want to be accepted, that's not the way to go about it. All you are doing is perpetuating the them and us phenomena.

 

If you want to come first, then be part of the family, learn the language, take part.  If you can't communicate with your Thai family, how do you expect to be able to interact with them? If their ways seem alien to you and you don't want to integrate, why did you marry in to a different culture?

 

Remember, you are marrying in to a culture where the family is all important. In hard times and good they help each other and socialise far more than we do. Respect for elders is far more evident than it is in the west. Personally, although there are elements I struggle with, I prefer Thai culture to my own and I'm happy to be part of a Thai family.

[473geo]

3 hours ago, Lacrimas said:

She got the money back after I got really angry at her and her cousin. They won't ask for money anymore but I found out that this was my wife's mother idea. The cousin almost got her house taken by the local agricultural cooperative and desperately needed money. My problem is that they never told me anything, I would have helped if they asked me. Seems the situation is OK now.

So you are proved impatient, and not trusting your wife to make a decision, so what is plan now will you take all the advice and set up your own accounts to ensure that your wife feels totally insecure and untrustworthy!!

 

Don't worry you are obviously in good company by the comments on this thread

Enjoy your millions in the bank as an outsider to the Thai culture of helping each other out

 

 

[mike787]

If i spent your 100k without consent how would you feel...what would you do???  Your the man, grow some big stones do something, don't lay down and take it in the butt....be bolder than her...get it back NOW!!!

[canadian Andy]

let her know she has lost face in your view of her. Then explain that if her cousin does not return the loan to you that her whole family will have lost face.

[ToddinChonburi]

This can be very normal for Thais , they seem to look at money very differently.  she believes the money will be paid back but if not she still did a Wonderful thing to help family. It is time to get seperate accounts so she doesn't have access to the big money. Put the house book and car book somewhere safe.  This has nothing to do with Love it's all about family here. You just learned an important lesson .

[gonesouth]

at the end of the day in thailand.. farang will always be less.. if you been here that long how can you not know that ... and as far as thai paying back money .... lol.....

[faraday]

5 hours ago, MartinBangkok said:

You're happy to lend small amounts of money to Thai people? What are you? A freaking bank? 

Tell them to go to a f... bank if they need a loan. Or ask them if you can borrow money from them!

Surprised you didn't refer to Thai people -& because many of us are married here, are our family,  as them.

 

I have loaned small amounts of money to my Thai family, and got it back. Why? Because some have much less money.

 

 

[Lacrimas]

7 hours ago, 473geo said:

So you are proved impatient, and not trusting your wife to make a decision, so what is plan now will you take all the advice and set up your own accounts to ensure that your wife feels totally insecure and untrustworthy!!

 

Don't worry you are obviously in good company by the comments on this thread

Enjoy your millions in the bank as an outsider to the Thai culture of helping each other out

 

 

Do you understand she took the money without telling me and that they won't return it I didn't get angry? I already helped them by being patient for over a month and by the way, I already had my problem last year and that cousin didn't do anything to help me.