Letting One Go

[sunholidaysun1]

Is fluffing in public acceptable here in Thailand ?

[G54]

Silent but deadly or a trumpet?

Never heard a Thai fart yet.

[andyg75]

On one of the first days out with my then new girlfriend, she wanted to go to the Big Budda (on Samui)as we drove into the grounds I had my hand on her leg and she quickly pushed it off she said "this is a very special place you can not do that here. Anyway after climbing all the stairs to the top where the Budda statue is, we stood there looking at in awe, suddenly she let rip the loudest fart ever, I could'nt belive it, I looked at her face and she was soooo embarrassed. Sorry I not know that coming,she said. I just cracked up and said "you mean you thought it was going to be a silent one". She ended up laughing as well albeit with a red face. I never let her forget it either, if we went to any temples I always say "don't forget this is a special place.

[redman]

Silent but deadly or a trumpet?

Never heard a Thai fart yet.

Jesus, one of my early days lady friend had something akin to an explosion. She just smiled and I never mentioned it. Was already out the door anyway, wasn't waiting for the smell

[sunholidaysun1]

The reason for my post is because of yesterday . I was in Big C, the place was packet as it normally is and not a good day to go but She insisted I take her. I was not in the mood to argue as I had a fairly heavy session the evening before and was already in the dog house.

After filling the trolley which took ages .Normally I push the trolley and go rapidly round the isles as she tends to put tons of stuff in if I dont . On this day however, I had bad wind and left her with the trolley while I dropped one in each isle . I didnt hang around incase I got the blame .She new it was me but I think everyone else thought it was her , as I was nowhere to be seen. I could tell she was angry , she had that look .

The bad part was at the checkout , I was halfway unloading the trolley and kept bending into the trolley to get the bits at the bottom. There were about 5 trolleys behind me , with about 10 people in the queue I suppose. I let one out a little bit loud but no one seemed to notice , too busy chatting with themselves.

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

[473geo]

The reason for my post is because of yesterday . I was in Big C, the place was packet as it normally is and not a good day to go but She insisted I take her. I was not in the mood to argue as I had a fairly heavy session the evening before and was already in the dog house.

After filling the trolley which took ages .Normally I push the trolley and go rapidly round the isles as she tends to put tons of stuff in if I dont . On this day however, I had bad wind and left her with the trolley while I dropped one in each isle . I didnt hang around incase I got the blame .She new it was me but I think everyone else thought it was her , as I was nowhere to be seen. I could tell she was angry , she had that look .

The bad part was at the checkout , I was halfway unloading the trolley and kept bending into the trolley to get the bits at the bottom. There were about 5 trolleys behind me , with about 10 people in the queue I suppose. I let one out a little bit loud but no one seemed to notice , too busy chatting with themselves.

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

Oh boy.....never laughed so much...tears running down my face........

[richard_smith237]

The reason for my post is because of yesterday . I was in Big C, the place was packet as it normally is and not a good day to go but She insisted I take her. I was not in the mood to argue as I had a fairly heavy session the evening before and was already in the dog house.

After filling the trolley which took ages .Normally I push the trolley and go rapidly round the isles as she tends to put tons of stuff in if I dont . On this day however, I had bad wind and left her with the trolley while I dropped one in each isle . I didnt hang around incase I got the blame .She new it was me but I think everyone else thought it was her , as I was nowhere to be seen. I could tell she was angry , she had that look .

The bad part was at the checkout , I was halfway unloading the trolley and kept bending into the trolley to get the bits at the bottom. There were about 5 trolleys behind me , with about 10 people in the queue I suppose. I let one out a little bit loud but no one seemed to notice , too busy chatting with themselves.

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

Classy....

[Birdman]

...............

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

You have answered your own question. Imagine if everyone in Big C would to that. Fresh veggies would wilt immediately. Are you doing that also in your home country?

Your wife said "F*ing Men mak mak" to you...? Have you ever asked Miss Manners about all that?

[Thanyaburi Mac]

...............

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

You have answered your own question. Imagine if everyone in Big C would to that. Fresh veggies would wilt immediately. Are you doing that also in your home country?

Your wife said "F*ing Men mak mak" to you...? Have you ever asked Miss Manners about all that?

Here's another one that floated in via cyberspace yesterday.

Mac

*A man's trip to Home depot:*

I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure thatcourse of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I hadprepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t yourself' roadkill chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the

point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's

Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred

to by my dear wife, as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to

refinish the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing i t about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about.I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, S**t, gotta go' pain that always seems to

hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. TheHabaneras’ in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a

mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step

in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened.

The peppers fired a warning shot! There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk in a red apron turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.

Have you ever been torn in two=2 0different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.........BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in otheraisles had ducked, fearing that someone wa s robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch! Did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his

nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

[wolfmanjack]

I never laughed so hard in my life. I nearly fell off my chair trying to read it.

[Lite Beer]

More suitable in the pub I think.

[473geo]

More suitable in the pub I think.

No No...please keep it in the supermarket!!!!!

[Thongkorn]

I was with my lady and Do not normally break wind because i have had a fart ectamy, But i had had a chicking spice curry that my girl had made the night before, We were in Bangkok , I knew one was brewing but could not contain it , I was trying to nip my buttocks but it slipped out , well some people thought a police car had gone by or an intercity train , a sort of der der. noise, anyway quick thinking i said to a lady who was stood next to us , with a dog , bad dog bad dog, the lady immediately turned to me and said in perfect English , if that dog does that again you will sh.t yourself. We just left quick.

[draggons]

Brought tears to my eyes.

[sunholidaysun1]

Thanyaburimac , many thanks for that . I was crying with laughter so much my t-shirt is wet. Very Funny

[tmd5855]

This is slightly different than the others. Why you ask? It was a lady who did the wind expulsion?

Were dozing in bed slowly coming to when a hot burst of pressurised air hit my upper thigh.

At the same time, the sound of ripping cardboard could be heard?

Convinced there had been a "Follow through"? Jumped out of bed to check??

Lady turned around and said "You no like Love Puff"

Heard flatulence called many things.......................... Never a "Love Puff" though?

Mind you never heard it called that again??

Edited August 30, 2009 by tmd5855

[LordDude]

One time, I was stood just inside the doorway of a narrow shoe shop waiting for a friend who was busy perusing its wares and I thought I'd get away with letting go one of those innocent little pops that generally passes without consequence. Oh dear, how wrong I was, it turned out to be far from innocent - an extreme case of SBD in fact. The giant floor fan that was positioned just behind me successfully diffused the stench down the length of the shop and 20 seconds later my mate came running towards me with his eyes watering and muttering "God, let's get out of here some dirty b*stard's dropped one". We stood outside and I watched with something of a sense of pride as the entire shop emptied of customers in under a minute. Laugh, I nearly died!

[bifftastic]

This is slightly different than the others. Why you ask? It was a lady who did the wind expulsion?

Were dozing in bed slowly coming to when a hot burst of pressurised air hit my upper thigh.

At the same time, the sound of ripping cardboard could be heard?

Convinced there had been a "Follow through"? Jumped out of bed to check??

Lady turned around and said "You no like Love Puff"

Heard flatulence called many things.......................... Never a "Love Puff" though?

Mind you never heard it called that again??

LOVE PUFF???? HAHAHA that's brilliant! quick thinking on her part hmm?

[Thongkorn]

Thai lady usualy says "you make pud"

[sunholidaysun1]

When I was back in the UK , I had gone to my local pub at 6pm , waiting at the door for them to open . I was celebrating my 21st Birthday (many years ago ) and had arranged on this saturday evening to meet up with my mates and have a good time. Most of my mates had turned up by 7:30 , with the plan to stay in the pub then at closing time go to the local club and look for some flange and we called it then.

I was drinking Forest Brown Ale , an old Brickwoods Brewery beer, sadly stopped in production when Whitbreads bought out Brickwoods. Such a shame , the beer was really good. However, BeerLao DARK is nearly identical if you can find it , wonderful stuff. Back on topic :

I stayed in the pub as planned and drank possibly about 10 pints (not strong beer) of the brown ale. 30 minutes before closing time 2 girls came in and stood near me , so I started to chat with them and asked if they would be interested in coming to a party, the answer was a flat NO. They went and sat somewhere in the pub and I didnt chat with them again until I was about to leave with my friends. One of the girls asked where the party was and if they could come . The only problem was there wasnt a party at all to go to , I just made it up in hope of pulling the good looking one , why is it always the case one ugly one pretty. I told the girls we had changed our minds and decided to go clubbing and they would be welcome to come along. One of the girls was wearing Jeans and had to go home first to change , no jeans allowed in the clubs. I told my mates who were waiting outside for the taxi's to turn up that me and my friend would walk the girls to the house

nearby so that she could change and that we would all meet up in the club a little bit later. So, I was feeling chuffed , I was out with my mates having a great time and now I had hopefully pulled the pretty one out of the 2 we were with and to top it all it was my birthday .

The girl who needed to change her jeans lived in a terraced street a few roads down from the pub. Parked cars lined bothsides of the road and the houses only had small forecourts at he front. We walked halfway down the terrace to where she lived. The pretty girl took her key from her bag , opened the door and went in , closing the door behind her. It was now 11:30 pm and was very quiet in the street.

While she was inside changing the 3 of us left outside just chatted, then all of a sudden without any warning I needed to take a shi*. I said to my buddy in his ear I needed the loo , quick. He said just go behind one of the cars that were parked and she (the girl with us ) wont be able to see anything . I said no , I need a shi*.

I was so desperate and squeezing my but cheeks so hard I was begining to get cramp in my ar*e. I shuffled my legs to the door of where the girl was inside changing and rang the door bell. There were 4 doorbells , it turnes out it was a house devided into 4 flatlets and the bell I rang was answered by an Irishman , who was about 60 odd years old. I appologised for calling him and explained that I was with the girl who was inside getting changed and that I was desperate to use the loo. I said I was really sorry but I need the loo now as I wouldnt have bothered him if I didnt and that it was urgent. He could see the sweat on my face and the urgency in my look and said OK. Go up the top of the stairs , turn left and the glass door at the end is the bathroom.

I shot up the stairs as fast as I could and on turning on the landing to the bathroom all hel_l broke loose. I couldnt hold it in and it came out like the flood gates had been opened. I was still in mid stride and still rushing to the bathroom with crap spewing out of the bottom of my blue suit trousers , it was everywhere , socks , shoes , carpet you name it . I got into the bathroom , closed the door and locked it while still in mid flow. I yanked off the trousers and sat . It was only then that I realised that everything in the bathroom was white, they even had a small fluffy white bath mat and WC mat around the toilet.

Oh my god, I took off my trousers , shoes, socks, underwear , unable to stop any of the cr*p from going anywhere , it was too late , it was everywhere already .

I threw my underwear into the bath , big mistake , you can just imagine what that did . On the sink was a flannel , who's I dont know but I ws greatful it was there as at least I could wash. The sink tap was running and I had finished unloading on the loo and was frantically cleaning myself the best I could. I didnt worry about the smell , that was the least of my worries. I washed all of the lower half of my body and was in the process of cleaning out my trousers that I had to put back on , when there was a loud banging on the Glass Door, " Are you Ok in there " said the man who had graciously let me into his house . I said I will be out in a minute.

He must have seen the trail on the landing and the stench as well but didnt say anything until I opened the door to the bathroom . On opening the door , he was stood right in my way , I barged passed him at the same time he screamed - Jesus Christ , what the <deleted>** have you done you filthy bastard.

I was halfway down the stairs to the front door and had to pass the girl I was going to the club with ,. she was nearly at the door when I shot past , I opened the door and ran like hel_l into the night.

The man from the house was in persuit , screaming his head off at 11:45 pm , calling me all the names under the sun , but I managed to get away without him catching me . My friend who was waiting with the other girl came running after me as well , not knowing what had happened until he caught up with me when I stopped for a breather. <deleted>**ing hel_l , whats that stink , oh my god its you . I said dont come to close , which was no problem he didnt but could still smell me he said when he got home. I told him what had happened and I asked him to promise me not to say a word to anyone. He agreed. We went our seperate ways home.

The next day was sunday , I didnt go and play football as I normally did with my friends, but instead went to the local pub to meet the lads who had played . As soon as I walked in , all of my mates screamed SHI**ER- SHI**ER and rolled about laughing thier socks off. I was so embarrased but I had to take it . Everyone in the pub was laughing , even people I didnt know. Then , what they said to me was that every single beer that I had during the evening , when my back was turned or someone got my attention, a packet of laxatives powder was mixed into my beer. Every time I went to the loo for a p, they did the same again , and in thinking everytime I went to the loo , they were killing themselves thinking I had to sit .

So 10 pints later with no effect in the pub, but had catostrophic result later. They never did tell me, even to this day who put the powder in , and that was nearly 30 years ago and even today that secret is still safe with them . They said they wanted me to have a birthday to remember, they werent wrong.

I have always thought about the pretty gilr and the Irishman. Several weeks later I went to a night club . I was tapped on the shoulder and on turning my head it was the pretty girl from the house of crap , she just slapped me hard across the face without saying a word and walked off. I can just imagine her having to clean it up , hahahahahahhahaa, so a slapt face was her justice. I think if she had a gun she would have shot me .

[moneyshot]

Great story mate, thanks for the laugh

The reason for my post is because of yesterday . I was in Big C, the place was packet as it normally is and not a good day to go but She insisted I take her. I was not in the mood to argue as I had a fairly heavy session the evening before and was already in the dog house.

After filling the trolley which took ages .Normally I push the trolley and go rapidly round the isles as she tends to put tons of stuff in if I dont . On this day however, I had bad wind and left her with the trolley while I dropped one in each isle . I didnt hang around incase I got the blame .She new it was me but I think everyone else thought it was her , as I was nowhere to be seen. I could tell she was angry , she had that look .

The bad part was at the checkout , I was halfway unloading the trolley and kept bending into the trolley to get the bits at the bottom. There were about 5 trolleys behind me , with about 10 people in the queue I suppose. I let one out a little bit loud but no one seemed to notice , too busy chatting with themselves.

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

[paulfromphuket]

not sure this will work but if it works you will sh$t yourselfs

NeverTrustaFart.wmv

[TheAceFace]

They don't all s,ell of rosies......still laughing at the Big C cashier...nice one shs1

[endure]

[Datsun240Z]

...............

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

You have answered your own question. Imagine if everyone in Big C would to that. Fresh veggies would wilt immediately. Are you doing that also in your home country?

Your wife said "F*ing Men mak mak" to you...? Have you ever asked Miss Manners about all that?

Here's another one that floated in via cyberspace yesterday.

Mac

*A man's trip to Home depot:*

I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure thatcourse of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I hadprepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t yourself' roadkill chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the

point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's

Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred

to by my dear wife, as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to

refinish the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing i t about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about.I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, S**t, gotta go' pain that always seems to

hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. TheHabaneras' in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a

mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step

in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened.

The peppers fired a warning shot! There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a clerk in a red apron turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.

Have you ever been torn in two=2 0different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.........BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in otheraisles had ducked, fearing that someone wa s robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Sonofabitch! Did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his

nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

That you just typed all that....

[luap]

I know it's barred in taxis'

luap

[Humphrey Bear]

The Thai word that I know is 'Toot' - my kids taught it to me one day after a night on local curry and beer. "Oooohh - Papa toot!"

[EvilDrSomkid]

The reason for my post is because of yesterday . I was in Big C, the place was packet as it normally is and not a good day to go but She insisted I take her. I was not in the mood to argue as I had a fairly heavy session the evening before and was already in the dog house.

After filling the trolley which took ages .Normally I push the trolley and go rapidly round the isles as she tends to put tons of stuff in if I dont . On this day however, I had bad wind and left her with the trolley while I dropped one in each isle . I didnt hang around incase I got the blame .She new it was me but I think everyone else thought it was her , as I was nowhere to be seen. I could tell she was angry , she had that look .

The bad part was at the checkout , I was halfway unloading the trolley and kept bending into the trolley to get the bits at the bottom. There were about 5 trolleys behind me , with about 10 people in the queue I suppose. I let one out a little bit loud but no one seemed to notice , too busy chatting with themselves.

The first one to react was the cashier , who looked at me with her frowned brow , reached down to her bag and pulled out a white doctors mask, just incase of swine flu I think. She put it on , but still held one hand to her mask while scanning each object. The second to react was the wife , who unlike her said in English and Thai - F*ing Men mak mak and walked off . By this time I was crying with laughter , and still trying to unload the trolley. Those that were queued behind me had without me seeing moved off to other isles. I had to stand in the lingering stench for ages , as I got my wallet out to pay , still trying to control the laughter and at the same time , dropping another bomb just as she gave me the reciept and change. I think all of the Thais watching me push my trolley out must have thought I was mad , I just couldnt stop laughing . The smell was rotten beyond belief , I blame the duck eggs I had for breakfast on top of the evenings beer.

Oh <deleted> me, why do I always read this kind of uber funny shit when I am in the office? People asking why I am laughing.

The wife always has these super innocent puffs. Rarely smelly. I have trained my ears to hear the "ffftt" Of course, I always tease her.

The running gag at home is after a fart or burp: "Thirak, did you say something?"

I was told an hilarious story via my wife about this older, well respected man at this massage place we go to. Apparently, he almost fell asleep while he has being massaged. Then, when asked to turn over, he let of a thunderclap. The man was so embarrassed, he did not do anything. The massage women were too polite to laugh out loud. They had to contain themselves until he left.

Needless to say, he never returned.

So a fart (tot) in public is frowned upon and can cause serious loss of face. Tot is not to be confused with dtoot (ass) although they do generally appear together.

[katana]

Previous thread on the same topic.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Heard-Thai-Fart-t187812.html