GF or Wife

[ericthai]

13 hours ago, habuspasha said:

I would like the two of us to be able to spend half the year in our future home in Thailand and half the year in my home in the US.  She would probably like that too, at least while I'm alive.  She also has a home and family in Thailand that she would probably return to when I'm gone.

 If you're planning on her getting your SS when living in Thailand, married or not she will not get it unless she lives 5 years in the USA. (it dont need to be consecutive)  Check with SS, my friend's wife went through this a few years ago when he passed away. His wife lost her SS when she moved back to Thailand, as she was only in the USA 3 years. 

Good luck with things! 

[habuspasha]

13 hours ago, lopburi3 said:

That sheds a new light on intent - believe marriage and immigrant visa process is what you should look at - although may have to stay in Thailand up to a year before process allows travel - she could then live in USA and just visit Thailand until citizenship and would have the options (although in general Thai seem to prefer living in Thailand IMHO) .

Thank you.  That sounds like the answer.  I have no problem with the financial ties of marriage.  She is already in my will and my US family are aware of my commitments.  Her Thai family consider us already married.  I support her and even got them all a house which they may think a sin sod. (They don't know I'm already married.)

[habuspasha]

13 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

So you met when 33 and 73,  love on first sight from both parties?

32 and 73 actually.  Love at first sight for me. I wouldn't presume the same for her, but she said early on she found me kind and with a good heart, and later handsome and she loved me.  There's a story there about our first anniversary.

[habuspasha]

24 minutes ago, ericthai said:

 If you're planning on her getting your SS when living in Thailand, married or not she will not get it unless she lives 5 years in the USA. (it dont need to be consecutive)  Check with SS, my friend's wife went through this a few years ago when he passed away. His wife lost her SS when she moved back to Thailand, as she was only in the USA 3 years. 

Good luck with things! 

Thank you.  That never occurred to me.  That's Survivor or Spousal SS?

[jerrymahoney]

9 hours ago, habuspasha said:

I have never been made to feel as old as I have reading how many of you latched on to my age as the critical issue here--a fact I mentioned only to explain we weren't interested in starting a family (actually she's less interested than I am).  Have none of you heard "80 is the new 40?"  I almost believe it, and the believing helps make it so.  My questions would not have been very different 40 years ago.  Less mature, confident, and optimistic: that's all.

There are issues of next-of-kin that apply regardless of age when you are living even part of the year ex-USA. 

 

... and is 90 the new 50? beats me.

Edited January 24, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[RJRS1301]

19 hours ago, Lacessit said:

It's a grey area. Defacto relationships are registered by Centrelink in Australia. They are not recognised under Thai law.

It's an anomaly, because if I was married to an Australian citizen and we lived in Thailand, we would both get the couples' pension or part pension, depending on asset level. A foreigner gets nothing, but Centrelink still cuts the single pension because they can.

I've never asked about the defacto situation, and I don't intend to.

I agree do not poke the Centrelink bear

 

[Banana7]

On 1/23/2022 at 12:53 PM, Lacessit said:

Noted. As my GF prays to Buddha for a long life for me, I'm not concerned.

The other factor is her steady monthly allowance, and I pay regular bills such as power and internet. She would be living off the capital I leave her when I die, so it is in her interest to keep me alive for as long as possible.

 

"The punters know that the horse named Morality rarely gets past the post, whereas the nag named Self-interest always runs a good race" ( Gough Whitlam )

Good strategy. You have to devise a schema where they are in a substantially better financial position with you than without you. Premature death suites no one personally.

 

Edited January 24, 2022 by Banana7

[ericthai]

20 hours ago, habuspasha said:

Thank you.  That never occurred to me.  That's Survivor or Spousal SS?

Sorry I never asked her. I believe it was spousal SS as I think she was collecting before he died.

[GinBoy2]

Um, I hate to be the one to point out the obvious.

 

You are 80, and she is 40. You are old enough to be Granddad almost.

 

I have my own views on that, but the idea that you would ever get a tourist visa for her to visit the US is fanciful at best. The age difference alone would throw up huge red flags for the CO.

 

So you get an immigrant visa for her. That'll take at least a year, and then you are looking at how long you will live. 80 is a pretty good innings already.

 

Don't mean this in any way to be mean, but just looking at reality

[Hummin]

31 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Um, I hate to be the one to point out the obvious.

 

You are 80, and she is 40. You are old enough to be Granddad almost.

 

I have my own views on that, but the idea that you would ever get a tourist visa for her to visit the US is fanciful at best. The age difference alone would throw up huge red flags for the CO.

 

So you get an immigrant visa for her. That'll take at least a year, and then you are looking at how long you will live. 80 is a pretty good innings already.

 

Don't mean this in any way to be mean, but just looking at reality

I believe she already have been to us, and he can live to he is 100, and me who is in my beginning of my 50íes, can die tomorow. We all going to die one day, but Im not planning on dying tomorow. And why should he? Sit down and wait? Give up? 

 

 

[habuspasha]

15 hours ago, Hummin said:

I believe she already have been to us, and he can live to he is 100, and me who is in my beginning of my 50íes, can die tomorow. We all going to die one day, but Im not planning on dying tomorow. And why should he? Sit down and wait? Give up? 

 

 

No, she hasn't been to the US, in fact she hasn't been anywhere except LOS and Luang Prabang (with me).  So I figure marriage and the immigration visa makes the most sense.  And I just checked and she would be eligible for a spousal survivor's social security benefit, even as a non-citizen, but not until she's 60.  So I have a lot of living to do.  Fortunately, I'm on the 140 year plan.

[habuspasha]

16 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Um, I hate to be the one to point out the obvious.

 

You are 80, and she is 40. You are old enough to be Granddad almost.

 

I have my own views on that, but the idea that you would ever get a tourist visa for her to visit the US is fanciful at best. The age difference alone would throw up huge red flags for the CO.

 

So you get an immigrant visa for her. That'll take at least a year, and then you are looking at how long you will live. 80 is a pretty good innings already.

 

Don't mean this in any way to be mean, but just looking at reality

I would urge you to add two factors to your view of "reality."

One is the degree to which life expectancy has grown over the last 50 years thanks to miracle medicines and biotics, and greater health/nutrition awareness.

Equally important in my mind is an awareness of how we shape our own reality.  I've become particularly aware of how people my age follow an aging script which has them gradually slump over, do less, and imitate their grandfathers.  If you think you only have a few years left and your life in narrowing down, it will.  If you think you're still on the upswing, who's to say you're not.

[lopburi3]

7 hours ago, habuspasha said:

One is the degree to which life expectancy has grown over the last 50 years thanks to miracle medicines and biotics, and greater health/nutrition awareness.

For US male from 67.1 to 75.1 from 1970-2020 (and going down since then).  But agree attitude can make a world of difference - until our bodies start to kick us in the as.

[YITB1980]

On 1/23/2022 at 9:04 AM, bkk6060 said:

All these married guys "kinda happy".

Jeez, I would never get married here too many falling into the purgatory trap. If she is demanding way too easy to find another gf probably younger and cuter.

I know a guy who just got married here. His chief (apparent) reason for doing so was because he was convinced she was going to leave him if he didn't put a ring on her finger. I suggested that if she left him, there are plenty of fish in the sea but he had trouble believing he could find another "good" lady like her. 

[PFMills]

21 minutes ago, YITB1980 said:

I know a guy who just got married here. His chief (apparent) reason for doing so was because he was convinced she was going to leave him if he didn't put a ring on her finger. I suggested that if she left him, there are plenty of fish in the sea but he had trouble believing he could find another "good" lady like her. 

She may well have done. Women want, among other things, security. This does not apply just to women from Thailand.

 

If they think, after a period, that the guy is not serious they may leave. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person.

 

If he is happy with her then why not make her happy.

 

Coming from a guy who has been happy for close to twenty years.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/23/2022 at 8:58 AM, habuspasha said:

Any thoughts?

Village wedding.

Being married without any legalities to get in the way, as it has no legal standing.

 

Otherwise, don't get married. It's a rotten institution IMO, and fails about 50% of the time, so not a good bet.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/26/2022 at 11:33 PM, PFMills said:

If he is happy with her then why not make her happy.

If she needs a bit of paper to be happy I suggest she isn't with the guy for the right reason.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/26/2022 at 11:07 PM, YITB1980 said:

I know a guy who just got married here. His chief (apparent) reason for doing so was because he was convinced she was going to leave him if he didn't put a ring on her finger. I suggested that if she left him, there are plenty of fish in the sea but he had trouble believing he could find another "good" lady like her. 

If the only way she will stay with him is with a ring, IMO she isn't worth it.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/24/2022 at 5:38 AM, habuspasha said:

32 and 73 actually.  Love at first sight for me. I wouldn't presume the same for her, but she said early on she found me kind and with a good heart, and later handsome and she loved me.  There's a story there about our first anniversary.

What could possibly go wrong?

Reading the divorce stories on this subforum would be a wise decision to know the reality.

[Hummin]

32 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What could possibly go wrong?

Reading the divorce stories on this subforum would be a wise decision to know the reality.

The negativity outplay the positive experiences. Sad but true.

 

My gf never been married, and if I love her and want to share my life with her, it is a nice way to honor her and what we share together. 

 

A romantic fool maybe, but life is short and I'm all for having as many joyful moments as possible. Marry her and make her happy will be one of them, but first two more years to pass the 7 years curse, and legal marriage after 10 years. If we fail after that, then at least it was 10 or more good years

 

 

To much negativity early morning ☕

 

 

 

Edited January 27, 2022 by Hummin

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

My gf never been married, and if I love her and want to share my life with her, it is a nice way to honor her and what we share together. 

How do you know she's never been married?

Because she told you .............. OK.

[Hummin]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

How do you know she's never been married?

Because she told you .............. OK.

If she lie about that, and there is no sin sod involved, then be it. 

 

Sin sod Was on of the first thing I cleared with her mom. Show money ???? that's it 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Hummin

[habuspasha]

16 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Village wedding.

Being married without any legalities to get in the way, as it has no legal standing.

 

Otherwise, don't get married. It's a rotten institution IMO, and fails about 50% of the time, so not a good bet.

This would be good advice if the appearance of marriage was all that mattered.  But we already project that, even down to giving her parents a house and a car.  I think it's the legal reality that matters for what I want now: easy travel for her between the US and LOS, possible US residency or citizenship, and survivor social security.  Thanks for pointing that out to me.

 

[habuspasha]

16 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What could possibly go wrong?

Meeting at 32 and 73, I'm sure we both had plenty of negative expectations.  Enough to wonder: what could possibly go right!  But that was a delightful seven years ago.  In that time we have not only grown closer, we've also made each other  happier, healthier, and more attractive.  

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, habuspasha said:

Meeting at 32 and 73, I'm sure we both had plenty of negative expectations.  Enough to wonder: what could possibly go right!  But that was a delightful seven years ago.  In that time we have not only grown closer, we've also made each other  happier, healthier, and more attractive.  

I've known a few couples that lived together quite happily for years, got married and fell out after. Seems that the fact of being married can change things, and not for the better. Just saying.

 

I try to live by the adage that if it is working now, don't try to "change' it.

 

Of course, always "up to you".

 

 

[PFMills]

On 1/28/2022 at 6:06 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

If she needs a bit of paper to be happy I suggest she isn't with the guy for the right reason.

Says a guy with his head in the sand.  You seem to not have much idea about women. Security, though not at the top is quite high on their list. Out of interest how many divorces have you had.

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, PFMills said:

Says a guy with his head in the sand.  You seem to not have much idea about women. Security, though not at the top is quite high on their list. Out of interest how many divorces have you had.

All women is bad and all women lie (more than themselves)

 

When reading the posts here, some seems they believe they are perfect without any faults. Everyone else is crazy, lying and doing all the  bad things while themselves angels with the best intentions. 

 

I'm surprised so many lacking to see they are part of the problem.

[Patong2]

On 1/26/2022 at 12:53 AM, habuspasha said:

I would urge you to add two factors to your view of "reality."

One is the degree to which life expectancy has grown over the last 50 years thanks to miracle medicines and biotics, and greater health/nutrition awareness.

Equally important in my mind is an awareness of how we shape our own reality.  I've become particularly aware of how people my age follow an aging script which has them gradually slump over, do less, and imitate their grandfathers.  If you think you only have a few years left and your life in narrowing down, it will.  If you think you're still on the upswing, who's to say you're not.

Good attitude and as we get older and look around us it is amazing how many people are waiting to die.

To heck with that.

Stay reasonably fit, eat reasonably healthy and above all have something to look forward to when you wake up tomorrow.

Still too much to enjoy on this lovely planet

[RandiRona]

On 1/27/2022 at 8:22 PM, BritManToo said:

How do you know she's never been married?

Spider Tingle!!

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

All women is bad and all women lie (more than themselves)

 

When reading the posts here, some seems they believe they are perfect without any faults. Everyone else is crazy, lying and doing all the  bad things while themselves angels with the best intentions. 

 

I'm surprised so many lacking to see they are part of the problem.

I used to be a good person, faithful, loyal, truthful, etc.

Then my Brit wife (after 30 years) taught me it was pointless.

 

Now I'm a bad person, and life is much better.

I do what I like, when I like and with whom I like.

 

.... the problem is women ....... and men who apologise for women and empower their behaviour ..........