Just braved a few days with the Mrs family

[Adumbration]

13 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I was going out with this girl, and me and her were sitting with her family, it was arranged we would meet that evening in a restaurant for dinner, I knew I would be expected to pay the bill. so about 2 hours before, I said I was very hungry, so took her into a restaurant for a meal.

 

So when it came to meet the family at the restaurant, all I had was a soft drink, I told them I had already eaten, so they could not present me with the bill, and that's the way it worked out.

It is always much more fun just to plow into your meal and they will also.  Often ordering the "Lobster" dish or equivalent on the menu.  Then when the bill comes just look at it, tally up your share, and hand that amount back to them with the bill and leave.

[NoshowJones]

34 minutes ago, Adumbration said:

It is always much more fun just to plow into your meal and they will also.  Often ordering the "Lobster" dish or equivalent on the menu.  Then when the bill comes just look at it, tally up your share, and hand that amount back to them with the bill and leave.

 

[Purdey]

I do wonder why Thais should speak English but foreigners are not expected to at least try to speak Thai. My in-laws don't speak English but I would not expect them to. This is Thailand and they don't have much education. 

There is a sense of noblesse oblige here. The husband is expected to take care of poorer relatives when they visit. When I go to see them, all food is free. I get their bedroom and the air conditioning is turned on just for me. Nothing the OP wrote looks unusual to me.

[gejohesch]

5 hours ago, Adumbration said:

What do you find weird about Australians?

Hahaha! That's a loaded question, I guess? I have loads of things to say about Aussies, but this forum is not the place to go full length on them. ???? I generally like them for their friendliness, their readiness to do things, their sense of practicalities. On the down side, I find them sometimes a bit too direct and at the edge of being aggressive. Is that weird to me? I would say no. In a way, they are typical Farangs, 555! Obviously, I'm not talking of the not negligible number of non-white Aussies.

 

Btw, I would also say that Australia compensates its lack of cultural heritage (from a purely white man's pov) by the incredible beauty of the country. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by gejohesch

[1FinickyOne]

7 hours ago, brianthainess said:

my missus used to walk 1 hr to school without any shoes

I had to walk 10 feet through <deleted> carpet to change the channel on the tv - - no remotes. 

[Lacessit]

9 hours ago, Isaanlife said:

I don't set any boundaries.

 

My wife's family is now my family.

Family is family.

 

I understand they are poor and their plight, while I have way, way more than enough to last me through the years.

 

I have bought a large tractor, farm vehicle, pickup truck, 2 wheeled tractor, pay for the fields to be seeded every year and much more.

 

I always pay to take them on holidays, celebrations, weddings, birthdays, you name it.

 

My family appreciates it and in return takes very good care of me.

 

For me personally, I get a sense of joy taken care of everyone.

 

We don't have any issues and function as one big happy family.

 

You cannot even begin to image how much poverty some families grew up in?

 

My wife never even had a toy growing up and I feel sorry about that.

 

Until the big nose farang arrived on site, no running water, no appliances, no furniture.

 

I simply will not let one child or relative suffer if I can do something about.

 

That is my philosophy and I am extremely happy to be their salvation.

 

If I can bring some happiness before I die, that is exactly what I will continue to do.

 

My wife will always have enough to last her entire life.

 

 

I know my GF walked a mile to school barefoot, the family could not afford shoes.

I know her father gets a pension of 800 baht/month.

I know her brother earns about 2000 - 3000 baht/month.

Most of the people in the village do.

There are a fair few horror stories about farangs who failed to set boundaries, and ended up broke and discarded. I fail to see why I should join them.

My GF is well provided for after I die, and is happy now.

You may think you are part of the family. Permit me to doubt the family ambience would continue if your flow of funds to them suddenly stopped, due to circumstances beyond your control.

One of the Thai dichotomies is the subject of respect for age. They certainly do with their own kind, I haven't noticed much of it for elderly farangs.

 

[473geo]

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I know my GF walked a mile to school barefoot, the family could not afford shoes.

I know her father gets a pension of 800 baht/month.

I know her brother earns about 2000 - 3000 baht/month.

Most of the people in the village do.

There are a fair few horror stories about farangs who failed to set boundaries, and ended up broke and discarded. I fail to see why I should join them.

My GF is well provided for after I die, and is happy now.

You may think you are part of the family. Permit me to doubt the family ambience would continue if your flow of funds to them suddenly stopped, due to circumstances beyond your control.

One of the Thai dichotomies is the subject of respect for age. They certainly do with their own kind, I haven't noticed much of it for elderly farangs.

 

Made me smile, elderly farangs ???? I think it has come as quite a shock to the village how much work I am capable of on the farm, my wife rides a motorbike to the rice land where we look after some cattle, I bicycle there and back 3 times a day. The other day when cycling back a neighbour was unloading a truck load of straw, I hopped off the bike and helped put in the shed. We have had over 400 bales delivered I helped carry and stack for every load. ????

I carry cut grass every other day on average for the cattle 

We have painted the house inside and out. 

Rice harvest very active hauling and lifting

I don't need respect considered to be for an elderly farang, ???? I farm and I graft as do others in the village and if there is respect it is for that reason. I work to keep me fit, almost in shape, and occupied

that I don't end up just an elderly farang with a bit of money expecting respect ????

[SAFETY FIRST]

7 hours ago, Adumbration said:

7 hours ago, possum1931 said:

I was going out with this girl, and me and her were sitting with her family, it was arranged we would meet that evening in a restaurant for dinner, I knew I would be expected to pay the bill. so about 2 hours before, I said I was very hungry, so took her into a restaurant for a meal.

 

So when it came to meet the family at the restaurant, all I had was a soft drink, I told them I had already eaten, so they could not present me with the bill, and that's the way it worked out.

It is always much more fun just to plow into your meal and they will also.  Often ordering the "Lobster" dish or equivalent on the menu.  Then when the bill comes just look at it, tally up your share, and hand that amount back to them with the bill and leave

You guys brag about being disrespectful.

Unless you're an idiot you know how the system works here in Thailand.

 

You're with your gf/spouse, her family is a continuation of her soul, you should offer to pay, as if you were out dining with your gf only. 

 

Geeze, restaurant food is so cheap but you avoid the bill. 

 

Generally speaking, Thais are poor people, but they have always been kind to me and always offered me their hospitality and best wishes.

 

You call that fun, bloody childish. 
 

[Guest Isaanlife]

3 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I know my GF walked a mile to school barefoot, the family could not afford shoes.

I know her father gets a pension of 800 baht/month.

I know her brother earns about 2000 - 3000 baht/month.

Most of the people in the village do.

There are a fair few horror stories about farangs who failed to set boundaries, and ended up broke and discarded. I fail to see why I should join them.

My GF is well provided for after I die, and is happy now.

You may think you are part of the family. Permit me to doubt the family ambience would continue if your flow of funds to them suddenly stopped, due to circumstances beyond your control.

One of the Thai dichotomies is the subject of respect for age. They certainly do with their own kind, I haven't noticed much of it for elderly farangs.

 

Don't try to be me.

I do not have to set financial boundaries now or ever.

You can doubt what ever you wish is just plain silly since you don't know me or my family situation.

Pretty arrogant to comment on a situation you know nothing about.

 

 

[NoshowJones]

5 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

You guys brag about being disrespectful.

Unless you're an idiot you know how the system works here in Thailand.

 

You're with your gf/spouse, her family is a continuation of her soul, you should offer to pay, as if you were out dining with your gf only. 

 

Geeze, restaurant food is so cheap but you avoid the bill. 

 

Generally speaking, Thais are poor people, but they have always been kind to me and always offered me their hospitality and best wishes.

 

You call that fun, bloody childish. 
 

They seemed a well off family, she had a brand new Vigo. There is no way I am going to be invited for a  meal and then pay the bill for everyone. The name is Possum, not Muggins.

[Lacessit]

13 hours ago, 473geo said:

Made me smile, elderly farangs ???? I think it has come as quite a shock to the village how much work I am capable of on the farm, my wife rides a motorbike to the rice land where we look after some cattle, I bicycle there and back 3 times a day. The other day when cycling back a neighbour was unloading a truck load of straw, I hopped off the bike and helped put in the shed. We have had over 400 bales delivered I helped carry and stack for every load. ????

I carry cut grass every other day on average for the cattle 

We have painted the house inside and out. 

Rice harvest very active hauling and lifting

I don't need respect considered to be for an elderly farang, ???? I farm and I graft as do others in the village and if there is respect it is for that reason. I work to keep me fit, almost in shape, and occupied

that I don't end up just an elderly farang with a bit of money expecting respect ????

Your age is?

[Lacessit]

11 hours ago, Isaanlife said:

Don't try to be me.

I do not have to set financial boundaries now or ever.

You can doubt what ever you wish is just plain silly since you don't know me or my family situation.

Pretty arrogant to comment on a situation you know nothing about.

 

 

Why would I want to do that? I tread my own path.

I don't know the situation of many farangs in Thailand, nor do I want to.

I'd suggest if you were to cut off the flow of funds to your Thai family for a few months, it would be a good test of whether their love is real. If there was no change in attitudes, my congratulations.

I prefer realistic to arrogant, thank you.

[4MyEgo]

On 1/2/2022 at 11:23 PM, Kenny202 said:

I am harked back more and more lately to something a long time expat told me when I first came here. the sooner you accept we have absolutely zero in common with them, the easier it is to live here  

Personally I don't believe what that farang said is true, however typical when it's all too hard.

 

I think your feelings are associated with you being unable to communicate with them, e.g. picture yourself as a farang child in a classroom full of kids, regardless if Thai or not, do you think you would feel out of place listening to the other kids talking and playing, there is no doubt in my mind that you would feel out of place.

 

I have been coming here for 15 years, living here full time now over the last 6 years.

 

My sister-in-law drops in for 5-10 minutes a day to chat with the Mrs, i.e. give her the draw down on what's happening with the family and everyone in the village. I will walk into the kitchen to make a coffee or go in that vicinity for something and to say hello so as not to be a snob, now unless I say something, nothing is said, not even a glance at me, so I it's 100% me, e.g. hi Bla Bla how are you, and with the limited English that she understands, she will lift her head up as if to say good, no different to you seeing someone you know in the street on the other side of the road, you would either wave or move your head in an upward position to acknowledge them.

 

I have played a crucial part of raising of raising 2 of my wife's kids, now 17 and when we see each other in the morning, sometimes they say good morning Pappa or sometimes nothing, so when it's nothing, I will say good afternoon Bla Bla and they will reply good morning Pappa and I can see they are embarrassed because they forgot to say good morning, it is not something they automatically do like we farangs.

 

At the family New Years Eve BBQ the other night, me not really wanting to go, but the wife asking me to go for just an hour, I stayed for 3 hours and I got to say I did enjoy myself as opposed to my intention of staying home watching Netflix on my recliner.

 

Her 3 sisters all limited English, would continually fill my beer glass with beer and ice, bring Shish Kebabs over to me straight off of the BBQ and make me feel comfortable, although there was little talk from them to me, or me to them, including the cousins, nephews and nieces, I didn't feel out of place. Smiles say a thousand words and a few gestures, jokes do help, but you can't help feeling like that kid in the classroom not being able to communicate.

 

At the end of the day I look at it this way, I live in their country, and their native tongue is not English, so if I really want to communicate with them, it's up to me to learn the lingo or put up and just continue to be respectful as you would with anyone else.

 

Back in the home country, I wouldn't worry about the family or friends making my wife feel comfortable, it was up to her to communicate and mix in as it is with me here, suffice to say, she would receive more attention than me because she knows the ling and blends in, I sometimes say to myself that I should learn the lingo better than the limited Thai/Laos that I do know, but no ones busting my balls to do so, "up to you"

[SAFETY FIRST]

9 hours ago, possum1931 said:

They seemed a well off family, she had a brand new Vigo.

A new Vigo means nothing in Thailand it just tells me that she has finance. 

Anyway she's probably lost the Vigo, unable to pay loan because she has to pay for the meals
 

 

9 hours ago, possum1931 said:

There is no way I am going to be invited for a  meal and then pay the bill for everyone. The name is Possum, not Muggins.

Next time be sincere and honest, tell her the truth. 

 

I reckon name is Dodgy, not Possum 

[473geo]

4 hours ago, Lacessit said:

 

 

My age 66 years old not yet in the old fossil age group I think ????

Edited January 5, 2022 by 473geo

[473geo]

3 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

Personally I don't believe what that farang said is true, however typical when it's all too hard.

 

I think your feelings are associated with you being unable to communicate with them, e.g. picture yourself as a farang child in a classroom full of kids, regardless if Thai or not, do you think you would feel out of place listening to the other kids talking and playing, there is no doubt in my mind that you would feel out of place.

 

I have been coming here for 15 years, living here full time now over the last 6 years.

 

My sister-in-law drops in for 5-10 minutes a day to chat with the Mrs, i.e. give her the draw down on what's happening with the family and everyone in the village. I will walk into the kitchen to make a coffee or go in that vicinity for something and to say hello so as not to be a snob, now unless I say something, nothing is said, not even a glance at me, so I it's 100% me, e.g. hi Bla Bla how are you, and with the limited English that she understands, she will lift her head up as if to say good, no different to you seeing someone you know in the street on the other side of the road, you would either wave or move your head in an upward position to acknowledge them.

 

I have played a crucial part of raising of raising 2 of my wife's kids, now 17 and when we see each other in the morning, sometimes they say good morning Pappa or sometimes nothing, so when it's nothing, I will say good afternoon Bla Bla and they will reply good morning Pappa and I can see they are embarrassed because they forgot to say good morning, it is not something they automatically do like we farangs.

 

At the family New Years Eve BBQ the other night, me not really wanting to go, but the wife asking me to go for just an hour, I stayed for 3 hours and I got to say I did enjoy myself as opposed to my intention of staying home watching Netflix on my recliner.

 

Her 3 sisters all limited English, would continually fill my beer glass with beer and ice, bring Shish Kebabs over to me straight off of the BBQ and make me feel comfortable, although there was little talk from them to me, or me to them, including the cousins, nephews and nieces, I didn't feel out of place. Smiles say a thousand words and a few gestures, jokes do help, but you can't help feeling like that kid in the classroom not being able to communicate.

 

At the end of the day I look at it this way, I live in their country, and their native tongue is not English, so if I really want to communicate with them, it's up to me to learn the lingo or put up and just continue to be respectful as you would with anyone else.

 

Back in the home country, I wouldn't worry about the family or friends making my wife feel comfortable, it was up to her to communicate and mix in as it is with me here, suffice to say, she would receive more attention than me because she knows the ling and blends in, I sometimes say to myself that I should learn the lingo better than the limited Thai/Laos that I do know, but no ones busting my balls to do so, "up to you"

I enjoyed this post mainly because it placed the responsibility for communication right where it belongs 

I will always recall the 'deaf mute' description used by Yinn very apt!!

Personally seem to be learning a little Thai, but as yet feel the same discomfort using Thai as others in my circle do using English 

I recall a comment from one of my teachers years ago 'can do better' yep that's the only way communication will improve, and that is down to me ????

[BritManToo]

32 minutes ago, 473geo said:

I recall a comment from one of my teachers years ago 'can do better' yep that's the only way communication will improve, and that is down to me 

My family (woman, son, daughter) all speak English, why would I want to learn village Laos?

Speaking English is much more useful to them, than speaking Laos is to me.

[473geo]

58 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My family (woman, son, daughter) all speak English, why would I want to learn village Laos?

Speaking English is much more useful to them, than speaking Laos is to me.

I guess it depends if one feels communication outside the immediate family is relevant or necessary 

[toofarnorth]

On 1/2/2022 at 11:59 PM, Meat Pie 47 said:

Yes I never had any problems when I lived in Thailand now back in OZ I did have my own kitchen and cooked myself every day because I did not like Thai food and we lived in the same house with the inlaws they also loved my food and every body could speak some English

I think cooking yourself is going a bit far.   Does it not hurt just a bit ?

[saakura]

My experience is totally different from OP. Met my wife who was doing an internship in our office while pursuing a Master's degree. I had joined a few years earlier, having been transferred from my home country where they had an office. Now married happily for over 20 years and ageing together, child is almost independent soon. She has brothers who are equally doing well and her mom stays with one of them. We meet very often for family dinners, respectful to each other and never any issue about money. I am the only one in the whole extended family who drinks (beer). I can read and speak  fluent Thai, and most of them including my wife can speak good English.  No wide age gap between myself and wife, maybe that also is a factor. All said, it has been great to be working and living here for almost 30 years, and looking forward to retiring happily in a few years time. 

[Lacessit]

On 1/5/2022 at 12:05 PM, 473geo said:

 

My age 66 years old not yet in the old fossil age group I think ????

 I am 78. Avoiding fossilisation depends on whether one is prepared to exercise physically and mentally. I've seen some in their sixties who could fill in as trilobites.

[Lacessit]

On 1/5/2022 at 2:06 PM, 473geo said:

I guess it depends if one feels communication outside the immediate family is relevant or necessary 

It always mystifies me why some foreigners refuse point-blank to learn any Thai. While I will never be fluent, I can usually communicate successfully. It's also good mental exercise.

I've been in quite a few situations where being able to speak Thai has saved me a lot of inconvenience, even something as mundane as explaining I had a slow tyre leak at a garage.

[FritsSikkink]

The big problem is that you don't make enough effort to learn to communicate with them in their own language.

If you can't talk to each other , you will never find out if you have something in common.

[KannikaP]

On 1/6/2022 at 2:33 PM, Lacessit said:

It always mystifies me why some foreigners refuse point-blank to learn any Thai. While I will never be fluent, I can usually communicate successfully. It's also good mental exercise.

I've been in quite a few situations where being able to speak Thai has saved me a lot of inconvenience, even something as mundane as explaining I had a slow tyre leak at a garage.

Google Translate helps!

[Lacessit]

14 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Google Translate helps!

When I want a term such as esophageal cancer, yes. I try to learn the more common words.

[BritManToo]

On 1/5/2022 at 2:06 PM, 473geo said:

I guess it depends if one feels communication outside the immediate family is relevant or necessary 

Tried it in the UK, wasted my time.

Just because you're banging someone doesn't mean her relatives will be your friends.

I don't want them around me, but I respect your choices.

 

[bbko]

Just as not all farangs act the same, not all Thais act the same.  My wife has a huge family, there's so many aunts, uncles and cousins I lost count, but when I visit them up in the Issan village some are quite/shy/reserved around me and others are loud, happy and not shy one bit.  

Too many farangs want to paint all Thais with the same brush.

[Gottfrid]

I get so sad when I read this kind of threads. So, much information out there. People never learn. Life gets the way you shape it. Not so hard to understand, really.