Filial Piety - What's wrong with it?

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

22 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Women only care about their bloodline.

I thought you were a man?

Men and women don't have the same biological programming.

I love my Thai step-daughter much more than my four Brit kids, but I'm not a woman.

I'm sad for you if you have such a cynical view of yours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

the vast majority of farang relationships with Thai women started out with a beer,

All my relationships with women started with alcoholic drinks.

Same for all my friendships with men.

 

Nobody sober would have anything to do with me!

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

Selective editing of my posts only discredits you.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

I'm confident my stepdaughter would disagree with you as stongly as I do. I'm sad for you if you have such a cynical view of yours.

 

 

Thinking you know the mind of a woman is the ultimate male hubris.

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Thinking you know the mind of a woman is the ultimate male hubris.

Back at you. You somehow think you know the female mind better because your relationships are entirely transactional? I'm genuinely sad for you if that's how your life is with your kids.

 

 

 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 4/14/2022 at 8:38 PM, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

When my money ran out, I was thrown a lifeline by Thai family

Why did your money run out. 

How did that happen? 

 

[NanLaew]

2 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

On 4/14/2022 at 8:38 PM, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

When my money ran out, I was thrown a lifeline by Thai family

Why did your money run out. 

How did that happen? 

Is that important?

 

FWIW, I was bailed out once by my Thai wife's family, no strings attached. No big numbers either, just a quarter million baht but they're far from rich. It's the thought that counts, no?

[SAFETY FIRST]

4 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

15 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

On 4/14/2022 at 8:38 PM, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

When my money ran out, I was thrown a lifeline by Thai family

Why did your money run out. 

How did that happen? 

Is that important?

It's an interesting statement. 

 

Where I come from, money doesn't run out.

 

At times we run out of petrol, beer or cigarettes, never money.

 

 

 

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

If you must know, I blew my savings on getting my stepdaughter an education in the UK and making her British.

 

 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

4 minutes ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

If you must know, I blew my savings on getting my stepdaughter an education in the UK and making her British.

 

 

 

Wow, that's a very nice gesture. 

 

I hope she's doing well. 

 

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

Back at you. You somehow think you know the female mind better because your relationships are entirely transnational? I'm genuinely sad for you if that's how your life is with your kids.

I don't need to know what they want or what they think.

They can take the 10k/month and serve me, or not, up to them.

 

[NanLaew]

On 4/15/2022 at 9:18 AM, Walker88 said:

... The society that allows us to succeed has a foundation built of rule of law and relative safety, and most of that is created through the tax process.

And then there's Thailand.

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

37 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I don't need to know what they want or what they think.

They can take the 10k/month and serve me, or not, up to them.

 

I take it back, I'm not sad for you. You deserve it.

[Led Lolly Yellow Lolly]

1 hour ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

It's an interesting statement. 

 

Where I come from, money doesn't run out.

 

At times we run out of petrol, beer or cigarettes, never money.

 

 

 

I have to ask though, what do you call it when you have no money? Do you pick it from trees, or is it like running out of fuel and the fuel fairy fills up the car for you when you sleep?

[Leaver]

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Partly, yes, it is shown by money - it is something that I have that they didn't when we first met... and I am not embarrassed that I help kind decent people who were dirt poor when I met them.

 

I appreciate your honest response. 

 

Do you ever feel, at any point in your relationship, which may possibly have been early in the relationship, that you were using your superior financial position to secure the relationship, and did you ever think your Thai girl was only ever interested in your superior financial position? 

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

And many of your ilk try and make me feel bad for using my $$ to help others... I wonder if they were this cheap w/a first wife in their home country?

 

No need to take it personally, or make personal attacks.  It's your money to do as you please.  I don't care if you give it all over to a Thai family, or lose it all at a casino. 

 

It really goes back to the original issue, if you had no money, or very little to throw around, would she be with you?  Is it possible the only reason she is with you is because you do spend money on the family, educating the kids etc?

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

And from many of the stories I hear, it is no wonder the Thai lady/family hate the farang... the farang who have sharing relations w/their wives and family, seem to be doing ok...

 

What would your advice be to the farang that have put their life savings into a relationship, and have then been outcast when the money ran out? 

 

If you stopped the money flow, would / could this happen to you?  Serious question.

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

If you want a wife and family, expect to share... if you want a maid, go that route. 

 

Both are about the exchange of money here, aren't they?

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

If I had money and did not help my family in times of emergencies or just in general to have a better life, that would be cruel... 

 

But would it be? 

 

The Thai government doesn't allow foreigners to own land here.  You used the word "share" with the Thai family, but what does Thai law share with you for your purchase in real estate here?

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

They worked all day in the fields, growing rice and vegetables which they shared unquestioningly with me... but so much more- we shared the tough emotional life threatening moments, sitting for days together on a hospital bed when a family member was sick, and dropping everything else in life to be there... and yes, they provided the same for me when I was sick - and I have seen the same for other farang too, where the family was there for them in times of need and ill health. 

 

That's great, but do you think that's the experience of the majority here?  

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

When we rebuilt Father's teak house on our property, many years ago, i offered to pay the 600,000 baht to do it - he refused unless I assured him that I had enough money for myself in the bank back home. This same man faced with a life and death decision at the hospital, left that decision to me. Often times, the health emergencies we face through the years, together, are the events that being us very close.

 

Strange.

 

Why did he leave this decision to you, and not his wife or kids?

 

20 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

If you don't want that, fine, but don't run down others who make other choices with their lives and money.  

 

I'm not running down anyone.  Once again, no need to take it personally.  I am very much speaking in general.  Again, what percentage of relationships here do you think are similar to yours, compared to relationships based on fleecing the foreigner? 

 

Surely you must have seen cases where you knew the Thai girl was fleecing the foreigner. 

 

 

[Leaver]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

My former Brit wife announced our divorce the same week I retired for good.

The moment I stopped earning money for her (after 30 years), I was gone.

So no different to Thailand.

 

 

Sure, so why do so many guys here insist their girl is different and it's all about love, not money?  ???? 

[Leaver]

14 hours ago, wwest5829 said:

What I think about being in the minority or majority means only a guess as we do not know. Reading the disaster stories one is tempted to think they are the majority but that would be a conclusion not based on knowledge of the reality. I suppose that is the only point I make.

 

Ok, so there are disaster stories, I think we can all agree on that.

 

How many of the guys in the disaster stories would have said no way is their girl on the scam, because she is different, yet, they got fleeced?

 

How many are reading this thread right now thinking their girl is different, but they are actually being fleeced and don't even know it yet?  Any advice for those guys? 

[Leaver]

13 hours ago, giddyup said:

Oh, how we generalise. Honestly, where do you get this rubbish?

 

Have you been up to the villages in Issan and seen these guys? 

 

The Thai family keep them like they are a pet dog. 

[Leaver]

13 hours ago, Lacessit said:

IMO it boils down to three factors - male-female relationships break down over sex, infidelity, or money. Maybe that's an oversimplification. A lawyer once told me money brings out the worst in people.

 

In Thailand, it is possible for women to be on a similar financial footing as a foreign retiree; however, I would say it's extremely rare. Such women can pick and choose among Thai men, which would make the probability of engaging with a foreigner even lower.

 

It's enjoyable to be able to play the field of beautiful women here, been there, done that. However, when I met a woman who was ticking a lot of boxes, my situation changed. I read the price tag very carefully.

 

There's also a price tag in one-night stands, either wear protection or run the risk of potentially life-threatening STD's. Plus the risk of meeting a complete nutter. As one poster said, nowadays I pay them to leave.

 

Relationships develop over time, what started out as a straightforward sex/money contract developed into warmth, affection and commitment.

 

How many people have been as successful as me? I don't know. On the basis bad news sells, I'd say there are a lot more than appear on ASEAN threads talking about how she did me wrong. Likewise, I can't say how many relationships go from commercial to loving.

 

I'm saying the price tag you are facing is loneliness, and having no-one to care for you in extremis except professionals. To them, you are just another slab of meat.

 

I suggest you read "Nicholas Nickleby" by Charles Dickens. It's a pretty good description of the fate of people whose sole focus is money.

 

 

Good post. 

 

My sole focus isn't money.  For me, wealth is health. 

 

It seems, unlike many here, I do not fear loneliness, never have, even as a young man.  This is a good point, do you think the fear of loneliness is why so many foreigners get fleeced here?  Is it possible they keep paying because going broke is better than being lonely? 

[Leaver]

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

That, Mr Leaver, is a question of judgement. If you are not clever enough to to chose your partner wisely, than the same thing will happen in your home country. You buy a house, a car and make some children. The wife want´s divorce. Who then gets the house, car, children and some of your money?

 

Sure, but do you think age, beauty, sex, affordability etc clouds the judgement of many here? 

 

Do guys really think the the Thai girl thinks they are young and handsome?

 

Do guys really think their girl is "different??

 

We joke about it, yet, it's happening right now, and sad to say, today's victim can be tomorrow's balcony jumper. 

 

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

But, with your attitude, you probably do not own that kind of good judgement.

 

No need for personal attacks.

 

You say I lack good judgement, yet, I am still here, having a great time, yet, many other guys have gone home broke, onto benefits. 

 

Seems to me my judgement is doing fine.

 

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

o, for you it is definitely best to stay alone and rent your needs on a day by day basis.

 

 

Is there anything wrong with this? 

 

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

Out of that reason you should not blame Thailand and it´s people.

 

 

Show me where I have?

 

I have lost nothing here, expect for the odd drink thrown on my bill. 

 

You do make a good point though, and it's one that comes up in conversation, do you blame the gullible guy, or the scamming Thai girl? 

 

Some blame the foreigner guy for being so stupid, some blame the scamming Thai girl for being such a great actress. 

 

I don't blame Thailand, except for the Thai laws around foreigners owning land.  Many would not be fleeced so badly if they could actually own the property here. 

 

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

What is the thing here, is that too many foreigners comes to Thailand and make bad judgements. That based on the availability of booze and girls/sex.

 

Sure, but after decades of guys before them making the same bad decisions, guys still keep coming here and doing it.  This is especially crazy in the age of the internet, with so much information readily available. 

 

13 hours ago, Gottfrid said:

They get blinded and start thinking with the wrong head. So, at the end, you own NO right to blame Thai people for yours or other foreigners losses and bad judgement in Thailand. 

 

Once again, individuals are to blame, and I have lost nothing here, nor do I plan to, so I don't blame Thailand. 

 

Do you have any compassion, whatsoever, for those that have been fleeced here?  I mean, those who should have been enjoying a happy retirement, but instead have gone home broke, onto benefits, or worse, have done a balcony jump? Or, do you think they deserve what they got, due to their bad judgement? 

 

Do you attribute any blame, at all, to the criminal intentions of Thai girls to fleece guys here?  

 

 

 

[Leaver]

13 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

I was just saying you not having a Thai family commitment is why someone said you were off topic, comment as much as you like about your single life mush. 

 

If they were to comment that I lacked experience in marriage here, I would agree, but I disagree that my comments are off topic, just because I am single. 

[Leaver]

13 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I don't know how many went broke, or how many were successful.

IMO trying to own a business of any kind in Thailand is financial suicide for most foreigners. A minimum requirement would be complete fluency in Thai, well connected, and successful in the same type of business in their home country.

 

But isn't owning a bar here "living the dream?"  ????

[Leaver]

11 hours ago, billd766 said:

I really don't care what people on this thread try to spread negative views about Thai families and what will happen to the farang.

 

I am only speaking in general. I am not singling out any member.

 

It's up to each member to assess whether their relationship is solely about money, or if there is genuine love there.

 

 

[Leaver]

11 hours ago, billd766 said:

I also know personally around 25 or so farang/Thai marriages that have worked very well over the years and only 2 have ended in divorce.

 

By personally I mean that I know both partners and not read about them on the sad sack threads.

 

A few years ago on TVF there were several good news threads that were overwhelmed by the moaners and whiners who refuse to believe that good mixed marriages worked then and still work now.

 

You can even see it on this thread if you look.

 

 

Wouldn't it depend on what circles you move in within Thailand?

 

I asked in another post if there was any compassion for the lonely, middle aged, over weight, balding farang that comes to Thailand for female companionship and who gets fleeced.

 

Do you think he deserves to be fleeced?  Or do you thing it's wrong of the Thai girl to fleece him? 

 

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

I appreciate your honest response. 

 

Do you ever feel, at any point in your relationship, which may possibly have been early in the relationship, that you were using your superior financial position to secure the relationship, and did you ever think your Thai girl was only ever interested in your superior financial position? 

 

 

No need to take it personally, or make personal attacks.  It's your money to do as you please.  I don't care if you give it all over to a Thai family, or lose it all at a casino. 

 

It really goes back to the original issue, if you had no money, or very little to throw around, would she be with you?  Is it possible the only reason she is with you is because you do spend money on the family, educating the kids etc?

 

 

What would your advice be to the farang that have put their life savings into a relationship, and have then been outcast when the money ran out? 

 

If you stopped the money flow, would / could this happen to you?  Serious question.

 

 

Both are about the exchange of money here, aren't they?

 

 

But would it be? 

 

The Thai government doesn't allow foreigners to own land here.  You used the word "share" with the Thai family, but what does Thai law share with you for your purchase in real estate here?

 

 

That's great, but do you think that's the experience of the majority here?  

 

 

Strange.

 

Why did he leave this decision to you, and not his wife or kids?

 

 

I'm not running down anyone.  Once again, no need to take it personally.  I am very much speaking in general.  Again, what percentage of relationships here do you think are similar to yours, compared to relationships based on fleecing the foreigner? 

 

2 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Surely you must have seen cases where you knew the Thai girl was fleecing the foreigner. 

 

 

lots of questions here and I will assume your sincerity...

 

not just here, but if you have $$ whether or not someone m or f is interested in you for your $$ - this is and always has been an issue/question. You come to accept that it is part of your package and it is normal for people to be attracted to it or want to scam you out of it... if that is the only thing attracting someone, it is obvious. So, yes, I know my finances were interesting to my wife, she's not stupid... the larger issue is whether or not she is someone I want to share with... It is my decision. 

 

Is it possible the only reason she is with you is because you do spend money on the family, educating the kids etc?

 

I had cash flow issues and there was no big $$ to help the family during the first 5+ years. But I think she knew I liked and cared about her family and would be the type of person to share when my ship came in. 

 

What would your advice be to the farang that have put their life savings into a relationship,

 

Well, that is something I would never do and I have always kept enuf for myself that I can walk away unharmed. Sounds pretty short sighted and not too bright but they can do what they want, not my business. I assume someone who has made up their mind to do something like that is not going to seek out my advice nor listen to it. 

You used the word "share" with the Thai family, but what does Thai law share with you for your purchase in real estate here?

 

Why would the Thai govt have a need to share or make a law for my benefit? I am a guest here. I am happy they let me stay so easily. If I own land in my own country they are going to tax it to death. I don't really get this type of thinking?? Maybe you come from some sort of nanny state?? Any land I buy here is in my Thai wife's name. It is a gift to her so that she will feel more secure. My family are people, they have nothing to do with making laws. 

 

If you stopped the money flow, would / could this happen to you?  Serious question.

 

Could my wife fall out of love w/me and ask me to leave - of course. Do you think i am not smart enuf to consider all possibilities? I have always told her if she wants me to go, give me 24 hours and I am gone. I would surely still want to give her money. I can't imagine not wanting her to have a good life. 

 

I understand that I am not the same as most people. I know that love changes, life changes and I try and allow for most possibilities and an ability to go with the flow. What I have seen is that people who live with their wife's family are often different from the Pattaya crowd. They do it because they know, as I did, that their wife will be very very happy if they can live w/their family and by living in a village, they are the type of people who put their wives happiness ahead of their own. Can you imagine doing that? And probably most ladies appreciate a guy like that. I lived for near 20 years in the village in a remote province and the few farang there, seem to have good relationships w/their wives and families... not the same as Pattaya, I assume? And i enjoyed living there, learning about the culture and language, raising a now 17 yr old niece. 

 

As to the dad letting me make a life and death medical decision for him - he does not know about medical issues and trusts my judgment and that I am going to be more knowledgable than he and will act with love and his best interest at heart. It was not a responsibility I wanted, there were no choices that did not include a chance of death. 

 

 

[BritManToo]

7 hours ago, Leaver said:

I don't blame Thailand, except for the Thai laws around foreigners owning land.  Many would not be fleeced so badly if they could actually own the property here. 

My Brit wife got my Brit house when she divorced me in the UK, the laws aren't any different back home in the west (just the wording). At least here we know the house will be theirs (if we buy one), and they don't get alimony, child maintenance and your pension.

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

But isn't owning a bar here "living the dream?"  ????

It is for some, there are two conclusions I can make:

1/ They are social animals, and really enjoy the company of their own kind.

2/ They are borderline alcoholics, and want to get on with it.

The two propositions are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

[BritManToo]

9 hours ago, Led Lolly Yellow Lolly said:

what do you call it when you have no money?

I call it waiting for my pension to arrive.

[Lacessit]

7 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

 

Good post. 

 

My sole focus isn't money.  For me, wealth is health. 

 

It seems, unlike many here, I do not fear loneliness, never have, even as a young man.  This is a good point, do you think the fear of loneliness is why so many foreigners get fleeced here?  Is it possible they keep paying because going broke is better than being lonely? 

To me, the two most valuable things are time, and good health. Wealth will do nothing to buy health if one is not prepared to work for it. All wealth does is buy better care if one is really sick.

 

I don't fear loneliness either, I like my time in the village with my GF, and enjoy my solitude in the condo equally.

 

IMO foreigners get fleeced here because they are thinking with the small head instead of the big one. If anything, loneliness IMO is a secondary issue.

 

They bring all their assets into Thailand, which is the first step to financial disaster unless they have their BS meters switched on at maximum gain.

[Gottfrid]

7 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

Sure, but do you think age, beauty, sex, affordability etc clouds the judgement of many here? 

 

Do guys really think the the Thai girl thinks they are young and handsome?

 

Do guys really think their girl is "different??

 

We joke about it, yet, it's happening right now, and sad to say, today's victim can be tomorrow's balcony jumper. 

 

 

No need for personal attacks.

 

You say I lack good judgement, yet, I am still here, having a great time, yet, many other guys have gone home broke, onto benefits. 

 

Seems to me my judgement is doing fine.

 

 

 

Is there anything wrong with this? 

 

 

 

Show me where I have?

 

I have lost nothing here, expect for the odd drink thrown on my bill. 

 

You do make a good point though, and it's one that comes up in conversation, do you blame the gullible guy, or the scamming Thai girl? 

 

Some blame the foreigner guy for being so stupid, some blame the scamming Thai girl for being such a great actress. 

 

I don't blame Thailand, except for the Thai laws around foreigners owning land.  Many would not be fleeced so badly if they could actually own the property here. 

 

 

Sure, but after decades of guys before them making the same bad decisions, guys still keep coming here and doing it.  This is especially crazy in the age of the internet, with so much information readily available. 

 

 

Once again, individuals are to blame, and I have lost nothing here, nor do I plan to, so I don't blame Thailand. 

 

Do you have any compassion, whatsoever, for those that have been fleeced here?  I mean, those who should have been enjoying a happy retirement, but instead have gone home broke, onto benefits, or worse, have done a balcony jump? Or, do you think they deserve what they got, due to their bad judgement? 

 

Do you attribute any blame, at all, to the criminal intentions of Thai girls to fleece guys here?  

 

 

 

Short answer. No, I have no compassion neither for the the people that comes here, and like you chose to say "get fleeced". Nor do I have any compassion for the stupidity they bring with them, that is the real reason why they get fleeced. And, yes, I do blame the stupid foreigner that believes he is in heaven of sex, beauty and affordability at the age of 60+ in a relation with a 18 - 29 year old girl.

It´s all summarized in two simple words: Blissful madness! The punishment for that, is going broke and asking ones friends for money to the plane ticket home to the nursing home they no longer can afford.