step daughter and logic

[David48]

transam ... thanks for sharing.

One day (soonish) we'll have to indeed share a beer and regale tales together ... though I think your repertoire will be longer ans stronger!

[bkk_mike]

A 14 year old should have 1500 baht cell phone, if any, and should not be allowed to drive. I would say she is helping you out, with her attitude.

Personally, I wouldn't buy my kids a phone that I wouldn't buy for myself.

In fact, because of birthday presents, and that I haven't replaced my old Galaxy S, while it still works and I'm still able to put the latest version of Android on it - all my kids actually have better phones than I do..

[Mudcrab]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

My wife is CHEAP.My stepson has grown into a fine young man.

What a lot of people forget is that it is our job as parents/ step parents is to raise adults, not to raise children. You have done the right thing in my opinion. You have set a limit and the child has made her choice. A powerful lesson may have been learnt.

I'd like a lot of things, but the reality is there are wants and there are needs.

Give her five years and she may be thanking you for the lesson you have taught her.

Many people on TV comment about some of the childlike attitudes of some adult Thais...hopefully you have nipped this future behaviour in the bud.

[1Ping1]

What ever happened to kids working, doing assigned daily tasks for these and just about everything other than respect. Love and room and board.

To call this guy cheap is crap. Just shows there are those of us that learned at a young age, life is not a free ride. You earn what you have. Easy to tell by the posts those that never had to sadly.

I would hate to be them. As adults its very gratifying to know you have earned your place in the social status of others. Mommy and Daddy did not put you there.

[FritsSikkink]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

Always keep talking, at 17 he should know better so would tell him : no work no more bike until you do what your mother says.

Edited August 30, 2013 by FritsSikkink

[MA1]

Having been a parent and raised four children (two Thai step children) , I feel I have sufficient experience to make a valid response. You are not wrong in asking this question, especially if you have not had experience raising a teenager. My American teenagers went thru a similar phase, wanting something that was so important, then treating it like crap once they got it. So, this attitude your step-daughter has is not just a Thai issue.

Teenagers are transitioning thru a difficult time socially, emotionally, hormonally and if they have step-parents it is an added stressor.
Find a way to create a dialog with her. If she does not speak English or you Thai, use the mother or someone who can remain calm and express both views clearly. Be willing to negotiate, as a parent there are times when "no" should be solid and unwavering, again there are times when we need to relax our stand and be flexible.

An example would be the phone is negotiable, maybe offer to pay more but have her contribute money from her allowance to meet the difference. The motor bike should be a "no" until she is able to obtain a license, use a clutch and show responsible caring for the phone she has.

Parenting is never easy and being a step parent to a child in a completely different culture can be perplexing. Hang in there, be kind and understanding and willing to explain why to are doing what you are doing will go a far way towards building trust and a loving relationship with step daughter, mom and the family.

[benalibina]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

Always keep talking, at 17 he should know better so would tell him : no work no more bike until you do what your mother says.

1 starts as 1 means to go on. The mother has started it and by the reads of it he gets frustrated by correcting what somebody else has started. He even writes that he is only a farang in the eyes of the boy. Of all what i have experienced and seen myself and with others, it only leads to frustration if you want to enforce western norms,standards and values on stepkids. How difficult it might be, just stay on a distance and do not get involved too much by raising other man's kids. Not for all ofcourse but ....... for many. Especially if the father is a part in the childs life. Edited August 30, 2013 by benalibina

[EyesWideOpen]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

Damn Transam, sounds like you have the step kids from hell.... :-)

Note to self: Never get involved with a Thai woman who already has kids...... Ooops guess that would cut

out all the Isan girls. When these kids get mad at you for telling them to do something, do they shout back

" you are not my Dad " ?? That is always a nice touch.

Sharper than a serpents tooth is the tongue of an ungrateful child......

[benalibina]

Trying to do good with other persons kids in thailand, maybe it is worldwide but no experience there, is not really appreciated by the kid. If 1 however has a good wife who is a good mother as well than she does not need you to enforce a change of upbringing their child.

[transam]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

dam_n Transam, sounds like you have the step kids from hell.... :-)

Note to self: Never get involved with a Thai woman who already has kids...... Ooops guess that would cut

out all the Isan girls. When these kids get mad at you for telling them to do something, do they shout back

" you are not my Dad " ?? That is always a nice touch.

Sharper than a serpents tooth is the tongue of an ungrateful child......

Weeeeeeeell, similar words, BUT, now noooooooooooooooooo freebies or help. Really makes for my life quiet once it was understood.

[vijer]

My wife wouldn't give a kid under 16 anything that expensive. I would let them borrow the family bike but they couldn't have one of their own. And from experience with the brats at most schools I wouldn't give a kid a phone worth more than 2,000 baht, no texting, emergencies only.

That said, I agree with the kid, don't buy what you don't want, wait until you can have the better thing. No sense buying it twice.

[Millard]

Since your step-daughter is too young to work, perhaps make her earn these perks by hitting academic goals. Like if she achieved a certain grade point average, she could have the phone she wants. After all, we only appreciate what we have worked for. Also, If she doesn't get that phone, she can only blame herself. Such lessons are more valuable than any phone or bike.

Edited August 30, 2013 by Millard

[Mudcrab]

Since your step-daughter is too young to work, perhaps make her earn these perks by hitting academic goals. Like if she achieved a certain grade point average, she could have the phone she wants. After all, we only appreciate what we have worked for. Also, If she doesn't get that phone, she can only blame herself. Such lessons are more valuable than any phone or bike.

Never to young to work. My kids grew up in the 80's and 90's so are pretty switched on in the modern world. However they still washed and dried the dishes to earn their pocket money.

[BruceSmith]

I'm curious, where do you live?

[rotary]

Tough love is best. Giving a 14 year old kid all these fancy expensive items ruins them. A kid will have no idea of the value if everything is given to them like that. Being able to afford it has nothing to do with anything. Teaching a child common sense and to be responsible has everything to do with this.

[diyer]

Thai kids or otherwise, surely the object of a good parent is learning his offspring about financial responsibility.

When I was a young kid I craved a bicycle. I was the only child in a one parent family and my Mother worked hard just to put a roof over my head and food on the table.

She got me a job delivering early morning news papers for pocket money.

Getting up at 5am to earn 10p for a paper round seemed ludicrous to me at first, however 50p at the end of the week made me the envy of many friends, who chose to sit at home and do nothing.

I had my eye on a sports bicycle, 15 gears, top of range, but about £30.

Motivated by the 50p a week it wasn't long before I started doing an evening round, then Saturday and Sunday mornings.

I soon understood that money had to be earned by work, but the more I worked the more money I earned.

In only a few weeks, I'd earned enough to get my dream bicycle.

To my great surprise my Mother threw in a chain and lock as a reward. I guess she was proud of my achievement.

I looked after that bike, cleaned it, oiled it, maintained it for years.

I worked hard to get it.

That was another lesson learned, because it was my sweat, my money, I took great care and pride in it.

What happened to some of the old values our parents instilled into us, it didn't do us any harm, it gave us a greater respect for the value of money.

Edited August 30, 2013 by diyer

[kingstonkid]

Being a teacher I see a lot of these kids with the fancy smart phones. It is a constant battle to get them off of it. My friend the cost of the cell phone is nothing compared to the air time bill she will have.

As to the bike well that is a different scene personally i would let her walk a lot of our kids at school do.

The problem that we as teachers have is that parents cave to their kids.

As it is schools have a no fail policy so kids know they are getting a free ride.

Girls see the cute girls getting what they want and think that you really do not have to have brains just be cute. Hell we even have teachers like that.

Rant over

My suggestion my friend is the same one I would use no matter where i lived and did use with my daughter.

You want a 15000 phone ok BUT you have to earn it. Give her a list of chores that she HAS TO DO AROUND THE HOUSE.

Give her so much of a great mark on her report card.

Then she may come to appreciate money a lot more than you buying her a bike no matter what size or a phone no matter what cost.

[timewilltell]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

This is a wind up right?

Are there really adults with this mindset?

No wonder so many underage moped drivers here getting killed with the full consent of their ignorant parents.

No wonder there are so many selfish people in the world that think the world owes them just exactly what they want.

If you are serious you should be castrated as clearly unfit to be a parent!

[JulesMad]

OMB

All I hear is: I want ...., I want ...., I want ...., I want ....,I want ....

There are many many things I want, especially if other people pay for it!!!

For everything I have (in a material sense), I worked for!!! I, myself and me....

Easy answer: your kid wants something, let him/her work for it. If I see they are serious, I will contribute to it, but I will never pay for all of it. They have to learn responsibility (yes, even in Thailand)

[epicstuff]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

i would say only a <deleted> would make a comment like that.. it is critical to learn to respect value and work toward gaining respect not take it for granted. but if you were spoilt as a baby maybe you have no concept of that.

[angrybird]

Bertrand Russell one of the World's foremost Logicians and Philosophers (Histoy of Western Philosophy), once opened a school where the children had total control of what they did.

Greatest mistake of his life he admitted

Why does this font change mid stream ?

[Anon999]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

Dicks are people who allow and encourage a 14 year old to ride a motorbike illegally. 'If' you have any that are under age for a licence and buy one then I'm sure you'll be best pleased when she/he is involved in an accident. you'll get what you deserve. Sounds like you support the spoiled brat who killed a policeman in his Ferrari.

Edited September 1, 2013 by Anon999

[transam]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

Dicks are people who allow and encourage a 14 year old to ride a motorbike illegally. 'If' you have any that are under age for a licence and buy one then I'm sure you'll be best pleased when she/he is involved in an accident. you'll get what you deserve. Sounds like you support the spoiled brat who killed a policeman in his Ferrari.

Agree 100%, and MrRD, I would say that you are a totally irresponsible parent, if in fact you are a parent, or just have been brought up a spoiled brat.

[Neeranam]

By calling her "the daughter" and glad she is not your own flesh and blood makes clear your thought about her. I understand - I could never bring up another persons kid as my own.

I work with one guy who has been married 20 years with a step daughter and still calls her, "the daughter"

Think of the psychological effect this has on her. Would you buy your own flesh and blood a 16,000 baht phone?

Being a parent is tough - my 10 year old is constantly wanting things but I say no a lot, not because I can't afford it, but coz I'm Scottish.

Edited September 1, 2013 by Neeranam

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Times like this I am happy she is a stepdaughter not my flesh and blood.

Nice parent you are.

Treat all your children the same.

Don't give a bike to a 14 year old

If she want a more expensive item let her work / do chores, to earn the rest of the money.

My wife's son (17) is asked by mum to do stuff and he just says NO. I say he has good home, new bike and a private school and he says NO.

Hmmmmmmm, as you can imagine I do not converse with the little s____ at all. I could go on with stories but..................

dam_n Transam, sounds like you have the step kids from hell.... :-)

Note to self: Never get involved with a Thai woman who already has kids...... Ooops guess that would cut

out all the Isan girls. When these kids get mad at you for telling them to do something, do they shout back

" you are not my Dad " ?? That is always a nice touch.

Sharper than a serpents tooth is the tongue of an ungrateful child......

Weeeeeeeell, similar words, BUT, now noooooooooooooooooo freebies or help. Really makes for my life quiet once it was understood.

I once heard a 10yo Thai boy shout at a foreigner, "Don't tell me what to do, you are just the guy shagging my mother this week"

Which I though was quite amusing, and in that instance very appropriate.

PS

The correct answer to "You are not my dad" is either:

1. "Go and ask your dad for it"

2. "Go and stay with your dad then"

Edited September 1, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[transam]

I could answer to that AoA, which involves me, not the sex bit but cos I am a farang. I will save it for later.

[jocko]

 

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

 

 

 

14 year old's know what they want and if they stick it out they will get it.

Thats logic

 

 

Not if I'm paying the bill!!!!!  That isn't logic, it's personal weakness. By showing a lack of resolution you do the child no good at all and you make your own life a misery.

 

Both my wife's kids were problem children just as the majority of Thai kids are. They were warned that if they did not take advantage of the opportunities that I bought for them, then they would end up as impoverished as they were when I took them onboard, and that I would not help them out of the mess that they had made of their lives. On reaching the age of 18 years I took them at their word that they were all grown up and could make their own decisions and told them to provide for themselves. It was emphasised that their mother and I were not going to be their ATM's and that they must reap what they had sown. They were told that we had lives of our own and that that we intended to live them to the full. My prophesy has proved to be the case and they are now limited to one visit to our home and a free meal per week. They are still in my opinion feckless and irresponsible.

 

Currently we are caring for my wife's daughter's 4 year old. She has learned in the space of a few weeks that tantrums and sulks get her nowhere, that the words 'please' and 'thank you' are mandatory, that NO means just that, and that she must clear up after herself. I find the dichotomy of Thai attitudes and mores perplexing. I have been counselled not to complain or make a fuss, or God forbid, throw my toys out of my pram yet Thai parents permit their children to do just that. The saying spare the rod and spoil the child has more than pinch of common sense about it although only in the most extreme circumstances would I beat a child and even then not in cold blood. One has only to look at today's messed up kids to know that the chattering classes got it all wrong about child rearing. It is sad that the parents know no better since they themselves were allowed to run wild.

 

Thoughts on parenting are in the main influenced by those that our parents adopted. My father was a Victorian so I am stuck with my mind set. Both my kids have thanked me for being strict when necessary and I can see that they are of similar mind in bringing up their children.    

I forgot to put question mark after ''That's logic'' I was asking a guestion.

[EyesWideOpen]

Anotheroneamerican

I once heard a 10yo Thai boy shout at a foreigner, "Don't tell me what to do, you are just the guy shagging my mother this week"

Which I though was quite amusing, and in that instance very appropriate.

Wow, I would think that reflects somewhat poorly upon the kid's mother.....

Edited September 1, 2013 by EyesWideOpen

[jocko]

You are asking about young peoples logic you could include most Thais in that question.

 

I wonder if she will think about it and change her mind.

 

You done the right thing under difficult circumstances.

 

What could you possibly know about "most Thais?"

 

The topic was about the logic of young people and one child in particular. Why the rush to turn every thread into some childish display of illogical Thai bashing?

Do you think Thailand has a logical government and educational system that can produce logical thinking I am married to a Thai and lived here for 12 years and I love the place I was pointing out that the young lady is Thai and I am not surprised by her logic because I don't seem to see much logic in a lot of day to day things that you see and read here.

Sorry you see it as Thai bashing that is not my style maybe there logic and my logic are different

[transam]

You are asking about young peoples logic you could include most Thais in that question.

I wonder if she will think about it and change her mind.

You done the right thing under difficult circumstances.

What could you possibly know about "most Thais?"

The topic was about the logic of young people and one child in particular. Why the rush to turn every thread into some childish display of illogical Thai bashing?

Do you think Thailand has a logical government and educational system that can produce logical thinking I am married to a Thai and lived here for 12 years and I love the place I was pointing out that the young lady is Thai and I am not surprised by her logic because I don't seem to see much logic in a lot of day to day things that you see and read here.

Sorry you see it as Thai bashing that is not my style maybe there logic and my logic are different

, and it is not Thai bashing it's the daily that many of us deal with. Jocko and myself have the same T-shirts.