Love or Lust? What Are Foreigners Looking for in Thailand’s Nightlife?

[JK-Trilly]

For foreigners dipping into Thailand’s nightlife, there’s a curious question of intent: Are most simply out there for short-term thrills, or are some genuinely seeking a life partner—even possibly marriage to a bar girl?

 

For many, the answer is obvious. The allure of casual, no-strings-attached fun with a beautiful Thai partner is a huge draw. A lot of punters aren’t looking for anything serious, a possible bed warmer during a business trip, some are also already married back home, while others are in it purely for the moment: the excitement, the laughter, and maybe a story or two to share later (or not).

 

That said, there’s also a well-established trend of foreigners over the last 40 years forming serious relationships with bar girls, with many even tying the knot. The dynamic is often complicated, not least because many Thai women working in the nightlife scene send financial support to their families, creating added pressures in any future potential relationship.

 

A 2020 study by Kasetsart University revealed that around 15% of foreign men marrying Thai women had initially met their partners in nightlife settings. Anecdotal evidence suggests this figure could be higher in tourist hotspots like Pattaya, Phuket, and Bangkok. For every serious connection that develops, however, there are countless others that fizzle out after a night, a week, or a month.

 

The motivations on both sides vary widely. Some foreigners arrive with romanticized notions of “rescuing” a bar girl from her circumstances, hoping to play the role of a savior. Others are drawn to the cultural authenticity and charm many Thai women exude. On the flip side, many bar girls are savvy professionals with clear goals, whether that’s financial security, a chance at a new life, or just a good time.

 

So, what’s the dominant story here? Are most foreigners in Thailand’s nightlife simply enjoying the fun and variety, or is there a larger group seeking something deeper, like marriage or long-term companionship? Are these unions quite common or does the scene still lean heavily toward casual connections over commitment?

[Hummin]

When I first came here, I didn't look for any relations with Thai women, but the more and longer I stayed, I was slowly dragged in to a few relationships with different thai girls working at tourist places.

 

Started to get tired of western back packer party girls, and a few who thought they where the queen at the beach/iskand destinations, who had a few boy friends lined up for their own  pleasures and of course created a few local soap stories 😁

 

Not all bad, but the truth is, some of the girls had high maintenance fee (they where all broke, or just stayed for short term), and I just got tired, and a few brown sweeties managed to catch me in their nets. When you first go asian? 

 

To my surprise, they where easy going, low maintenance and happy whatever we did or wherever we went. 

 

 

[connda]

Lust.

[novacova]

2 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Love or Lust? What Are Foreigners Looking for in Thailand’s Nightlife?

Booze and skank 

[1FinickyOne]

If thy are over 60 - whatever they can get,,, 

[BangkokReady]

Nightlife = lust.

 

/thread

[G_Money]

Lust

[Elkski]

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

[RSD1]

9 minutes ago, Elkski said:

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

Small caveat, the majority of men looking for women in Thailand aren't interested in the 45+ year old category. They are here because they are lusting after the younger, sexier ones. 

[georgegeorgia]

2 minutes ago, RSD1 said:

Small caveat, the majority of men looking for women in Thailand aren't interested in the 45+ year old category. They are here because they are lusting after the younger, sexier ones. 

Oh don't be ageist !

[OneMoreFarang]

Whatever the motivation was, it might change.

I know guys who wanted to find a wife. And then they decided that f@##$ around is what they like.

And others just want to have fun and no attachment. And then they meet this lovely girl. She is different, she is the one.

Whatever the plan is does not really matter when reality hits. 

[RSD1]

13 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Whatever the motivation was, it might change.

I know guys who wanted to find a wife. And then they decided that f@##$ around is what they like.

And others just want to have fun and no attachment. And then they meet this lovely girl. She is different, she is the one.

Whatever the plan is does not really matter when reality hits. 

You mean like they came to Thailand looking for a wife and ended up marrying a ladyboy instead?

[herfiehandbag]

1 hour ago, Elkski said:

A refreshing attitude of Thai women over 45 compared to  western  ones on the dating sites.   Minimal expectations and so much more fit and desirable forms.  Dark skin a plus.  Less body hair.  Sexually free and an open mind.  

And bang like a belt fed mortar!

[RSD1]

22 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

And bang like a belt fed mortar!

You must be a British military man. So what have you got special in your Herfie Handbag? Or is it just a couple of packs of cigarettes?

[herfiehandbag]

5 minutes ago, RSD1 said:

You must be a British military man. So what have you got special in your Herfie Handbag? Or is it just a couple of packs of cigarettes?

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

 

 

[RSD1]

10 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

Interesting about that German beer. I wonder if it was any good or perhaps just one of their crappy local piltz brews. 
 

The reference to banging like a belt fed mortar is very humorous, but obviously borrowed from British military speak. That's what tipped me off.
 

I also read that the term “Herfie handbag” is British military slang that refers humorously to a container or bag used by a soldier to carry personal items or snacks, particularly in a casual or non-standard way. In a broader context I also read that “Herfie” itself is slang for a cigarette break or social gathering, often during military downtime. 

[jori123]

dipping my wick

[RSD1]

19 minutes ago, herfiehandbag said:

The Herfiehandbag was the slang term for a six pack of Herforder Pils beer - a popular brew in the part of Northern Germany in which the British Army of The Rhine (BAOR) was based. It came in a small yellow cardboard box, with a carrying handle - hence the name "Herfiehandbag'. 

 

We were the fittest alcoholics in NATO you know!

 

 

I know I'm going off topic here, but the beer is still around and can even be bought online. I think it only comes in bigger bottles now and the old yellow cardboard packaging is no longer used. I read the following on a website that's selling the beer:

 

Herforder Pils is a golden, quite dry and hoppy pilsner, a firm favourite of the Army personnel who served in and around Herford in Germany. This Herforder pils though is not the small bottles in “yellow handbags” but the full 500ml size.

[OneMoreFarang]

8 hours ago, RSD1 said:

You mean like they came to Thailand looking for a wife and ended up marrying a ladyboy instead?

That is certainly one of the options.

 

It would be an interesting study if what people expected in Thailand actually happened or how their motivation and life changed.

If you would have told me in my first month of Thailand that I would end up with the same gf for more than a decade and at the same time f@#$# hundreds of other girls, I guess I would have said that would never happen. And then reality happened... 

[KhunLA]

I just continued on the same lifestyle I had in USA.  Seek like minded folks for fun, and if a relationship starts, that works also.  Although I avoided the tourist, farang catering nightlife, being a handsome CC.  

 

I get P4P on a short holiday, but not living here.  Too much fun to be had for free, or basic 'dating cost'.  Bar hopping or maybe go out munching if last longer that one night stand.

[Yagoda]

Looks like the op has a cut and paste fetish. Any way to answer the post, which I doubt was written by the original poster, I first came to Southeast Asia years ago after I broke up with my girlfriend and I wanted to wallow in the flesh pots. And then discovered there was a lot of interesting stuff so I kept coming back to look at the stuff and wallow some more.

 

now 40 years later I'm old and since I've seen all the stuff, I still wallow in the filth of my own fornication at a reasonable price without having to see the cottage cheese on the butts of fat ass old western ladies with attitudes. Plus, because Thailand is such a Live and Let Live place, I am able to satisfy my disgusting fetishes which usually entail midget amputees, used fly paper and leftover Pad Thai.

[SAFETY FIRST]

15 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

A 2020 study by Kasetsart University revealed that around 15% of foreign men marrying Thai women had initially met their partners in nightlife settings

I was out enjoying some pork noodles at a nice restaurant, entrance to Duck square. After finishing my dinner, having some spare time to kill and out of curiosity, I took my girlfriend on my PCX down soi 6 around 8pm the other night. 

 

The soi was jammed packed with girls lined up in the middle of the road, I was the only vehicle at the time (that I could see), took forever to travel the soi.

 

My girlfriend hadn't seen soi 6 before, she was shocked, I'm so sorry I did this to her. 

 

Anyway back on topic......night life on Soi 6,lots of future wives for foreigners. 

 

[simon43]

Ai is a wonderful thing.... 🙂

[Hummin]

 

10 hours ago, RSD1 said:

Small caveat, the majority of men looking for women in Thailand aren't interested in the 45+ year old category. They are here because they are lusting after the younger, sexier ones. 

If I was looking for a new lady now, she would be 38+ most likely. No way I would choose someone who most likely would have a kid with me, and I wouldn't choose a woman with small kids, or more than one kid. No kids at all is preferred 

[JimTripper]

The scene you are referring to is dying. The future is woke-ism.

 

It's primary interest is being seen, on display and attention, more then sex and relationships.

[RSD1]

2 hours ago, simon43 said:

Ai is a wonderful thing.... 🙂

 

I just ran the OP through https://www.zerogpt.com

 

It shows that Text is Human written - 0% AI GPT

 

Try it yourself. It is free.

[RSD1]

3 hours ago, Yagoda said:

my disgusting fetishes which usually entail midget amputees, used fly paper and leftover Pad Thai.

 

How pedestrian. Is that the best you can do?

[georgegeorgia]

50 minutes ago, RSD1 said:

 

I just ran the OP through https://www.zerogpt.com

 

It shows that Text is Human written - 0% AI GPT

 

Try it yourself. It is free.

Beautiful post , thankyou for your service 

[JoseThailand]

I remember when I first set foot in Thailand, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking for myself—maybe a bit of fun, maybe something more meaningful. I was fresh off a plane in Bangkok, wide-eyed and excited about the nightlife scene everyone raves about. The first few weeks, I felt like I was in a neon playground, hopping between rooftop bars and late-night clubs, meeting loads of new people—expats, locals, travelers from all over. It was easy to slip into a casual mindset and just enjoy the moment without thinking too far ahead.

 

But then I realized it’s not that straightforward. I met someone during a random night out with friends, and we ended up really clicking beyond the initial party vibe. We started hanging out outside the club scene—like grabbing street food, exploring temples, or catching a movie. That’s when I saw a different side of Thailand. It wasn’t all about the bright lights and loud music; it was about making genuine connections, too.

 

I’ve also seen the flip side, of course. Some folks come here purely to let loose, maybe not even wanting to think about long-term relationships. The nightlife can be tempting that way—there’s always another club to visit, another interesting person to meet. And yeah, you can get swept up in the “lust” part of it all if you’re not careful. But in my experience, once you take a breather from the constant party rush, you realize there are plenty of people—both Thais and foreigners—who are open to building something real.

 

So for me, it started out as a bit of both. I showed up curious and maybe a little reckless, but I ended up finding someone who made me see Thailand in a more grounded, meaningful way. I guess that’s what it comes down to: if you’re just chasing a fleeting thrill, it’s easy to find. But love is out there, too, if you’re open to it and willing to look beyond the nightlife glitter.

[FriscoKid]

1 hour ago, JoseThailand said:

I remember when I first set foot in Thailand, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking for myself—maybe a bit of fun, maybe something more meaningful. I was fresh off a plane in Bangkok, wide-eyed and excited about the nightlife scene everyone raves about. The first few weeks, I felt like I was in a neon playground, hopping between rooftop bars and late-night clubs, meeting loads of new people—expats, locals, travelers from all over. It was easy to slip into a casual mindset and just enjoy the moment without thinking too far ahead.

 

But then I realized it’s not that straightforward. I met someone during a random night out with friends, and we ended up really clicking beyond the initial party vibe. We started hanging out outside the club scene—like grabbing street food, exploring temples, or catching a movie. That’s when I saw a different side of Thailand. It wasn’t all about the bright lights and loud music; it was about making genuine connections, too.

 

I’ve also seen the flip side, of course. Some folks come here purely to let loose, maybe not even wanting to think about long-term relationships. The nightlife can be tempting that way—there’s always another club to visit, another interesting person to meet. And yeah, you can get swept up in the “lust” part of it all if you’re not careful. But in my experience, once you take a breather from the constant party rush, you realize there are plenty of people—both Thais and foreigners—who are open to building something real.

 

So for me, it started out as a bit of both. I showed up curious and maybe a little reckless, but I ended up finding someone who made me see Thailand in a more grounded, meaningful way. I guess that’s what it comes down to: if you’re just chasing a fleeting thrill, it’s easy to find. But love is out there, too, if you’re open to it and willing to look beyond the nightlife glitter.

I don't get it, you make an AI post complaining about AI posting and then you make seven other posts on seven other topics written by AI???