Thai soon to be 15 years old girlfriends sons bedroom

[indyo]

15 is a little late to correct this situation, you had to push him on the instruction side and sent him to a good school and chain any reward to school results. what you did about this aspect in the past?

you know about his room do you know about the last school results of the end of march?

[Purdey]

Run as far as you can. There are other girls.

[metisdead]

Removed some posts (and responses) that claimed others were paid to post. If you have any actual evidence please forward it to support. If it's just a lame debating tactic, further references like that may find you without posting rights. 

Edited April 11, 2023 by metisdead

[n00dle]

walk away and start dating a social equal.

[Liverpool Lou]

Great OP, well done, newbie Stevey.

Edited April 11, 2023 by Liverpool Lou

[youreavinalaff]

2 hours ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Remember where this started. Because you liked the mother. Sounds like you don't much now. There has to be a better way to catch up with the 5 year old than taking on the whole family. Maybe she wouldn't mind if you caught up and helped the 5 year old after a break up. If she does then leave it all there. 

Especially as the maths doesn't add up.

 

On another thread the OP wrote he had been on the "piss" in the village with another expat for "a few years". That ended "a couple of years ago". 

 

That would suggest he has been in the house for well over 5 years. The child is not his. Something going on.

Edited April 11, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[IvorBiggun2]

Get out.

[BangkokReady]

5 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

It really would help many topics on this forum if people stopped generalising.

Isn't this a generalisation?

[youreavinalaff]

1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

Isn't this a generalisation?

No. If I was generalising I would not have used the word "many". It would have been "all" or "every" or no adjective at all.

Edited April 11, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[BangkokReady]

21 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

No. If I was generalising I would not have used the word "many". It would have been "all" or "every" or no adjective at all.

You said "if people stopped generalising".  Not everyone generalises.  To say "people" is a generalisation.

[youreavinalaff]

30 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

You said "if people stopped generalising".  Not everyone generalises.  To say "people" is a generalisation.

Yes, I did. In the second part of my sentence. After I'd already used the word "many". Hence, I did not suggests all topics have generalisations. Hence, once again, not a generalisation.

 

Had I said " all people" or " everyone" then it could be construed as a generalisation. I didn't so it isn't.

Edited April 11, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[scorecard]

On 4/10/2023 at 2:00 PM, BangkokReady said:

By chance, this appeared on my YouTube this morning, from Alain De Botton's The School of Life Channel (worth checking out his videos):

 

I think you're probably right with the "feral child" angle.  Although he still has some mental development to go through, and his brain will still have some plasticity, he's gone past some pretty significant developmental stages already.

 

You might not be able to completely reverse the damage, but you will likely be able to reduce it somewhat and prevent any further damage from occurring.

 

His friends might prove a bit of a challenge also.

 

I don't think there's any reason to give up on him.  It's just going to be challenging to win him over and he will probably push you away and be slow to warm to you.

 

I'm sure if you are kind to him, show him that you are there to stay, be consistent, try to include him, he will come round eventually.  Even adults appreciate having an older person provide that positive male role-model.

Well i've done some study in this area. One think I learned very clearly is

don't put people into textbook definition boxes. Human beings are individuals. 

[The Old Bull]

Years ago I told my young fellow that if he ever hope to get laid a messy room would be a turn off for sure. I told him that if he brought a girlfriend home she would take one look at his room and then come into mine. He got the message and he has had a clean room ever since and that was 30 years ago.

[Stevey]

10 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

Especially as the maths doesn't add up.

 

On another thread the OP wrote he had been on the "piss" in the village with another expat for "a few years". That ended "a couple of years ago". 

 

That would suggest he has been in the house for well over 5 years. The child is not his. Something going on.

???? Your quite the piece of work aren’t you ‘ Your avin a Laff ‘. Don’t worry I a big boy I can take what ever you can throw ???? I’m not touch typing this on an iMac in my study with a smoking jacket on. I’m writing this gold on the fly quick on an iPhone sometimes a paragraph turns into my life story and then I have to go back and check spelling and punctuation, coz that matters for my rep.

 

Ask me any question you want. The lad is 5 and a couple of months. I arrived in his life at 1 year old after splitting from his mom for a few years prior. She who got a Thai boyfriend after a few years and had the baby I wouldn’t have with her. 5years ago , still split, she contacts me and says she having a baby. The boyfriend finding our correspondence starts sending me some messages about her saying she was a 5hithouse and a gambling addict. Later she has the baby and says she is single, from the correspondence I get from the Thai boyfriend it does seem like they are split up and she is single with the new baby.  So that will be 5 years ago. For a year I help her out with B5k a month on receipt of the baby in the hospital bed in arms shot. After a year I give up my job as a white hot supermarket fridge engineer and embark upon a four month holiday. At the end I go up to Isaan and see her prior to a motorcycle trip round the North of Thailand. We rekindle things and I see the about to be 1 years old boy for the first time who at this point owes me B60k on account and she was destitute. That was 4 years ago. After getting there as often as I could over the ensuing year or so Covid arrived. Never really felt a lot for the lad over the time. But he did some funny stuff and I went along with the ride. In 2021 Jan31 I’d done a year in a food factory fixing machines and amazingly mixing in close quarters with a 1000 workers with no masks or vaccines I was still alive. I gave that job up and got on an Emirates flight from Birmingham Airport. The only one that day. The next day all flights were grounded again due to Grant Shnapps. So lucky I got out of that hell hole. 
 

After the 2 weeks quarantine eventually I got to them up north. It has been a long year. The last time I’d had seen them and the dogs , my beautiful Gati, in the flesh was when I’d left them as people were talking about a virus in China in Jan 2020. 
 

To my amazement and my girlfriends Dang who had been quite passive on the LINE calls ran all the way to the Soi to hug me.  He took some time to feel safe alone with me without his mom being near to 3 years old but overtime and now we are inseparable. He’s 5 now. Little Dang. A few months ago I moved all my stuff out and stayed at a friend’s. One of the most terrible experiences I’ve ever had. It was a spur of the moment decision and she had been angry for weeks.  Because she is/was a gambler and always if she saw money languishing in the account she would empty it with out asking. It would only be 3000 baht or so but many times I’d go to the ATM on a Sunday or other time that Transferwise would take ages to send money from the UK and I’d find I had no money in my pockets or any way of getting from the Kasikorn account, other than ATM Barclays, no thanks. 
 

So I would transfer what I wanted and draw it out immediately and give her money as she needed it and pay the bills. Well because I was now gone she was playing it like well if I’m not getting a salary you needn’t return.

 

It hadn’t gone as I thought it would. But I had had enough or her mood. Which in hindsight I’d created. She had   Got herself a job in a local factory becaushe wanted to work. And I was able to see Dang after school while he stayed with her sister. I’ve never had a child of my own but this was a terrible feeling for both of us. 
 

We agreed a Salary and after a few days her mood improved and I moved back in. Dang was happy and he and I realised that she is a psycho like my own Mother. But I had to go thru that separation to realise what was important. 
 

Okay right , I will now open the floor up to questions. 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/10/2023 at 2:56 AM, Gaccha said:

He appears to be suffering from a hoarding disorder . This is a sign of a serious mental issue and it might well be owing to depression or schizophrenia and so on. The best route ahead will probably involve SSRIs and cognitive behavioural therapy. But you need to get him to a doctor.

Disagree, IMO he's just an idle <deleted> that never had any discipline.

 

Does the place belong to the OP? If it's rented, leave them to carry on without the ATM to pay for it.

 

I had a similar problem with my wife's nephews, but I had to leave to get my sanity back as it was the family house.

 

If the OP can't move, can't leave the GF and can't get rid of the son, just ignore it, but don't pay anything for son's expenses. It's not like he has to live in that room. Making an issue of it with GF isn't going to work out well, as he is her son, after all.

[thaibeachlovers]

30 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Okay right , I will now open the floor up to questions. 

Do you actually see a future with a woman that steals your money to gamble and why is she able to access your bank account to take the money in the first place?

Why are you paying her a "salary" when she can get a job?

[likerdup1]

I think he rents probably this room from "Dirty Mike and the Boys".  Personally I would not get wrapped up in the affairs of a Thai family. If I date a girl and the "RED FLAGS" start showing up then I'm running away man!

 

You might want to quit while your ahead and find another "girl friend" if you want to call her that.

Edited April 11, 2023 by likerdup1

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/11/2023 at 12:00 AM, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

She thought she was getting married to a local village boy, and getting a 50k sin sod,

Perhaps she didn't realise that sin sod is for her parents, not her.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/10/2023 at 5:07 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

The hobby psychologist in me tells me the room the way it is tells everybody: Stay out! Leave me alone!

I don't think the son wants that anybody walks into that room. So he makes sure nobody wants to walk in there.

It seems he didn't grow up with a loving relationship with his mother. And it seems lots of Thais think kids just grow up by themselves, as if parents and other people have no influence at all. Surprise, good parents and other people make a huge difference. But when that didn't happen for 15 years then I see hard times coming. You can't just fix a situation or person like that. 

Character, so far as I know, is fixed by 3 years old. That kid ain't going to change, so I agree, the kid can't be fixed. Live with it or leave, but start locking the room so he can't steal stuff. Complaining about the kid stealing and doing nothing about it isn't helping anybody.

[youreavinalaff]

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

???? Your quite the piece of work aren’t you ‘ Your avin a Laff ‘. Don’t worry I a big boy I can take what ever you can throw ???? I’m not touch typing this on an iMac in my study with a smoking jacket on. I’m writing this gold on the fly quick on an iPhone sometimes a paragraph turns into my life story and then I have to go back and check spelling and punctuation, coz that matters for my rep.

 

Ask me any question you want. The lad is 5 and a couple of months. I arrived in his life at 1 year old after splitting from his mom for a few years prior. She who got a Thai boyfriend after a few years and had the baby I wouldn’t have with her. 5years ago , still split, she contacts me and says she having a baby. The boyfriend finding our correspondence starts sending me some messages about her saying she was a 5hithouse and a gambling addict. Later she has the baby and says she is single, from the correspondence I get from the Thai boyfriend it does seem like they are split up and she is single with the new baby.  So that will be 5 years ago. For a year I help her out with B5k a month on receipt of the baby in the hospital bed in arms shot. After a year I give up my job as a white hot supermarket fridge engineer and embark upon a four month holiday. At the end I go up to Isaan and see her prior to a motorcycle trip round the North of Thailand. We rekindle things and I see the about to be 1 years old boy for the first time who at this point owes me B60k on account and she was destitute. That was 4 years ago. After getting there as often as I could over the ensuing year or so Covid arrived. Never really felt a lot for the lad over the time. But he did some funny stuff and I went along with the ride. In 2021 Jan31 I’d done a year in a food factory fixing machines and amazingly mixing in close quarters with a 1000 workers with no masks or vaccines I was still alive. I gave that job up and got on an Emirates flight from Birmingham Airport. The only one that day. The next day all flights were grounded again due to Grant Shnapps. So lucky I got out of that hell hole. 
 

After the 2 weeks quarantine eventually I got to them up north. It has been a long year. The last time I’d had seen them and the dogs , my beautiful Gati, in the flesh was when I’d left them as people were talking about a virus in China in Jan 2020. 
 

To my amazement and my girlfriends Dang who had been quite passive on the LINE calls ran all the way to the Soi to hug me.  He took some time to feel safe alone with me without his mom being near to 3 years old but overtime and now we are inseparable. He’s 5 now. Little Dang. A few months ago I moved all my stuff out and stayed at a friend’s. One of the most terrible experiences I’ve ever had. It was a spur of the moment decision and she had been angry for weeks.  Because she is/was a gambler and always if she saw money languishing in the account she would empty it with out asking. It would only be 3000 baht or so but many times I’d go to the ATM on a Sunday or other time that Transferwise would take ages to send money from the UK and I’d find I had no money in my pockets or any way of getting from the Kasikorn account, other than ATM Barclays, no thanks. 
 

So I would transfer what I wanted and draw it out immediately and give her money as she needed it and pay the bills. Well because I was now gone she was playing it like well if I’m not getting a salary you needn’t return.

 

It hadn’t gone as I thought it would. But I had had enough or her mood. Which in hindsight I’d created. She had   Got herself a job in a local factory becaushe wanted to work. And I was able to see Dang after school while he stayed with her sister. I’ve never had a child of my own but this was a terrible feeling for both of us. 
 

We agreed a Salary and after a few days her mood improved and I moved back in. Dang was happy and he and I realised that she is a psycho like my own Mother. But I had to go thru that separation to realise what was important. 
 

Okay right , I will now open the floor up to questions. 

 

Yep. So I was right. 

 

Not sure what your rant is all about.

 

Being split for a short time and in that time your girlfriend got pregnant, well ............

[Neeranam]

NEVER hook up with a Thai woman who has a son. 

 

I've only known one or two instances where it has worked. 

 

That is absolutely animal like and the girlfriend must be .........

[Neeranam]

5 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

You said "if people stopped generalising".  Not everyone generalises.  To say "people" is a generalisation.

Everyone generalizes, it's human nature. 

[IvorBiggun2]

9 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

Yes, I did. In the second part of my sentence.

Still trolling I see.

[BangkokReady]

9 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

Yes, I did. In the second part of my sentence. After I'd already used the word "many". Hence, I did not suggests all topics have generalisations. Hence, once again, not a generalisation.

 

Had I said " all people" or " everyone" then it could be construed as a generalisation. I didn't so it isn't.

The "many" has nothing to do with the "people", they are separate.

 

If you had said something specific like "people who generalise need to stop", then that would not have been a generalisation.  But you didn't, you said "if people would stop generalising", which is a generalisation.

 

You don't say which people need to stop generalising, therefore it is a generalisation.

[BangkokReady]

9 hours ago, scorecard said:

Well i've done some study in this area. One think I learned very clearly is

don't put people into textbook definition boxes. Human beings are individuals. 

Not that anyone is doing that, but while human's are individuals, they still basically follow the same patterns of development (unless they have some developmental problem).  To suggest otherwise would be absurd.

[NanLaew]

10 hours ago, The Old Bull said:

I told him that if he brought a girlfriend home she would take one look at his room and then come into mine.

Worked for me!

 

(he hadn't cleaned his room)

[metisdead]

A post with an offensive trolling comment toward Thai women has been removed along with the replies. 

[Stevey]

11 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

Yep. So I was right. 

 

Not sure what your rant is all about.

 

Being split for a short time and in that time your girlfriend got pregnant, well ............

I don’t really see where I’m ranting.  But I do stand by. My earlier claim you are a piece of work alright ????

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

Not that anyone is doing that, but while human's are individuals, they still basically follow the same patterns of development (unless they have some developmental problem).  To suggest otherwise would be absurd.

If they didn't psychology would be impossible. People go through similar development stages and the stages of such as grief are universal.

[youreavinalaff]

6 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

The "many" has nothing to do with the "people", they are separate.

 

If you had said something specific like "people who generalise need to stop", then that would not have been a generalisation.  But you didn't, you said "if people would stop generalising", which is a generalisation.

 

You don't say which people need to stop generalising, therefore it is a generalisation.

People is not the same as everybody. I did not say "all people".

 

Example: Pattaya has gone down hill lately. Why do people still go there when BangSaray is only just down the road?

 

Not a generalisation. Just a comment and question.

Edited April 12, 2023 by youreavinalaff