I think I completely missed the point about (not) having kids

[Celsius]

I am about to turn 50 and I have to admit that perhaps I was wrong about not having children. I wanted to live a bit selfishly all my life, mostly because I watched my parents fight. I promised myself at the very early age I was going to be alone. My childhood life wasn't actually bad, but I always wished I had 2 parents with me. My father was abusive and sometimes I thought I would turn to be like him. I do have a very short temper, so I was right about that. 

 

I left for Thailand 10 years ago. I got married 3 times. Marriages didn't work out because I don't want children. I can now see women's point of view. Even if your children turn out to be selfish, ungrateful bastards, at least in your old age you the illusion of having something that belongs to you. Because let me tell you, right now I have money and I don't even know how to spend it. I just need food and a place to live. The rest of the "stuff" I find completely meaningless.  

 

My father died last year. Most of my family is getting sick and I know my mom even tho I am not with here is still happy to have me. She tells me this every time I speak with her, She doesn't need anything else besides the fact I exist.

 

This is a very short version because I know a wall of text in this forum does not go very well with posters.

 

My wife is 43 years. I am seriously considering Vitro right now.

 

 

 

 

[Crossy]

Have you and your lady considered adopting?

Fostering (is that even a thing here)?

[VocalNeal]

It may not be a popular narrative but children are for young people. Some countries will not do in-vitro for first time potential mothers if they are 40 or over. 

[bignok]

I agree, have a kid. Don't adopt. When it's 50% your dna it means more. Good luck.

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, bignok said:

I agree, have a kid. Don't adopt. When it's 50% your dna it means more. Good luck.

Had 5 biological kids, cared for 2 that weren't mine.

4 biological kids ...... worthless ingrates

1 wasn't mine ....... total nightmare.

 

1 biological son is great, 1 daughter wasn't mine also great.

Don't think DNA matters that much.

If I had to choose just one out of the seven it'd probably be the daughter that wasn't mine.

Edited May 11, 2023 by BritManToo

[KhunLA]

12 minutes ago, bignok said:

I agree, have a kid. Don't adopt. When it's 50% your dna it means more. Good luck.

Not sure how I could love my daughter anymore, simply because she has my DNA.

 

Aside from being there for the birth, surely an amazing experience, but not seeing how the rest would mean more or less, birth vs not.

 

Did you adopt also, to come up with that analysis ?

Edited May 11, 2023 by KhunLA

[bignok]

1 minute ago, KhunLA said:

Not sure how I could love my daughter anymore, simply because she has my DNA.

 

Aside from being there for the birth, surely and amazing experience, not seeing how the rest would mean more or less, birth vs not.

 

Did you adopt also, to come up with that analysis ?

Just my opinion. I can't love a kid unless mine. Tried but doesn't work for me.

[bignok]

3 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Aside from being there for the birth, surely and amazing experience, not seeing how the rest would mean more or less, birth vs not.

Probably the best thing. 

[Celsius]

23 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

It may not be a popular narrative but children are for young people. Some countries will not do in-vitro for first time potential mothers if they are 40 or over. 

 

I agree. Thailand will do tho, even let you choose the sex of the child.

 

The cost is around 500,000b I believe.

[aldriglikvid]

Maybe a pet, such as a dog? 

[bignok]

7 minutes ago, aldriglikvid said:

Maybe a pet, such as a dog? 

Dogs live for 10 years or so. Nothing like a child.

[JBChiangRai]

I have 2 biological adult sons in the UK and adopted 2 Thai girls (a few years apart) when they were 5 and 8, they are now 19 & 20.  It's the best thing I ever did, incredibly rewarding and life changing.

 

DNA has nothing to do with loving your kids.

[OneMoreFarang]

Kids cost a lot of money. And they often cause a lot of headache.

And, IMHO, anybody who wants kids should be committed to take care of them until they finish university.

Are you ready and able to do that?

Do you have a partner who is ready and able to do that, for the next 20 years or so?

 

I think parents should foremost think about what is best for the kids. And not so much that the parents want kids and maybe want to form them according to their wishes.

[bignok]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

Kids cost a lot of money. And they often cause a lot of headache.

And, IMHO, anybody who wants kids should be committed to take care of them until they finish university.

Are you ready and able to do that?

Do you have a partner who is ready and able to do that, for the next 20 years or so?

 

I think parents should foremost think about what is best for the kids. And not so much that the parents want kids and maybe want to form them according to their wishes.

How do poor people have kids then?

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Kids cost a lot of money. And they often cause a lot of headache.

And, IMHO, anybody who wants kids should be committed to take care of them until they finish university.

Are you ready and able to do that?

Do you have a partner who is ready and able to do that, for the next 20 years or so?

 

I think parents should foremost think about what is best for the kids. And not so much that the parents want kids and maybe want to form them according to their wishes.

My youngest boy is 12 and I am 67.

I wouldn't mind another 1 or 2.

 

If its good enough for Bob DeNiro....... 

Edited May 11, 2023 by BritManToo

[steven100]

i think there are two issue to consider here .....  I see adoption as just an excuse to fill a void in someone life,  it's kinda like you want a new toy so some go down the adoption road,  the other issue is age .... although OP is only 50yrs old,  when the child is 10 .... he'll be 60 ...  then when the teen is 16 and still enjoys the excursions with mum & dad he'll be 66yrs old ...  and that is getting on a little, and when he's 20, dad will be 70yrs old ....    not that any of this is wrong .....   just a couple of points to consider ..

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, steven100 said:

i think there are two issue to consider here .....  I see adoption as just an excuse to fill a void in someone life,  it's kinda like you want a new toy so some go down the adoption road,  the other issue is age .... although OP is only 50yrs old,  when the child is 10 .... he'll be 60 ...  then when the teen is 16 and still enjoys the excursions with mum & dad he'll be 66yrs old ...  and that is getting on a little, and when he's 20, dad will be 70yrs old ....    not that any of this is wrong .....   just a couple of points to consider ..

Kid 40, dad 90. 

[JackGats]

You can never be moraly wrong about not having kids. Given the unspeakable sufferings to which living beings are exposed, reproducing can only be an act of utter selfishness.

[Celsius]

2 minutes ago, JackGats said:

You can never be moraly wrong about not having kids. Given the unspeakable sufferings to which living beings are exposed, reproducing can only be an act of utter selfishness.

 

I can't argue with this

[bignok]

10 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

If you don't know by now. Forget it.

Surprises me that even in wartorn or drought-stricken countries, they still have time/urge to produce more babies. If it were possible, I would sponsor a vasectomy/sterilisation program in a lot of the poor countries instead of sending money to help them survive and have more. Snip snip.

They share food, houses. Kids arent expensive at all unless private schools. Kids help with house work and farm work.

[n00dle]

My daughter was the best mistake I ever made.

I got lucky with her mother as well, we have remained very close and focused on our kid long after we broke up.

 

[n00dle]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

I agree, have a kid. Don't adopt. When it's 50% your dna it means more. Good luck.

as child who was adopted after my mother's third miscarriage, im thankful my folks didnt think like you .

[brianthainess]

1 hour ago, Celsius said:

at least in your old age you the illusion of having something that belongs to you.

That is a big illusion  "belongs to you'' just sounds very wrong. IMO.

[Bday Prang]

28 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

If you don't know by now. Forget it.

Surprises me that even in wartorn or drought-stricken countries, they still have time/urge to produce more babies. If it were possible, I would sponsor a vasectomy/sterilisation program in a lot of the poor countries instead of sending money to help them survive and have more. Snip snip.

Totally agree except i would not limit it to "poor" countries. There are way to many people on this planet already

[Bday Prang]

5 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Why then are there so many ads on TV asking you to send your £2 a month so the kids can get fresh water, get cleft palates fixed, all sorts of illnesses.

Makes it difficult to decide whether to adopt a donkey or a panda etc. or help cure cancer or dementia in UK.

I always wondered  why they don't build the villages nearer to the water supply ?   seems like common sense to me

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, Celsius said:

My wife is 43 years. I am seriously considering Vitro right now

What does your wife think. 

[Pink Mist]

Off topic posts and replies removed. The OP is about:

I think I completely missed the point about (not) having kids

 

Not about Africa

[IvorBiggun2]

2 hours ago, Crossy said:

Have you and your lady considered adopting?

We tried 17 years ago. Far far too difficult and long winded. We went for IVF at the Nawabutr Clinic Bangkok and we had 3 children after 2 attempts. 

[Denim]

Whether you want them or not , I would think very seriously about what kind of life they might have given the way the world is currently going.

 

The planet needs more humans like Thailand needs a new temple or woman's hairdressers.

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, KhunLA said:

Not sure how I could love my daughter anymore

anymore, meaning you don't love her? what did she do to deserve such a fate? 

 

or any more, meaning you love her a lot?