Relationship advice

[novacova]

4 hours ago, cavallerio said:

she's smart hard-working

Good, she has a real job and should continue to do so. Be sure to inform her that you only have enough money to support yourself(even if you do), otherwise incrementally you may find yourself in a disappointing position. 

[CharlieH]

I  havent read thruogh all the previous comments but I can well imagine the content, this having been raised so many times.

 

You have never been here, come , enjoy the holiday. Yu have experienced ONE Thai woman in a video chat. Come here and "fill ya boots" ! You will very quickly realise that she is just one blade of grass in a field of grass.

 

As for furthering that relationship, keep it at arms length. The members here will have filled you in on many of the common issues raised. I'll add one, if her kids have kids, it is more than an even chance those kids will be YOURS !! Thats the Thai way (generally). The kids are dropped on the Grandparents while they have a life. So bare that in mind when chldren are involved. You may not want babies in your future. 

 

Think hard, back off, come view the rest of the field and experience Thailand.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Elkski said:

I dated many with kids.  The kids never seemed interested in getting to know me.  Most could barely speak English or if so, like many Thai people they were just to insecure about their proficiency.  

Pal of mine was living with a Thai woman who had many kids.

He had a disagreement with her 12yo son .........

Son shouts, "Don't tell me what to do, you're not my dad, you're just another foreigner banging my mom"

I had to laugh!

[JimTripper]

4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

With internet dating it's totally different when you meet in real life, so generally it's a waste of time chatting for long, i used to have one phone call then meet up.

I think it's usually men who want to keep chatting. They put up female profiles to talk to other men. Your guess is as good as mine as to why they do that.

 

[2baht]

1 hour ago, FritsSikkink said:

That you can't find one doesn't mean they are not here.

Happily married for 30 years, Fritta! 

[FritsSikkink]

4 minutes ago, 2baht said:

Happily married for 30 years, Fritta! 

Congratz :) 

[metisdead]

Some posts with trolling content contravening our Community Standards have been removed.

 

[BigStar]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Son shouts, "Don't tell me what to do, you're not my dad, you're just another foreigner banging my mom"

I had to laugh!

 

Son repeating what your pal had earlier told him is pretty funny. Turned it right around. 

[2baht]

1 minute ago, Elkski said:

The first one you met? Online? 

You are not too bright are you, Sunshine....30 years ago we did'nt have that rubbish!

[petermik]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why is that?

Are all guys who meet a Thai woman online happy?

Been with mine here 10 years and we met online....never been happier....she`s not from Isaan but a good family from down south....and no hangers on

[Will B Good]

Best of luck.....whatever experiences people have on here, yours will likely be unique........just don't fall into the trap of 'lending' money (not large amounts anyway)....which is a tricky one, as she might expect you to lend money as a show of good faith on your part....no one can tell what to do....!!

 

I would also not get 'hooked up' on this one person.......there are a huge number of fish in the sea here.

 

As an aside, when I met my wife to be and we were together for three days before we got married.....that was 17 years ago......!!

[petermik]

8 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

 

 

As an aside, when I met my wife to be and we were together for three days before we got married.....that was 17 years ago......!!

3 days to decide.....you took your time LOL

[Will B Good]

5 minutes ago, petermik said:

3 days to decide.....you took your time LOL

I always used to think I was indecisive.....but now I'm not so sure.

[spidermike007]

Yes, my advice would be to take your time, okay you've already invested an extraordinary amount of time into chatting with somebody online, which is something I would never do, but all that is said and done. So once you get here take your time. Don't move fast, don't move in with her, don't live with her, date her for 6 months to a year and see how you like her.

 

When you meet a girl in person that you have met online, there is a possibility that you won't even like what you see, and that there will be zero chemistry. So, keep your expectations low, and come here and really really take your time getting to know her. What this means is consistent pushback from you, because she's going to want to step up the timetable, she's going to want it to move fast, she's going to want everything to happen right away, and you're going to have to be man enough to say sorry but I need a lot of time to determine whether or not you're the right woman for me, and I need a lot of time to get to know you. Something might develop, but if you are in a hurry, I am NOT YOUR GUY.

 

An environment like this allows us to set boundaries, and take our time. Take advantage of that. She starts saying I love you, and you respond by saying that's nice. I like you too. What, you do not love me? Of course not. I have only known you a few months. I have barely gotten to know you yet. 

 

Always remember if it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. So the worst thing you can do is rush headlong into this thing. Man up and do your gender justice. Make us proud. 

Edited January 3 by spidermike007

[scubascuba3]

2 hours ago, JimTripper said:

I think it's usually men who want to keep chatting. They put up female profiles to talk to other men. Your guess is as good as mine as to why they do that.

 

I've not encountered that. In UK if girls are inexperienced with internet dating they will be happy messaging for quite a while, waste of time

[OneMoreFarang]

43 minutes ago, petermik said:

Been with mine here 10 years and we met online....never been happier....she`s not from Isaan but a good family from down south....and no hangers on

Great. And did you ever hear or read about any relationships in Thailand which are not so happy?

So it seems it doesn't hurt to think twice before making life changing decisions. 

[riclag]

Spend as much as you can afford to

lose!

Someone mentioned her  kids and that your relationship will be centered around them,thats very true!

Come visit and test the waters while being very very careful!

You are a potential extra source of income for her, never lose sight of that.She works full time for the Government , so she will have very little time for you compared 

to a non working woman!

[JimTripper]

21 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

I've not encountered that. In UK if girls are inexperienced with internet dating they will be happy messaging for quite a while, waste of time

Seems kind of naive.

 

In the Usa it's often dudes. Most single women don't even bother with the internet dating sites anymore unless it's hookers, not sure about the Uk but it's probably similar. Meeting someone off there in the Usa is like buying a winning lottery ticket. Geniune good looking women have reported thousands of emails, so many that it's not even possible to screen people. Especially the ones where people are swiping yes/no etc. If you're even in a conversation with a real female you are lucky.

 

It's that way in Thailand also, although I think there are far less fake profiles. Dudes from all over the world messaging sending messages to the women in Thailand. It's getting worse as time goes on.

 

People are getting something off just messaging somehow even if there is no possibility of meeting. Kind of like comments on video's or whatever.

Edited January 3 by JimTripper

[riclag]

3 hours ago, CharlieH said:

I  havent read thruogh all the previous comments but I can well imagine the content, this having been raised so many times.

 

You have never been here, come , enjoy the holiday. Yu have experienced ONE Thai woman in a video chat. Come here and "fill ya boots" ! You will very quickly realise that she is just one blade of grass in a field of grass.

 

As for furthering that relationship, keep it at arms length. The members here will have filled you in on many of the common issues raised. I'll add one, if her kids have kids, it is more than an even chance those kids will be YOURS !! Thats the Thai way (generally). The kids are dropped on the Grandparents while they have a life. So bare that in mind when chldren are involved. You may not want babies in your future. 

 

Think hard, back off, come view the rest of the field and experience Thailand.

Her kids have kids comment!So true!

One has to set boundaries, cause these kids will magically appear on weekends and school holidays!

 

[OneMoreFarang]

9 hours and 2 pages later, no reply from the original poster... 

[mokwit]

15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

9 hours and 2 pages later, no reply from the original poster... 

He will explain that he is in US time zone, or perhaps as this is his first post he is shy. There are a lot of first time posters these days.

[CharlieH]

36 minutes ago, mokwit said:

He will explain that he is in US time zone, or perhaps as this is his first post he is shy. There are a lot of first time posters these days.

Actually states in the OP he's in the UK.

[sungod]

7 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

TINDER Thai Girls are better than Pattaya Bar Girls, any day of the week.

 

Given all the bar girls are already on Tinder I find that very hard to believe!

[chickenslegs]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

9 hours and 2 pages later, no reply from the original poster... 

He posted at around 10.00pm UK time yesterday and it is now 7.50am UK time. Maybe he will post again after breakfast.

[scottiejohn]

2 hours ago, mokwit said:

There are a lot of first time posters these days.

And many seem to have the same posting styles as those who have "disappeared" assumed banned!

[mokwit]

Just now, scottiejohn said:

And many seem to have the same posting styles as those who have "disappeared" assumed banned!

I would disagree, they seem to all have the exact same posting style - almost as if they were all the same person.....................

[cavallerio]

Lots of responses, many thanks. To be clear I've been lurking here for a while just to learn, but registered yesterday to post my question.

 

I didn't want to put too much detail in my original post to avoid any risk of identifying her. If I'm honest my doubts stem more from my own insecurities than anything she has said and done. The kids are great from whaI have seen, doing well at school and I have regular calls with one so she can practice her English. Way more hard working and motivated than I was at their age! She's not said anything about moving to Europe, she's pretty focussed on developing her career in Thailand with a view to giving her kids a good start in life. 

 

I get that if I shop around I could probably find someone younger, but TBH at my age and state of health 'boom boom' isn't the driver it once was...more looking for someone I respect, trust and can settle down with.

 

Anyway, thank you for the detailed and considered replies, a lot to think over. I should have a better idea after we have met, and experienced Thailand for myself. Worst case scenario I have an interesting holiday 🙂

[cavallerio]

Not sure how to quote posts, just to explain I'm in the UK, posted before bedtime last night and reading responses now, hence the delay.

[BritManToo]

39 minutes ago, cavallerio said:

I get that if I shop around I could probably find someone younger, but TBH at my age and state of health 'boom boom' isn't the driver it once was...more looking for someone I respect, trust and can settle down with.

Forget the 'trust', you won't find anyone like that in Thailand.

She's sure to have other guys on the go, they all do (given the opportunity).

[Chris Daley]

She only wants you for your money.  If you are happy being an ATM then go for it.  The perks are the weather, amazing food, the women are good in the kitchen, perfect straight roads with plenty of service stations, amazing shops from low end to high end, markets and lots of places to see, amazing beaches.  But the moment the money dries up she will leave you in an instant.  And the marriage thing means f all.  It's just a fun day out.