Elder care at home

[kbb]

(I searched various forums here, and came up empty)

My wife and I are hitting our 50's /60's.
I recently had a major covid scare, featuring a week in a coma - semi coma.

This led to discussions about what to do when/if we need long term elder care.

I know there are Assisted Living types of services, but my wife is dead set against that option. She wants me at home.
Unfortunately, I have experience with Alzheimer's and Dementia
When the time comes that we need help, she'd rather have people here in the house helping out - We do have an extra room for people to stay.

It may be early for such discussions, but makes sense to have even half a plan.

In the "old days" here, you might expect that the young take care of the old. I believe that Society has started to move away from that ideal (Not unfairly).

We do have some family here, including a few I would describe as "extended". I have lingering doubts that we'd hire family , and not strangers.

The idea is that we'd have 1 or 2 who we'd pay a salary to come live with us and help.

My concern is that so much of Thai society & culture is Transactional (even among families), is that we'd need to find a decent way to use a type of Golden Handcuffs to maintain a long term relationship.

Does anyone out there ha personal experience with this type of thing?
And if so, did you rely on a handshake, or try to use a lawyer to form some sort of contract?

Comments of Salaries would be welcome, but I recognize that they'd likely vary widely, depending on many factors.

Thanks in advance -

Pakwan
 

[kimamey]

I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid. It's not something I've thought of too be honest. 

I'm 70 next year and my wife is 54 in a couple of months so I suppose I should think about it. My wife being younger by 15 years is an advantage I guess. I've had prostate cancer which involved having it removed as it was getting close to breaking out of the prostate. It came as a surprise when I found out. My 95 year old mother in the UK has some form of dementia so it may be I'm at greater risk. 

 

We may end up moving to the UK, although my wife has her mother who is 80 this year to think about as well. At the moment she lives with us which I'm coming to think is a bad idea, especially as we don't know anyone else in the same situation. 

 

I'm lucky in that my wife is a government worker so I get health care as her husband which saves the issue of high health insurance. If I became wheelchair bound then I'd definitely try to move to the UK as I can't see that being much fun here. I was in Khon Kaen last weekend and there were ramps and some tactile paving, but only on the main road so I don't know how much help it would be. My first wife was in a wheelchair before she died so I notice the lack of provision here and I think there was a Thai man who was trying to promote this problem.

[soalbundy]

I can't really help with concrete info but some years ago an English friend put out a local newspaper ad looking for a retired nurse to look after his father, live in with food provided and a small wage, he found a 50 year old who did a good job and became like a family member, these days you could do it online. I don't have anymore info than that, worth a try.

[1FinickyOne]

I don't think you can lock in a worker - - and if you did, would you really want a caregiver that was very unhappy there? 

 

If you are in the North, the best workers are Thai Yai and some of them don't speak Thai - or English. As with everything else, you get what you pay for - trained help will not be cheap. At your age, it is difficult to know the future cost of labor... but good to be planning ahead. It will surely be a difficult time. 

[billd766]

5 hours ago, kbb said:

(I searched various forums here, and came up empty)

My wife and I are hitting our 50's /60's.
I recently had a major covid scare, featuring a week in a coma - semi coma.

This led to discussions about what to do when/if we need long term elder care.

I know there are Assisted Living types of services, but my wife is dead set against that option. She wants me at home.
Unfortunately, I have experience with Alzheimer's and Dementia
When the time comes that we need help, she'd rather have people here in the house helping out - We do have an extra room for people to stay.

It may be early for such discussions, but makes sense to have even half a plan.

In the "old days" here, you might expect that the young take care of the old. I believe that Society has started to move away from that ideal (Not unfairly).

We do have some family here, including a few I would describe as "extended". I have lingering doubts that we'd hire family , and not strangers.

The idea is that we'd have 1 or 2 who we'd pay a salary to come live with us and help.

My concern is that so much of Thai society & culture is Transactional (even among families), is that we'd need to find a decent way to use a type of Golden Handcuffs to maintain a long term relationship.

Does anyone out there ha personal experience with this type of thing?
And if so, did you rely on a handshake, or try to use a lawyer to form some sort of contract?

Comments of Salaries would be welcome, but I recognize that they'd likely vary widely, depending on many factors.

Thanks in advance -

Pakwan
 

Whoever you find needs to be strong as well.

 

I went up to the kitchen  a while ago, 25 metres away, turned around and walked straight back. I sat on a stool outside. I had a dizzy spell and fell off the stool.

 

I weighed about 115 kg at the time.

 

My wife could not get me back up and called our 18 year old son for help. They couldn't get me up either, my neighbours 17 year old daughter came to help and between the daughter and my son they got me sitting upright.

 

I sort of shuffled on my ass to the doorway, they dragged me in and got me sitting on the sofa. They then got me standing and I was pretty much OK then.

 

1   Something I didn't think about before 2   The teenagers have gone off to uni in Chiang Rai 500 km away.

 

Something that you may want to think about as you grow older. Your wife will be growing older as well and losing some of her strength.

 

It won't happen again I hope, as experience has taught me to be careful and the 2 teenagers went to 

[georgegeorgia]

I'm not having a personal attack on the OP ,so it's not meant for them

 

But I don't think hitting your  50's 60s is old , I see a lot of guys in my area in their 50's with big bellies riding those mobility scooters and I often think what life have they led or do they just want to be old??

 

On the other hand I go to the gym to see guys in their 70's  powerlifting!!

 

I get a bit annoyed with guys who want to be old and their only in their late 50's or early 60's ,to me that's not old if you have taken care of yourself 

 

 

 

 

 

[ChaiyaTH]

13 minutes ago, georgegeorgia said:

I'm not having a personal attack on the OP ,so it's not meant for them

 

But I don't think hitting your  50's 60s is old , I see a lot of guys in my area in their 50's with big bellies riding those mobility scooters and I often think what life have they led or do they just want to be old??

 

On the other hand I go to the gym to see guys in their 70's  powerlifting!!

 

I get a bit annoyed with guys who want to be old and their only in their late 50's or early 60's ,to me that's not old if you have taken care of yourself 

Still relative, many people in good health that get 80, have worked their entire life until like 65-70 too.

 

VS a person who picked the Rock N Rolla life, and has been doing nothing but enjoying life since the hippie days, to then end at 55-60 age. The Rock N Rolla for sure had way more sex, fun etc in life compared to the boring worker who brought his sandwich to work all those decades.

 

Last but not least, the older you get, the more dependent you become too, or you even get things like dimentia as the OP mentions. I'd rather continue my rock n roll life and avoid that all together, having had no regrets and 30X more experiences.

[georgegeorgia]

29 minutes ago, ChaiyaTH said:

Still relative, many people in good health that get 80, have worked their entire life until like 65-70 too.

 

VS a person who picked the Rock N Rolla life, and has been doing nothing but enjoying life since the hippie days, to then end at 55-60 age. The Rock N Rolla for sure had way more sex, fun etc in life compared to the boring worker who brought his sandwich to work all those decades.

 

Last but not least, the older you get, the more dependent you become too, or you even get things like dimentia as the OP mentions. I'd rather continue my rock n roll life and avoid that all together, having had no regrets and 30X more experiences.

And what about your fitness and health now , it's called personal quality of life 

I hate to see guys 15 years younger than me driving mobility scooters just because they had fun earlier in life 

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, georgegeorgia said:

I'm not having a personal attack on the OP ,so it's not meant for them

 

But I don't think hitting your  50's 60s is old , I see a lot of guys in my area in their 50's with big bellies riding those mobility scooters and I often think what life have they led or do they just want to be old??

 

On the other hand I go to the gym to see guys in their 70's  powerlifting!!

 

I get a bit annoyed with guys who want to be old and their only in their late 50's or early 60's ,to me that's not old if you have taken care of yourself 

 

I wouldn't be beating up on any old(er) fatties riding on mobility scooters. I am pretty sure that most of them would much prefer to walk, drive or ride a bike and don't want to ride those scooters. There's a whole plethora of debillitating disorders that aren't outwardly apparent, especially illness related to the lungs. Yes, you can get fat because you are lazy but you can also get fat when you have a medical condition that prevents exercise.

[Lacessit]

I understand Thai nurses in government hospitals are compulsorily retired at age 45, with a modest pension. They then find employment as carers with wealthier Thai families. Apparently the going rate is 10K - 15K baht/month.

Alternatively, look for a Thai lady in their 40's at a massage shop. They are going to be strong enough for most tasks. They don't earn much, and probably would jump at any salary more than 10K/month, although there may be more trust issues.

Obviously, the OP's capabilities in terms of communicating in Thai need to be considered.

 

[scubascuba3]

Only way to keep staff is pay enough so they don't want to leave and kinda like their job.

 

For info back in UK my parents may go into a retirement home, £13k a month, so bare that in mind, savings will dwindle away

[JimTripper]

My worry is what do I do if I’m in Thailand and need some sort of care suddenly where I could not plan for it. I don’t have anybody here to step in and my family in the USA would not house or support me. I would be limited to calling an ambulance and transferring me into some kind of assisted living facility is not covered.

 

If it happened back in the USA a public social worker would step in on the government dime. Here it’s just a nothing burger.

 

What then, who knows.

[scubascuba3]

1 minute ago, JimTripper said:

My worry is what do I do if I’m in Thailand and need some sort of care suddenly where I could not plan for it. I don’t have anybody here to step in and my family in the USA would not house or support me. I would be limited to calling an ambulance and transferring me into some kind of assisted living facility is not covered.

 

What then, who knows.

Many get a girlfriend (or boyfriend in your case) in advance, preferably one that actually cares

[2ndhomepattaya]

22 hours ago, kbb said:

(I searched various forums here, and came up empty)

My wife and I are hitting our 50's /60's.
I recently had a major covid scare, featuring a week in a coma - semi coma.

This led to discussions about what to do when/if we need long term elder care.

I know there are Assisted Living types of services, but my wife is dead set against that option. She wants me at home.
Unfortunately, I have experience with Alzheimer's and Dementia
When the time comes that we need help, she'd rather have people here in the house helping out - We do have an extra room for people to stay.

It may be early for such discussions, but makes sense to have even half a plan.

In the "old days" here, you might expect that the young take care of the old. I believe that Society has started to move away from that ideal (Not unfairly).

We do have some family here, including a few I would describe as "extended". I have lingering doubts that we'd hire family , and not strangers.

The idea is that we'd have 1 or 2 who we'd pay a salary to come live with us and help.

My concern is that so much of Thai society & culture is Transactional (even among families), is that we'd need to find a decent way to use a type of Golden Handcuffs to maintain a long term relationship.

Does anyone out there ha personal experience with this type of thing?
And if so, did you rely on a handshake, or try to use a lawyer to form some sort of contract?

Comments of Salaries would be welcome, but I recognize that they'd likely vary widely, depending on many factors.

Thanks in advance -

Pakwan
 

In fact, I know a caregiver/nurse that does exactly that. She looks after older folk in their homes, usually 6 days out of 7. I understand many of her "clients" require palliative and are usually in their 60's or well above.  Whilst "on duty" she does all the normal household thingies, does the shopping, cooks and assists generally. She also serves as a go between in medical aspects, organises the meds and will liaise with doctors if need be. She is also a very useful translator as her English is terrific at about B2 level

In fact, I think quite a useful person to have round I think, almost like a personal assistant. My understanding is, that usually problems only arise when the "client" expects too much. By this I mean that although she normally lives in the clients home it does not mean that that she can be called up every few hours or so, even nurses need  to sleep.

From what I gather this generally works well. Her fees as I understand it are about 20k a months .

Not bad when I think how much this kind of attention would cost us in Europe.

[Drumbuie]

On 8/20/2023 at 11:21 AM, kimamey said:

I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid. It's not something I've thought of too be honest. 

I'm 70 next year and my wife is 54 in a couple of months so I suppose I should think about it. My wife being younger by 15 years is an advantage I guess. I've had prostate cancer which involved having it removed as it was getting close to breaking out of the prostate. It came as a surprise when I found out. My 95 year old mother in the UK has some form of dementia so it may be I'm at greater risk. 

 

We may end up moving to the UK, although my wife has her mother who is 80 this year to think about as well. At the moment she lives with us which I'm coming to think is a bad idea, especially as we don't know anyone else in the same situation. 

 

I'm lucky in that my wife is a government worker so I get health care as her husband which saves the issue of high health insurance. If I became wheelchair bound then I'd definitely try to move to the UK as I can't see that being much fun here. I was in Khon Kaen last weekend and there were ramps and some tactile paving, but only on the main road so I don't know how much help it would be. My first wife was in a wheelchair before she died so I notice the lack of provision here and I think there was a Thai man who was trying to promote this problem.

I visited a friend in the UK earlier this year who's now bedridden. His care home (in Leicester) is costing his sons £1400 a week - it's clean, the food is edible, and the staff are very nice but it's a soulless existence. If I ever get too doddery to manage independent life in Thailand,  my son will be able to pay for 24 hour care, laundry, cleaning and top quality food for a *lot* less than £200 a day. 

( Also, it was impossible not to notice that after 13 years of spectacularly inept Tory government, the UK is falling apart, the NHS in particular - so best not to plan on getting free medical care there).

 

PS Meanwhile, keep active! The best predictor of a good quality of life in later years is the level of physical activity in youth and mid-life, but it's never too late to start. 

[Kwaibill]

Recently became a concern for us. 70 soon,83 kilos,  and my 54 y.o. wife is tiny. I ‘m somewhat of a wreck (diabetic, strokes, heart attacks, and just completing two months recovery from a fractured pelvis). This despite, or because of, a lifetime of largely physical work, and a habit of running for fun. Rain keeps talking about parking me at a nursery, but I would prefer the retired nurse option until that’s necessary.

Seems there should be an agency for arranging such as there is an increasing elder population and, as mentioned above, less cultural imperative for familial care.

Guess I’ll try looking in Craig’s list, etc.

 

[youreavinalaff]

41 minutes ago, Drumbuie said:

I visited a friend in the UK earlier this year who's now bedridden. His care home (in Leicester) is costing his sons £1400 a week - it's clean, the food is edible, and the staff are very nice but it's a soulless existence. If I ever get too doddery to manage independent life in Thailand,  my son will be able to pay for 24 hour care, laundry, cleaning and top quality food for a *lot* less than £200 a day. 

( Also, it was impossible not to notice that after 13 years of spectacularly inept Tory government, the UK is falling apart, the NHS in particular - so best not to plan on getting free medical care there).

 

PS Meanwhile, keep active! The best predictor of a good quality of life in later years is the level of physical activity in youth and mid-life, but it's never too late to start. 

There is NO free care in Thailand.

 

I work in the care/support industry in England and I can tell you, the Government and local authorities work tirelessly to ensure anyone that needs care gets it. The home I am currently affiliated to gets over a million pounds a year. There are 29 residents. 

 

The issues they have are those individuals in UK who feel the work is below them so won't do it and those that, usually backed by members of the public and the unions, want big pay rises, which of course would raise costs or cause a cut in some care.

 

In Thailand, all those that constantly bang on about " dont live near the family" "dont live within xxx  miles of one's wife/husband/girlfriends/boyfriend's family",  this is the time that decision comes back to bite you on the ar%e. I have no fear or worry that, should I need it, I will get all the care I need from my wife and her family. Apart from medication, most of the care will be free. I will, of course, offer to compensate them for their time. Whether they accept will be a different matter. That's what families do, or at least, should do.

 

Those times that cousin borrowed the bike, when wife offers to feed some of the family, give Mum and Dad a few baht, house Mum because she's on her own, pay a few baht to help the sister's kids at school...............they all get mentally noted and get paid back in the end. Give and take. Happy days.

[watthong]

23 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

 

double post

[watthong]

23 hours ago, JimTripper said:

My worry is what do I do if I’m in Thailand and need some sort of care suddenly where I could not plan for it. I don’t have anybody here to step in and my family in the USA would not house or support me. I would be limited to calling an ambulance and transferring me into some kind of assisted living facility is not covered.

 

If it happened back in the USA a public social worker would step in on the government dime. Here it’s just a nothing burger.

 

What then, who knows.

This reminds me of an episode in my earlier life  Hollywood in the 90s.  

My roommate has an old Brit friend, let's call him Alan, in his 60s who lived alone in Los Angeles Chinatown on a UK veteran pension (his Brit family had disowned him a long time ago, after him coming out to them.) Once a week, we got to go out together for a weekend dinner, like a family of sort with Alan taking the role of the mother hen. One weeknight, Wednesday night I think, my roommate was out of town, I was in the apartment when Alan called. I only heard him leaving a message on my roommate answering machine in his bedroom, so I didn't pay much attention, except there seemed to be a lot of coughing...

 

When my roommate came home Sunday I told him about Allan's raspy message. We listened together and it was Alan having a hard time putting sentence together under heavily labored breath that he was driving himself to the emergency room, for something like pneumonia (this was long past the AIDS era.) Then there was a following message, that came Friday, by which a nurse from the hospital notifying my roommate that his friend had passed away that morning. We looked at each other in stunned silence, the same scenario playing in our head: that Alan had driven himself to the emergency room, got placed in a ward somewhere and died alone two days later without anyone next of kin (which would be my roommate, and to certain extent me) standing by his bed. 

That's the reason that I, a resolute confirmed bachelor, corralled myself into marital life soon after hitting 60's in the Land of Smiles.

[Tropposurfer]

On 8/20/2023 at 11:25 AM, kbb said:

(I searched various forums here, and came up empty)

My wife and I are hitting our 50's /60's.
I recently had a major covid scare, featuring a week in a coma - semi coma.

This led to discussions about what to do when/if we need long term elder care.

I know there are Assisted Living types of services, but my wife is dead set against that option. She wants me at home.
Unfortunately, I have experience with Alzheimer's and Dementia
When the time comes that we need help, she'd rather have people here in the house helping out - We do have an extra room for people to stay.

It may be early for such discussions, but makes sense to have even half a plan.

In the "old days" here, you might expect that the young take care of the old. I believe that Society has started to move away from that ideal (Not unfairly).

We do have some family here, including a few I would describe as "extended". I have lingering doubts that we'd hire family , and not strangers.

The idea is that we'd have 1 or 2 who we'd pay a salary to come live with us and help.

My concern is that so much of Thai society & culture is Transactional (even among families), is that we'd need to find a decent way to use a type of Golden Handcuffs to maintain a long term relationship.

Does anyone out there ha personal experience with this type of thing?
And if so, did you rely on a handshake, or try to use a lawyer to form some sort of contract?

Comments of Salaries would be welcome, but I recognize that they'd likely vary widely, depending on many factors.

Thanks in advance -

Pakwan
 

I am sorry to hear of your situation.

 

If you have the bucks you can find and arrange aged and palliative care 24/7. Here in LOS, and if you should chose to return to your home country or somewhere where you feel care is better for you you can find such intensive care. 

 

I understand the fears of being in some sort of facility and not at home with those who love you. 

 

Private nurses etc ca be arranged here too at a cost. A good quality private hospital can advise and refer to specialist care agencies.

Dearest Sheryl, here, might know of some contacts?

 

If you have a free-floating imagined fear of one day being diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers or have been diagnosed with either of these and are in the early stages then I would encourage you to make arrangements and solid ones NOW to make your transfer to more intense, assisted, future care clear, and secure.

  

If you do develop either to advanced levels then you (anyone) needs to know and factor in living in a house or facility that securely confines you in way that prevents you wandering off, as part of that advanced level care. 

For your wife to be able to cope with a male in the advanced stages 24/7 of these would be very difficult indeed for her. it is, even for younger and stronger relatives too.

Even professional carers can find physically managing a patient, keeping them safe and calm, and watching such deterioration difficult.

 

I would say to you, while you can, you need to bring this reality to your wife and relieve her of any notion of majority or sole-caring of you as its simply most likely she will fail at this later on.

 

I would advise you to BOTH consult with a palliative care, dementia specialist to be educated (even if you have already done so as it appears to me from what you have written you need further support and information) as to what to expect as time passes and the disease and condition of either one starts to become more dominant.

 

As a psychotherapist who has had palliative and hospice experience I encourage you to seek further professional medical palliative specialist advice.

Armed with timelines of your diagnosis and prognosis, periodic assessments of your deterioration, and stages of your conditions you can plan more effectively.

 

If you have had experience with others in the family (this is not always helpful) as a reference for future care of others as many simply don't cope with nor know how to stay aware of and managing the stages of these morbidities and their internal reactions to this slow loss of a loved one.

Most folks often get overwhelmed and end up very quickly out of their depth and panic reacting to events. This places the afflicted in increased danger and heightens the confusion and anxiety they experience more and more as time and their faculties wane.

 

You can always grow in your capacities to plan and manage more effectively, especially as this is not about someone else but you and or your wife loosing cognition and awareness.

 

I wish you the best, a peaceful future.

[Gecko123]

My advice to the OP is to keep repatriation or assisted living options as stand-by options.

 

I have seen the care elderly people receive in rural Thailand (both Thais and foreigners) and generally speaking it's not a pretty picture. Bed confinement, a TV at the foot of the bed, a wheel chair if they're lucky. On many occasions the home confinement is so complete, it is only after their death and the funeral announcement that you discover they lived in the house. Forget about recreational activities, mental stimulation, being read to, physical therapy, social stimulation, etc. The standard for elder care in rural Thailand is very, very rudimentary. Change the bedding occasionally, variations of rice porridge for food, change the bedpan, pickup bed for trips to hospital. That's about it. Very sketchy emergency services. Others have mentioned how unwieldy it is for most Thais, especially women, to maneuver even an average build male foreigner. If you're real big, you'll probably need 5-6 grown men to get you into a vehicle, or up off the floor.

 

I have heard that 'no, I could never put you in a retirement home, I want to take care of you forever' sentiment before from Thai wives. Most of the time, putting the spouse in a retirement home isn't financially feasible, so the retirement home option isn't even one that's contemplated. That's where this attitude is coming from, not necessarily from a spirit of wifely devotion. When your wife says this, it's a safe bet that she is contemplating a bed-ridden existence, which is most often the norm. She probably doesn't have a clue about all of the stimulative and extra care which might be available. For example, she's not going to be familiar with dietary supplements advances in medications, physical therapy, pain management, therapeutics, etc. which might make your life easier.

 

In my opinion, the idea that Thais have some 'elder care gene' which makes them ideal care givers for elderly foreigners is wild nonsense. Maybe, just maybe, two hundred years ago this reverence for the elderly still held true. But with urbanization and the deterioration of the farm nuclear family which has been ongoing for at least 75 years, that reverence for elders is a thing of the past. And even if by some miracle you were fortunate to be in a home environment where it was still relatively in tact, I can only say that I find the idea that an elderly foreigner's extended Thai family would be on ever-ready stand-by to pitch in on elder care duties to be absolutely laughable. Almost everyone who is able-bodied works full time, has their own family, or works away from home for long stretches. Brother-in-law Lek or nephew Sen is going to be getting up in the middle of the night to walk you to the bathroom because you let him use your motorcycle or loaned him a few thousand baht 10 years ago? I don't think so. And what happens if the wife gets sick or dies before you? She's obviously going to be a much higher priority for her blood relatives and kids than you.

 

That's why I say repatriation (for the Western level of care) or nursing home care in Thailand would probably be your best bet. At-home care can be done, but, especially once you no longer are able to have input into its quality, entails a great deal of risk regarding the quality of care you'll receive.

 

[lopburi3]

If no care available from family members (paid or unpaid - which is still most common) there is common hiring of person by those in need or their family (as said many nurse or aids will welcome such employment in later years).  In past few years there have been commercial firms established providing such service at weekly/monthly price (short term nursing help to full time live in service with alternate person providing service when primary off or ill) in Bangkok area and believe at least one is run by a former doctor.  Rest homes are still not used by most Thai and there are few of high quality but for some would be an option - perhaps more so if single.

 

The idea of using lawyers to obtain such service/contracts would seem a very poor idea as Thai want to enjoy work - not feel forced - and the person suffering would be the person seeking the care if have unhappy staff.

[James26]

There are a few Assisted Care Communities starting to gear up. Worth looking into.
 

This one focuses on the elderly afflicted with Alzheimers or Parkinsons Disease:
http://www.absolutelivingthailand.com/aboutus_th.php

The website is in Thai, but you can translate the site in Google chrome.

You could try using ChatGPT to find more similar resources.

 

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

There is NO free care in Thailand.

 

I work in the care/support industry in England and I can tell you, the Government and local authorities work tirelessly to ensure anyone that needs care gets it. The home I am currently affiliated to gets over a million pounds a year. There are 29 residents. 

 

The issues they have are those individuals in UK who feel the work is below them so won't do it and those that, usually backed by members of the public and the unions, want big pay rises, which of course would raise costs or cause a cut in some care.

 

In Thailand, all those that constantly bang on about " dont live near the family" "dont live within xxx  miles of one's wife/husband/girlfriends/boyfriend's family",  this is the time that decision comes back to bite you on the ar%e. I have no fear or worry that, should I need it, I will get all the care I need from my wife and her family. Apart from medication, most of the care will be free. I will, of course, offer to compensate them for their time. Whether they accept will be a different matter. That's what families do, or at least, should do.

 

Those times that cousin borrowed the bike, when wife offers to feed some of the family, give Mum and Dad a few baht, house Mum because she's on her own, pay a few baht to help the sister's kids at school...............they all get mentally noted and get paid back in the end. Give and take. Happy days.

I have parents in the USA who did an early inheritance for some relatives so they could buy a home nearby to help out as they aged.

 

They turned it around now, found a reason to be angry and not speak, and won’t lift a finger now to help out. Won’t even pick up the mail, etc.  Watch out who you give your money too. Things change and you can’t get the money back!

[SunsetT]

There are Thai employment agencies who find staff for such work, which, like everything else, can be searched and contacted online (by your Thai wife if in Thai). My Thai partner (while Im in the UK), has found live-in work in BKK as a nanny/housekeeper with a wealthy Chinese family through such an agency. She also has a friend who lives in and cares for an elderly lady, now bedridden, with Dementia. For this work (dementia) I would think the right attitude and disposition would be more important than being medically trained.

[lgking]

On 8/20/2023 at 2:12 PM, billd766 said:

Whoever you find needs to be strong as well.

 

I went up to the kitchen  a while ago, 25 metres away, turned around and walked straight back. I sat on a stool outside. I had a dizzy spell and fell off the stool.

 

I weighed about 115 kg at the time.

 

My wife could not get me back up and called our 18 year old son for help. They couldn't get me up either, my neighbours 17 year old daughter came to help and between the daughter and my son they got me sitting upright.

 

I sort of shuffled on my ass to the doorway, they dragged me in and got me sitting on the sofa. They then got me standing and I was pretty much OK then.

 

1   Something I didn't think about before 2   The teenagers have gone off to uni in Chiang Rai 500 km away.

 

Something that you may want to think about as you grow older. Your wife will be growing older as well and losing some of her strength.

 

It won't happen again I hope, as experience has taught me to be careful and the 2 teenagers went to 

115 KG...are you kidding? That is a guaranteed health issue...!

 

I am 75, 6'1" and 68 KG.. Of course I am not as negligent as you. I do 60 pushups every morning, run 30 stories up and down o an outside fire-espace in my building, and go to the gym almost every day. And I don't eat processed food or animal products. My body fat is 10%, my visceral fat is 6, my resting heart-rate is 45 bpm, and my blood pressure is 110/70.

 

If you are too lazy to take care of yourself, you only have yourself to blame. I really want to feel sorry for guys like you, but I just bring myself to do it.  

 

HOW FIT ARE YOU REALLY...?

Fitness calculator - CERG - NTNU 

[billd766]

1 hour ago, lgking said:

115 KG...are you kidding? That is a guaranteed health issue...!

 

I am 75, 6'1" and 68 KG.. Of course I am not as negligent as you. I do 60 pushups every morning, run 30 stories up and down o an outside fire-espace in my building, and go to the gym almost every day. And I don't eat processed food or animal products. My body fat is 10%, my visceral fat is 6, my resting heart-rate is 45 bpm, and my blood pressure is 110/70.

 

If you are too lazy to take care of yourself, you only have yourself to blame. I really want to feel sorry for guys like you, but I just bring myself to do it.  

 

HOW FIT ARE YOU REALLY...?

Fitness calculator - CERG - NTNU 

Who cares what you think really.

 

We have never met, you have no idea of how my life has been, what medical problems I have.

 

I am so glad that you can do 60 pushups every morning, run 30 stories up and down o an outside fire-espace in my building, and go to the gym almost every day. And I don't eat processed food or animal products. My body fat is 10%, my visceral fat is 6, my resting heart-rate is 45 bpm, and my blood pressure is 110/70.

 

Now try doing any of that with arthritis, low blood pressure, iron deficiency and anemia, 2 stents and I have had 2 blackouts in the last 5 months, both resulting in time spent in hospital.

 

It would be interesting to see if you change your attitude, but of course you seem to have a holier than thou attitude and show your ignorance by attacking me, whilst knowing nothing about me.

[youreavinalaff]

7 hours ago, Tropposurfer said:

one day being diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers

Alzheimers is a form of dementia.

[youreavinalaff]

5 hours ago, JimTripper said:

I have parents in the USA who did an early inheritance for some relatives so they could buy a home nearby to help out as they aged.

 

They turned it around now, found a reason to be angry and not speak, and won’t lift a finger now to help out. Won’t even pick up the mail, etc.  Watch out who you give your money too. Things change and you can’t get the money back!

No need for me to "watch out". 

 

23 years now. Still part of the extended family. Still " giving and taking".

[youreavinalaff]

3 hours ago, lgking said:

115 KG...are you kidding? That is a guaranteed health issue...!

 

I am 75, 6'1" and 68 KG.. Of course I am not as negligent as you. I do 60 pushups every morning, run 30 stories up and down o an outside fire-espace in my building, and go to the gym almost every day. And I don't eat processed food or animal products. My body fat is 10%, my visceral fat is 6, my resting heart-rate is 45 bpm, and my blood pressure is 110/70.

 

If you are too lazy to take care of yourself, you only have yourself to blame. I really want to feel sorry for guys like you, but I just bring myself to do it.  

 

HOW FIT ARE YOU REALLY...?

Fitness calculator - CERG - NTNU 

If you are 6 foot 1 and 68kgs, be careful. You are undernourished, under weight and prone to your own health issues.