Meeting Parents Of Thai Gf

[FunFon]

..there is still a lot of conservatism here..way less than 20 years ago maybe..but it's still there..

Absolutely no one sleeps with someone within days or weeks even without knowing them first be it through work or social circles..

-

"Absolutely no one" eh?

Or do you mean no one respectable?

And then it turns out your definition of that term is circular?

Lots and lots of modern young girls in Thailand sleep around, even on the first date and certainly within a few weeks.

Maybe not well-protected girls from wealthy families, but just because they do doesn't flag them as sex workers or immoral or whatever.

Sure it's much less prevalent than back home, but it's pure <deleted> to try to pretend it doesn't happen, especially for nice guys that are young and decent looking, nice dressers etc.

[swissie]

Be wary of the replies that 'this is happening all over the world'.

They are rather Western thinking in content and written more in the hope their replies will be taken autobiographically than from any actual real experience.

I've been hearing this sort of cobblers for 20+ years now and when put to the test, seldom proves the actually be the case.

I've been on too many nights out with blokes like Candypants only to see them wind up with egg on their faces at 1am and seen too many blokes thinking this way only to come badly unstuck after a few months - myself included back in the day....

Playing the cross-cultural 'dating game', especially in Asia, is fraught with rules and barriers each of which need to be crossed; be they religious, linguistic, financial, moral and so on. Thinking you can bypass them because you are young is simply not the case.

Social mores in many Asian nations make (unpaid) casual sexual encounters extremely rare for the outsider (or the local). In this day and age of online social networks, they have become even more rare due to the fact that a woman could find herself and her reputation splashed online before she'd even got in the taxi home with you.

If you think 'this is happening all over the world' then just sit at a late night restaurant in a BKK suburb at 1-2am on a Friday or Saturday night and see for yourself the groups of lads and lasses as they stop for a bite on their way home, for whom this isn't 'happening' .

If anyone is serious about a relationship, then expect to 'play the game'. If anyone just wants a legover, then there's plenty of places for that too so don't despair.

When people get lulled into a false sense of security because their woman doesn't fit the stereotype of a 'bargirl' and think they're getting 'a freebie' is when they tend to come unstuck...sometimes spectacularly so.

While this may indeed be 2013, the Thai social conscience is still very much that of the UK in the 1950s....

Tread slowly and carefully, one step at a time, keep control of the situation, and you'll be fine...

Can only second that, as "rayongchelsie" already did.

"Sexual-Liberation" in Rural-Thailand" has not (yet) taken place (especially not in "the sticks".) The same morals rule, that were present in the 50ties in Europe.

A Mia-Noi situation may be doable in the longer term, but short-time stuff is for 99.9% of rural Thai-Ladies "out of the question".

This may sound like something of a "downer" for farangs, with the intension of once having moved to rural-thailand with the wife, they could be "hopping around" the village at their discression. Far from it !

So it boils down to what has been quoted so many times: Pattaya is not Thailand. A 50/50-mix of Pattaya and Thailand is hard to find. So the Farang Ex-Pat must make a decision, what part of Thailand he likes better.

Cheers.

[masuk]

Don't over-analyze it. Unless you're planning on moving to Thailand, she's just friend and if you want to meet her family, why not? But it is unusual for "nice" Thai girls to sleep with a farang that they've only known for a short time, so I would imagine this is not entirely new for her.

<deleted>,

the year is 2013, not 1950.

people have sex even in thailand.

granted it is not like the UK where he would have nailed her in the ally out back of the pub immediately after meeting, but all this nice girl do this or that nonsense, is just that. nonsense.

be honest with her, have your fun, don't look back

Well assuming that they did have sex, was it safe 100% all of the time, or is there a special reason the girl wants to move things along?

[kevvy]

THAI VISA is turning into a baby sitting forum.

[krisb]

which head are you thinking with .. just take your time . there are thousands of lovely ladies in Thailand

It's actually millions Kevvy. More than the whole population of Australia. Mind bogglingly awesome ain't it!

[brewsterbudgen]

..there is still a lot of conservatism here..way less than 20 years ago maybe..but it's still there..

Absolutely no one sleeps with someone within days or weeks even without knowing them first be it through work or social circles..

-

"Absolutely no one" eh?

Or do you mean no one respectable?

And then it turns out your definition of that term is circular?

Lots and lots of modern young girls in Thailand sleep around, even on the first date and certainly within a few weeks.

Maybe not well-protected girls from wealthy families, but just because they do doesn't flag them as sex workers or immoral or whatever.

Sure it's much less prevalent than back home, but it's pure <deleted> to try to pretend it doesn't happen, especially for nice guys that are young and decent looking, nice dressers etc.

They may sleep around - but do they sleep with foreigners that they've only known for a very short time?

The only ones that might are the ones who are actively looking to do so, whether it be through going to clubs and discos or online. The OP needs to think about this (but not too much!).

[Shot]

Any chance you're related to alex3948?

[jampola]

There are too many variables to consider. If she is from middle/upper class and especially if she is of Chinese background, be prepared for a lots of cynicalism from her family.

I met my wife in Australia when she was studying at UNI and the process of meeting her parents and family was one of the most painful things I had to deal with. I pretty much had everyone thinking I was there to take her money (funny when the tables turn huh?! 555!) But over time, I just had to prove myself.

Nearly 5 years on and everything is fine and I am part of the family.

Unfortunately for you, you don't want to get married yet but that is usually quite hard to deal with in Thai culture, especially among those that are of middle/higher class.

The best advice I could give you is not to fight the culture but to try adapt to it. The more you fight, the more tired you will get. And trying to pick up some Thai goes a long way.

Good luck!

[rkbauer]

I'm a 21 year old American. I live in Bangkok, I go to one of the better Thai universities, I speak Thai, I have many Thai friends around my age and come into contact with Thais in their late teens/early 20s every day.

While there are a select few of what some here would call "good" Thai girls, and while on average, the girls sleep around far less than their Western counterparts would.. The vast majority of them are not the pure, virginal, innocent types some would claim.

I'm sure the OP's girl is not a virgin and may she not be "good", by some people's criteria.. but from someone with many female friends her age, there is also nothing ununsual about her, or any sign that she is a scammer.

Edited April 9, 2013 by rkbauer

[candypants]

Be wary of the replies that 'this is happening all over the world'.

They are rather Western thinking in content and written more in the hope their replies will be taken autobiographically than from any actual real experience.

I've been hearing this sort of cobblers for 20+ years now and when put to the test, seldom proves the actually be the case.

I've been on too many nights out with blokes like Candypants only to see them wind up with egg on their faces at 1am and seen too many blokes thinking this way only to come badly unstuck after a few months - myself included back in the day....

Playing the cross-cultural 'dating game', especially in Asia, is fraught with rules and barriers each of which need to be crossed; be they religious, linguistic, financial, moral and so on. Thinking you can bypass them because you are young is simply not the case.

Social mores in many Asian nations make (unpaid) casual sexual encounters extremely rare for the outsider (or the local). In this day and age of online social networks, they have become even more rare due to the fact that a woman could find herself and her reputation splashed online before she'd even got in the taxi home with you.

If you think 'this is happening all over the world' then just sit at a late night restaurant in a BKK suburb at 1-2am on a Friday or Saturday night and see for yourself the groups of lads and lasses as they stop for a bite on their way home, for whom this isn't 'happening' .

If anyone is serious about a relationship, then expect to 'play the game'. If anyone just wants a legover, then there's plenty of places for that too so don't despair.

When people get lulled into a false sense of security because their woman doesn't fit the stereotype of a 'bargirl' and think they're getting 'a freebie' is when they tend to come unstuck...sometimes spectacularly so.

While this may indeed be 2013, the Thai social conscience is still very much that of the UK in the 1950s....

Tread slowly and carefully, one step at a time, keep control of the situation, and you'll be fine...

while i appreciate the individual attention i have been living in thailand for 18 years now since i was around 25.

while i have most certainly had my share of brass, i have also had enough real relationships to understand that thai women especially professional thai women in bangkok are not as conveniently pigeon holed into the good-girl/bad-girl cliche as some here might wish.

Pretend what you will, but not all encounters or relationships are entered into with an eye to marriage.

i don't deny that cultural differences do exist, nor should you deny that thais, especially those living and working in a professional setting in bangkok are growing increasingly cosmopolitan.

linguistic differences are taken out of the equation when the women are near fluent in english or have studied overseas.

and yes, i have ended up with egg on my face, but not necessarily for the reasons you may assume.

while my assumptions may be derived autobiographically, i certainly never make the mistake, like so many others here do, that they are universal.

[candypants]

I'm a 21 year old American. I live in Bangkok, I go to one of the better Thai universities, I speak Thai, I have many Thai friends around my age and come into contact with Thais in their late teens/early 20s every day.

While there are a select few of what some here would call "good" Thai girls, and while on average, the girls sleep around far less than their Western counterparts would.. The vast majority of them are not the pure, virginal, innocent types some would claim.

I'm sure the OP's girl is not a virgin and may she not be "good", by some people's criteria.. but from someone with many female friends her age, there is also nothing ununsual about her, or any sign that she is a scammer.

agreed.

[diddums]

You know some girls....good girls....just like to shag.

Not so different to the west really in that they have same desires and act upon them.

Too many guys think this 'cultural' mystique crap runs deep.....not in all sunshine.

[diddums]

Heavy drinker is spot on...lived here more than 30 years....absolute nonsense what foreigners perceive..there is still a lot of conservatism here..way less than 20 years ago maybe..but it's still there..

Absolutely no one sleeps with someone within days or weeks even without knowing them first be it through work or social circles..

You have to have lived your life here, worked here, bought property here, educate your children here all the normal highs and lows, not just come and experience the periphery of Thai life and then assume to know everything about it..I still don't, and it is nothing as I initially perceived..

There are no exceptions to the rule hey with you guys.

Girls like to shag in the west....girls like to get orf.

Girls here....while granted fewer....like the same things.....its not rocket science to realise if a girl is a little horn bag, she'll like to fulfill that urge.

[jbrain]

You visited Bangkok for only 2 weeks and yet it appears within hours of meeting this local girl (who apparently speaks good English), she was staying with you.

I would like to ask the OP, how and where did he meet her? How soon after the meeting was she staying with him?

I have mentioned this before and for the OPs benefit will mention this again:

Down my way there is a Thai family. The guy has a very attractive daughter in her late 30s. She is not and has never been a bar girl but has her own business as an exporter of antique goods.

All sounds good and would appear as an ideal catch for any discerning farang. But this woman is something like the black widow spider. Over the years she has had a string of profiles on dating websites.

After the first couple of dates she invites the farangs to meet her family, than the process for extracting these men of a lot of money begins, with stories that she requires money for her ailing business, the father needs a stomach operation and so on. Within the last 2 years the parents have had a new home built, new vehicles purchased and so on with the monies obtained by scamming these farangs.

It is well known by the locals how this family have acquired their new found wealth. There was one particular German man that we know gave this woman almost 1.5 million baht before she dumped him.

Whatever you decide to do, you do at your own risk and discretion. No one can really advise you on these matters. If this were me and I had no intentions of forming a permanent relationship with this girl, then I would either remain friends with her from a distance, or just consider the situation as a short time holiday romance and wind the whole thing up.

Why you mention that she has never been a bar girls, as it is clear that she's one of the bigger whore's nonetheless

[diddums]

You visited Bangkok for only 2 weeks and yet it appears within hours of meeting this local girl (who apparently speaks good English), she was staying with you.

I would like to ask the OP, how and where did he meet her? How soon after the meeting was she staying with him?

I have mentioned this before and for the OPs benefit will mention this again:

Down my way there is a Thai family. The guy has a very attractive daughter in her late 30s. She is not and has never been a bar girl but has her own business as an exporter of antique goods.

All sounds good and would appear as an ideal catch for any discerning farang. But this woman is something like the black widow spider. Over the years she has had a string of profiles on dating websites.

After the first couple of dates she invites the farangs to meet her family, than the process for extracting these men of a lot of money begins, with stories that she requires money for her ailing business, the father needs a stomach operation and so on. Within the last 2 years the parents have had a new home built, new vehicles purchased and so on with the monies obtained by scamming these farangs.

It is well known by the locals how this family have acquired their new found wealth. There was one particular German man that we know gave this woman almost 1.5 million baht before she dumped him.

Whatever you decide to do, you do at your own risk and discretion. No one can really advise you on these matters. If this were me and I had no intentions of forming a permanent relationship with this girl, then I would either remain friends with her from a distance, or just consider the situation as a short time holiday romance and wind the whole thing up.

Why you mention that she has never been a bar girls, as it is clear that she's one of the bigger whore's nonetheless

because bar girls are bad and mean and mighty unclean.......not even human according to some......but a good girl doing something more evil is seen as something to admire, lookm up to like it is her business and she never lowered herslef to become a bar girl....she has ethics and morals.

[ripstanley]

OP has still not returned with a comment

[jbrain]

You visited Bangkok for only 2 weeks and yet it appears within hours of meeting this local girl (who apparently speaks good English), she was staying with you.

I would like to ask the OP, how and where did he meet her? How soon after the meeting was she staying with him?

I have mentioned this before and for the OPs benefit will mention this again:

Down my way there is a Thai family. The guy has a very attractive daughter in her late 30s. She is not and has never been a bar girl but has her own business as an exporter of antique goods.

All sounds good and would appear as an ideal catch for any discerning farang. But this woman is something like the black widow spider. Over the years she has had a string of profiles on dating websites.

After the first couple of dates she invites the farangs to meet her family, than the process for extracting these men of a lot of money begins, with stories that she requires money for her ailing business, the father needs a stomach operation and so on. Within the last 2 years the parents have had a new home built, new vehicles purchased and so on with the monies obtained by scamming these farangs.

It is well known by the locals how this family have acquired their new found wealth. There was one particular German man that we know gave this woman almost 1.5 million baht before she dumped him.

Whatever you decide to do, you do at your own risk and discretion. No one can really advise you on these matters. If this were me and I had no intentions of forming a permanent relationship with this girl, then I would either remain friends with her from a distance, or just consider the situation as a short time holiday romance and wind the whole thing up.

Why you mention that she has never been a bar girls, as it is clear that she's one of the bigger whore's nonetheless

because bar girls are bad and mean and mighty unclean.......not even human according to some......but a good girl doing something more evil is seen as something to admire, lookm up to like it is her business and she never lowered herslef to become a bar girl....she has ethics and morals.

Oh, so that's what was meant with her Antique business. Old men

[Sheryl]

There are several possible scenarios at work here, ranging from the one you are concerned about (she's taking the relationship with you way too seriously) to the more sinister interpretations others have offered. None of us is in a position to know which is correct.

But in ALL of them, it is not a god idea for you to meet her parents.

If you want to see her again, OK, but decline the parental visit. Tell her you just do not feel comfortable about it as in your culture it is a serious thing to meet a girl's family and you are not ready to get serious about anyone. Keep saying that.

Would probably be a good idea to decelerate the FB and Skyping contacts too. Not saying you have to stop them altogether but keep them very occasonal or you will indeed be sending the wrong message.

[overherebc]

I think the OP has quite a full net at this point.

[khunPer]

There are many good points in the previous replies to the OP. The difficult part is, that nobody knows if the girl is the one (good) or the other (bad) type described.

Perhaps she is a “modern style” university girl?

A good advice to prepare yourself for meeting the family and understanding the Thai culture and way of thinking is, to read the book: “Good Medicine for Thailand Fever”

Paiboon Publishing, ISBN 1-887521-48-8

See more at. www.thailandfever.com

»You’ve met the perfact Thai woman. You’re dizzy with joy and her exotic world swirls around you. You’ve heard so manu horror stories, but your heart tells you that she’s for real. You want to understand her mysterious ways, and wish she could understand yours. Now, there’s help, whether you met in a bar, in a university, or at work, and whether you met last night or decades ago, Thailand Fever covers you issues…«

[overherebc]

OP has still not returned with a comment

Troll or trawl ?

[whistleblower]

Two ways of approaching this:

Meet the family and buy 2 buffalos, 1 Honda wave, 1 chicken essence basket for granny and a lifetimes supply of Lao Khao for father and shag to your hearts content!

Make it more formal and we are talking 4 buffalos, 2 Honda clicks, endless supply of chicken essence for granny with a season ticket for somtam, an upgrade from lao khao to 100 pipers for dad.

Alternatively you could do some research before you come here again, get a life (or change your mullet haircut and hide those 'love, hate tattoos on your knuckles), find a girl that doesn't work in a bar named the wet pussy bar and stop wasting our time!

REMEMBER: you can still claim the dole in UK.........................Not here

[khaowong1]

Posters are so far being very nice to you on this rather loaded topic.

I suggest you go check where "she also works at a fitness centrum somewhere in Bangkok, not doing anything with her college degree for the moment". when she is working. Always worth knowing that she has a real job and where her money is really coming from.

As for the parents...way too soon. No reason for you to meet them or them to meet you. While she says it's not a big deal...it is.

Be wary young Jedi. The force has a dark side and the force seems strong with this one.

If you listen to any other people on here. Listen to this guy.. I've been there, done that and he is correct. Be very aware..

[draftvader]

Spinaltap, eh? Sniff the glove. I think this troll goes up to 11 like a small green globule on the stool.

Sent from my HTC Desire using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[marioc]

Two ways of approaching this:

Meet the family and buy 2 buffalos, 1 Honda wave, 1 chicken essence basket for granny and a lifetimes supply of Lao Khao for father and shag to your hearts content!

Make it more formal and we are talking 4 buffalos, 2 Honda clicks, endless supply of chicken essence for granny with a season ticket for somtam, an upgrade from lao khao to 100 pipers for dad.

Alternatively you could do some research before you come here again, get a life (or change your mullet haircut and hide those 'love, hate tattoos on your knuckles), find a girl that doesn't work in a bar named the wet pussy bar and stop wasting our time!

REMEMBER: you can still claim the dole in UK.........................Not here

Whistleblower......... you are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ALFREDO]

I not sure, shall I not believe the OPs story at all = what is a twenty something lad doing for couple of weeks in BKK?

No Information how he got to know that young, -She is different woman- and how and why he trusts her stories?!

Or only not believe, the GFs story. Both are fishy.

Conclusion, I not engage before I can read more from the First Time Writer.

PS:

"Whistleblower"

Congrats! That was a very amusing posting and statement!

Edited April 9, 2013 by ALFREDO

[Ashleychan]

you are too young la , no need to take that step . Btw , how old is your thai gf?

[jbrain]

OP has still not returned with a comment

Troll or trawl ?

Make your choice, he has been online for several hours late afternoon, but hasn't returned to his own thread.

[Sun Tzu]

It will probably go something like this :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3k5P6A0zME

[Trembly]

Be wary of the replies that 'this is happening all over the world'.

They are rather Western thinking in content and written more in the hope their replies will be taken autobiographically than from any actual real experience.

I've been hearing this sort of cobblers for 20+ years now and when put to the test, seldom proves the actually be the case.

I've been on too many nights out with blokes like Candypants only to see them wind up with egg on their faces at 1am and seen too many blokes thinking this way only to come badly unstuck after a few months - myself included back in the day....

Playing the cross-cultural 'dating game', especially in Asia, is fraught with rules and barriers each of which need to be crossed; be they religious, linguistic, financial, moral and so on. Thinking you can bypass them because you are young is simply not the case.

Social mores in many Asian nations make (unpaid) casual sexual encounters extremely rare for the outsider (or the local). In this day and age of online social networks, they have become even more rare due to the fact that a woman could find herself and her reputation splashed online before she'd even got in the taxi home with you.

If you think 'this is happening all over the world' then just sit at a late night restaurant in a BKK suburb at 1-2am on a Friday or Saturday night and see for yourself the groups of lads and lasses as they stop for a bite on their way home, for whom this isn't 'happening' .

If anyone is serious about a relationship, then expect to 'play the game'. If anyone just wants a legover, then there's plenty of places for that too so don't despair.

When people get lulled into a false sense of security because their woman doesn't fit the stereotype of a 'bargirl' and think they're getting 'a freebie' is when they tend to come unstuck...sometimes spectacularly so.

While this may indeed be 2013, the Thai social conscience is still very much that of the UK in the 1950s....

Tread slowly and carefully, one step at a time, keep control of the situation, and you'll be fine...

Words of wisdom in general, but I still can't help but think "mmm yes and no".

It really helps if you are fluent in Thai (to the point of being able to use wit); apart from the obvious corollary that your chances will balloon according to the laws of probability, you'll be able to spot far more openings from afar (figuratively speaking) and you'll be able to open / present yourself in such a way as to make the right girls like you enough to make up their minds up a bit faster than usual.

I don't mean to cast aspersions on your Thai language ability, but I suppose what I'm saying in a roundabout way is that as a Thai chap in my 20's I can vouch for the fact that "fast-tracking" is alive and well among the independently and / or one-track minded from all walks of life.

To the OP : my advice is to just go with the flow and have fun. Always be honest and polite, trust your gut and you can't go far wrong. Just be fair and remember that she also bears responsibility for actions and outcomes.

Edited April 9, 2013 by Trembly