....long golden pigtail of the (hopefully) pretty young thing sat in front of him on the Number 22 double decker bus. He had not quite grown out of his school boy antics when it comes to getting the attention of women.

He was beginning to wonder if something was wrong as she had not reacted yet.

He braved a almighty yank and...

..............the bus screeched to a shuddering halt and the pigtail detached itself from the balding dome of what was obviously a rather ugly middle aged man in drag, who turned and smiled and said...............................................

Hello little girl.

I'm a Thai Visa member. You can call me Kayo.

Offering a large bag of sweets, he continued, "If you get me an intro to Jet, these are all yours"..........................................

"My Mommy told me never to suck spherical objects offered by aging Thai Visa members"....... She replied..

" My uncle has a Tuk Tuk " said the girl smiling. " Can't run to a Jet. Buy if you have anything better than what's in that bag to

suck..................................................I'm your poor, innocent, chat room user. You can call me eek ".

"Soooooo, Eek", said the dubious cross dresser, "at least you can give me a little inside info on what Jet (I meant Jet Gorgon you little klutz, don't be so obtuse) is currently up to".

"Weeeeeeell", says Eek, "Don't say I told you but she.........................................................

(LOL gawd..wasnt expecting that)

"Weeeeeeell", says Eek, "Don't say I told you but she......................................................... works part-time down a small soi in Nana Plaza. They dont call her JET Gordon for nothing you know! If you want to find out what the jet in the name means, you have to find out for yourself, for no words can describe. ...Remember..you didnt hear this from me, RIGHT!"

The stilletoed heel clad Kayo then handed over the lollipop he promised and expertly placed his pigtails back on. "Suck on that Eekers babe and dont wait up, im off to find me that infamous lady..."

-------- A short while later----

"Kor bpai Nana Plaza Ka!" kayo announced as he perched daintily sideways on the moto. Grabbing firmly around the firm body of his THai driver, they headed off. "Ooh Kun Lawwwwwwww!"

..............the bus screeched to a shuddering halt and the pigtail detached itself from the balding dome of what was obviously a rather ugly middle aged man in drag, who turned and smiled and said...............................................

Hello little girl.

I'm a Thai Visa member. You can call me Kayo.

Later at Nana Plaza:

Kayo totters through the dingy sois, daintily avoiding vicious soi dogs and lustful old Germans, pulls out a pocket torch and begins his search for his Jet.

According to the tuk tuk driver he tortured for information, Jet is currently hanging with two misfits named Tipp and Katja, plotting to open a bar with the hidden agenda of abducting and enslaving young virile farang males to supplement the depleted Russian gene pool.

Kayo is a man on a mission and nothing is going to deter him from................................................

(Man qwertz..you are OBSESSED with Russian gene pools.... )

Do shut up and continue the story, Eek, they have too many women in Russia already. This is a real crisis.

Anyway, Jet and co. have to be up to something shady, otherwise I lose interest. Please proceed.

WHO TF is this Katja you keep going on about anyway?

(Aff Kayo, do your research!)

anyway....

Later at Nana Plaza:

Kayo totters through the dingy sois, daintily avoiding vicious soi dogs and lustful old Germans, pulls out a pocket torch and begins his search for his Jet.

According to the tuk tuk driver he tortured for information, Jet is currently hanging with two misfits named Tipp and Katja, plotting to open a bar with the hidden agenda of abducting and enslaving young virile farang males to supplement the depleted Russian gene pool.

Kayo is a man on a mission and nothing is going to deter him from................................................

...his mission. He decides to consult a famous beautiful tarot card reader by the name of Noy. After a lengthy consultation with the spirit world, the spirits deemed that this meeting is too perilous for one man alone. He must find and enlist a young Knight, who is residing in a villiage outside of Chiang Mai. Journey to The Village Of Pretty Girls, is Noy's final words.

Kayo leaves and returns out to the street, head spinning from the new information and the steamy warm Bangkok. THe words "Journey to The Village Of Pretty Girls, Pretty Girls, Pretty Girls.." echo through his mind.

..A tout is suddenly in his face brandishing a huge smile and a plastic menu. "You like Thai lady? You want see ping pong?". Bemused, Kayo smiled...

'So near, yet so far, dammit', he thinks later, 'will this epic journey ne'er end!'.

He heads to the Bus Station and purchases a ticket for CM and kills the excess hour or two before the bus departs at Khaosan Road. One cheap bikini, dreadlocked noggin, and SuperSized lighter (well you never know when it may come in handy..), hes back at the station sitting on the air conditioned bus....

Wondering about life in general.......................... And other ways to scare Christopher Robbin in particular.

...............when suddenly, through the steamy bus window and piles of cheap Thai kitsch and luggage, who should he espy but Tipp under the arm of a dauntingly statuesque woman who could only be the legendary Katja.

Sensing that the woman could only be up to skulduggery (why else would she be interested in the puny Tipp), Kayo stepped nimbly from the bus, skidded on a half eaten kebab and fell directly into the arms of Jet who said ..........................................

Come here BayBee... I'm gonna....

..........."let you in on the scam to beat all scams. See, these two bozos here, Tipp and Tanja, are out to rook me 'cos they think I have stash. Which of course you know I don't, having spent it all on toyboys, you being the greatest taker of all. Well, you little piece of sh!t, now it's payback time. You know I have this thing going with Bendix? Yeah, well, he's the one with the moolahs and he's crazy for me. So my plan is, we rope in Bendix, open up alongside of these pretenders and import hordes of beautiful women from Isaan; I have contacts there".

"Jet, baby", says Kayo, "you're brilliant! That's where I was heading in that rattletrap they laughingly call a bus when I fell into your arms".

So saying, our intrepid pair hotfoots it to Eckamai and Isaan where.....................................

*Kayo politely reqeusts to be removed as the central protagonist of this thread*

Newsflash:

Message from the editor:

It has come to our attention that a certain Vassily Niktabolokoff, sleazy Russian turncoat double agent, has been masquerading as a well known and respectable, long standing member of Thai Visa (name beginning with K, with a heap of posts).

We are pleased to announce that said miscreant has been terminated (Vassily, that is) .

Meanwhile........................

(*thank you)

Newsflash:

Message from the editor:

It has come to our attention that a certain Vassily Niktabolokoff, sleazy Russian turncoat double agent, has been masquerading as a well known and respectable, long standing member of Thai Visa (name beginning with K, with a heap of posts).

We are pleased to announce that said miscreant has been terminated (Vassily, that is) .

Meanwhile........................

Kanwin stepped in to save the day - since this is his FAVOURITE thread ... moonlighting outside of Kanchanaburi, he stops in at Khao Lak and discovers..................

and discovers...

...that the real Kayo is covertly settin' up a small Armada of olde style London Double Decker buses, and givin' them all a nice new lick of bright red paint and painting the flag of Kanchanaburi on the roofs of the buses...

Noting that poor Kanwin was suffering the heat and humidity of the day, Kayo selected the pride of his fleet...

and offered to drive Kanwin down to Qwertz's Russian Gene Pool for a refreshing dip

Kayo being the magnanimous chap he is, instantly offered numerous packets of Dorritos to go with the dip.

But the Dorritos - a lively family of ex-patriot Mexicans - were having none of it. 'You want to do what with us?', cried Papa Dorrito.

" Stick your head's in a bucket of salsa " cried the manic Hefferlump.

" Oh........That's OK then.......Why didn't you say so in the first place ? " Said the itinerant latino

While the Dorritos were enjoying their cool but spicy dip, Qwertz's soi dog licked ravenously at the edges. 'Suiging, get out of it', reproved Qwertz. 'You don't know what those crazy latinos have done in there.'

Hold the story...............

Lupine Ping, Lupine.

Far removed from a scraggy Soi Dog. If this story is to remain factual, at least get the old genetics right........jeez.

(Sorry Suiging, but I just don't recall seeing too many soi wolfs around... sometimes one just has to use a tad of poetic licence )

Fingers off the pause button and back to the story...

And so Lupine Limpy sadly, and with tail between legs, scarpered away from the pools of Russian Blubber and went to lie down malancholicaly next to....