Help! GF refuses to leave!

[Eleodel]

Honey, I am a woman, I have had pretty bad ex-boyfriends, and I never used that as an excuse to make current hubby's life miserable! On the contrary, I felt amazed and relieved anytime I met someone who treated me right;0)

It sounds like you are deeply sympathetic to her past hurts and may have tried to 'make it right' with her. It also sounds like you're not sympathetic to your own present hurts.

Will you make next girlfriend pay because this one was busting your balls? No, I thought not.

Your girlfriend does need help, but it's help that CANNOT come from you. The cracks are within her, and for her to fix.

You, on the other hand, need to do what's right for you. Are you happy? ('Cause you know, that's kind of the point of a relationship...)

What do you feel you 'owe' this woman? How guilty do you feel, and how much of this guilt is truly relevant to the situation? Why are you not putting more value on your own happiness and peace of mind?

She sounds like she is stalker material, so you need to protect yourself. Physical and emotional violence, not to mention sabotaging you at work are all unacceptable - but it truly is for YOU to reach that conclusion, not to just parrot the words against domestic violence. Why do you not think you deserve better? In such a situation, I'm guessing you live in dread and that you may have very strong physical symptoms of stress - why don't you start by addressing those?

Find support. And if it makes you feel better, find support for HER - her family, friends... Etc.

Accept being painted as the bad guy. Deep down, know you're doing your best and you're NOT the bad guy.

If I were you, I would move. I have almost no tolerance for scenes - I had a violent mother.

Find your boundaries. What is the thing she could do that would really make you break up on the spot, without ever looking back? Nothing? Really? Dig deeper. Find something. Connect to that feeling of absolute finality, and then STRETCH IT, extend it to more mundane occurrences, such as her hitting you.

At some point, your care for her will drop like an overripe fruit from a tree. Picture this moment, imagine it, FEEL IT. Great. What's the first thing you'll do?

Make a list of everything you can't do because of her. Read it often. Add stuff daily.

Realize that you're both echoing each other's pain on some level.

Also, what are YOU getting from the situation? This is a hard question that demands you look deep in yourself to the unsavory parts - martyr complex? 'Good' reputation? Knight in shining armor?...

FIND SUPPORT. You are NOT alone.

If you don't want to talk to people who know you (although, depending on the person it could be great), you can find therapists online, who can skype or email with you. I am a life coach and that's how I work.

And yes, you are a victim of domestic violence. Men can be the victims and women the perpetrators. Go online, read up on the subject.

And follow the advice - do anything and everything that makes you safe. I am not kidding. Mad women are dangerous. I would not call your gf 'the enemy' - it looks like you both have a heavy (karmic?) lesson coming your way. Learn from it. As a wise forum poster said, explore how you made that situation happen.

Good luck.

[JDGRUEN]

OP - there are over 150 posts on your thread ... and I can't find one of them suggesting that you stay and work it out... almost all of them in one way or another say RUN - HIDE - DETACH - Don't go back... Ignore this advice at your own peril.

At this point OP you have the answers - it is now up to you ... if you ignore this sound advice given by experienced people - if you do nothing - then it is your fault as to what is likely to happen and you can't blame her - you failed to act. More Bad Extreme things are likely to happen.

Over the past several years there have been numerous psycho girlfriend stories posted on TVF and believe it or not yours is not the worst ... there is a recent one posted by an Indian fellow that makes yours sound like a love story ... IT DOES GET WORSE ... go look up his story - difficult to believe actually.

OP - You contributed to the problem -- you especially made it worse by getting her in your place of employment. Leaving your job sounds reckless - but if you don't get rid of this gal - get her out of your life... your supervisor just may decide your DRAMA is not wanted in the workplace... See if they will let you take a long leave of absence, secretly plan to move out .... cut off all possible contact - GO AWAY... leave her in the apartment - (take everything that you can that belongs to you)... pay ahead one months rent ... send a note to the landlord that you are departing - settle with the landlord. Cut off anything you pay extra for --- set it to do off like this ... Internet ASAP, land line phone if any -- ASAP, Electricity off when the last month lease ends, Disappear ... Arrange a payoff - conditioned on her leaving the apartment - use a go between... if you are in the north or central Thailand - go south to a place like Krabi or Surat Thani ... get a hammock - sleep soundly ... And if you contact her after that -- then you are as crazy as she is.

Edited August 26, 2013 by JDGRUEN

[marios]

In my culture there is a popular saying which goes like.. 'do not f..k a crazy person and do not be f..ed by a crazy person'.

The girl is psychotic, no doubt about that. Women ,and men, are more jealous when the opponent seems to be of the same social level. It hurts less and humiliates less if the opponent is of higher status. From my own experience with Asian women, I was on more than one occasion told by an insecure/jealous girl that she cannot accept I replace her for another Asian. If it is, however,a White/westerner woman, THEN SHE CAN SAY NOTHING ABOUT IT. This is how it was put to me. Clearly the inferiority complex of the non white towards the white is there, unfortunately, to the extend that if the spouse 'upgrades' the companion then the 'lesser' one has to accept it. No contest. She will not lose face if she is been defeated by a more potent force.

As an experiment try with a white woman of your circle to pretend to be your new love. It could be dangerous but it is the only way, in my opinion, to succeed. There is no way to escape an obsessed person. This might be the right button to push, make her understand that you need one of your own, this is what is expected by your family and culture.

Good luck

Mario

Edited August 26, 2013 by marios

[historyprof]

Fellows you have to remember this is not a Western woman. This is a Thai woman. If you want to get a better grasp of the situation. Pretend you are trying negotiate with a female Genghis Khan. No, I'm not kidding. Genghis Khan.

[ozyjon]

And i thought i had problems,, thanks for your detailed post, we are many such as you but you put it into words,, remember good karma "private life drama baby keep me out" said Grace Kelly the singer,, it's not a good situation for your mind, you need to concentrate on work and your life not who will stab you,, i don't know the answer as i just assume a new identity and go underground until the dust settles,, she is mental period and that's what you have to deal with the rest of your life if you have the strenght for it i know i don't, good luck and let us know the outcome....

[rgs2001uk]

I will respond in the same manner as the OP.

1. You must go, but you must protect yourself.

2. Get a different job hopefully with the same company, none the less you must move.

3. Tell her nothing.

4. When you have everything in place, move your stuff to your new job and home.

5. AFTER, you have done these things, IF you feel you must speak to her that you are going, THEN you can do it. ONLY after you have have completed the move. Don't tell her where you moved to or any new information.

6. Don't look back. This girl is destructive. She feels like she is entitled to something but that's not your problem.

7. If you inform her of ANY of this, she will hurt you somehow to prevent you from leaving.

8. Get a new girlfriend. If the same happens, repeat the above.

9. Be strong.

Why do I never see Thai guys having to do any of the above?

The last one I witnessed the girl was given 1,000 baht and told to make her own way back to Issan.

The OP made the classic mistake of moving the girl into his apartment, if any of you guys are considering this, take note and think again.

Do what the Thais do, move in with the girl at her place, or rent a place in her name, then when the crap hits the fan, move out.

[phuketkenny]

Can relate to so much of this. I am an Ex biker who fell off the bike, literally, and also lived with this same kind of lady.

She has emotional issues that are triggered by a chemical imbalance in her system, not the situation you are in. I know this because after having gone through all the solutions available at the time from a medical and psychological assessment via counselling for my lady, her doctor put her on medication to balance her emotionally distorted thinking. She was diagnosed as manic depressive, and the drugs made her sane and normal. What you describe in your gf's behaviour is identical to my experiences with my lady. The problems only arose again when she went off her medication. Catch 22 situation, take the drugs, everything is normal so she thinks she does not need the drugs and round it goes. In the end I had no option but to leave her as living with her when she did not take medication was unbearable. Think about your situation, life with her is unbearable ( even if the sex is great ) and unless you can convince her to get assessed and take medication, there is no peace for you, you will have to disappear as suggested by other posters. Good Luck.

[Secondmouse]

I had a girlfriend like this in the States and she had a lot of money. She was so unstable the more I tried to get way from her the more crazy she would become. Would not take no for a answer.

Make it clear to her that you are finished. Don't send mixed messages. Get everything lined up and then get out.

Huh..! ....so did you go out with Kim before or after me ?....boy she packed a punch and that was 20 years ago...I remember her loosing it after we came out of an indian restaurant in Pompano one time.....I had a black eye for a week...she was an heir to Phillip Morris, aka Marlboro....."money can't buy you love...."..

[Luang]

Well, for us more stupid people, could you please spell out, what the THAI WAY is then???

They just chuck them out, with or without violence and deal with the consequences (if there are any) later.

Precisely! How many posts did it take to hear sense?! Just as it's done in the west and most everywhere else. Do people really lose the ability to function once they land in Thailand? It honestly isn't that parallel universe that many seem to think it is. Some cultural differences, yes granted but this is a place also inhabited by mere humans too! Jeeeeeez!!

[arthurwait]

For gawds sake just grow some balls and throw her out. Tell your boss they will find a reason to get rid and replace.

Do as said throw her out and make it clear you aren't backing down. If you let people walk all over you they will. Most people are just front, give then more front and they go.

[brucegoniners]

It's an unfortunate situation, but it isn't your fault she's a lunatic.

Yes, she followed you and gave up her job, but it was her choice to do so with no promises.

The best thing you can do is buy her a ticket back to where she came from and wish her well. If she won't leave then call the police and ask them to remove her.

It sounds like she could use some professional help. But that's not your responsibility. With the relationship being dead you just need to get out and move on.

[Lucie]

Speaking as a woman, I say tell her clearly and firmly that it is over, and don't let there be any further discussion. We thrive on those little chinks in your armour, so don't let there be any. Just end it, then tune her out completely. Choose a time and place where this is likely to be possible, and if possible have some people around to help restrain / whatever. Also important: choose a time when she's calm. Don't do it during an argument. OK, she won't stay calm for long, but if you get it over and done with quick, she'll take it all in before she flips.

Speaking as a long-term resident of Thailand, I say that, before this little chat, make your plans. It may involve leaving your job. It will definitely involve money, firstly because you imply yourself that she would find it hard to make ends meet by herself after following you, and secondly because that's what you do when you break up - you divide assets. That's not unique to Thailand.

Loss of face is definitely an issue here. As others have mentioned, she sees herself as engaged, and her family sees her as such, too. After living with someone and breaking up, she will be seen as 'spoilt goods' - even in this day and age. But don't feel guilty - this relationship is going to ruin both your lives. Get out and don't look back.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Lucie

[YeahSiam]

The OP should bear in mind that he's seeking the advice of a demographic that - 9 times outta 10 - came here to Thailand in the first place precisely because they were clueless about and/or baffled as to the ways of women so when someone suggests that our hapless love fool "Pay her off" and another advises that he "leave his job, his condo, his car and delete his Facebook account", he knows he's receiving BS advice.

This is it in a nutshell, I think

All these fully-grown men talking like scared little boys beggars belief until you remember that many of them don't understand much about women to begin with.

It's like taking advice on responsible drinking from an alcoholic.

[johnnycthedog]

If ever there was a topic on TV that made an argument for only renting Thai female company then this is it. So many posters with so much drama, pain and grief in their lives caused by crazy Thai partners.

So to those who rent Thai female company - your decision has been well & truly vindicated. Good luck to you. But at times you may feel lonely for a loving relationship.

To those that chose to live in a long term relationship or marry a Thai girl - just hope like hell you don't get the crazy ones that ruin your life. There's probably 20%-30% that are really happy. Now as for the rest.............

And yes I know there's a massive amount of crazy, jealous, vindictive women in the Western society as well.

[giggles]

they think they won the jackpot when they moved in with you so try taking that away from them ,by any means .

the annals of thai forums going back aeons have a large database of similar cases .

did you ever read any of them ?

[jombom]

Is she gone yet. ---- this is worse than watching rice grow.

[TinaKohChang]

Perhaps part of the problem is that I have 'spoiled' her and given in on occasions when I probably shouldn't have, conditioning her to think she is right.

I have tried to leave before when things got heated; I packed the car and got ready to leave when she stood blocking the way refusing to let me go.

She is always checking my phone and work bag behind my back, and I've even caught her following my car so if I moved out to a new place, she would probably eventually find out where I leave to cause chaos.

Whilst she we work for the same company, we are in entirely different departments with no work interaction at all so in principle, she could just continue in her work even if we split up.

The saddest thing is that I suspect she will struggle to find her feet without me around. I have helped to pay the deposit on her small car, and little condo which is still being built and would struggle to make those payments whilst living on her own, supporting herself.

I had asked for us to try living separately for a few weeks so she could learn to appreciate me. This happened when I managed to escape after an argument and stayed away for a day after she had thrown a rock which smashed the back of the car as I was escaping. I told her I had shown this to the police and she got a bit hysterical and offered to stay with a friend for a week. There were a lot of hysterics and tears and she spent a night with a friend before moving back in.

Ideally, we could split but stay friends but this suggestion has caused very animated and aggressive reactions, usually with the statement that I would not be allowed to be happy without her and if that I found someone else that things would turn bad for her.

I just need to have a clear plan lined up to deal with all eventualities before I take action.

Sonic, first and foremost, thank you for writing in such an open and honest way about your feelings and the situation you are in. Also that you still treat her with respect and worry about her with out you, makes you sympathetic and I find that extremely brave for a man to do so in a Forum, such as Thaivisa.

Your story encourages me to share mine as well, I have gone through hell with my ex, who had a similar problem with his ego and low self esteem and who even got worse trying to compensate his self-hatred with mass drinking.

We had been together for 2 years and I escaped this hellish prison of mind almost 6 years ago and never regret to have made such a clear cut. I am going to tell the entire story soon after.

Don't ever consider or offer her friendship, that only works if you both agree and understand that a split would be best. You must get out of her life completely, clear cut, zero compromise. All other is not going to work out at all, Offering her friendship or trying to separate for a specific time, no way, she probably starts stalking you misinterpreting your kindness and sympathy as a sign for a possible reunite.She has managed to survive without you before you to met each other, and she will manage her life after you.

I would agree that you do her something good, open her a bank account with an 2 ATM cards,keep one put her some money on it, that will make you feel better.That account may even open ways to check on her from time to time to make sure she is alive and well.

She is insanely jealous, has very low self esteem and concentrates all her bad energy and struggles on to you.That has nothing to do with love, it is sort of a mental sickness and there is no cure without her to understand that she forces exactly that, what she 's fearing the most - to loose you to someone else, her acting is contra productive and cure can come only with a well versed and skilled therapist. She can't see the picture and is not ready to reflect herself and her actions. She projects all her pseudo disabilities and her self hate on you. There must have happened much more to her than just a cheating ex.

First thing to understand and believe is that it is not your fault and that you are not responsible at all.

If not you, someone else would be with her going through exactly the same thing. She does not like her self much and has huge difficulties to believe that anyone could ever love her. That is kind of tattooed into parts of her brain and will not disappear, what ever you may try, it will not change for sure it is more likely ithat it gets evens worse.

Her own life has not much value to her as long as you are there and let her get away with it. I know that she strongly believes that what she feels is true love and that her jealousy and resulting craziness is proof of how much she loves you.

I fear that she will take it to the limits having zero control, that makes her volatile and very dangerous. Her obviously, very, very low self esteem and too much time to let her silly imagination run riot ,doesn't ease the situation at all...

IMHO and from own similar experience, I would strongly suggest that you must quit your job, she will never let loose as long as she knows where to find you.

finding a nice new place with opportunities for you to find work in your field. (I know it is hard, but physical and psychological integrity should always come before any material wealth). Once you've lost your health, the very best job on earth will make no good anymore. I do not want to scare you but you would definitely not be the first of being cut separated from your very intimate best friend or losing a leg, arm, hand, finger from injuries done by a frantically female berserk

Plan your move secretly, don't forget to get new numbers and to change your settings in FB or any other social network you may use, if any. My ex had even copied all phone numbers of friends and email addresses using them to find me, very creative claiming he would be someone else in urgent need to speak to me in what ever official case

You must pull it off by moving away, somewhere nice and as far away possible from the place where she most likely is going to stay. It is essential not to leaving any trace to her, otherwise it will not end as long as she sticks to you always getting away with it. f you pull it through, staying strong and disappear from one day to another, she will have to fight her self pity with herself, she might feel terribly sorry for herself for a while but will surely be very surprised on how fast she will get over it.

That way, presented with a fait accompli she will have only the solution to fight it out with her self.She will drowning in self pity for a few weeks but people of such sickness are NOT LIKELY to be suicide candidates, they much too much love to have them self suffer and blaming others for their misery.

You will remember what I say, as soon as you are gone and she realizes that she has no way to follow, she will give up quite fast, cause she has lost her very patient audience & 'sparring partner'.

As many people same like her, she is too with self doubt to ever believe of anyone loving her...that will never end or change without a sensitive and understanding long term therapy by a specialist.

I should know what I am talking about, I 've been going through a similar hell, maybe even worse, since I am a woman physically inferior to my very sporty ex of 2 years, he also is Thai, very similar story but since he tried to compensate his self hatred with drinking heavily and losing total control it got very worse.

I found myself in life threatening situations,where he would hit, beat and kick me and dragging me behind him by my hair brutally from one room to another other.

One of the very last nights after he had violently forced entrance against my will, he must have finally realized that there would be NO way back anymore, the typical threats, such as, 'if I can't have you, no one will have you...I kill you first and myself after', saying that and pulling out a gun - I thought, not for the first time btw. that this was my final end-

At the end of this nightmarish hell and for the last 6 to 7 months It was really terrible and a miserable time, full of violence, fights, embarrassments, ugly diatribes and sense lessarguments, lots of tears, apologizes .crying, pain..I often had to escape the house to find help and shelter at the neighbors since they were close... It really was a terrible ending and it had started so very nicely...

I would have not believed anyone telling me I would ever be in a love relation with an Asian man until I'd met him, I couldn't find anything attractive on Asian men in general and at all..

Anyway,it appeared that I really fell in love with him,, and really he could be such a really lovely guy, smart, fun, great sense of humor, well educated, polite, caring, extremely passionate, good lover... and all a woman could possibly wish for, he had lived and worked in Europe for a couple of years and was -at least during the first year my true treasure found. He never asked or took any money, at I have been told by other ladies experience..he was not lazy and really worked his arss off. I was amazed how easy going and very understanding and versant he was in terms of a Western woman' s way of living and valuing her life.

It all started slowly, step by step and totally unrecognized by me, but my friends and to whom I would not even listen. He started controlling me, showing up at all times of the day, driving half the island until he had found me, checking with whom I would spent my time. I worked freelance from home and could manage my time as I liked and he started to accusing me of having various affairs. During the beginning he was very careful that others would not check, but with time he didn't gave a <deleted> and openly in public freaked out regularly. At first, never confronted with jealousy I found it cute and fell flattered.

But when his jealousy went out of control going to happen more and more often specially when he got drunk, he changed to kind of a monster, even with gesture, looks, and movements, he made me scared stiff... I am still getting goosebumps and panic when thinking of it, and I am hundred percent safe for already 5 years....

After one such a terrible fight and another sleepless night when he realized for the 1000's time what he had done, he cried and apologized, on his knees head to my feet...it was heartbreaking, but I wanted to discuss it out and did not stop explaining my terrible fear to die, he pain ...what all could have happened and that he could have easily killed me, so that early morning, he eventually got the picture and agreed with me and moved out..We had agreed to a break and not to see each other for a few weeks. He even promised to visit the AA's since there was a group at the place where I lived at that time, I was in good hope, even thinking that with a break and him being strong willed, we would have a good chance to manage and solve it out and live together again....

After he had moved out, the real nightmare just started the very next day from there.... he would call me at all times of day and night, when I answered, he hung up, he sent me countless sms and if I did not answer each and all within 5 minutes it would not take long until he came over, committed burglary breaking windows if I would not open him,he got ways to get into my house several times and even tried to rape me twice.

Pure terror what he made me going through.If I had doors locked, hidden in a room behind, they were run through, Windows broken regularly and it continuously worsened by the next day. He came every night to my house to spy for other men running around the house talking,shouting, throwing stones at windows and doors to demonstrate his presence, threatening me over and over again that he soon would be in,and close and then I would see what I deserve I had meanwhile window grates all around the house, locks changed of course, extra security locks everywhere on top and finally had a complaint filed at police which would also not allow him to get anywhere closer then 20 meters max. He gave a shit, I had to call police many times, during one night they came 5 times, just not finding him hiding somewhere unable to locate him.

On other nights he was arrested several times,but police let him in he cell for few hours to get him sober and sent him away. I meanwhile was truly sick from it, mentally and physically and i knew it would never end or it would end with one of us dying.

I made a painful but final decision and did only told a handful very good friends I could well trust and arranged a secret escape far away, taking all belongings with me having the biggest truck available ready on time, 2 friends to drive the pick ups. My Ex worked at a restaurant from 12 midday to 1 or 2 in the night, in a quite good position and could freely leave work when ever he wanted for half an hour or longer, that was the most risky but Thai friends were on position alert, watching him at the place he worked and would keep him busy somehow if necessary. Well in record time, 5 h and 8 people cleared the entire house, perfectly stocked all in the truck and pickups the animals (4 dogs, 3 cats) in their kennels on the back. I sat in the car on the way to my own peace of mind..we caught the last Ferry and .I felt so incredibly happy when we drove off the Ferry on the mainland and all my fear and previous nervousness changed for hope and excitement

After 14h from South to East I could start a new life again without fear.

My ex realized only a day later that I must have left the island forever and quite a few of my good friends were under terror a few weeks while he tried to find out where I was gone but after a while it eventually stopped.

I have never regret this and would do same just would not wait such a long time, first evidence of unhealthy jealousy and I am away, running for my life....

I wish you good luck with this, try to keep strong and make the right decision.

All the Best,

[sonic_11uk]

My utmost thanks to everyone for the posts - many are thought provoking with a range of angles to look at things from.

May I just say that from the outside looking in, the solutions always look so easy.

I am quite often the person that my friends and colleagues turn to in troubled times or emergencies as I'm usually seen as being very calm and logical. However, when emotions are involved, things get cloudy and it's not as easy to be as decisive which is why I've been in this situation for so long.

The first time my gf got physical with me and punched me, I was so shocked and promised myself that it was over as it made no sense to be with someone who had no control and that I would end things as soon as she found her feet with a secure job...

She turned down so many opportunities waiting for an opening in my company which eventually came up - I didn't do anything to get her the job outside of doing her CV and training her for the interview. She thought it would be great to be close to me but our situations were different as she found herself in a horrible position and was really miserable reporting to a bully of a boss whilst I worked really, really hard to achieve stability for myself and department to the point where I was made head of department. I have tried to advise her how to manage her work situation and improve her career to little effect.

She continued to occasionally totally flip out and go crazy. She knows that I have trained as an amateur boxer for over 10 years in my younger days and taunts me to hit her back which would be stupid, but my lack of desired response strangely escalates things, one time to the point where she sucker punched me in the face when I was driving because I wouldn't accept her accusations. I stopped the car and asked her to get out which she refused to. Writing this now, I know I should have at that very point gone to the police for assistance but instead accepted her sobbing apologies which usually come a day or two later when she calms down, cries hysterically and literally kneels on the floor begging for another chance explaining that I am the greatest thing to have happened to her life and that she reacts that way because she can't bear the thought of someone else having me.

Again, I promised myself that as soon as she was stable in her job that I would be gone and my own trusted staff who know of my situation have advised that being as emotional as she is, she would never let me go, and could kill me or herself if I tried to leave.

My plan is to find another place to live, and to move out to that new home as soon as I have a chance before taking some time off away and alone where I myself can think things through and hopefully have her calm down so I can explain why I cannot return to her. In this present economic climate when so many people are losing their jobs, I don't think it would bode well for my future to walk away from a good career path so I plan to tough it out and remain in my company for the time being.

She'll come for me, I know it already but it's a start at least as we'll no longer physically be together.

[realenglish1]

I was in a similar situation with my wife of 11 years

Tearing my cloths of trying to rip my passport up Jumping on top of me and hitting and punching me. I too have never hit her or any other woman and after the 3rd or 4th time this happened I said

Thats it I cannot take it anymore "I warned you if you punched or hit me again I would divorce you and that is exactly what I did That was over 5 years ago and I have finally found a sane nice woman I can be with

So all I can say is finish with her. If you are afraid for your safety Tell the local police and lock her out. Send her to see her family by herself then hen she is there call her and tell her you have changed the locks and not to come back to you. Protect yourself I know this insanity

[Trembly]

. . . wow.

[TheSpade]

So many people saying you'll have to give her money (some even saying 50-100k). Where does this nonsense come from?

She chose to follow you to wherever you are now. You did not force her.

If she has to go back home then so be it.

If she can no longer afford the condo or car then tough luck she'll either have to get a second job or give them up.

Money will not solve this situation. The crazy bitch will take it and continue her psycho antics.

It says a lot about the majority of people round here when their answer is just to throw money at every situation that arises.

[JLCrab]

Quickie early morning synopsis: 90% of men on here don't understand women anyway so why listen to their advice and introducing money into the equation never solves anything.

However, the OP himself actually chimed in at #174 and said he wants to stay in his good job after taking a vacation and moving to an 'undisclosed location'.

[AngelsLariat]

Marry her.

[QualityTouristNumberOne]

I was nearly "hoist with my own petard" with my first Thai ex GF,

I taught her how to shoot,then when the lies she had told me and the Paranoia and tantrums emerged I left her a decent amount of money,

and 3 months paid on the condo,but during the happier times I had taught her how to shoot...biiiiiig mistake,

if she hadn't chosen an ex detective Thai Friend(yes one of the good ones!)

to help track me down,and shown him the .38 she intended to do me in with it would have been curtains for yours truly,

well before this happened(back when I was fairly naive vis a vis Thailand)and I first attempted to tell her it was over,she pulled the"suicide card",

"If you leave me,I jump off balcony honey!" (this may sound harsh but it worked) I picked her up and started striding towards the balcony saying

"ok,I help you if you don't want to live"....needless to say she changed her mind after a few steps and no more suicide blackmail,

sometimes you have to give the impression of ruthlessness to get through a Thai woman in a manic state,

I agree with the above posters who say change the locks or move,personally I'd move without telling any of your work mates/staff/friends,

in case she gets some male relatives to do something nasty,

I've had some jealous GF's in my life,but the only 2 that made me fear for my safety were a Brazilian girl and a Thai girl.,

leaving her some money to put into a business if she can afford it is a good idea,will distract her for the first crazy months,

the older male Thai idea is a good one too,especially if he's a copper.

good luck!

[ukrules]

I first attempted to tell her it was over,she pulled the"suicide card",

"If you leave me,I jump off balcony honey!" (this may sound harsh but it worked) I picked her up and started striding towards the balcony saying

"ok,I help you if you don't want to live"....needless to say she changed her mind after a few steps and no more suicide blackmail,

I told one with a razor in her hand to do it outside the apartment so I don't have to clean up the mess, I opened the door and yelled 'get the f$*k out' at her.

Needless to say she soon calmed down after that and never did it again.

[JLCrab]

One gets mocked on here by the usual suspects for 'paying for sex' but in reading all the above horror stories one can also appreciate the wisdom of Charlie Sheen who (supposedly) told the judge upon being queried why someone like himself needs to pay for sex:

I don't pay for sex; I pay for them to go home after sex.

... which in Thailand might involve paying for them to have a place to where they actually can go home ... and thus all the fracas as described involved with getting her to move out becomes moot.

Edited August 26, 2013 by JLCrab

[sfbandung]

All women are jealous to some degree and Thai women seem to be more jealous than most. The degree to which they indulge themselves though tends to be what they can get away with, or what they think they can get away with.

It sounds like you indulged this early on and now she can't stop. My missus had a few episodes very early in our relationship and I told her I would not tolerate it at all. I have a young (12 now, was 8 when we got together) daughter living with me and told her any hint of violence and she would be out the door, no second chances. You have created the monster in a way. It is so recognised as a problem in Thai society that they have retreats where the monks will discuss the destructive nature of jealousy for days.

Funny about work though. In most of the relationships (Thai/Farang) I have seen they respect work. Thais seem to get that we are screwed without income.

All this talk about getting violent with her only works if you are a violent person and it doesn't sound like you are. Can you both approach her family? Will she agree to that? With her telling her Mum, Dad, sisters, brothers, what she has been up to?

Don't envy you at all.

[Nooky2]

I will respond in the same manner as the OP.

1. You must go, but you must protect yourself.

2. Get a different job hopefully with the same company, none the less you must move.

3. Tell her nothing.

4. When you have everything in place, move your stuff to your new job and home.

5. AFTER, you have done these things, IF you feel you must speak to her that you are going, THEN you can do it. ONLY after you have have completed the move. Don't tell her where you moved to or any new information.

6. Don't look back. This girl is destructive. She feels like she is entitled to something but that's not your problem.

7. If you inform her of ANY of this, she will hurt you somehow to prevent you from leaving.

8. Get a new girlfriend. If the same happens, repeat the above.

9. Be strong.

Why do I never see Thai guys having to do any of the above?

The last one I witnessed the girl was given 1,000 baht and told to make her own way back to Issan.

The OP made the classic mistake of moving the girl into his apartment, if any of you guys are considering this, take note and think again.

Do what the Thais do, move in with the girl at her place, or rent a place in her name, then when the crap hits the fan, move out.

Absolute perfect addition to my post. Thanks

[wprime]

Her previous bf cheated on her numerous times before they eventually split up

Don't judge her ex by what she says, if what you say is any indication of her character, she'll be telling her future boyfriend how you used to cheat on her and beat her.

[jackr]

A, Love up to her. Arrange to take a holiday from work, move back to where you were before, disappear, come back and move out. She will probably turn up at your work and hassle you. If so, be a man.

B, Pay money to get her sectioned.

C, Don't get involved with Thai women.