How easy is it to fall in love, real love, over 50?

[habuspasha]

Falling in love over 50?

 

I was 73 when I fell in love at first sight.  It hadn't happened since I had been about 30.  Then she had been 18 and that one lasted about ten years.  This time she was 32. Since I felt like I did in 1969, I hoped this girl who wasn't born until 1981 felt the same.    When someone says she loves you, it's hard to realize she may not mean what you mean.  How much is support?  How much is chemistry?  What is hansum worth?  

[LaosLover]

1 hour ago, habuspasha said:

I remember cheap courier flights from New York to Hong Kong and to Mexico City in the eighties.  Great way to travel light; you could only take a carry-on.

Your last sentence above reads like it might be interesting, but I don't understand it.  Explain?

The short version would be my Dad's advice not to get entangled with anyone less sane or moral than myself. Sort of a you can't cheat an honest man-take on life. 

 

 

[Hummin]

29 minutes ago, Robin said:

Can be done, but remember that you will not have had a common upbringing with your partner.  probably applies to most Thai/Farang marriages.  So no common experiences from before you met.

But... it can work with good-will from both sides, and a desire o make it work.

Married 35+ years to Thai lady, and intending to carry on for another35

Isn't falling in love at first sight just a way of saying you where attracted by her appearance?

 

Falling in love means something else to me, and that takes time, not just a first time appearance "kick"

[GinBoy2]

3 hours ago, Hummin said:

Isn't falling in love at first sight just a way of saying you where attracted by her appearance?

 

Falling in love means something else to me, and that takes time, not just a first time appearance "kick"

Well, thats the kicker.

 

We can all be consumed by instant lust, which is just physical attraction.

 

Love develops over time. More often than not, sex comes long after that feeling of being comfortable with another human.

 

Lots of flirting, and I'll fess up to this, is the precursor to a full blown romantic relationship that will last over time, rather than a lustful encounter

 

 

[Mac Mickmanus]

22 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Well, thats the kicker.

 

We can all be consumed by instant lust, which is just physical attraction.

 

Love develops over time. More often than not, sex comes long after that feeling of being comfortable with another human.

 

Lots of flirting, and I'll fess up to this, is the precursor to a full blown romantic relationship that will last over time, rather than a lustful encounter

 

 

Yes, some men into a bar drink and quite a few beers and then see a woman with a short skirt on , high heels and cleavage showing and full make -up and in he 20's and guys in their 50's get an urge in their loins and they mis take that urge for "falling in love"

[thaibeachlovers]

9 hours ago, Grecian said:

How much is the state pension?

I don't qualify to get the pension in Thailand, so I was living on my savings while there. They had some stupid rule I didn't know about, and it was a shock when I was denied. I could have managed, just, if I'd stayed married, but that became impossible, so i had to leave and return to NZ to get the pension.

[thaibeachlovers]

32 minutes ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Yes, some men into a bar drink and quite a few beers and then see a woman with a short skirt on , high heels and cleavage showing and full make -up and in he 20's and guys in their 50's get an urge in their loins and they mis take that urge for "falling in love"

I didn't need beers to fall in lust, but she did have to actually be attractive. Given by some of the bar girls I saw around, I guess several beers were needed to think they were an option.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, Hummin said:

Isn't falling in love at first sight just a way of saying you where attracted by her appearance?

 

Falling in love means something else to me, and that takes time, not just a first time appearance "kick"

Actually it can be a real experience. I fell in love with my first GF and she with me almost at first sight. Back then good girls didn't have sex  ( no pill back then ) because of the risk of getting pregnant, so it wasn't about sex. Unfortunately, life parted us so we never got married.

She did get married after me, and lived together with her husband till he died a couple of years ago, which is probably unusual nowadays.

[Mac Mickmanus]

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I didn't need beers to fall in lust, but she did have to actually be attractive. Given by some of the bar girls I saw around, I guess several beers were needed to think they were an option.

Maybe you did feel horny without a beer , but like most people , you probably got more horny with the more alcohol you consumed in the evening and after five or six beers at the end of the night , you wasn't bothered what they looked like, as long as you could have sex with them 

[thaibeachlovers]

7 minutes ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Maybe you did feel horny without a beer , but like most people , you probably got more horny with the more alcohol you consumed in the evening and after five or six beers at the end of the night , you wasn't bothered what they looked like, as long as you could have sex with them 

That would qualify as a miracle as I gave up alcohol long before I discovered Thailand's night life.

Like I said, I don't need anything to be instantly lustful.

[Mac Mickmanus]

7 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That would qualify as a miracle as I gave up alcohol long before I discovered Thailand's night life.

Like I said, I don't need anything to be instantly lustful.

Do you feel horny all the time ?

I seem to spend everyday talking to you about you having sex .

Do you take any extra  supplements that make you feel horny all the time ?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Do you feel horny all the time ?

I seem to spend everyday talking to you about you having sex .

Do you take any extra  supplements that make you feel horny all the time ?

That would be hard given I don't stay on here too long any more, but I know what you mean.

 

Extra supplements- not unless you count vitamin C. I think I'm probably normal for a guy with the usual hormones.

Perhaps it's the lack of opportunity that makes me think about it more than I would if I could.

 

I envy guys in LOS that have enough money to indulge in rumpty on a regular basis. They should thank the deity every day that they can, as there are a lot of guys that can't.

[Mac Mickmanus]

19 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That would be hard given I don't stay on here too long any more, but I know what you mean.

 

Extra supplements- not unless you count vitamin C. I think I'm probably normal for a guy with the usual hormones.

Perhaps it's the lack of opportunity that makes me think about it more than I would if I could.

 

I envy guys in LOS that have enough money to indulge in rumpty on a regular basis. They should thank the deity every day that they can, as there are a lot of guys that can't.

Honestly , it gets repetitive , mundane and boring after a while , girls chasing after you continually asking/begging/pleading for you to have sex with them , when you literally only go out at night and reman in the shadows hoping that none of them see you . 

  Even when you give girls some money and make excuses as to why they cannot come back to your room . 

  

[GinBoy2]

So back to the OP.

 

I think we have dived into wanting sex versus wanting love.

 

There are some for whom casual sex will suffice, and that's fine

 

But if we are talking love, especially older love, that takes some effort.

 

A 50 something man looking for real love, just don't for a second think that 20 something woman loves you for anything more than money, you are deluding yourself.

 

Now focus a woman roughly your same age, well you are gonna have to put in the effort.

She's been around the block the same as you, but if you really want 'love' thats what it takes.

 

If all you want is sex, well, pay for it. 

 

But if you want love companionship, with sex then you gotta work for it.

When we get older we all have baggage. Ex wives, husbands, kids etc

 

If it's love you're after you have to work all that out

[bunnydrops]

I met my wife online at the age of 63. I never thought of myself as the marrying kind but decided if I was going to do it, it was time. A friend had told me "You can sit at the station and watch the trains come in and go, but you want to be on that last train". To love someone is to be taking a big chance, and some just can't do that. As for love at an older age, I think it is a lot like arranged marriage. As I had read some where why arranged marriages work " Its the difference on how we make tea. In the west, you boil the water and then add the tea. In the east, we add the tea and bring it to a boil."

I am 75 now and it was the best bet of my life.

Edited April 4, 2022 by bunnydrops
addition

[Walker88]

On 4/2/2022 at 1:14 AM, LaosLover said:

They think you're going to support them for no good reason and you think they're going to give you the sex you want for no good reason.

 

There has to be a non-toxic, rational reason for these unusual events to happen.

Not sure if the reason is toxic---either toxic masculinity or toxic femininity---but it is chemical.

 

We will always dress it up for more than it is, because it makes us feel we have things like free will and all that, but most every action we take in life is driven by the instinct to propagate our gene pool. We males can produce an almost unlimited number of offspring, but not every women will have us, so we possess that drive from about age 13 to (hopefully) 80+. Women's chances are limited by the toll it takes on her body, so her drive has her seeking support, which in today's world tends to be financial. After menopause, her instincts fade, as she isn't going to be able to propagate her gene pool anymore. If she has a particularly sensitive bit of lady parts, she might still want to engage in the deed, but for many women it seems the thrill is gone.

 

All things considered, I see no Earthly reason why I would ever want to be female....who the heck would want to endure, even one time, nine months of discomfort and a body out of control. That's not even to mention around 40 years of that 'monthly visitor' or whatever the quaint term for menstruation is. A males function in the reproductive process is pure pleasure, and unless one is a responsible sort of fellow, can be one and done in an hour's time. That's a biological advantage of males of most every species that's tough to beat.

 

So what's love got to do with it? It's just a way humans put frosting on a cake. Obviously it can be a joy, but dopamine's main function isn't love, it's to get us randy and in the mood for love (making).

Edited April 4, 2022 by Walker88

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/4/2022 at 11:59 AM, GinBoy2 said:

So back to the OP.

 

I think we have dived into wanting sex versus wanting love.

 

There are some for whom casual sex will suffice, and that's fine

 

But if we are talking love, especially older love, that takes some effort.

 

A 50 something man looking for real love, just don't for a second think that 20 something woman loves you for anything more than money, you are deluding yourself.

 

Now focus a woman roughly your same age, well you are gonna have to put in the effort.

She's been around the block the same as you, but if you really want 'love' thats what it takes.

 

If all you want is sex, well, pay for it. 

 

But if you want love companionship, with sex then you gotta work for it.

When we get older we all have baggage. Ex wives, husbands, kids etc

 

If it's love you're after you have to work all that out

I don't think "romantic love" exists. IMO in the beginning it's lust and if we are lucky it becomes companionship or friendship.

 

If I want "love" I'll get a dog, but if it's sex then it has to be a female, and if the only people that will with me look like my granny then I'll be celibate. Too many pitfalls with getting married for me to bother.

[thaibeachlovers]

23 hours ago, Walker88 said:

All things considered, I see no Earthly reason why I would ever want to be female....who the heck would want to endure, even one time, nine months of discomfort and a body out of control. That's not even to mention around 40 years of that 'monthly visitor' or whatever the quaint term for menstruation is.

Getting pregnant isn't obligatory. If by some freak chance I woke up as a woman that was at least half way attractive I'd be getting free dinners and loads of sex every night, but pregnant, never . As for marriage- not a chance.

 

[GinBoy2]

17 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't think "romantic love" exists. IMO in the beginning it's lust and if we are lucky it becomes companionship or friendship.

 

If I want "love" I'll get a dog, but if it's sex then it has to be a female, and if the only people that will with me look like my granny then I'll be celibate. Too many pitfalls with getting married for me to bother.

Well you're right all relationships basically start off as lust.

 

But against the cynics many of us do manage to make that transition to partners/soulmates/friends with sex as a rather nice add on.

 

Can't say me and Mrs G haven't had our fair share of couple ding dong's over the past 20+ years, but because we fundamentally do love each other it always ends up with laughter, usually after I've capitulated! lol

[LaosLover]

51 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

if it's sex then it has to be a female, and if the only people that will with me look like my granny then I'll be celibate. 

Edited April 5, 2022 by LaosLover
Has sewn up the topic in 14 words.

[bendejo]

On 3/23/2022 at 4:17 PM, Gottfrid said:

Just pay for it!

You're not just paying them to go with you, you're also paying them to leave.  IMO THAT is the beauty of it.

 

In Rio, the over-30 women are appalled and bewildered that the foreign men come down there and spend all their time with the pros.  They do not comprehend the wisdom of the first paragraph.

 

 

[Gottfrid]

2 minutes ago, bendejo said:

You're not just paying them to go with you, you're also paying them to leave.  IMO THAT is the beauty of it.

 

In Rio, the over-30 women are appalled and bewildered that the foreign men come down there and spend all their time with the pros.  They do not comprehend the wisdom of the first paragraph.

 

 

Hey bendejo! Doesn´t matter to me. A hole in one is a hole in one. Sometimes two holes on the same court makes it easier for the balls. But on the other hand, it´s a funny game, where the club should be in the hole and most agree to that the balls are preferred outside. But, hey! Everyone to their own.