Isaan style business vs common sense

[Perkkele]

Not sure if this story is 110 % true, but anyway I had a good laugh when I heard it:

 

Some years ago there was a Norwegian settling in upper Isaan, he had found a thai wife in Pattaya and decided it was time to slow down life. So they got married, bought some land and built a house. Not a big house, just enough space for the two of them. He was in his early sixties, she was twenty years younger, and, after what he`d understood, she didn`t have any kids.

 

Life went on, they were spending the days growing fruit and had a few fish in a pond, all for their own consumption. The Norwegian bought a pick-up truck and eventually a small tractor to ease the work on the small farm. He was lucky and thankful for his new lifestyle, despite the fact that he couldn`t speak thai so he had limited contact with his neighbors. Good for him his wife spoke fluent English after working in a “littalant” in Pattaya for several years. Fortunately she took care of all shopping and any requirements, she bought fertilizer, fish food and all daily groceries. Only thing was the prices seems to be a bit higher here than in Pattaya. Never mind, he could afford it as he had a full Norwegian pension ticking into his bank account every month.

 

After some 6 months or so, while the Norwegian was feeding fish, a car turned up outside his house. Out stepped two young men, both looking like they were familiar with the place. Missus came out and greeted them, and into the house they went, all three. After a while the Norwegian heard rattling from plates and cups, they were eating, obviously. So he went in and wondered who the visitors were, and he noticed the Lao Khao bottles on the floor (they had a table and chairs, at the moment stacked away in a corner so they were all sitting on the floor sharing food and booze). –Oh solly, I forget tell you, my sons. Bim is twentytlee and Sim is nie-teen. They live in Balkock and now they come fol holiday fol one week and they bling see-food fol you! The youngest of them held up a small dripping plastic bag with crushed, bleach raw shrimps, room-tempered and probably from yesterday. –Cool, said the Norwegian, -but you never told me you had two sons..? –Hunny, I folget. Do you want to eat with us?

 

One week went by with Bim and Nim still around, sleeping on the sofa at day and sitting on the floor at night. Lao Kao always at their side. The Norwegian had decided after the first day that he wouldn`t make anything out of it all, but rather just see how things were developing; after all he`d heard the most unbelievable stories about farangs in Isaan earlier. Only thing was the cost of living was on a rise, the account been set back close to fifty thousand baht this week.

 

Two more weeks, guests still living in the Norwegians house. He realized he`d never seen Bim and Nim sober, but he was determined to see how idiotic this would end so he didn`t say or do anything. Not yet. His wife would be asking for money up to five times per day now, never less than a thousand Baht. So his bank account was rapidly decreasing…

 

One month. A quarter of a million baht evaporated, time to do something, he decided. He went inside the airconditioned house, saw the two lads lying on the sofa watching TV, smoking Pall Mall cigarettes and drinking Lao Kao. His wife in the kitchen cooking food for the sons. –How long will they stay? he asked her. She looked up. –Dahling, I don’t know, one week? –OK, but we`re about to run out of money, so one week from now is OK, but not one day more. –Dahling, you have ATM-cald? Can go to ATM take monny if no have… Norwegian sighed, but managed to hide his laughter. –Oh, I folget, he said, -but remember: one week from now on. If they`re not gone you will have to start working so we have monny. –OK dahling, I can walking if Nim and Bim staying long time…

 

The following week he observed his wife chatting more than before with her sons. Hopefully planning their departure, he hoped, but again, T.i.T so anything can happen. And after the seventh day they were still lying on the sofa watching TV, aircon on full speed and doors open. Mother in the kitchen cooking. He went to see her. –Dahling, Bim and Nim go home soon. Maybe one week, OK? As it didn`t come as a surprise, the norwegian said: -OK, then you have to bring in the money for food and booze for the two gentlemen. Wife smiled and held out her hand: OK dahling, can I bollow you cald? I go ATM for monny, easy. I go with motosai only file miniss. He shook his head and said politely no, you have to raise the money, I am broke… He rushed out of the kitchen to hide while he was laughing. This was more than he`d ever dreamt of. Wonder what her next step will be?

 

Two days later. The Norwegian was in the garden when his wife came up. She walked straight over to him, rested her hands on the hips and declared: -Now I stalt walking. I have plan. Bim and Nim help mee. We stalt companee sell cals.

-Cals?

-No no, not cals, but windoes fol cals. Flont windoes.

-You will start selling front windows for cars? The Norwegian could barely hold back bursting out with laughter.

-No no, not flont windoes fol cals. But cleaning windoes fol cals. Cleaning lain flom windoes.

-OK, selling window wipers, that`s what you mean? And where will the company be located?

-Alaina kha? What you meaning dahling?

-You need some kind of shop, a place to sell the wipers from. And a place to run the business from?

-No no, can sell flom pick-up. Easy. Customah take windoe, Nong take monny flom customah.

-Ahh, OK, I see. And what will the two lads be doing then?

-Alaina kah?

-Bim and Nim. What will be their job?

-Ah, Nong see. They be employ.

-I understand that, but will they work in the company?

-Yes of close, they employ, they have to walk. Do you think companee can have employ cannot walk?!?

 

He gave up. But the next day she asked for a loan to start up the company. She had stock up, and she also had to fill diesel on the truck, she said. And she would pay back the money in a week.

So that evening, while the two employees slept away the booze, the Norwegian and his wife sat down and he helped her with the planning.

 

-First of all you need to make a budget so you can predict the economy and money flow, at least to a certain degree. It`s easier to plan your operation in this way…

-Alaina kah?

-You need to know what to do with all the money… And you need to make a bank account and probably go to some government office to pay tax and so on..?

-Ah, Nong see. No need tax, no need bank. Only need windoes.

 

So the plan was quite simple, selling window wipers from the back on the truck, parked along the motorway which was just a mile from home. She had to start quite early in the morning to catch customers on their way to work in the city. While the Norwegian had his doubts about the two employees getting up in the morning, his wife had her usual answer to that: -No pomplem.

 

They eventually managed to finish the business plan, and the budget, but he was a little bit uncertain if she understood it all. Never mind, he thought, this can be great fun…

 

-OK, so now you got one thousand for diesel, two thousand to buy wipers and one thousand in small checks and coins so you can give change to the customers. Guess you`re ready to start?

-No no, cannot stalt. Cannot stalt without sallaly.

-Sallaly?

-Yes of close. Employ not walking no sallaly! You think pupils Thailand walk fol flee?!?

 

Next morning, just after seven o`clock. Pick-up truck, wife and her employees gone. OK, so the business was obviously up and running then. He could barely wait to see and hear the outcome of the first day.

They came back around midday. Wife driving, one employee sleeping in the front seat, tied up by the safety belt, and one sleeping at the back of the truck. It was raining a little bit.

 

-Dahling, I sell twentee tlee windoes all eddie!

-Good! So it was a nice day at work then? I can see your employees are tired, they must have worked very hard?

-Yes yes, walk hald so no tied.

 

The days went by and they sold quite good every day, from 20 to 50 pairs of wipers. But suddenly the sales dropped to zero after 5 days or so. The Norwegian had his theories related to Lao Kao and beer, but said nothing. However, in the end his theories were wrong anyway.

It turned out that the new company had a competitor. And this competitor had a location catching up customers a mile before they passed the Norwegians wife. But she had the solution.

 

-No pomplem. Tomolloe we go mole load befole stupid woman.

-You mean you just move further down the road so the customers will come to you before passing by her location?

-Yes yes. She stupid pee-pah make bisniss no good.

-Yes, I know. Competition is a part of running a company, so you just have to get used to it. What about diesel on the pick-up, is it still enough for a couple of days more?

-No no, no diesel, need to go gas station tomolloe…

-OK, and you got assets from the business to pay for the diesel?

-Alaina kah? Asses?

-Assets. Money you`ve made from selling windshield wipers.

-Ahh, Nong see. No no. Only have ass fol sallaly.

-Salary now, after less than week in business? That’s not in the budget, as I can recall the salaries should be paid after one month??

-Alaina kah? Pay monk?

-MONTH. Thirty days.

-No no. Lainy season stop soon. Sell not windoe, can only sell windoe in lainy season. Pay sallaly now, cannot sallaly one monk because lain no have.

 

Well, as I said this goes back a few years, and I don`t know if khun Nong is still in the windoe business, but if she is I am sure you will recognize her if you`re around Kalasin or wherever this story comes from.

[worgeordie]

13 minutes ago, Perkkele said:

Good for him his wife spoke fluent English

I don't think so,if she spoke the same as you wrote it ????

regards worgeordie

[lungbing]

Stephen Leather writes better fiction.

[starky]

Jesus wept. Racist much? That pidgin Thai translation says a lot more about you than any of the characters in your fairy tale.

[malt25]

Well..... there's about 4 or 5 minutes I'll never get back !

[4reaL]

Only got 2.5 paragraphs in