Foreigner Questions Thai Dowry: Netizens Respond

[BayArea]

 

"Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan, after four years of online courtship"

I stop reading right there and then. 

😂😂😂

[Callmeishmael]

When I married, I was in my mid-forties and my wife was in her late thirties, with an ex-husband and a child.  I paid zero sinsot, though I (actually my father) did pay for the wedding.

 

When I asked her about the sinsot, my wife told me that it was not needed as this was not her first marriage.  However, if her parents had still been alive, we would have been expected to send them some money every month.

[BayArea]

53 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Don't think I'd pay anything for a 47 year old women with grandchildren.

As Thai people say, " Ai Kwai!!"

[KhunLA]

If you have to ask ...

 

... then you have answered it yourself ... 

[JeffersLos]

The sinsod paid by Westerners are the most amusing. For some dark uneducated grub of a mother or grandmother from a family of farm laborers. 

 

More than any Thai would pay.

 

Double pricing strikes again.

[dinsdale]

2 hours ago, webfact said:

Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan, after four years of online courtship, he agreed to pay 300,000 THB but was later negotiated down to 150,000 baht and 80,000 baht worth of gold, reported Daily News.

So her family knocked down the price 330k to 230k. They were negotiating with him to drop the price? I DON'T THINK SO. Sloppy if any editing.

 

"Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan, after four years of online courtship, he agreed to pay 300,000 THB but was later negotiated it down to 150,000 baht and 80,000 baht worth of gold, reported Daily News."

[gomangosteen]

The Reddit thread this refers to is still online. I post occasionally on the Thai Reddits. There are many fictional / hoax threads (as with all forums) I note this one was posted by someone who has since deleted their account, a one-off effort.

 

Secondly, appears it may have been google translated to Thai and back to English as the OP in this thread differs from the Reddit post.

 

For example, there were two nieces and one nephew (NO grandchildren) who received gifts 'a few weeks after'. And the marriage was 2022 not 2023.

 

Quoting a random and likely / possibly fictional Reddit post as 'news' then putting it in Thai and translating back to English... 'news fluff' yet here it's immediate outrage.

[gomangosteen]

The 'netizens' ... when 200 people comment on one random forum (Reddit ) thread from two weeks ago and since closed ... it's now 'news' picked up by media and put on another forum.  

 

I'll start a thread on Reddit about this thread. Watch this space.

[rexpotter]

2 hours ago, TorquayFan said:

Just say NO !!  You'll need to say NO again to your Thai wife, so start NOW.

 

B230,000 ?  Say sorry, NO dowry possible ?

 

If she loves you, she'll marry you anyway . . . . .

 

 

 

 

Excellent comment, start now. Yes Darling over and over and over,

[Celsius]

oh no sinsod and bumgun topics are now on reddit 

[OneMoreFarang]

44 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Maybe because they love the person they choose? Remember they are thinking the same thing. Why should I get an old man when I can have a young one? Simple. Money rules over many decisions, especially in poor countries. Young doesn't mean innocent. It's how and who they were raised by that shows how a woman treats her future men. More baggage can comes from a hurtful childhood than having a child before you appear.

Sure, you can pick the right grandma and fall in love with her.

But in general, we all collect more and more baggage when we get older. We are more stubborn and don't want to change.

Two old people who are stubborn in their own ways are a real challenge. If one of them is still malleable that makes the situation a lot easier. 

[sandyf]

2 hours ago, ikke1959 said:

It is all about money in Thailand and dowry is a part of it....It gives the people a feeling how important they are

Only a certain mentality would generalise like that.

Circumstances vary but in a traditional Thai wedding the sinsod is part of the ceremony. In this area it would highly unusual for the parents not to return the sinsod to the bride and groom.

[freeworld]

2 hours ago, TorquayFan said:

Just say NO !!  You'll need to say NO again to your Thai wife, so start NOW.

 

B230,000 ?  Say sorry, NO dowry possible ?

 

If she loves you, she'll marry you anyway . . . . .

 

 

 

 

Questions should be asked about a foreigner coming to Thailand to seek a bride then haggling over the price of gbp 5000 he is asked to pay in a Thai tradition.

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Sure, you can pick the right grandma and fall in love with her.

But in general, we all collect more and more baggage when we get older. We are more stubborn and don't want to change.

Two old people who are stubborn in their own ways are a real challenge. If one of them is still malleable that makes the situation a lot easier. 

People really can't change what they are, their character, so you hope to find someone that is tolerant of others, because everyone has issues. Someone who puts you first with no exceptions. Many don't understand this, especially here. They think kids come first, but that means neglect towards the person who's supposed to be the number one in their lives. The one who will be there long after those kids who are usually selfish until they leave the house. The one who provides for you, is with you emotionally and physically, and is there when you need them, because no one will ever fill that position.

 

A woman can be a grandma at age 34 pretty easily, especially here, where many have kids before they reach a7. A Thai woman at 34 can be better looking and more fit than one at 25, especially if she's been active all her life.

 

Some baggage is a learning tool, and some hurts and makes you angry and defensive. What you can change is how you react to stress, because you can't escape stress.

[ChaiyaTH]

No dowry should be given, or a very very subtle one, this one is too much already, if she is 47 years old, was likely married before and even had kids + grand kids already. Only a foreigner would fall for that joke, so it is super funny to see Thais even defending it as not a single Thai guy would be doing that.

 

It is 100% obvious that this is another money marriage from the very start, hence the 4 year online relationship at start too. Now he needs to buy a car and house over time, if not done already, and supply moneess every month, else they gonna kick him out.

[gomangosteen]

18 minutes ago, Celsius said:

oh no sinsod and bumgun topics are now on reddit 

Yes the same old topics from the past 20 years seem to be on automated rotation ... bum gun every seven days, sinsot ten days, but the most common are along the lines of 

"I'm going to Chiang Mai tomorrow will the air be clear?"

"Will Thailand be hot in April?"

"I saw a dog sleeping outside 7-11. Do I have rabies?"

[bob smith]

3 hours ago, webfact said:

A foreign man, feeling perplexed, posted on Reddit's R/Thailand, asking, "Am I stupid to pay a dowry to my Thai wife?

the answer to your question is a resounding YES.

 

You are a complete fool.

 

bob.

[KannikaP]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

There is an easy solution. Don't marry!

That has lot of advantages. 

You can obviously still have a longtime girlfriend. 

Been with mine for over 13 years now. The marriage word has never been mentioned.

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Maybe because they love the person they choose? Remember they are thinking the same thing. Why should I get an old man when I can have a young one?

 

Women are different to men and look for different things in a partner.  While men are likely to be thinking something along the lines of "I want to find a sweet, attractive, young girl without baggage", women will not be thinking the same.  They are more attracted to status and economics, which tend to increase with age.

 

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Simple. Money rules over many decisions, especially in poor countries.

 

Which contradicts what you wrote above...

 

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Young doesn't mean innocent. It's how and who they were raised by that shows how a woman treats her future men. More baggage can comes from a hurtful childhood than having a child before you appear.

 

It's true that upbringing counts for a lot, but past relationships can absolutely ruin a girl.  You need to look out for both.

 

Also, the longer a girl is "innocent and baggage free", the more likely they are to have not experienced childhood trauma.

 

Note that @OneMoreFarang said young and innocent without baggage, not that young will automatically mean innocent.

[cjinchiangrai]

That is not that large of a dowry, BUT! You need you know the rules. Second marriage 0, already has kids 0, no advanced education 0, works independently of the family 0, has ever been in Pattaya 0.

 

The dowry is paid for well behaved, young women of child bearing age that can help support the new family, AND for the economic loss to her parents earnings.

 

On the other hand, you still need to pay for the wedding. In an Issan village, that will set you back maybe 100-120k. You would also need show money to maybe 50k that goes back to the bank.

[Henryford]

He paid a dowry on a 47 year old granny !!

[BritScot]

1 hour ago, Gottfrid said:

Why so much talk about dowry year after year. In some countries this is the culture, tradition and norm. Thailand has been one of those countries and in some way still is. How you, as a foreigner, reacts to that is up to you. It´s also up to your wife to be and her family how they react. Here one must just ask themselves how important this is. Mostly, we are talking about 200-300k baht, which is, barely, nothing at all if you have decided to stay in Thailand. Either you pay up and be happy, do talks where all agree that dowry is not needed or move on to another woman with a mindset and a family that accepts your view of dowry.

If you want to go down the traditional road then there are several criteria that should be taken into account traditionally! First dowrie or Sinsod is only paid for a virgin (that is the Thai tradition). The level of dowry depends on education and future earnings that the parents would recieve from their daughter. They invest money in education etc and that is hopefully their retierment investment. I should have paid a dowry but never did as there had already been her big sister's wedding and my wife's father said it would be greedy to have another wedding so soon. My sister in law husband paid a dowry with cash and gold but after the wedding they were given it back along with all the gift money and it was enough for them to buy a house. You have good and bad families in Thailand and a warning sign for any man is how your fiancées family react to the proposed wedding because that is how they will treat you afterwords..

If they see you as a cash cow that is how you will be treated.

[jvs]

2 hours ago, hanbla said:

Well it's culture, my wife told me about superstars in Thailand paying millions in dowry.

I married my wife 15 years ago and didn't pay a single satang. Her parents from Issan has never asked me for money. On the contrary they have asked me if I needed any. 

When my wife's sister married her husbands family came with 300 k and gold and gave to my mother in law. She just commented "you need it more than me" and gave it to the wedded couple. 

Super stars pay dowry to get face!

The more you pay the more people look up to you.

[Gottfrid]

4 minutes ago, BritScot said:

If you want to go down the traditional road then there are several criteria that should be taken into account traditionally! First dowrie or Sinsod is only paid for a virgin (that is the Thai tradition). The level of dowry depends on education and future earnings that the parents would recieve from their daughter. They invest money in education etc and that is hopefully their retierment investment. I should have paid a dowry but never did as there had already been her big sister's wedding and my wife's father said it would be greedy to have another wedding so soon. My sister in law husband paid a dowry with cash and gold but after the wedding they were given it back along with all the gift money and it was enough for them to buy a house. You have good and bad families in Thailand and a warning sign for any man is how your fiancées family react to the proposed wedding because that is how they will treat you afterwords..

If they see you as a cash cow that is how you will be treated.

All true, but as we know for everyone in any country, when money is involved, people always try as hard as they can to get their piece of the cake. More so in Thailand. because of that, it´s not so strange that they up the game and try to get dowry out of foreigners also for non-virgins, women with children and old women. As I said in my first post, as long as all are in agreement. Everything else I agree with 100%. And, how they will treat you in the long run is very important. If a person can´t stand their ground, put down the foot and say no, then it might be best to just both explain how things are going to work and only pay for virgins. 😉 

[Denim]

sin sort  =  assets for inserion.

 

If the lady has already been thoroughly inserted shouldn't have to pay.

 

Alternatively just say you prefer a hindu style wedding but won't demand a big dowry.  A new PCX will be enough.

[madmitch]

Be careful with dowries. My GF "lent" her nephew 100,000 baht and 10 baht of gold for what was supposed to be for show only. 

 

The in-laws returned the 100,000 baht but took a shine to the gold and it's not been seen since. This was four years ago and still causes friction in the family. My partner still wants it back, for obvious reason, but none of the other family members will take any responsibility.

 

The price of face in this country! 

[webfact]

Foreign man asks netizens to weigh in on dowry conundrum
by Petch Petpailin

 

Photo via Facebook/ เช่าสินสอด ทองหมั้น by Let's Marry

 

A foreign man sought opinions from netizens after paying a 230,000 baht dowry to his Thai wife‘s family. He posed the question, “Was I stupid to agree to the dowry?”

 

Around two weeks ago, the foreigner took to Reddit to share his marriage experience, asking fellow users to weigh in on whether his decision was right or wrong. His post garnered over 200 responses from netizens before the comment section closed.

 

The foreigner disclosed that he came across various posts discussing dowry payments, with many men stating they did not pay the dowry or had it returned after the marriage ceremony.

He confessed to experiencing remorse following his decision to pay 230,000 baht to his Thai wife’s family. The foreign man elaborated that he married his wife in 2022 after engaging in a four-year online dialogue.

His wife, aged 47, was two years his senior and resided in Isaan with her mother and two elder sisters. She had not completed her bachelor’s degree and had been previously married.

 

Initially, the dowry was set at 300,000 baht but was later reduced to 150,000 baht in cash and 80,000 baht in gold. He agreed to pay this amount and never saw his money again.

 

The man expressed ignorance regarding the expenditure of the money, yet observed purchases of a new tablet, mobile phone, and motorcycle by his wife’s family members and relatives. He harboured suspicions that his funds were invested in these items.

 

The foreigner conveyed his respect for Thai marriage customs, acknowledging that the worth of an individual transcended any material possessions. Nevertheless, he remained contemplative about the wisdom of his decision.

 

Dowry complications

 

Most of the Reddit users suspected that the man might not have a happy married life, prompting him to regret the payment. Some argued that a woman with a history of marriage and divorce should not request a dowry.

 

Others criticised the man’s decision to marry someone he had only known online for four years. Some accused women from the Isaan provinces of seeking foreign husbands only for money.

 

An American man raised a similar issue in September last year when his girlfriend’s parents demanded a million baht dowry.

 

Advice among netizens varied, with some suggesting that he should agree to the dowry to prove his ability to support his girlfriend. Others warned against the high demand, seeing it as a red flag.

 

The issue of marriage ceremonies and dowries is also controversial among Thais. Some couples see ceremonies as unnecessary, some have them to please their parents and relatives, and others dream of having a perfect and happy ceremony once in their lives.

 

Dowry management varies from family to family, with some parents keeping the entire amount, some sharing it with the couple, and some returning it after the ceremony. Some couples avoid marriage altogether to avoid the complications of dowry.

 

The issue of dowry is also giving rise to a new business model, dowry for rent, which allows couples to rent cash, gold and other valuable items to display at their weddings.

 

Source: The Thaiger 2024-04-03

 

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[Moonlover]

3 hours ago, Crossy said:

3 hours ago, itsari said:

His wife has grandchildren and the man has paid a dowry?

I understand that there is no obligation for a dowry when a woman has a previous relationship with children.

 

3 hours ago, Crossy said:

 

Yeah, that was my understanding too.

When I married my Issan gal she was 51 years young with 2 adult kids and both parents deceased. No dowry was asked for nor even hinted at. 

 

We did put up a 'money tree' at the village ceremony, but that was just for show. I guess it was saying to her family, 'yes he can afford to take care of me'. (which I could)  All the money from the tree was returned to us.

[keith101]

The short answer is YES you were stupid 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, KannikaP said:

Been with mine for over 13 years now. The marriage word has never been mentioned.

My gf mentioned it often enough. But after a couple of years not so often anymore.