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I told my GF's mom that I wouldn't accept anything under 500,000 baht, she is still scrounging up the money, so for now we remain unmarried.

All a manipulation should be Zero. Just live with them.  If they don't like it find another one.

Is that why you're called Charlie!!

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3 hours ago, Maha Sarakham said:

Every situation in regards to a dowry will be unique. 

Good job Maha - your post says it all... 

 

Let me add that originally the family and the groom each appointed friends to negotiate the price so that there were no ill feelings created during the process. You don't really want to begin a marriage debating the value of a wife... 

 

In our case, my wife middled the deal, speaking w/her father who came back w/a very reasonable offer... 

 

** And I do want to emphasize what Maha said - this is not a tax on farang - this is a Thai custom and is practiced in Thai/Thai marriages as well. 

Edited by 1FinickyOne
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My understanding has always been that in poorer village life situations dowrys are obviously less and generally gets divvied up in the family/frittered in many cases and for the middle classes and wealthy Thais that the groom will cough up a significant sum which get put towards the couple's house purchase or savings etc.........I've never heard of the 'money just for show' scenario metioned above, but I'm not in the least bit surprised.........................................

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18 minutes ago, tonray said:

I told my GF's mom that I wouldn't accept anything under 500,000 baht, she is still scrounging up the money, so for now we remain unmarried.

I think my MIL just wanted me to get her off the lot.  55.

 

MIL eventually got a house that we built for her.  It's never over after you marry. 

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I look on it as a contribution to the cost of the wedding rather than "payment for a bride" with all its connotations.

 

The bride's family have to pay and arrange for the wedding (I am led to believe).......so you are just chipping in to cover the cost..

 

 

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I pay a monthly sin sod.

AFAIK sin sod is only applicable to virgins, anything else is not genuine.

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4 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

All a manipulation should be Zero.

Just live with them.  If they don't like it find another one.

pastures of plenty.... 

 

Well, most people feel more attachments for their pets than this... 

 

just sayin... 

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6 hours ago, Maha Sarakham said:

Generally if she has been married before or has kids, there will not be a dowry.  If there is a divorce, you're not getting your money back.  Think of it as a gift to her family and just be willing to walk away from it.

 

Sometimes just a gift to the family but certainly not always. Dowry is often decided on social status, sure, but number of children you plan to have can also be a factor.

 

When I married, the father decided the dowry based on the number of children we planned to have as the money was to go to take care of the children if I turned out to be a bad father.  The mother kept the dowry in a bank account for years before she came to US and asked for OUR permission to use the money to fix their old house, as they knew I was a responsible person and the dowry wouldn't be needed to take care of their daughter and children. We accepted.

  

Edited by MikeyIdea
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3 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

When I married, the father decided the dowry based on the number of children we planned to have as the money was to go to take care of the children if I turned out to be a bad father.  The mother kept the dowry in a bank account for years before she came to US and asked for our permission to use the money to fix their old house, as they knew I was a responsible person and the dowry wouldn't be needed to take care of their daughter and children.

Wonderful story -- we hear too little of this type of thing... thanks for posting. 

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1 minute ago, 1FinickyOne said:

did you figure in meal expenses too?

They were offset by me not having to pay for lady drinks or overpriced drinks for myself.

The wedding dinner was 100bht for the both of us at my local mom and pop restaurant.

 

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1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

They were offset by me not having to pay for lady drinks or overpriced drinks for myself.

The wedding dinner was 100bht for the both of us at my local mom and pop restaurant.

 

ok - good, I thought you were slipping for a minute there... 

 

I think our wedding party was 20,000 baht but there were near 200 people there... and my wife and a bunch of neighbors prepared the meal and the party was at the house... 

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No SIn Sod for me as the wife did not want a village wedding, having had one 20 years before.

 

Her late Thai husband gave a reasonable amount and gave her 5 baht of gold, which not long after the wedding, he sold and gambled away. He died just after I met her 🙂

 

She said she would not waste the money on a village wedding, and was not interested in having many relatives crash her house for a day or two just to leave as soon as the free food and booze was finished.

 

We married at a Bangkok government office and celebrated by ourselves in the City.

 

 

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Many take it as an opportunity to screw the groom, Thai or foreigner, I got done. 200k with 100k returned the rest for a good party up country. They organized it all-as small as possible, cost about 45k and they kept the rest. Even though they had 100k they still wanted money for flowers and monks or there would not be any. Oh and 6k of gold which I got back after a few years, stuffed away in the house. They even kept the envelope money, I blamed her father, never did like him, dead now anyway.

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Just curious, but those that did the sin sod andvillage Wedding, no one is saying so far, how much did you get in envelopes ?

 

When someone in the family got married they said they wanted to invite as many as possible for more envelopes. They ended up with 80k in "donations" 40k of that covered the Wedding costs of food whisky flowers , band etc..

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I gave the equivalent of 400,000 baht in cash and gold for my degree qualified nurse, never married, but had had a long term Thai boyfriend previously. She was 32 when we married. Her parents paid for the wedding and my wife allowed then to keep any wedding gift cash. At the time we married my MIL told my wife she would return the cash and gold if we ever decided to live in Thailand and she did.

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