Did I Make Her Lose Face?

[straightdave]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

losing face can only be done by someone who has some face to lose

and an inherent weakness in their make up

intelligent mature, progressive people do not care about such a primate like pastime

it is the claim of the backward

" i lost face" where ? in the backyard

it is just so childish

you did not ditch her, she should respect your wants and needs

[fletchsmile]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. ...

That was your first mistake and from there it was all down hill... On a romantic day like Loy Krathong, you should already have been out at 8.00 so you could "get an early night together"... When sis called at 8 o'clock your romantic night for two should already have been underway...

[CrossBones]

Loy Kratong is the quivalent of Valentines Day in the west. Partners go to the river and float their Kratong together. Its a romantic thing, not surprised shes pissed better buy her a diamond ring for compensation

[DegenFarang]

I have never been banned from TV, look at my join date. I was banned from Ajarn, the rest were non-Thailand forums.

I would not be opposed to this thread being locked. I've had abought enough ignorant verbal abuse.

[neverdie]

Okay dengen, after I hang this sign, no further posts will be accepted.

[sassienie]

I have never been banned from TV, look at my join date. I was banned from Ajarn, the rest were non-Thailand forums.

I would not be opposed to this thread being locked. I've had abought enough ignorant verbal abuse.

You are a master at giving ignorant verbal abuse and using uncut swear words on ThaiVisa.

Take a look at one of Dengies recent posts:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Expat-Bashin....html&st=25

Post no 34.

[neverdie]

^

I only have one thing to say about this topic.

fuc_k the IRS

Yes quite right Sassienie....however you are making me lose face now, did you see I hung up the sign

Edited November 3, 2009 by neverdie

[sanook2me]

I have never been banned from TV, look at my join date. I was banned from Ajarn, the rest were non-Thailand forums.

I would not be opposed to this thread being locked. I've had abought enough ignorant verbal abuse.

Why bother trying to defend or justify yourself on a public forum..... just give it up man.......

The people on here who are giving you a hard time do not know what its like to be a youngish 20 - 40 year old bloke having a whale of a time in BKK with normal girls who work in boring standard jobs but who do not have to support a village from the north...

I have knocked around with plenty of girls from uni students to the Silom office worker and although not having loads of money certainly do not need to beg from a farang and they enjoy the modern way of paying/sharing when they can....this is/was my experience.....

You asked a reasonable question and were jumped on for no other reason than there have been no new interesting/funny/stupid/arguementative posts recently....IMHO...

No i don't think you made her lose face and does it really exist with the younger BKK generation?

[Brigante7]

Just reading between the lines here, but my quess the girls already planned to celebrate together that night and she expeccted you to just come along, as planned by them.

Seems odd to me sister calls just when your planned eveninng is to begin. I personally would be miffed that our LoyKrathong evening was disrupted. The woman I loyed with tonight explained it to me that loying our krathongs together brought us closer together as a couple. My feeling are your gf lost face for you.by not going and loying with you and going partying instead. I would question her priorities.

I'm confused (I know, it doesn't take much), the woman you loyed with tonight? Who or what is Loy Krathong and is there a special handshake involved?

Brigante7.

[fletchsmile]

Just reading between the lines here, but my quess the girls already planned to celebrate together that night and she expeccted you to just come along, as planned by them.

Seems odd to me sister calls just when your planned eveninng is to begin. I personally would be miffed that our LoyKrathong evening was disrupted. The woman I loyed with tonight explained it to me that loying our krathongs together brought us closer together as a couple. My feeling are your gf lost face for you.by not going and loying with you and going partying instead. I would question her priorities.

I'm confused (I know, it doesn't take much), the woman you loyed with tonight? Who or what is Loy Krathong and is there a special handshake involved?

Brigante7.

Loyed, layed, loved, lusted, laid.... who knows? I believe there was a special handshake involved for OP as he went home disgraced and alone so none of the other options were available to him.

[fletchsmile]

The people on here who are giving you a hard time do not know what its like to be a youngish 20 - 40 year old bloke having a whale of a time in BKK with normal girls who work in boring standard jobs but who do not have to support a village from the north...

So Degen is into big girls is he? Good for him. Go for it I say - leave the thinnies for us less discerning kind.

I have knocked around with plenty of girls from uni ...

"Black and white" collector?

Edited November 3, 2009 by fletchsmile

[tmwke]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

YES by accident you did exactly the right thing to do.No Thai man of substance puts up with or gets this type of Sh-t You are the Man (they do NOT respect week parteners or husbands. Both metophoricaly and realistically KEEP it UP !

[tmwke]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

YES by accident you did exactly the right thing to do.No Thai man of substance puts up with or gets this type of Sh-t You are the Man (they do NOT respect week parteners or husbands. Both metophoricaly and realistically KEEP it UP !

Sorry did not aswer the question Yes she will have lost Face,because nearly all women are Bitches when it comes to scoring poits of each orther.(especially when it comes to Thai women) the old hands know thats why we love them so much (yes men are an odd breed too ! This is the only way Thai People are being brought kicking and screaming into the (our) future Good or Bad who Knows . O my God i am thinking to much.

[DegenFarang]

Its Degen not Dengen whoever keeps calling me that.

And thanks for the suppor sonook, I think you are right - mostly old dudes living with former BG's giving me a hard time here.

[whistleblower]

As far as your GF losing face? How well do you know her? if i tell my wife that i do not feel like hanging out with her and her friends for whatever reason, then this is respected, and nobody loses face. I never feel obligated to pick up a big tab either, so talk it out with your GF. Communication is your friend!

Know her pretty well but she typically doesn't hang out with many friends. Usually just her sister and one other friend. I don't even know if she knew most of these girls. So this situation had never come up for us before.

And I would not have felt obligated to pick up the tab - I'm so sorry I ever even put that in my OP. They all have jobs, they would not have expected me to pay - I just would have, thats how I am. I know I make far more every month than all of them combined and 300 or 400 baht per person would have been a lot of money to them.

No obligations. My girlfriend does not view me as an ATM. I have been with plenty of women who have and believe me I can tell the difference.

She may not view you as an ATM, but she obviously doesnt view you as a person. This whole thread was about you making her lose face.

Tell me, if you were dating a girl in your own country, arranged a nice evening out and she changed her plans to go out with her mates rather than her boyfriend, what would you do?

When in a mixed cultural relationship it should be a 50/50 split. (i dont mean money here) Losing face in Thailand is often used by a thai to gety what they want.

Instead of asking the 'did i make her lose face' question, i would be asking myself 'do i want to be with a women who would prefer to ruin our night out and go out with her friends at the drop of a hat' By choosing her friends its evident shed rather be with them than enjoy a romantic date with you!

She didn't ditch me to go out with them, I was invited to go along. Thai's are a communal people, group oriented. I was not and am not offended at all that she wanted to bring more people along with us. In the West I might be, but Thai's are different. You can't apply western standards of behaviors to the behaviors of Thai's just as you can't apply Thai standards to the behaviors of western women.

I can't imagine moving back to the states and expecting to be able to get married and have multiple mia noi's and have my wife turn a blind-eye to it, for instance. Nor could I expect to have a law in place saying I can rape my wife any time I want.

if you was not and am not offended by it, why are you posting and asking for opinions? Thais are commmunual and group orientated? wish my missus knew that. Couple of her cousins are cute!!!! and youre right. cant apply western standards to a thai situation. thats why u wouldnt post this question anywhere else but thailand!!!! And just for the record, I WOULD be offended iof i arranged a nice night out and my missus brought along 10 others

[alexth]

1) Loy Kratong is a big thing for most Thai's, you might want to bear that in mind when it come to a western event that you want to celebrate.

2) If you are expected to pay the bill for 9 people, then you and your girlfriend have other issues to deal with.

100% agreed

[sassienie]

Its Degen not Dengen whoever keeps calling me that.

And thanks for the suppor sonook, I think you are right - mostly old dudes living with former BG's giving me a hard time here.

Dictionary: Degen:

A degen is one step above the dero or derelict in the scale of madness.

[phetaroi]

I have never been banned from TV, look at my join date. I was banned from Ajarn, the rest were non-Thailand forums.

I would not be opposed to this thread being locked. I've had abought enough ignorant verbal abuse.

Considering that almost anything goes on Ajarn, whew...you musta been really bad.

If you're tired of the ignorant verbal abuse, why do you keep reading?

[MiG16]

gee

cant take one's eyes off this thread can I

enough