Hi Kayo.

Hey wabbit!! Give us a 10K kiss?

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One of our elephants is missing!

During the course of weekend, Saturday 12th August, one of three bronze elephants was removed from its setting, as part of a circular marble seat, at the courtyard in front of the newly opened cultural quarter

now i get the new avitar .........................

lights on , nobody home .

Let's not get too emotional!

. . . . suegha interjected in a vain attempt to comfort a visibly shaken Tippaporn. "He'll be back. I'm certain of it. After all, we are his family."

Just then the Colonel approached, mumbling something about getting back on topic . . .

Yes, yes, where were we . . . ah, we were in the middle of a novel about . . .

Naked Perch fishing in Finland !!

ok..so time to finnish what was started *cough*

..with tackle firmly in hand, it was time to toss. Suddenly....

. . . our voluptuous pig-tailed fishing guide, Katja, firmly grasped my other tackle and began to . . .

laugh hysterically.

She said "you cannot catch prize fish with small bate".

So..then ...

................she proceeded to demonstrate her consummate skills in fixing a worm firmly on a hook while tipp bravely closed his eyes and thought valiantly of fish, chips and mushy peas like mother used to make, but suddenly.....................

He realized.............. " No malt vinegar"

How will he ever harden his conkers ?

Never mind add a little tarty flavour to the produce of his now limp bait.

As his tip was pricked the realization then pricked Tip like the sharp prick in his tip. "Hey, I'm the one writing this book. That's not what Katja was supposed to do. What I had in mind was . . ."

..never to be realised, because the editor in chief was a femanist.

- Katja, although demure and alluring at 6'4" with size 42 shoes, was secretly a KGB agent sent to ....

...........seduce and enslave strapping young males to augment the gene pool of mother Russia, pitifully depleted by decades of war and a more recent exodus of Russian men to Thailand. Katja was on a mission and dedicated to the gratification of her Slavic sisters. With this single aim in mind she..................

..surveyed the immediate area for strapping young males and realised her appointed task is a mission impossible.

She decided it was time to hit the Big City ...

...............where she was appalled by the vast number of unsuitable males who seemed reminiscent of the despicable ruling class her beloved motherland had all but eradicated decades ago. While nimbly dodging iffy Indian tailors and scruffy tuk tuk drivers, Katja was mentally composing her next secret report to her controller, Vassily Niktabollokoff, well known for his soprano voice in amateur opera circles. "Dear Komrade, ve haf made a serious miscalculation. Zese dregs of humanity haf taken over Bangkok and ze strapping males haf been exiled to Isaan to teach English to ze proletariat for peanuts vages. Ve vill need huge amounts of roubles to attract them into my lair."

Satisfied with this missive, she snatched a stray Swedish boy under one arm and .......................................

Meanwhile, it was too late for Tip. It didn't matter that Katja had the diminutive build and size of a pro wrestler for he had rewritten her features exquisitely, delicately to suit his lust. He was now hopelessly in love with her. And so he dashed off in hopes of catching up with Katja to journey with her to the Big City.

Of course, he hadn't planned for the unexpected to intervene while on his way . . .

Mishearing Vaseline. Off she went to the quarry to get a large bag of rubble

( sorry Tippy posted this in answer to the one before.you beat me to it )

................sated from a torrid night with with Olaf, whom she had subsequently drugged and shipped off to Moscow per UPS, Katja idly wondered <deleted> had happened to Tipp. "Ze boy has potential; a little scrawny perhaps, but a holy terror in ze sack." Determined to find and enslave tiny Tipp, she hoisted a 100 kilo sack of rubbles on her shoulder, flagged down a truck, killed the driver with a swift blow to the carotid artery and turned her evil attention back towards the Big Pineapple, whistling softly and................................

Attending to her left silicone breast that had come loose, either when breaking rocks, or balls........or both !

You just can't get the staff anymore she cried. Oh for the Cuban surgeon with that matted hair on the palms of his hands !!!

Somewhat later, idly nursing a triple vodka in Nana Plaza, Katja overheard two strapping young farangs discussing teaching. Edging nearer, she surreptitiously tuned her navel embellishment and began to record the converstion.

"Sh!t Billy, you took yer bleedin' time gettin' 'ere. Anuvver 2 days, all the best jobs'll be gone to some nancy boys from America."

"Sorry Phil, you don't know what it's like nowadays screwing a few bob out of the dole shop. Anyway what's the crack 'ere? Can you really get a job teachin' English.

"No strain Billy. You don't teach, you just walk in and pretend, they don't know any different."

"That's a relief, Phil, buy us a beer eh? I'm potless."

Disgusted, Katja turned off her recorder. "Zese bazookas have no brains, I cannot send gorillas like zis to my sisters in Novosibirsk, zey would neffer forgiff me. Zere is nothing here for red blooded Russian girls. I must find Tipp and .....................................

Playing back the tape, she made notes on the important parts of the conversation and reported in using the cunningly camouflaged and placed radio set, made to look like an anal probe if any unauthorized gynecologists held her down and checked.

"Ello Zis is code word Katja ( no one would ever get the double bluff )"

"Zee ingrish in Thailand are finished"

" Zomeone as shit a Billy "

" and Bob is being zee######ed by Phil "

" It zees zee Billy came out quite easily "

" And without drugs Zee Phil is masterzeebating "

"Ello Zis is Muskow"

"Katja get out before they crap all over Zee you "

And with that sound advise she....................

...came to her senses and went off to find a better storyline.

THE END!

MAUAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAaa!

.............turned her attention to a cunning new plan - a beer bar to attract men en masse into her clutches. If the filthy capitalist running dogs could do it, so could she, she reasoned.

Engrossed in thought, she rounded a corner and ran full tilt into a farang couple with such force that her right silicone breast implant came adrift.

"Why don't you look where you're going, filthy capitalist scum!" She grated, wrestling her impressive mammary glands back into place.

Only then did she recognise Tipp with a handsome woman clamped firmly to his arm.

"Honey!" cried Tipp, shoving his dental prosthesis back into his gaping maw, "I've missed you so much. Jettie, meet Katja, the object of my desires."

"Yes, I can see how much you missed me you little piece of sh!t. So who is zis meshugganah you have dredged from ze gutter?"

"Katja, be nice to her", says Tipp, whispering aside while Jet scopes out the street with her steely glare, "She has a lot of money stashed somewhere and I think she likes me, know what I mean?"

Katja mellows a little. "Why didn't you say that before my little zeppelin? I have a business proposition concerning a beer bar and with her body she'll make a very good bouncer and sleeping partner."

So saying, the intrepid three made their way to Soi Cowboy where................................................

OH NO EEK, NOW YOU'VE GONE AND SPOILED IT ALL.

quirky, you're supposed to write one or two lines to the story, not write the whole bloody novel....

And so it came tot he time when the colonel...

..rounded up the totties for "tot he" time.......

Er yeh...so after a post tottie smoke and dry martini the colonel....

looked over his shoulder to see....

Half his back ( uncle was part owl )

making no sense at all so he ignored him and carried on pulling the...

**story temporarily transferred to Sir Walter Raliegh

I love Sundays on TV, if it's not the trolls it's the self righteous squad making a show of themselves

Back to the story then... and er.. what was he pulling?