(unfounded) allegations of domestic abuse etc - now she wants me to sign a restraining order, what to do

[patbkk90]

Dear all, 

I am currently in a rather stressful situation. To give a quick summary: I've been breaking up with my ex girlfriend over the last couple of weeks. We have been together on and off, she moved out her stuff last week on Wednesday, and also didn't have a key to my (rented) house since then. 

 

I ended up sleeping with another woman last Friday night, and she showed up Saturday morning, climbed over our fence, and made a huge scene, filming me in bed with that other lady. I (softly) told her to please leave and that I did not want to have this kind of scene. I might have lightly pushed her out of the bedroom at this stage, as she kept opening the windows and screamed around, which was extremely embarassing of course in front of all the neighbors.

 

I did however apologize via Whatsapp to her about bringing back another girl so quickly etc, as I also felt kind of bad for her. However, a few hours later, I found out that she had actually filed a police report against me, alleging I hit her (which i clearly didn't), and also alleged other things, ,such as substance abuse, etc. She also sent that video of how she basically broke into my house and filmed me with this other girl to multiple mutual acquaiances. 

 

I spoke to her through common friends, asking her to stop this as this will simply create a lot of embarrassement for everyone involved, (especially her, as she is the one breaking into my house...), but also for me, as of course such accustations, even when untrue, are making me look quite bad if they go around, and might be especially embarassing if they escalate to a point where I get a summons to my work. 

 

She is now since Sunday night saying all she wants is for me to never contact her again, and for this wants me to go to the police station and sign some kind of restraining order (which is insane, given the fact she broke into my place just very recently). I also sense that she might be trying to set some trap. However, if what she wants at this point to retract the report and to just get her out of my life is that I sign this document of us staying away from each other, I would of course gladly do so. 

 

Does anyone here have any idea if this is a good idea? Should I go there with a lawyer, or should I simply not do anything at this stage, and just react if something official happens? A weird aspect of the whole thing is is that she keeps pushing me to do this very quickly, she initially wanted to do this yesterday at 3pm, now pushes for today at 4pm. I have blocked her everywhere and made it clear to my friends speaking to her that I simply want nothing to do with her at this stage. She keeps insiting on me going there to sign this document, and in turn she would take back this police report. I'm just getting the feeling something is smelly here and would love for some input, as my friends opinions on what to do are very split. (one pushing me basically just to go there, sign it and be done with it; the other ones telling me to just do nothing, and wait if anything official happens). 

 

Thanks in advance for your help!

Edited August 18, 2020 by patbkk90

[phetphet]

I wouldn't sign it. Easy for her to engineer a trap saying that you broke it. Why won't she just accept your assurance that you won't contact her?

 

Might be better to just break off all contact for now. Maybe just tell her not to contact you anymore. even block her from your contacts (Whatsapp or whatever). And change the locks.

 

Hell hath no fury like a Thai woman scorned.

[4MyEgo]

Sounds like a very stressful situation indeed, sorry to hear. If I were you, I would stop all communications with her and go and see a lawyer asap, no ifs, no buts, this has to be sorted from someone in the legal profession, yes it will cost you, but without legal representation it could get much much worse and no doubt it will.

 

Sign nothing and if the police arrive which I doubt, tell them you are seeing a lawyer, do it, quick smart.

 

Edit: Keep in touch with the girl you brought home, she can be a valuable witness !

Edited August 18, 2020 by 4MyEgo

[worgeordie]

11 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

I did however apologize

Big mistake, you did nothing wrong.

regards Worgeordie

[sirocco]

hello,

 

Oh! there, it is blackmail, as big as a house.
Until you've been summoned by the police, don't move.
Since when have we, of our own accord, signed a paper like this at the police.
Don't be so naive.
I do not know Thai laws well enough, but before a ban on approaching a person, weeks, months go by.
But, before that, there is an investigation.

[baansgr]

You could go to the police station just to see what she wants...pay no money, sign nothing...

[BritManToo]

25 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

She also sent that video of how she basically broke into my house and filmed me with this other girl to multiple mutual acquaiances. 

This is a criminal offence.

Report it to the police.

 

Stop interacting with her, block her email and phone number and any social media.

Using reasonable force to remove her from your home is entirely within Thai law.

Ignore any communications from her, do not reply.

Edited August 18, 2020 by BritManToo

[bunnydrops]

I second -don't sign anything- that could be taken as an admitting  guilt. You have witness, she does not.

[mr mr]

18 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

I might have lightly pushed her out of the bedroom at this stage

at any point during this interaction did she put her hands on you in any way ?

 

all other matters of her entering your house are for police no matter what little may or may not happen............. however

 

you did assault her and have admitted it on here. regardless how you see it. 

 

you are in the wrong for that. don't be surprised if you are brought up on assault charges. 

[tonray]

27 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

I might have lightly pushed her out of the bedroom at this stage

If you touched her...you assaulted her

[OneMoreFarang]

Lots of girls talk a lot, especially about some brother, cousin, friend being a police officer.

She broke in your house. She filmed you (maybe half naked) and she distributed that video.

She is the one who should be scared of being investigated and prosecuted.

 

The police will come to you if they want anything from you. Or you will get some official letter. Take it easy.

Also think about: What would be the motivation for the police to work on this "case"? I don't think they will have any motivation to do anything.

[BritManToo]

Just now, tonray said:

If you touched her...you assaulted her

Someone breaks into your home and if you touch them it's assault .......... total and utter BS.

If someone breaks into my bedroom it's baseball bat to the head time.

Edited August 18, 2020 by BritManToo

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, tonray said:

29 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

I might have lightly pushed her out of the bedroom at this stage

If you touched her...you assaulted her

She (tried to) enter his home against his will. He has a right to restrain her from doing that.

[Banana7]

17 minutes ago, baansgr said:

You could go to the police station just to see what she wants...pay no money, sign nothing...

You sound like a guy who could be persuaded into signing, even though you went there with no intention of signing.

 

Don't go to the Police because she wants you to go. Go there with your new girlfriend and file charges for break and enter, trespassing, harassment, disturbing the peace, etc. etc.

 

As far assault on her in her home, you could say you were defending yourself and your friend. I think you have right to use reasonable force to remove a person from your property.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Banana7

[Eindhoven]

2 minutes ago, tonray said:

If you touched her...you assaulted her

 

Nonsense. It's not assault if she is an intruder.

[Eindhoven]

7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

This is a criminal offence.

Report it to the police.

 

Stop interacting with her, block her email and phone number and any social media.

Using reasonable force to remove her from your home is entirely within Thai law.

Ignore any communications from her, do not reply.

 

This.

But at your discretion.

Don't accede to her requests. If she bothers you again, you have her breaking in and the video as your Aces.

[2 is 1]

32 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

I found out that she had actually filed a police report against me,

How you know thats she has actualy doing that report or she only say she did? You don't need sign nothing!

If she still continue her sht, make your self report about she break in your house! If need to go police station go whit lawyer. Hope you have witness what happen in your house! That other girl, don't loose her contact info!

[BritManToo]

Would point out thread starter is a n00b 'trouble with Thai woman' 1st time poster who joined on April 1st.

[PatOngo]

Here we go again!

 

 

 

[jvs]

15 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Someone breaks into your home and if you touch them it's assault .......... total and utter BS.

If someone breaks into my bedroom it's baseball bat to the head time.

You would do that to a fresh ex?Hard to believe.

[2 is 1]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Would point out thread starter is a n00b 'trouble with Thai woman' 1st time poster who joined on April 1st.

Lol i have many times wondering , how people who have move to other coundry can be so ignorant!

Ask here this kind ( ok maybe don't happen offen) , some ask where buy washing machine  or repair car. Many visa question! Ask also so many pasic life question what you should know when you live or stay in other coundry than your own!

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, jvs said:

You would do that to a fresh ex?Hard to believe.

It's a made up story from the wordy 'trouble with Thai women' troll .

My replies are equally inventive.

Edited August 18, 2020 by BritManToo

[patbkk90]

Hi guys, 

thanks everyone for the reply. I still have contact with that girl she filmed me with, not sure if she would be particularly inclined to go to the police with me to file a report, but if push comes to shove I'm sure she will confirm my version of the story, as its also the truth. 

I didn't assault her, at least that's not my understanding of an assult. I told her multiple times to leave and stop filming, and as she kept doing it, yes, I did push her out of the bedroom, given the fact that she was filming me and that lady half naked, threatening, if I remember correctly, to send this video around. 

The whole thing is just completely out of control, she might have some old videos of me with some alleged substance abuse, which of course I would dispute are showing anything illegal, but it just adds to the fact that I really don't want things to go any further and potentially lead to a nasty court fight which will also impact my reputation at work etc. 

But so to recap what most posters here suggested: 1) i'll stop all contact and block her on all channels (already done since yesterday), 2) i'll either (a) not do anything for now, and wait until i receive something offical, or (b) go to the police station and lay out my version of the story (without her being present there or signing anything. I just think that 2(b) might have the disadvantage that i will give the whole story more weight - I can always file a report later against her, right? 

Thanks in advance again for your help, really appreciate it, I've never neen in this kind of situation/being accused of hitting a woman....

[Skallywag]

55 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

moved out her stuff last week on Wednesday, and also didn't have a key to my (rented) house since then. 

 

I ended up sleeping with another woman last Friday night, and she showed up Saturday morning, climbed over our fence, and made a huge scene, filming me in bed with that other lady.

If Ex-Gf had no key, how did she "film you in bed"???

Never met a Thai lady that would sleep or be anywhere in a house with curtains open for others to look in.  Sorry, this makes no sense.   

[patbkk90]

8 minutes ago, 2 is 1 said:

Lol i have many times wondering , how people who have move to other coundry can be so ignorant!

Ask here this kind ( ok maybe don't happen offen) , some ask where buy washing machine  or repair car. Many visa question! Ask also so many pasic life question what you should know when you live or stay in other coundry than your own!

thanks for the helpful comment, I'm usually not involved in domestic violence disputes, neither here, nor in my home country.... so I'm not exactly sure about the best way how to deal with these matters. i would usually just get a lawyer if it wasn't a touchy subject that I don't want my colleagues and neighbors to talk about, so if I get a lawyer etc invovled, it will just drag on, and in these cases something always "sticks".

[patbkk90]

2 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

If Ex-Gf had no key, how did she "film you in bed"???

Never met a Thai lady that would sleep or be anywhere in a house with curtains open for others to look in.  Sorry, this makes no sense.   

i live in a house, and she climbed across the fence. the door to the house itself is never locked, as I have a yard with two dogs outside.

 

opening the windows is referring to my ex, who came to the bedroom i was sleeping in with the other woman, opening the windows and filming me with her. 

Edited August 18, 2020 by patbkk90

[Skallywag]

5 minutes ago, patbkk90 said:

i live in a house, and she climbed across the fence. the door to the house itself is never locked, as I have a gate and two dogs. opening the windows is referring to my ex, who came to the bedroom i was sleeping in with the other woman, opening the windows and filming me with her. 

OK, but never met a Thai lady who would sleep with a man in a house with an unlocked door or unlocked windows either.  Fence, 2 dogs or not.  Thai people do not sleep at night with unlocked doors and windows in my experience. 

There is a reason doors and windows have locks on them. 

The old adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" comes to mind.  

Good luck and follow others advice on not signing anything

Edited August 18, 2020 by Skallywag

[izod10]

Ask her to jump into bed with other woman   2 lady? OK

[Orton Rd]

Another jackanory 'newbie'

[MJKT2014]

Why is this in a marriage & divorce forum?