Why Is It So Difficult To Find A Good Friend In Thailand

[thequietman]

Hi guys,

I went to see my closest friend here in the village this evening. He is 70 years old and I am 40. We only have some beers until his wife says he cant have anymore and its time for bed. My closest neighbor is 5 doors up and he is 48 years old but only comes to say hello when he has an argument with his wife. I think in 3 years ,I have seen him 4 times. Another farang who is closer to my age is a piss head and irresponsible, I tried to be friends with him but he was a complete knob. Another "friend" is an absolute addict. he is addicted to 'pussy'. He will drop you at the drop of a hat if there is a shag available. Another 2 'friends' feel the need to bullshit all the time about their financial situation and how their life exceeds mine.

These people are within 4 km of me. Even the laws of averages dictate that this many knobs can not live this close to me.

I just want to meet someone who just likes to have a beer and chat. Someone who doesnt run home like a wee bitch . everytime his wife calls.

Anyone else have this problem finding a reasonable friend. For all you dictators, I enjoy a beer but am not a pisshead. I work everyday and am never broke. I am easy going and flexible as regards most things.

[strollling]

Was this you on the right during high-school?

[HeavyDrinker]

Move to a city.

When you're stuck in the sticks, if you've no Thai language skills, then you can hardly pick and choose.

[h90]

learn to be self sufficient....I am sometimes for a week or 2 in the south in my wifes house complete alone (she is in BKK) I have some repair work to do.

No communication with anyone, not leaving the house.....no problem

[thequietman]

Was this you on the right during high-school?

nope, I make friends easily, i just cant abide dick heads, just like yourself.

If you have anything constructive to say, I appreciate it. If not, then you are one of the knobs I try to avoid. So anyway, back to my question !

[thequietman]

learn to be self sufficient....I am sometimes for a week or 2 in the south in my wifes house complete alone (she is in BKK) I have some repair work to do.

No communication with anyone, not leaving the house.....no problem

Hi, yes, thanks. I have my garden, so that kills a lot of time for me. But its just sometimes, its nice to have a beer and talk.

[thequietman]

Move to a city.

When you're stuck in the sticks, if you've no Thai language skills, then you can hardly pick and choose.

Hi, my thai is ok. its just difficult to find a thai that i can have a conversation with, without having to buy him continuous beer and whisky. its difficult to find a real thai friend. there always seems to be an ulterior motive.

[wana]

learn to be self sufficient....I am sometimes for a week or 2 in the south in my wifes house complete alone (she is in BKK) I have some repair work to do.

No communication with anyone, not leaving the house.....no problem

nearing 9000 posts and no contact with anyone .......

[wana]

Move to a city.

When you're stuck in the sticks, if you've no Thai language skills, then you can hardly pick and choose.

Hi, my thai is ok. its just difficult to find a thai that i can have a conversation with, without having to buy him continuous beer and whisky. its difficult to find a real thai friend. there always seems to be an ulterior motive.

i always met farang pissheads whenever i go out also

its true .if a thai man is sitting at your table ,he will assume you are going to buy unlimited whisky or beer for him

you should meet people with the same interests as yourself ,for me its boxing and motorcycles and women and beer ,playing pool .fitness ,etc

the people you meet doing the kind of stuff you like ,are more likely to be people u have something in common with

of course ,many of them will be knobs you end up punching ,but thats life

[mauGR1]

I suspect that i have become more selective as i get old..In the same time i enjoy myself and my hobbies without the need of talking with somebody..A good chat is always welcome, but the people i like to chat with are normally busy with work, family or whatever.

Anyway, don't give up, you will find what you look for, in the while it's probably not worth wasting time and energy with people you don't really like.

[JAFO]

I feel you Quietman. You are not alone. I have a few guys that I chat with who have the same heartburn. I have had this problem during the entire time I have lived here. There are a lot of lost, angry, bitter, alcoholic guys here. My bigger hurdle(after weeding out the guys you mentioned) is finding a few guys with the energy and likes to go off and do things. It gets very old. If you are an outgoing guy and like to have a good convo with a few laughs it will be a challenge to find it here I am afraid. Even the few Brit friends I have made in the last 6 months prove to be a challenge as they always seem to want to compare everything and debate it.

As for speaking Thai, that really does not improve your situation IMHO. You simply have zero in common and trying to have a discussion proves to be challenging and actually adds frustration.

This along with a few other things are why I am moving back to the US. It was something I did not take into account when I originally moved here. Again lessons learned. I can not live my life in an expat forum and felt that is where I was heading.

Sorry I cant offer any advice to improve your situation other then I understand.

[MAJIC]

Was this you on the right during high-school?

nope, I make friends easily, i just cant abide dick heads, just like yourself.

If you have anything constructive to say, I appreciate it. If not, then you are one of the knobs I try to avoid. So anyway, back to my question !

Yes he thinks he's a clever Troll,he searched out the photo just to upset you,how pathetic, just ignore him.

Aquaintences are 10 a penny,good friends take a long time to find.don't be downhearted,sooner or later some people will come along that will recognise your worth.

[Thaddeus]

learn to be self sufficient....I am sometimes for a week or 2 in the south in my wifes house complete alone (she is in BKK) I have some repair work to do.

No communication with anyone, not leaving the house.....no problem

nearing 9000 posts and no contact with anyone .......

Too busy.

Kindest regards.

Kettle.

[Ohyesuare]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

[farang000999]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

In pyschology this is known as Tinypenisism.

[UbonOz]

You did not say where you are.

[thequietman]

You did not say where you are.

the sticks.

but quite a few farangs around. at least 30. from all different nationalities.

[Ohyesuare]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

In pyschology this is known as Tinypenisism.

Actually I think you are being too generous, I have been told by my psychologist that it is Micropenisism.

[Plucky]

ditto quietman. if you happen upon cm give me a shout.

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[ObsessiveAddict]

"Another "friend" is an absolute addict. he is addicted to 'pussy'."

The rare addiction to vagina. Poor guy.

[HeavyDrinker]

As for speaking Thai, that really does not improve your situation IMHO. You simply have zero in common and trying to have a discussion proves to be challenging and actually adds frustration.

Tish and piffle.

Talk about football, family, food and women and you're talking all night with your average Thai bloke.

The geezer has said he's not short of a few bob so why not spring for a few ales for the lads? A few hundred baht isn't going to cripple him and most Thais, even lowly paid ones, have enough pride to at least buy a few back your way.

[Ijustwannateach]

It has become a truism to me that people who have become expats are often, frequently, commonly, of two main types: the type that left home because no one would have him/her, and the type who left because he wasn't having the rest of them. The search for the latter type is frustrating and long, but often well worth it.

[HeavyDrinker]

Wouldn't that make both sets equally as socially inadequate IJWT?

[Ijustwannateach]

Only in certain cases...

[HeavyDrinker]

In truth, there is no formula.

I've been an expat a long time and have learned that sometimes the guy in the suit with he big talk is a total "**^£ and the guy sitting quietly in his vest and sandals is a diamond.

The truth is that if you are OK with all the people you come across, then you will find out in time who to avoid and who to get pally with and you can filter out the undesirables...

Making friends is more about you than others.

[necronx99]

I think you're expectations are too high.

You've eliminated Thais leaving you 30 westerners of various nationalities.

culturally, most of these are no closer to you than the Thais

Let's say that excludes half, leaving you 15 people who you can speak to. Then lets say you find only 50% of them socially acceptable, that leave 7. Apply the same 50% rule to them and only 3.5 will find you socially acceptable.

Expecting to find a "freind" in 3 random people is optimistic at best.

[roamer]

if you don't like the fish your swimming with then maybe the solution is to look for a bigger pond ? if not then you just have to learn to live with that which you can do nothing to change.

Easy for me to say I guess, I've always felt more comfortable with lamp posts rather than trees.

[GuestHouse]

Outside of work I have one expat friend in Thailand, he and his wife live 10 hours drive away so while we regularly chat on the phone we actually only meet two or three times a year, but these visits are enjoyable and I enjoy good company and good conversation.

A frequent discusion we have had relates to making friendships with other expats, we've both experienced and agree that too often expats have a bag of problems they are carrying around that they are only too willing to bring to your door - and dump it there if they have a chance.

Some guy failing the six M's test in the bar (Misfit, Malcontent, Misanthrope, Misogynist, or Mental Midget), or even here on TV is one thing, doing so in your own living room is something completely different.

And there is the inevitable petty jealousies and/or expectation that someone deserves a job.

About a year back my wife and I were staying with the friend I mentioned, we'd had a very enjoyable 3 days together. Just as we were about to leave a car pulled up, three foreigners got out, one a friend of my pals, one a visitor from the UK and the other a guy who lives in the town who but who my pal had never met. The purpose of their visit to say hello and introduce this new guy in town.

We were enjoying a chat, or all of us but the new guy was enjoying a chat - He interjected with three questions directed at me, each spaced by about five minutes. So you work here?.... five minutes later..... Who do you work for?..... five minutes later.... So you're on a full expat deal?

I had not even half answered the last question when he launched into a foul language tirade and had to be man handled out of the house.

OK that's extreme, but honestly, my expectation is that if having a drink with expats (for example invited to a party or to a do at a bar/restaurant) the whole evening is too often an prelude to the playing the game "Wait until the first guy leaves and then annihilate his name/character with a stream of petty jealously driven remarks.

I find my Thai friends much better company - but then they're not running away from anything.

[mca]

^ Excellent post Guesthouse. Every aspect sums up how I feel very well. I've got a couple of expats friends ( one Danish and one Kiwi ) who I do truly consider friends. Blokes like me who just enjoy a good laugh and a chat together about once a week. To be brutally honest I can't be bothered to sort the wheat from the large pile of chaff that seems to account for a large number of expats in Thailand. If by doing so I miss out on the chance to come across somebody who could be a good friend then so be it. I don't crave western company that much. My family visit me twice a year and at least one group of my old pals from back home ( true mates for many years ) pop up every few months or so. That'll do me.

[payak]

before i begin i will state clearly I have no problem with expats, i'm sure there are some wonderful people.

I am yet to find one that is not a slobering Alcaholic.

I cant stand drunks, drunk talk, drunk behaviour, so I will wait until a friend comes along who can see straight, i'm sure there are plenty.

question is why do so many expats have drinking problems and clear mental illness.

remember i said not all so if this is not you don't fire up.