I searched this site with term Dowry but got no hit so I posted this question in Marriage forum. 

So could someone please share their experience with dowry (Sin Sod) in Thailand? i.e. How did you agree on the price? What factors? (Age? Education? Marriage status? Virgin?, etc). Did you make a prenup with a lawyer? What happens if there is a divorce? 

 

I can see how a person could make lots of money through marriages. 

 

Any thoughts and/or personal (good or bad) experiences are appreciated. 

Every situation in regards to a dowry will be unique.  I will try to keep it simple just in the interest of saving time.

 

Generally if she has been married before or has kids, there will not be a dowry.  If there is a divorce, you're not getting your money back.  Think of it as a gift to her family and just be willing to walk away from it.

 

If she is younger and/or has a University education with a decent job, the expectation for the dowry will likely be higher. 

 

The subject of a dowry is a very sensitive topic to many foreigners who simply don't agree with it.  However, it is a very real practice in Thailand where even the Thai men will typically procure a loan to pay for the dowry and associated wedding ceremony.

 

My wife's friends from University have been getting married to the tune of 500,000 to 1,000,000 THB to Thai men.  These are just average looking girls with an education and a decent job.  You may be asked for more if the family gets greedy and see's you as a farang with a lot of money, it's very typical in the villages of Isaan.  However, if the family see's their daughter is happy and she is on your side, they may be willing to work with you on that.  It really depends, so many variables to this.

We were early 20's, so not much money to fight over.  No Sin Sod, no hi-so.  I did cough up about $500 US (10,000 Baht then) for the wedding party and sundries if I recall correctly.

I don't agree with it as it felt like I was paying for a wife having said that, I paid a million for the wedding (for show) which I got back but left 200,000 with the family knowing that they were going to use it to update their house.

 

Think I gave 399, 000 and 4 baht of gold plus a party for 500 guests.

Numbers ending 9 99 999 etc. are lucky. 9 Buddhist monks did the ceremony.

You have to give an even number of baht of Thai gold.

The guests give money in envelopes so that helped pay for the party.

All a manipulation should be Zero.

Just live with them.  If they don't like it find another one.

It seems it is pretty common that a big amount is shown at the wedding and it is agreed already that the bigger part of that money will be returned after the ceremony. All just for show.

But then it also seems to happen that the receivers somehow forget that they agreed that part will be given back...

Be careful and prepare to walk away from the girl or the money.

I did give my wife a 1 carat diamond ring about 15 years after we married.  555

 

This is the neighborhood where we had our wedding party, but pic is about 40 years later.  For $500, you can have one hell of a good party there. 

 

3 hours ago, Maha Sarakham said:

Every situation in regards to a dowry will be unique. 

Good job Maha - your post says it all... 

 

Let me add that originally the family and the groom each appointed friends to negotiate the price so that there were no ill feelings created during the process. You don't really want to begin a marriage debating the value of a wife... 

 

In our case, my wife middled the deal, speaking w/her father who came back w/a very reasonable offer... 

 

** And I do want to emphasize what Maha said - this is not a tax on farang - this is a Thai custom and is practiced in Thai/Thai marriages as well. 

3 hours ago, KhonDD said:

How did you agree on the price?

I told my GF's mom that I wouldn't accept anything under 500,000 baht, she is still scrounging up the money, so for now we remain unmarried.

My understanding has always been that in poorer village life situations dowrys are obviously less and generally gets divvied up in the family/frittered in many cases and for the middle classes and wealthy Thais that the groom will cough up a significant sum which get put towards the couple's house purchase or savings etc.........I've never heard of the 'money just for show' scenario metioned above, but I'm not in the least bit surprised.........................................

Opposite ends of the scale.....

 

Chompu Araya 100 million sin sod, Me, I paid 0 !

 

Old tradition, its important in some places, others just for show, others a money grabbing scam.

Every relationship is unique, but dont be a mug.

 

Search "sin sod" and you will find many many long and sometimes heated discussions on this old chestnut.

 

 

3 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Me, I paid 0 !

Is that why you're called Charlie!!

18 minutes ago, tonray said:

I told my GF's mom that I wouldn't accept anything under 500,000 baht, she is still scrounging up the money, so for now we remain unmarried.

I think my MIL just wanted me to get her off the lot.  55.

 

MIL eventually got a house that we built for her.  It's never over after you marry. 

I look on it as a contribution to the cost of the wedding rather than "payment for a bride" with all its connotations.

 

The bride's family have to pay and arrange for the wedding (I am led to believe).......so you are just chipping in to cover the cost..

 

 

I pay a monthly sin sod.

AFAIK sin sod is only applicable to virgins, anything else is not genuine.

4 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

All a manipulation should be Zero.

Just live with them.  If they don't like it find another one.

pastures of plenty.... 

 

Well, most people feel more attachments for their pets than this... 

 

just sayin... 

3 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Opposite ends of the scale.....

Chompu Araya 100 million sin sod, Me, I paid 0 !

I paid 100,000bht after 2 months of marriage (inc. unlimited sex), and a 1 year marriage extension. No party, minimal wedding fees, no guests.

That worked out at 1,639bht/night ............ which I didn't feel was a bad deal.

6 hours ago, Maha Sarakham said:

Generally if she has been married before or has kids, there will not be a dowry.  If there is a divorce, you're not getting your money back.  Think of it as a gift to her family and just be willing to walk away from it.

 

Sometimes just a gift to the family but certainly not always. Dowry is often decided on social status, sure, but number of children you plan to have can also be a factor.

 

When I married, the father decided the dowry based on the number of children we planned to have as the money was to go to take care of the children if I turned out to be a bad father.  The mother kept the dowry in a bank account for years before she came to US and asked for OUR permission to use the money to fix their old house, as they knew I was a responsible person and the dowry wouldn't be needed to take care of their daughter and children. We accepted.

  

11 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I pay a monthly sin sod.

AFAIK sin sod is only applicable to virgins, anything else is not genuine.

calling monthly allowance or expense money sin sod - - does not make it sin sod which goes to the parents...

 

AFAIK - nobody checks virginity anymore... this is incorrect... 

 

I met a guy here who was sooo proud of himself for refusing to pay his wife's family sin sod... first chance they got, they [assisted by his wife] absconded w/the little savings he had... he thinks they are big cheats - he does not realize that they think that he cheated them first...

 

Some families return the sin sod - their choice. By refusing to give sin sod, for whatever rationalization you might have, you are pretty handily insulting their daughter as worthless... they may accept this as it might in the long run be better for their daughter if they don't make waves, but it is still quite an insult. 

 

 

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I paid 100,000bht after 2 months of marriage (inc. unlimited sex), and a 1 year marriage extension. No party, minimal wedding fees, no guests.

That worked out at 1,639bht/night ............ which I didn't feel was a bad deal.

did you figure in meal expenses too?

3 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

When I married, the father decided the dowry based on the number of children we planned to have as the money was to go to take care of the children if I turned out to be a bad father.  The mother kept the dowry in a bank account for years before she came to US and asked for our permission to use the money to fix their old house, as they knew I was a responsible person and the dowry wouldn't be needed to take care of their daughter and children.

Wonderful story -- we hear too little of this type of thing... thanks for posting. 

1 minute ago, 1FinickyOne said:

did you figure in meal expenses too?

They were offset by me not having to pay for lady drinks or overpriced drinks for myself.

The wedding dinner was 100bht for the both of us at my local mom and pop restaurant.

 

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

They were offset by me not having to pay for lady drinks or overpriced drinks for myself.

The wedding dinner was 100bht for the both of us at my local mom and pop restaurant.

 

ok - good, I thought you were slipping for a minute there... 

 

I think our wedding party was 20,000 baht but there were near 200 people there... and my wife and a bunch of neighbors prepared the meal and the party was at the house... 

Offered but her parents declined and asked us to invest wisely. Her parents were educated in the US.

 

 

No SIn Sod for me as the wife did not want a village wedding, having had one 20 years before.

 

Her late Thai husband gave a reasonable amount and gave her 5 baht of gold, which not long after the wedding, he sold and gambled away. He died just after I met her ????

 

She said she would not waste the money on a village wedding, and was not interested in having many relatives crash her house for a day or two just to leave as soon as the free food and booze was finished.

 

We married at a Bangkok government office and celebrated by ourselves in the City.

 

 

Many take it as an opportunity to screw the groom, Thai or foreigner, I got done. 200k with 100k returned the rest for a good party up country. They organized it all-as small as possible, cost about 45k and they kept the rest. Even though they had 100k they still wanted money for flowers and monks or there would not be any. Oh and 6k of gold which I got back after a few years, stuffed away in the house. They even kept the envelope money, I blamed her father, never did like him, dead now anyway.

Just curious, but those that did the sin sod andvillage Wedding, no one is saying so far, how much did you get in envelopes ?

 

When someone in the family got married they said they wanted to invite as many as possible for more envelopes. They ended up with 80k in "donations" 40k of that covered the Wedding costs of food whisky flowers , band etc..

I gave the equivalent of 400,000 baht in cash and gold for my degree qualified nurse, never married, but had had a long term Thai boyfriend previously. She was 32 when we married. Her parents paid for the wedding and my wife allowed then to keep any wedding gift cash. At the time we married my MIL told my wife she would return the cash and gold if we ever decided to live in Thailand and she did.

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