My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[bunnydrops]

5 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

What are you doing in Bangkok? Are you employed there? What kind of visa are you on? You're relatively young, supporting a wife and two kids is not going to be cheap. Are you planning on working in Bangkok or repatriating? 

 

What is her job title at the insurance company and what is her salary? Is she a vice president of claims or is she a file clerk? Exactly how did you meet this insurance company employee? I certainly do not want to impugn anyone's background, but you need to know that some women with day time jobs are effectively freelancing, and have had a lot of practice hooking foreign guys.

 

A trip up country to meet the family is something of a rite of passage for many foreign guys. Can be very insightful and educational, but I would say inviting you up to Isaan after one week of dating is definitely a red flag, and suggests a strong desire to rush the relationship forward, which is not typical behavior for Thai women. Consider: most of the people she knew growing up in Isaan she probably has known all her life. She knows the importance of getting to know someone before leaping in with all fours.

 

Another thing, if you're a relative noobie, and there's a significant language barrier between the two of you, i.e. you know a handful of phrases and words, and she can communicate every day needs like going places, food, etc., but can't really discuss things like values, politics, religion, you get the picture, you're probably projecting and attributing a ton of Western values and assuming a compatibility that may or may not be a figment of your febrile imagination. 

 

Go to Isaan to meet the family if you think it'd be a fun trip, but don't make any rash moves. You need extra time to get to know her when you are crossing cultural and language barriers. Jumping in with all fours usually ends in tears.

 

I agree with everything he said. But, I was more inclined to marry after meeting the family. In Thailand, you will more than likely marry the family so it is good to know what you are getting into. I now live in the same village where her mother, two sisters, five brothers live. None have used me as an ATM, loaned me a truck before I got a car and wouldn't let me pay for either the insurance or the up keep. Helped build the house without pay. Go! Keep an open mind.

[GinBoy2]

6 hours ago, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

Oh come on, this is one of the more probable Thai/Farang relationships.

 

Similar ages all good.

 

As for bringing up another mans kid, well thats not unusual.

 

I work with a young guy, just got married to his gf. Her daughter is as much his, if not more than the biological dad

[Kenny202]

5 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Unironically this

 

42 but seems very inexperienced with women.

 

Bud, you can just say "No thanks" you don't have to go meet her family lmao. What is she gonna do, break up with you? Then go find another girl, there's so many there. If that's the case, then you dodged a bullet. Completely replaceable.

 

What she is actually doing is, probably had been scheduled to visit them for a while now, but now she sees that you are in the picture, you can pay for the whole trip, and also, probably pay for the whole family's food / misc expenses while you are there. Probably why the pressure to "meet" them, it's just a pretense for you paying for the entire trip.

 

Also claiming to "love" someone after less than a month is kind of pathetic when we are talking about a 35 year old single mom who seems keen on milking money from you (plees help me hansum man my son have sick "Long COVID")

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably the most realistic reply yet. Remember in Thailand when people are requesting money or anything you are uncomfortable with aka trips etc...it is ok to say no. If she is an Isaan girl it seems love / money / sex are all part of the mixed up deal. Its just seems to be the way it is here. Wealth transferral...yours to hers. Not to say she's a bad person. You just got to draw a line in the sand and she will either accept it or she won't. Certainly don't make a doormat of yourself though. It becomes a never ending money pit with no end. By all means go to the country with her if you want. Doesn't mean you have to shower her family in money. They will only think u stupid if u do anyway. Lay down the ground rules before u go. She should be protecting you from money grubbers, not throwing u to the wolves. Would suggest you stay in a hotel by the way if one near. Give u a breather at night not to mention air con. Best of luck

[recom273]

4 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

I've always thought a very important thing a farang finds (or doesn't find) from those kinds of encounters is whether his GF/potential wife is willing to stand up to the various family members and assorted hangers on.... or she just surrenders to whatever anyone wants because you're a farang.

 

In my book, any sensible farang absolutely doesn't want a GF / wife in the latter category.

 

Yeah, in some respects I’m lucky - in a sad way. Mum left when she was 3 years old, Dad, who raised died a few years before I met her. So she doesn’t have any responsibilities to the family.
 

I don’t think I could function as the family bank. Her mum  calls round the whole family asking for 100B for food, most of the time wife doesn’t pick up the phone and mum sends a message saying that she will never speak to her again .. the wife types back “fine by me” and we get. 3 months of peace. ????

[JensenZ]

7 hours ago, mfd101 said:

Just as "in the West", taking you home to meet the family is a good sign (she's serious), but it's only good if you're serious too.

 

As for money matters, that goes with the territory. Either get used to it or get out.

It's nothing like the "in the West". Here, to visit the parents after supporting a women for a month is an invitation to treat her family. They probably have some needs she expects the new bf to take care of. She's testing him out to see how generous he will be.

[indyo]

till you do not marry and don't have a son you can try whatever you want almost risk free then you can have a better and your own idea about it, if something wrong in 6 hours taxi you will be in Bangkok.

[Hummin]

6 hours ago, bignok said:

Wrong. No sinsot for 2nd marriages. My gf's family never mentioned marriage to me.

 

Her family want a decent bf thats all. Hence the meeting.

 

The good family will not ask for money, but I know personaly two other cases they did, and foreigner paid sin sod, to cover wedding, gifts for guests, hotel, food, party, music etc. 

 

Sin sod is not solely money for mom, but just to pay for the wedding costs, and also sometimes paid back the what they did not spend, included envelope money from guests. 

 

After been here 20 years more or less I have seen it all, and from believing every falang being taken for a ride, I see most being taken good care off and not ripped off at all as everyone thinks 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 8, 2023 by Hummin

[GammaGlobulin]

IMHO: Since you saw fit to emphasize the "two small kids" factor, I can only say that you may feel differently about two small children than I.

 

I would never wish to live WITH children.

I wouldn't even teach small children, even though I love to teach students beginning in the 5th grade.  Any younger, and they are no more than ankle-biters, in my view.

Therefore, be careful about this because it's not good for children, (all children require security and stability), to become attached to a new potential parent, and then have this relationship suddenly fail.  Such a thing is really not good.

And so, I would, from the onset, be thinking of the wellbeing of the kids, more than anything else, something that I care about much.

 

And, as I say, I like young children underfoot just about as much as did W.C. Fields.

 

If you don't know what I am referring to, then please check out this short clip I found on YouTube.  I am totally in sympathy with W.C. on this one:

 

 

[pomchop]

Well has OP been telling her "i love you"....if so of course you get the invite to meet the parents....

 

I remember lot of friends over the years coming to thailand and telling just about every girl the 3 magic words....i had to remind a lot of them that this is thailand and not usa so you don't have to lie to them to get laid....just give them $$ and keep it simple....i would venture to say one month is pretty short time to be sure you are really in love and not just in lust....BIG difference..

[KhunLA]

In farangland, would you be sporting your gf and sons (who didn't need it before you knew her) after 1 month of knowing her ?

 

RUN

[FritsSikkink]

9 hours ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

My new gf, divorced and working for an insurance company in Bangkok and a mother of 2 young children that live with her parents (children’s grandparents) in a city in Isaan wants me to visit her family for the weekend .  She actually invited me the first time after only 1 week of dating but I turned her down then. This time I feel a bit uncomfortable but have agreed. Fwiw, I have been supporting her financially somewhat as well and her son is sick with long COVID, but have explained that there are limits. There are several other red flags I am feeling in the relationship but do feel I love her. Feedback welcome. Thank you everyone

Have you ever meet her in person?

[Gsxrnz]

OP, you've received very little practical advice, so here's my two bob's worth.

 

Take mosquito spray and Imodium,  you'll need them both.

 

Be prepared to wear under-sized Thai flip-flops because some mugger will nick off with your size elevens. 

 

Take some earplugs - Thai insects have been recorded at 100+ decibels at night on the farm.

 

Before you sleep, peel back the sheets and evacuate all the insects by thrashing the bed with a towel.

 

Practice your squats for at least a week before you go.  It would be unfortunate if you have to use the Asian porcelain urgently and you haven't trained for the event.

 

Also practice showering with a small saucepan and a bucket of water.  You will learn instantly how to make your shampoo bottle last 10 times longer.

 

If you smoke, don't leave your packet unattended - it will soon be empty.  And at every available opportunity, nick a smoke from one of the "brothers". They will then avoid being in your vicinity - this is a good thing.

 

When she asks if you can take the family to MK, understand that the 6 people you think the family consists of will suddenly morph into a cast of dozens. You may even be asked to pay for the diesel for Uncle Somchai and his offspring to travel the 30 kilometres from his village to attend the function.

 

When she asks to go to MK for the 2nd time, flick her 300 baht and recommend a family BBQ, thus saving you at least 14,700 baht.

 

Be very concerned if she asks you to go to Tesco.  You will end up buying 3 trolleys of merchandise, including enough clothing to outfit the entire family. And the stop at Svenson's will knock you back at least a grand and a half.

 

I could go on, but in all honesty,I think the experience will do you good.  I learned a lot. 

 

EDIT: On reconsideration, the need to identify your girlfriend and yourself with F and M and being a millennial (what are your pronouns?) suggest you may be too fragile to withstand the experience.  There are no safe spaces in Isan.

 

Edited July 9, 2023 by Gsxrnz

[Kenny202]

10 minutes ago, Gsxrnz said:

OP, you've received very little practical advice, so here's my two bob's worth.

 

Take mosquito spray and Imodium,  you'll need them both.

 

Be prepared to wear under-sized Thai flip-flops because some mugger will nick off with your size elevens. 

 

Take some earplugs - Thai insects have been recorded at 100+ decibels at night on the farm.

 

Before you sleep, peel back the sheets and evacuate all the insects by thrashing the bed with a towel.

 

Practice your squats for at least a week before you go.  It would be unfortunate if you have to use the Asian porcelain urgently and you haven't trained for the event.

 

Also practice showering with a small saucepan and a bucket of water.  You will learn instantly how to make your shampoo bottle last 10 times longer.

 

If you smoke, don't leave your packet unattended - it will soon be empty.  And at every available opportunity, nick a smoke from one of the "brothers". They will then avoid being in your vicinity - this is a good thing.

 

When she asks if you can take the family to MK, understand that the 6 people you think the family consists of will suddenly morph into a cast of dozens. You may even be asked to pay for the diesel for Uncle Somchai and his offspring to travel the 30 kilometres from his village to attend the function.

 

When she asks to go to MK for the 2nd time, flick her 300 baht and recommend a family BBQ, thus saving you at least 14,700 baht.

 

Be very concerned if she asks you to go to Tesco.  You will end up buying 3 trolleys of merchandise, including enough clothing to outfit the entire family. And the stop at Svenson's will knock you back at least a grand and a half.

 

I could go on, but in all honesty,I think the experience will do you good.  I learned a lot. 

 

 

 

 

No here's a man who understands dating / meet the parents Isaan style lol. 

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

Lots of us do, but lots of us are stupid too.

I did, but I was stupid back then. I didn't make that mistake second time.

[Gsxrnz]

15 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

No here's a man who understands dating / meet the parents Isaan style lol. 

555.  Tell me about it.  Asking for advice about your first trip to Isaan is like reading a book on how to swim. It all sounds good in practice, but.....

Edited July 9, 2023 by Gsxrnz

[thaibeachlovers]

16 hours ago, AventurasEnMadrid said:

My new gf, divorced and working for an insurance company in Bangkok and a mother of 2 young children that live with her parents (children’s grandparents) in a city in Isaan wants me to visit her family for the weekend .  She actually invited me the first time after only 1 week of dating but I turned her down then. This time I feel a bit uncomfortable but have agreed. Fwiw, I have been supporting her financially somewhat as well and her son is sick with long COVID, but have explained that there are limits. There are several other red flags I am feeling in the relationship but do feel I love her. Feedback welcome. Thank you everyone

a/ if you like her and think there is some hope of a real relationship eventuating go. Then you can see what her parents are like and if you want to live with someone that might end up like them.

b/ You can also see where you'll be living if it gets to the stage that she wants you to live with her in Issan. Just Issan might be enough to put you off.

C/ Are you sure the kid really is sick and it's not a variation of the sick buffalo thing?

 

PS I doubt that is "love" you are feeling- rather another word starts with l.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

Never happened to me. However they did steal everything they could after the divorce.

Edited July 9, 2023 by thaibeachlovers

[BritManToo]

9 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Remember in Thailand when people are requesting money or anything you are uncomfortable with aka trips etc...it is ok to say no.

It's never OK to say no in Thailand.

You will never see a Thai say no.

 

To fit in culturally you must always say YES, then fail to proceed in any actions where you wanted to say NO.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Almost every man in the west is 'very inexperienced with women'.

You need a good 5 years banging Asian women in several countries to gain that experience.

Nailed it. The idea that any man is "experienced" with women has me chortling fit to bust.

 

However, some guy that had it off with a few slappers behind the dumpster might be fooling himself that he knows it all about humans without a penis- he doesn't.

 

IMO women have been making a living off men since they lived in caves while men went off to risk their lives fighting the sabre tooth tiger to bring home the dinner.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Nailed it. The idea that any man is "experienced" with women has me chortling fit to bust.

 

However, some guy that had it off with a few slappers behind the dumpster might be fooling himself that he knows it all about humans without a penis- he doesn't.

 

IMO women have been making a living off men since they lived in caves while men went off to risk their lives fighting the sabre tooth tiger to bring home the dinner.

Kipling said it best, and if I may quote my favorite poem ......... 'The Ladies' ..........

 

Now I aren't no 'and with the ladies,

For, takin' 'em all along,

You never can say till you've tried 'em,

An' then you are like to be wrong.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't,

There's times when you'll know that you might;

But the things you will learn from the Yellow an' Brown,

They'll 'elp you a lot with the White!

[bignok]

38 minutes ago, Gsxrnz said:

OP, you've received very little practical advice, so here's my two bob's worth.

 

Take mosquito spray and Imodium,  you'll need them both.

 

Be prepared to wear under-sized Thai flip-flops because some mugger will nick off with your size elevens. 

 

Take some earplugs - Thai insects have been recorded at 100+ decibels at night on the farm.

 

Before you sleep, peel back the sheets and evacuate all the insects by thrashing the bed with a towel.

 

Practice your squats for at least a week before you go.  It would be unfortunate if you have to use the Asian porcelain urgently and you haven't trained for the event.

 

Also practice showering with a small saucepan and a bucket of water.  You will learn instantly how to make your shampoo bottle last 10 times longer.

 

If you smoke, don't leave your packet unattended - it will soon be empty.  And at every available opportunity, nick a smoke from one of the "brothers". They will then avoid being in your vicinity - this is a good thing.

 

When she asks if you can take the family to MK, understand that the 6 people you think the family consists of will suddenly morph into a cast of dozens. You may even be asked to pay for the diesel for Uncle Somchai and his offspring to travel the 30 kilometres from his village to attend the function.

 

When she asks to go to MK for the 2nd time, flick her 300 baht and recommend a family BBQ, thus saving you at least 14,700 baht.

 

Be very concerned if she asks you to go to Tesco.  You will end up buying 3 trolleys of merchandise, including enough clothing to outfit the entire family. And the stop at Svenson's will knock you back at least a grand and a half.

 

I could go on, but in all honesty,I think the experience will do you good.  I learned a lot. 

 

EDIT: On reconsideration, the need to identify your girlfriend and yourself with F and M and being a millennial (what are your pronouns?) suggest you may be too fragile to withstand the experience.  There are no safe spaces in Isan.

 

Load of nonsense. Hotels all over Isaan. 450 baht gets decent room. Stay in hotel. 

 

Visit family 2 hours. Buy Lao Khao and 200 baht worth of chicken and rice. 

 

Say I've got a headache. Go back to hotel. Next day say you have a bad back and can only visit short time. Bring pork and rice 200 baht.

 

Drive back to hotel.

 

Family visit done.

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

It's never OK to say no in Thailand.

You will never see a Thai say no.

 

To fit in culturally you must always say YES, then fail to proceed in any actions where you wanted to say NO.

Thais say mai chai, mai ao a lot.

 

Mai roo a lot too.

 

Easy to negotiate with Thais. Say mai roo and walk away. Works with family, works in markets.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

9 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Would suggest you stay in a hotel by the way if one near. Give u a breather at night not to mention air con. Best of luck

Best advice I've seen so far. One can get to meet them without being held hostage.

If the OP ever feels he needs to escape he can say he's tired and has to go back to the hotel for a rest.

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Best advice I've seen so far. One can get to meet them without being held hostage.

If the OP ever feels he needs to escape he can say he's tired and has to go back to the hotel for a rest.

My woman's home was 15Km down an unmade road, impassable in monsoon.

No hotels within 30Km, 15Km from nearest 7-11 and ATM.

Edited July 9, 2023 by BritManToo

[JayClay]

16 hours ago, Madgee said:

the family trip to BigC where everyone has a trolley to their own except you and they'll all split up going different ways only to meet up again at the secret rendezvous location ..... The checkout. This is where you will be overcome with joy looking at their faces when the bill is presented to you

Ridiculous comment. Of course the OP can have his own trolly.

[thaibeachlovers]

48 minutes ago, Gsxrnz said:

There are no safe spaces in Isan.

I like that saying.

 

The only area I never went in LOS was Issan. I once thought about it but the GF slapped the idea out of me.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My woman's home was 15Km down an unmade road, impassable in monsoon.

No hotels within 30Km, 15Km from nearest 7-11 and ATM.

You were lucky. Nearest 7 11 to my ex's was a 2 hours bus trip way.

[ArnieP]

re GG’s post: and how many other potential parents has the OP’s amorata brought home to meet her kids?

[thaibeachlovers]

7 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

IMHO: Since you saw fit to emphasize the "two small kids" factor, I can only say that you may feel differently about two small children than I.

 

I would never wish to live WITH children.

I wouldn't even teach small children, even though I love to teach students beginning in the 5th grade.  Any younger, and they are no more than ankle-biters, in my view.

Therefore, be careful about this because it's not good for children, (all children require security and stability), to become attached to a new potential parent, and then have this relationship suddenly fail.  Such a thing is really not good.

And so, I would, from the onset, be thinking of the wellbeing of the kids, more than anything else, something that I care about much.

 

And, as I say, I like young children underfoot just about as much as did W.C. Fields.

 

If you don't know what I am referring to, then please check out this short clip I found on YouTube.  I am totally in sympathy with W.C. on this one:

 

 

Couldn't count the times I've wanted to do that to some brat let run wild by their revolting parent. Of course in this brave new world I'd never act on the desire.

I'm surprised that his corpse hasn't been given the same treatment as Oliver Cromwell's on January 30 1661 for that movie clip.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, bunnydrops said:

I agree with everything he said. But, I was more inclined to marry after meeting the family. In Thailand, you will more than likely marry the family so it is good to know what you are getting into. I now live in the same village where her mother, two sisters, five brothers live. None have used me as an ATM, loaned me a truck before I got a car and wouldn't let me pay for either the insurance or the up keep. Helped build the house without pay. Go! Keep an open mind.

I thought her family was OK first visit. Wasn't till I lived with them that they showed their true colours.

 

Of course some families are wonderful and some ratbags, just like in the west.