Loneliness.

[save the frogs]

46 minutes ago, Confuscious said:

We NEVER sleep together and we continue to see each other and have a good time.

yeah, that's smart.

i'd like to aquire more female platonic friends in my life.

a good friendship often lasts forever.

relationships 50/50. 

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, Joe Farang said:

Is that $100 K

or did you mean €100.

yes $$ as it states to a friend in the USA... 

 

my Brit friends would be too polite to ask... 

[scubascuba3]

You need to keep falangs as friends and doing things with social interactions is very important. I play golf with a few guys and cycle with many, the social interactions, having a chat is very important, people don't realise

[sidneybear]

14 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I bought some rabbits, problem gone.

Great company and I can have a cuddle whenever I like in exchange for a crust of bread.

That looks more like a woman keeping you company than just a rabbit. 

[ignore it]

Bogs,

 

Don't feel lonely.

We're here for you and we care about you.

[IndomitableSpirit]

There are meet up groups you can join. I've made a lot of friends from different countries through those. Some are still good friends 8 years later. Members are mostly professional and you won't feel like it's all about money. Age doesn't matter too! You can also join groups with the same interest as yours. 

 

Loneliness is inevitable, but don't dwell on it. I battled depression and I would cry just to get up every morning from bed. However, the goal was to do things no matter how lonely or difficult it feels. 

 

There are still a lot of good people in Thailand, locals and foreigners who aren't just wanting to leech you for your money. 

[Purdey]

If you are lonely in Thailand one of the best ways to make friends is to learn the language. You can meet a different class of people. Learn from a book and practice on the staff in coffee shops, not always bar girls who just want money.

[rwill]

17 hours ago, Furioso said:

She said it must be a 6, I totally believed her and yes, this is the first day of my life I know a 6 is the size for a King bed. I even now know that a 4 and 5 are Twin and Queen, respectively.

The numbers have to do with how many feet(strange they don't use metric) wide the beds are.

[BusyB]

Two things:

 

Money makes the world go round wherever you are. The only question is the price.

 

Wherever you go you take yourself with you - you're the one person you can't run away from.

[scorecard]

17 hours ago, sipi said:

If you can't make friends in Thailand, you can't make friends anywhere.

At least in Thailand everyone smiles and says hello, unlike a lot of other countries...

 

Keeping in mind that 'friends' could mean family. I live with my adult Thai son, his Thai wife, their 4 kids/my grandchildren.

 

My Thai wife deceased some years back, she was a dr. of medicine.

 

My days are consumed with conversations with my son (speaks perfect Thai and perfect English), and his wonderful Thai wife (perfect Thai, good English). We discuss family matters / family needs, coming school events and fees etc., etc. I made it clear years back I was very willing to join family discussions but ultimately I wanted my son and his wife to make all decisions. It works.

 

And lots of contact with my grandchilden. My Thai language is prettty good but at the request of my son and his wife I never speak Thai with my grandkids, so that they have English immersion every day and it works. And we have a lot of fun. I take them to the supermarket, I give each grandchild a task to find something and come back to me and put the item in the shopping cart. e. g. 'one big green bag of sliced bread', or '2 lt of milk with dark blue top' or 'three chicken breasts', or '2 big cans of chopped tomatoes' or 'check the price today of dark grapes' in the fruit section, or 'what's the brand name of the cheapest big block of soda water and the price'.

 

The kids never frightened by their tasks, I never get annoyed by a mistake, just use it as an opportunity to discuss further (more English immersion). 

 

In my village there's 5 older farang men incl. me. We meet once or twice each week at one of the houses for cofffe / a beer. We banned discussions on Thai or US politics. 

 

As above, I'm not lonely. 

[DogNo1]

There is a variety of people here: some kind and friendly and some not.  Two weeks ago, a nurse in Cardiology shouted at me for five minutes straight over what was, unbeknownst to her, merely a misunderstanding.  Yesterday I had a great conversation with a taxi driver about the world political situation on the way back to my hotel.   The trick is not to be discouraged from interacting by your unpleasant experiences.   I try take the good with the bad.  

 

Somebody mentioned joining fellowship groups.  Where are those to be found?

[proton]

18 hours ago, sipi said:

If you can't make friends in Thailand, you can't make friends anywhere.

At least in Thailand everyone smiles and says hello, unlike a lot of other countries...

 

Never noticed it, where is Thailand is this?

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, DogNo1 said:

There is a variety of people here: some kind and friendly and some not.  Two weeks ago, a nurse in Cardiology shouted at me for five minutes straight over what was, unbeknownst to her, merely a misunderstanding.  Yesterday I had a great conversation with a taxi driver about the world political situation on the way back to my hotel.   The trick is not to be discouraged from interacting by your unpleasant experiences.   I try take the good with the bad.  

 

Somebody mentioned joining fellowship groups.  Where are those to be found?

Mostly where foreigners live. Hua Hin have several groups from sport to just meetings with different themes, and also do some community work, help animals, picking garbage etc 

 

Facebook is a great tool to find such groups.

 

You can also ask here making a new thread with your location.

 

If no success, pack up and move if lonely to a place with more social meetings suited for you. 

 

The biggest issue I have with being social in Thailand, is alchohol is a premise for most foreigners, with one exeption gym and maybe bicycling groups, who I found rarely socializing outside activity. They meet, do their work out and go home.

 

Anyway, spending a few hours at a gym 5 days a week if lonely, cant harm you, and useslly nice people to meet, and who knows, 

[Lacessit]

I am not lonely because I am comfortable with my own company.

[Sticky Rice Balls]

19 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I bought some rabbits, problem gone.

Great company and I can have a cuddle whenever I like in exchange for a crust of bread.

im a great chat buddy should you happen to have the inner soft part of that bread--and would toasting it be ok?  a dab of jelly?  ???? spot of tea would finish nicely friend  

[Sticky Rice Balls]

4 hours ago, sidneybear said:

That looks more like a woman keeping you company than just a rabbit. 

rabbit>thai lady    ????

[Hummin]

6 minutes ago, proton said:

Never noticed it, where is Thailand is this?

Where you live? Or where have you been looking? 

 

Many motorbike groups from scoots to big bikes meet regulary, playing pool groups, even board gaming, vird watchers, walking groups, wine clubs, golfing, diving, tennis, soccer, card playing

 

What is your interests? 

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I am not lonely because I am comfortable with my own company.

Me to, but nice to meet up with someone once and awhile, and get some air out after spending a month with family in Isaan. Even time pass by quick, it is necessary to get out on the road, and see people again

[Tropicalevo]

Quote

 

if we have money we are tolerated to give them enough time to squeeze it out of us.

if we are skint then good luck. nobody wants to know you.

 

Eric Clapton said it best.

 

 

[proton]

8 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Where you live? Or where have you been looking? 

 

Many motorbike groups from scoots to big bikes meet regulary, playing pool groups, even board gaming, vird watchers, walking groups, wine clubs, golfing, diving, tennis, soccer, card playing

 

What is your interests? 

Lutung, morlam and drinking!

[brianthainess]

20 hours ago, bogs smith said:

seems that whenever go outside now people only want money.

Better stay inside then. 

Edited June 15, 2023 by brianthainess

[Lacessit]

11 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Me to, but nice to meet up with someone once and awhile, and get some air out after spending a month with family in Isaan. Even time pass by quick, it is necessary to get out on the road, and see people again

I have the company of my GF, and friends I meet occasionally. I just don't feel lonely on the occasions I am alone.

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, proton said:

Lutung, morlam and drinking!

I guess most people feel most lonely among other people, 

 

So, 

[Sticky Rice Balls]

Ive been a Lone Wolf since I first came to LOS in 2008.....was my last long term GF etc....

 

I stick to a routine....almost military like...check emails--have some tea...tidy up room...ride my bike around daily for sun and exercise and interacting with society....see the same vendors when i eat...having spotify is a big thing for me as music is key and a must have during my day..

 

Id say i just distract myself and find stuff to do--wander the 20 bt shops..2nd hand shops...discover new places to eat biking around...see the same people on my daily bike ride and then head home at dark...usually getting fruit etc from same folks..come home  watch news..

 

I wonder to myself seeing some thais just sitting at their shops daily staring at the phone or the people here that live in such a small bubble world..but as long as they are satisfied with that, as I make the effort to engage in life and get outside and exercise and limit my internet use...just try to stay active mentally and physically.....buy a 2nd hand bike and get out and explore-exercise

 

Ill do this for 6 months then go home and work the other 6....and save my money for return

 

Guess ive gotten so used to it I even turned down free sex last week lol....as she wanted to stay over...i denied it as im so used to sleeping alone and dont sleep well with someone in my bed

I was still open for the sex part but she would have to leave after....she even wanted to work a few hours in my room online.....i was open for fooling around..not having a room mate!  ????

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I have the company of my GF, and friends I meet occasionally. I just don't feel lonely on the occasions I am alone.

I guess thats why some trives in Isaan, and most do not! Im okay with myself doing my things, and always been good to entertain myself as well keep myself busy with projects. Mostly done egoistic sports, and very little team sports, as well used to work independently by myself and not dependent on coworkers most of my life. 

 

It all comes down to dicipline and energy and be willing to do something for yourself. 

Edited June 15, 2023 by Hummin

[Sticky Rice Balls]

7 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

Better stay in then. 

im asked daily on my bike ride by the same people...lol as if im gonna change my mind.....I just play along.....or carry a 1 baht coin in my pocket...so if i chuck it the other way it gives me a change to escape!..thinking of tying a 20 bt bill to fishing line and attaching it to my bike..

[OneMoreFarang]

20 hours ago, bogs smith said:

anyone else ever get lonely here or feel they are alone??

 

seems that whenever go outside now people only want money.

the humanity has been completely squeezed out of life in favor of the cash.

 

thats all that matters to these people.

im sure its the same the world over but surely theres better places to live than here that offer a more fulfilling existence, and isnt solely based on a financial transaction?

 

if we have money we are tolerated to give them enough time to squeeze it out of us.

if we are skint then good luck. nobody wants to know you.

 

what a sad, lonely existence..

I never felt lonely here.

If I would feel lonely, I could just go out of the building and chat with the motorcycle riders, or some food vendors. Or I could sit in the lobby of my building. I am sure someone would talk to me.

If I would be in a village I could go to the market or a temple. Or in other places maybe I would talk with people on the beach.

 

I imagine that some people feel like you describe if they have a certain attitude. It seems many foreigners just know that they are better than Thais. They know everything better and do all work better. And they are not shy to let those underdeveloped beings know that they are not so good. Yes, people with such attitudes might be lonely. 

[Tropposurfer]

I feel like musing on the subjective experience of loneliness.

 

Aloneness and loneliness are two different experiences.

 

Loneliness is said to be an increasing experience around the world. In my home nation Oz the separation of the generations and internment of the elder generation in 'special' homes is common, with the multi-generational cohabitation of families rare albeit with some ethnic groups bucking increasing trend. 

 

I have experienced both blissful aloneness, relishing the silence and quiet of being with oneself. I've also experienced extremely painful loneliness. I had to work at facing in me my comfortability with being alone with the pain of accompanying loneliness.

Being alone for me requires less work than being with others, its easier in many respects.

Others challenge the safety and predictability of just by myself. After all its a heck of a lot easier to manage life with only my needs and wants to consider.

I had much to learn about allowing others in and letting go of the tapes in my head and the fear in my gut of that dreaded vulnerability that comes with deep intimacy.

 

Equally learning to stay with myself no matter what others did or said was liberating to say the least. 

 

The cursory (passing) nature of most relationships, and by relationships I do mean all interactions with others, and just as figuratively the relationship I have with others in my head and gut is a life truth and once accepted becomes all but inert while interacting. Aware of yes but damagingly interrupting and confusing, no.  

 

As to "those people" you refer to there are in life those who's relational styles are transactional, agenda driven, and harmfully selfish in nature.

Some relationships are 'you have something I want, will you give it to me?' is appropriate especially  when we are exchanging money for goods. The parameters of these are clear it is right for others to expect payment for services rendered.

Here we falangs have more money (usually) than Thai's, especially so when looking at the lower rungs of a rigidly tiered society so its natural for many in such a performative society to 'do dances' to access the privilege my money brings should they gain access to it. When we think on this performative behaviour it not unique to Thailand at all nay it is necessary in negotiating and staying alive, lest we be cast out lie the leper and die of emotional and material sustenance. 

 

While I see the cultural and societal pressures here in LOS to take and give I also see a simplicity break through in Thai's negotiating in relationship, often.

I recall watching a truly beautiful woman singing an ancient song about Buddha and the oneness of existence and its impact upon her and others. An impact that made possible the shedding of the schema's around 'what can I get from you' to a oneness, an egoless state shared briefly by many who were present.

   

Yes, we are all actually seeking to get our needs met in relationship this is inherent in our drive to be a-part-of which is hard wired into humanity (there are exceptions to this and conscious too to choice to remove oneself from the vast majority of relationships e.g. solitary lives, religious orders.

 

Paradoxically both isolation and grouping together makes life easier yet more complex.

 

For some this drive to get what we need and want is pathological to the point of harming others. A perfect current-day example of this pathological, neurotic need satiation is Donald Trump.

 

I'm slowly beginning to grasp and walk with the notion that people will always be asking me for something. I'm a slow learner, what can I say?! lol ????

 

This wanting/needs, as I said is inherent in the experience of being a sentient human being and unavoidable, deniable but unavoidable.

Of course various forms of sedation (projection is a good one and requires no ingestion of a mind altering substance) can be initiated to delay awareness of this but is only temporary in relief of our perceived (imagined and projected), and actual pressures in negotiating relationship.

 

The power of controlling whether I acquiesce to others asking me for something; control in various forms e.g. money, sex, intellectual attention, childish attention seeking satiation, or simply human contact in the form of a smile, eye contact, or a thank you is indeed mine to decide whether to give or not to give.  

 

Seeing that the human relational world exists on a transactional continuum, and I accept this existential truth it becomes far easier to acknowledge others seeking something from me, and most importantly and foremost my wanting things from them! 

 

I agree it is more 'pleasing' to interact with someone who is honest, someone who 'owns' their agenda and does not attempt to disguise their requests behind feigned interest in me e.g. to get me to open my wallet. But it is equally important that I acknowledge others needs to attempt to "relieve me of my gold" (see Robert Bly 'Iron John'). However noticing a manipulation occurring offers me a chance to be more Buddha-like and compassionate and generous of heart, and yes sometimes of wallet.

 

I admit humbly to, when I  do feel lonely, and yes I do at times, despite having much comfort and love around me I have and can be willing to happily sup on such performed interest in me because I have the capacity for a prurient shallowness for attention ... lol ???? 

 

Edited June 15, 2023 by Tropposurfer

[ChrisKC]

20 hours ago, bogs smith said:

i think you are right.

 

social media too has turned people into 'bots'.

 

there are no real people anymore, just wannabe celebrities.

There are REAL (of the sort you mean) people - and I am one of them!

 

I have lived alone but, though I prefer being with someone, I am happy with myself and my philosophy of life and never feel loneliness!

 

There are very few people in over twenty years (none that I encountered by just going outside) that engaged with me for money.

[OneMoreFarang]

20 hours ago, bogs smith said:

i think you are right.

 

social media too has turned people into 'bots'.

 

there are no real people anymore, just wannabe celebrities.

Yesterday I saw a video from two online celebrities talking to each other and talking about the bad state of mind of many people. They also talked about role models, or the lack thereof.

The online celebrity woman said she has no online role model. And it seems she was somehow sad or maybe surprised about that fact. But it seems it didn't cross her mind that maybe she should look offline. Do you know any real people who you admire? 

Why do people search for online role models when the online world is obviously full of narcissists?