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Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

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Are you french?

That is certainly one of the hardest insults to take.

Not as bad as being accused of coming from Hartlepool.

What do you reckon the monkey's last words were?

SC

Oui. Oui.

Then he p*ssed himself as the noose tightened.

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Mistaking a monkey for a French solider was pretty impressive.

He was a spy. That's why he was in disguise.

Obviously, not a very good disguise, as he was easily recognised and captured by the simple townsfolk of 'pool. And he hadn't even bothered to learn a word of English...

SC

I'm Dutch so please bash me a bit too else i feel left out. And of course there isnt anything good to say about those bloody Islanders. The only good thing they ever did is send over their convicts to Australia to start that glorious country.

Back to crazy thai insults... i think if your called hansum man you'd better start to worry and are probably the opposite.

I'm on my way to Amsterdam today...so i'll look out for any strange local foibles and rip the piss out of them later. Only cos you asked mind....I like the Dutch usually...wink.png

hey, give them a break, the Germans were very very mean.

I understand that the French have won more battles than any other European country. The govt in place at the start of WW2 let the people down.

The term "cheeses eating surrender monkeys" came about when the French govt didn't think invading Iraq was a good idea and wouldn't join in and should be seen in the same context as 'freedom fries' and all the other crap from that time..

Are you french?

That is certainly one of the hardest insults to take.

Try calling an Aussie a "pom" or a "kiwi" and make sure you've got your running shoes on.

But aren't Aussie's just Poms with criminal genes ? biggrin.png

Correct!

Bashing the English is much more fun, its not fun when everyone is in agreement about something like in case of the French.

There was an article in Der Spiegel about London and the Olympics and it was highly uncomplimentary, I went on to look at the readers comments section expecting the pro-British/anti-German brigade to be out in force but no, almost a thousand readers agreed with the article that London and The Olympics are/will be a disaster - so it looks as though everyone is in agreement about England as well as France:

http://www.dailymail...soggy-mess.html

Every whack-job and conspiracy theorist on the planet is in high-gear right now about the London Olympics.

The best one I've read about is project Blue Beam. whistling.gif

I understand that the French have won more battles than any other European country. The govt in place at the start of WW2 let the people down.

The term "cheeses eating surrender monkeys" came about when the French govt didn't think invading Iraq was a good idea and wouldn't join in and should be seen in the same context as 'freedom fries' and all the other crap from that time..

Actually, if you do a bit a checking, you will find that the French did not go along with the coalition because they were providing military supplies to Saddam. Rather hard to attack one of your best customers, no?

I understand that the French have won more battles than any other European country

Not according to Google:

Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents.

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In some detail, for those that are interested, a pretty apalling record really:

- Gallic Wars

- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War

- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars

- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion

- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War

- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution

- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War

- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War

- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession

- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution

- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution

- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars

- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War

- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I

- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II

- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina

- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion

- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism

- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Norse invasions, 841-911.

After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Mexico, 1863-1864.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.

No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.

Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.

French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.

British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.

Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.

French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.

Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.

When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.

Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.

Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.

St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.

St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

Seven year War 1756-1763

Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.

^^^Me thinks this is good enought to become the official wikipedia entry on French military history.

Same question to MiG16.....ph34r.png

Heading into dangerzone now Smokie...

Same question to MiG16.....ph34r.png

Heading into dangerzone now Smokie...

Its an Oranje joke....footie forum..anyway...I'm going on holiday....untouchable....:D

I understand that the French have won more battles than any other European country. The govt in place at the start of WW2 let the people down.

The term "cheeses eating surrender monkeys" came about when the French govt didn't think invading Iraq was a good idea and wouldn't join in and should be seen in the same context as 'freedom fries' and all the other crap from that time..

Dates back to well before Iraq I'm afraid.

Did you know that the red and blue stripes of the French flag are attached with velcro for easy removal.

- War in Indochina

- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Septics didn't do too well there, either!

Despite stated intentions of OP, not Thai related, but too good to close!

Moved to Bedlam.

Are you french?

When I worked in Bangkok one Thai manager asked me "Khun MCA are you French or German?"

Lucky for him his health insurance was paid up and an ambulance just happened to be passing......

Try calling an Aussie a "pom" or a "kiwi" and make sure you've got your running shoes on.

Not a problem as by the time he'd removed himself from the sheep I'd be well away.

Put your left hand up if you're British.

Put your right hand up if you're American

Put both hands up if you're French.

It is well known that the first two things a Frenchman is taught in primary school are;

"I surrender" In German, followed by " Would you like to buy a picture of my sister " in the same language............... Nothing to do with Cheese until much later in life.

Edited to add, no Frenchman alive or dead was hurt in the making of this post ( they'd all runaway)

This is in my opinion the finest cheese I have ever tasted...

033.JPG

The best I can do, as I know nothing of insults and the like.

Talking of cheese and insults I said to my gf that I was missing cheese although I know too much isn't good for me. It doesn't have to be fancy even a mild cheddar will do. We ere in Big C and I thought I'll get some cheese whilst I'm here. Weel they had small bags of grated cheese and cheese slices. Now they are OK in certain circumstances and I'm no cheese snob but I call that an insult. Do they not have any other sort of cheese here.

If you want an insult to your intelligence head over to the Thai news forum. Be sure to read the Thai political stories. They're a gold mine.

Catalans played to the end, but were unable to repeat their February last-gasp victory over St Helens at Knowsley Road, and St Helens draw level on 28 points in the Superleague.

SC

Edit: Did you manage to catch the game, Thadeus? I've got the repeat on just now...

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