Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[necronx99]

Any Tout - Oh, I can see you have just walked past 16 other guys waving your hand and saying "no", they're offering exactly the same crap I am so I think I'll just save my breath. You obviously don't want it.

Thai electrician - Are you crazy? Of course electricity here is the same as yours, Thailand is another country, not another dimension..

[mca]

7-11 staff -" No you can't have a f#cking straw."

Some upcountry mothers -" Sorry I can't play cards today. I need the money to buy my kid a new school uniform".

Baankok bus driver - " Mirror, signal, manoeuvre"

" I'm never going to MK Suki again - Over priced <deleted> served in an atmosphere akin to a train station"

Middle aged female village school teacher -" Why Nong Lek, you're absolutely correct and I was wrong. My sincere apologies"

[David48]

7-11 staff -" No you can't have a f#cking straw."

Some upcountry mothers -" Sorry I can't play cards today. I need the money to buy my kid a new school uniform".

Baankok bus driver - " Mirror, signal, manoeuvre"

" I'm never going to MK Suki again - Over priced <deleted> served in an atmosphere akin to a train station"

Middle aged female village school teacher -" Why Nong Lek, you're absolutely correct and I was wrong. My sincere apologies"

Well done mca ... all originial stuff.

Don't be deterred from my comments above ... keep posting ... just keep it original!

[mca]

"We'd better pull over. There's an ambulance behind with his lights and siren going."

Thai Doc - "Now I'm going to give you just one bag of pills"

Thai wedding- " Turn the PA down Somchai! It's only 4 am and the neighbours might be sleeping"

Upcountry motorcycle rider - Of course I've got a driving license and insurance. What do you take me for? An irresponsible fool?"

"Khun MCA. Your resemblance to an Armani fashion model is quite uncanny"

[wana]

post office - you are welcome to use your own box ,not need to buy one from counter #3

post office -i can see your box is covered in thick sello tape and there is no need for me to insist you tie a string around it as well for the sake of appearences

[Payboy]

"We'd better pull over. There's an ambulance behind with his lights and siren going."

Ambulance driver - I'm going to turn off my lights and siren, after all I'm off duty and only running a bit late to meet my tilak at the moo katha.

[wana]

waitress in coffee shop -of course i dont put sugar in coffee without asking ,do you think i dont know that i could kill a diabetic by doing that ?

[macksview]

newly elected country poo yai baan to voters " i will fix all the roads in the village not just the road to my house"

poo yai baan "i paid for my new house from my own savings, not money from the orbator"

village voter "i dont expect 500 baht for my vote"

monk to mia farang "dont you bother to buy 9 new brooms for the temple this year, its someone elses turn"

thai ministry of culture spokesman "biergarten 7 and star of light are to be declared national heritage sites"

[necronx99]

Wife - teraak, I'm not going to make you drive an hour and a half back through traffic just to correct the cashiers 32 baht mistake, that would be crazy! Lets just forget about it, go home and relax.

[dean999]

Motorbike taxi driver - sorry, have to wait in traffic que......driving in on-coming traffic or on the pavement is dangerous.

[dean999]

Me - that taxi ride was safe and i never smelt any alcohol.

[beerchang]

theblether has started a landslie! lol!

Ok, things you wouldn't hear in Thailand. Going out on a limb here and poking fun at stereotypes ok?

German man..."No beer for me thanks. Never touch the stuff"

French man... "Surprise me. Bring anything on the menu as long as there's no garlic in it"

Nigerian man... "Hello sir, would you like to be scammed today"

American man... "Man i just love everything about this country"

Apologies in advance to anyone who takes offence to this. Just for laughs.

[theblether]

Any farang....'I really enjoyed that bus journey'

[beerchang]

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

[beerchang]

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

Aah! I just made a mistake....things you wouldn't hear.

Farang... "Teaching English here sucks big time. I hate it and the money is not enough to fuel my addiction to alcohol!"

[beerchang]

Thai bus driver.... "Attention all passengers. I am going to drive 600km like i need a sh*t and the toilet is at the end of the ride. Also be aware that i'm very tired and have run out of yaa baa. I hope you enjoy your trip"

[jambco984]

Don't worry about paying my medical bills where I landed on my knee, after all I did hit your car with my motorbike and no driving license and now the police want to give you 400 baht for your inconvenience.

A little personal but I doubt we will ever here this being said here

[beerchang]

Thai bus driver continuation "Oh and i'm drunk too"

[Sing_Sling]

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

Farang TEFL Teacher - - - "I just luv dis job. I dont kneed the muney, just luv the kid's attunti ettentu attentuve wantung to lern."

[elliss]

thai , english teacher

sorry , i can not speak or understand english .

[beerchang]

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

Farang teacher of English...."I just love this job, Don't need the money, just love the kids attentiveness and will to learn"

Farang TEFL Teacher - - - "I just luv dis job. I dont kneed the muney, just luv the kid's attunti ettentu attentuve wantung to lern."

verry gud! Mayde me larughf

[beerchang]

Isaan rice farmer..."Lao khao! At 5am! No way, you're crazy!"

[beerchang]

Without trying to sound like the "Ten Things" Police but ...

There are so many funny one liners here then please read from the first post ... you might get a laugh from others have added.

When you have something new to contribute ... add it.

I'm sure that you have something original to contribute and heck, it's going to make it much easier to read when necronx99 has to compile a list again ...

If reading from the first post is a pain then simply go to page #11 where there is a list of over 300 thus far contributed.

... or simply ignore this thought and repeat what others has said.

Carry on ...

TV member..,."I will never post anything that makes me look like i'm in charge or makes another member think what others post is below me or makes my sense of humour dissipate"

[beerchang]

7-11 staff -" No you can't have a f#cking straw."

Some upcountry mothers -" Sorry I can't play cards today. I need the money to buy my kid a new school uniform".

Baankok bus driver - " Mirror, signal, manoeuvre"

" I'm never going to MK Suki again - Over priced <deleted> served in an atmosphere akin to a train station"

Middle aged female village school teacher -" Why Nong Lek, you're absolutely correct and I was wrong. My sincere apologies"

Well done mca ... all originial stuff.

Don't be deterred from my comments above ... keep posting ... just keep it original!

Yea mca. Well done you have appeased the boss! Listen up y'all....keep it original ok! Or else remain unforgiven by 'Him Almighty'!

[beerchang]

Thai waitress to other Thai waitress.... "I'm not goiing to to top up his drink! You do it."

[GreenSnapper]

Thai bus driver:

We are going to leave on time. Please fasten your seat belts.

[dean999]

theblether has started a landslie! lol!

Ok, things you wouldn't hear in Thailand. Going out on a limb here and poking fun at stereotypes ok?

German man..."No beer for me thanks. Never touch the stuff"

French man... "Surprise me. Bring anything on the menu as long as there's no garlic in it"

Nigerian man... "Hello sir, would you like to be scammed today"

American man... "Man i just love everything about this country"

Apologies in advance to anyone who takes offence to this. Just for laughs.

You forgot the Brit's....I hate cups of tea, full english breakfast's and i just love rain.

Irish......Guinness taste's like sh_t.

Italian's......I drive to fast and i'm ugly.

American......I understand British humour. Gun's are stupid.

French......I love the British and vice versa.

Thai's......not tonight, i'm tired and don't want to party or get drunk or even eat.

[beerchang]

theblether has started a landslie! lol!

Ok, things you wouldn't hear in Thailand. Going out on a limb here and poking fun at stereotypes ok?

German man..."No beer for me thanks. Never touch the stuff"

French man... "Surprise me. Bring anything on the menu as long as there's no garlic in it"

Nigerian man... "Hello sir, would you like to be scammed today"

American man... "Man i just love everything about this country"

Apologies in advance to anyone who takes offence to this. Just for laughs.

You forgot the Brit's....I hate cups of tea, full english breakfast's and i just love rain.

Irish......Guinness taste's like sh_t.

Italian's......I drive to fast and i'm ugly.

American......I understand British humour. Gun's are stupid.

French......I love the British and vice versa.

Thai's......not tonight, i'm tired and don't want to party or get drunk or even eat.

theblether has started a landslie! lol!

Ok, things you wouldn't hear in Thailand. Going out on a limb here and poking fun at stereotypes ok?

German man..."No beer for me thanks. Never touch the stuff"

French man... "Surprise me. Bring anything on the menu as long as there's no garlic in it"

Nigerian man... "Hello sir, would you like to be scammed today"

American man... "Man i just love everything about this country"

Apologies in advance to anyone who takes offence to this. Just for laughs.

You forgot the Brit's....I hate cups of tea, full english breakfast's and i just love rain.

Irish......Guinness taste's like sh_t.

Italian's......I drive to fast and i'm ugly.

American......I understand British humour. Gun's are stupid.

French......I love the British and vice versa.

Thai's......not tonight, i'm tired and don't want to party or get drunk or even eat.

He he!

[pastitche]

TV News poster -I know I shouldn't be obsessed with Mr T but my favourite programme was the A-Team and he's letting the team down

[StreetCowboy]

Yes, but what team do you support in the Thai league?