My first Isaan visit.

[ryro88]

Hey guys I'm not sure if you remember my post about my first issan vist to visit my girlfriends family and how nervous I was and the board members posting how I would be Perceived as a waking atm etc etc. Well to cut a long story short I had a great time we spent 4 days in issan. Her home is in a little place call nam yeun and is very basic but it received a very warm welcome. We spent most of the time travelling around in the car as my girlfriend and her family wanted to show me as much of isaan as they could in the short time I was there they really couldn't do enough for me, we visited a few waterfalls and they insisted on taking me to pha taem national park it was quiet a drive but they insisted. These people where the friendliest people I have ever met in my entire life they didn't have much infact they had very little and not once did the ever ask me for money like lots of board members on here said would happen. On the last day I gave them 5,000B out of generosity and good will for the welcoming and love they showed towards me. I will go back and visit. Well that's how my first Isaan visit went folks. And I enjoyed every minute.

[Travel2003]

Nice story.

Be prepared, some members will soon claim all the hospitality was part of an act to make you give money in the end.

After all, it is the only country in the world where it is a national policy to scam visitors.

Seriously pal, nice story.

[mgjackson69]

The OP is on the right track...one can be generous without becoming an ATM.

If the relationship continues, rest assured that some family member will ask to "borrow" some money. It is on you to evaluate such requests and say 'yea' or 'nay'. A refusal will likely result in a bunch of talking and you being asked again...just stand your ground and set the precedent.

[ryro88]

Many times I offered to pay for meals when we where out and my girlfriend or her mother wouldn't let me pay. Obviously I paid for a few melas. but my point being that I did not fell like am ATM to there's people. Actually quiet the opposite. I was treated like a guest just like in the western world if not better.

[swissie]

I didn't expect that they would throw rotten eggs at you on the first visit. Not to worry, you will soon be erecting a nice house on "family-land" for the clan and be willing to live in Nakhon nowhere for the rest of your live.

Once accomplished, you will find out if the "hospitality" is a lasting factor. If yes, you may have hit the jackpot. If not, you are in good company. "V" does rarely stand for "Victory" for Farangs in Thailand, more so for "Victim".

Cheers.

[Khunmanoun]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

[Khunmanoun]

Concerning the warm welcome you have received, I got the same treatment 17 years ago, and I am still very warmly received in the village. They are certainly sincere. But please separate money from that. You do not need to PAY for that, it is free. Certainly, if something happens to a family member, not helping at all would get you a bad reputation, but this is perfecly understandable. Do not build any house, deal with big amounts of money before a couple of years. Take your time !

[ajarnmarc]

What people are posting is the norm,

and that's why their posting these warning.

I can tell you what they've stated happened to me on more than one occasion,

with more than one family; as I've had several Issan ladies,

so it certainly is true in most cases, though I'm sure there are exceptions,

but they are very rare.

This is because most women luv to share their fortune stories with other in Issan families,

and they compare everything.

My visits there were good, and I had a great time, but I was still empty upon my return from there.

Once they cleaned me out so good, I barley had enough to get back to Bkk,

and they knew this, but didn't care...

That was my problem,

and they told me as much.

The family reply was just call home and have them send you some more money.

With a great smile upon their lovely face.

Bless their hearts...

NOT!

The women of Issan are great,

don't get me wrong,

but the family is another story,

and their expectations are out of this World.

The pressures they put on their daughters is crazy in itself.

They don't care to educate their children,

they just expect them to go to the city and get a farang boyfriend,

or even better husband and have them make their life better.

Easy enough.

I ended up with a lady from Chiang Mai,

and her Mom still works,

and so does my wife.

That's not something you're likely to see from the families in Issan,

most don't work after 40,

and their daughters usually don't either after they've landed you between their sweet spot.

Enjoy your wild ride while it's good, and it usually is... for awhile.

In some cases longer, if...

you set things up wright in the beginning,

and stick to it.

Which is the key of success,

as people have mentioned here already.

I didn't set it up clear enough,

but I tried,

and in the end I had to end my relationship of four years with a lady from Issan.

It was just to much for me to bare any more.

It took her six years to replace me after our breakup,

and now she's stuck in Finland bored out of her mind.

But at least her family got the golden egg they were after,

only problem was it was just once,

and then their daughter was out of the country,

not likely to return any time soon.

While I'm still living her after 13 years,

and have never left, other than a visa run.

Edited November 25, 2013 by ajarnmarc

[ryro88]

I can understand the point that you are all making but when I look back on my time in Isaan the girlfriend and her family spent quite a bit of money on me too so I thought it appropriate to pay back the favour and It made me happy to do so.

[Maggusoil]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

Right so that makes you a Dr of Thai Sociology right?

That only goes to prove like most academics, you are only aware of your tiny sector of reality.

What utter small minded rubbish.

Thais and their strange relationship with money?

Perhaps you would feel more comfortable on Wall Street? Or even in Nigeria?

[mrdome]

I would agree with Khunmanoun here. I would not have given a blanket cash donation like this and established myself as the "cash dispensing buffalo". Down the road if I felt they had a strong need for a certain item, I would have seen that it would get provided (without making a big deal out of it). It all depends on the relationship, of course but I reject blanket giving just because we have met.

[elwood]

Nice story.

Be prepared, some members will soon claim all the hospitality was part of an act to make you give money in the end.

After all, it is the only country in the world where it is a national policy to scam visitors.

Seriously pal, nice story.

And sure enough, your prediction comes true; who else but Swissie, with his inevitable Isaan-bashing twaddle.

[Khunmanoun]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

[Khunmanoun]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

Right so that makes you a Dr of Thai Sociology right?

That only goes to prove like most academics, you are only aware of your tiny sector of reality.

What utter small minded rubbish.

Thais and their strange relationship with money?

Perhaps you would feel more comfortable on Wall Street? Or even in Nigeria?

Well, I think I know Thailand quite well, my friend, and I speak the langage, which is a great help to talk and understand the people. Yes, Thai people have a relation with money which is very strange for most foreigners from the western world. Most of them (in the 2 square meters of area I know) have no idea about sparing money. They make money, they spend it the same day. They all borrow more than they can. How many plots of land in my village have been taken by the bank ! They see a farang around, they try to get some money because they are always broke and they have a lot of ideas to make good and funny usage of the said money ...

This beeing said, I love Thailand !

[mrdome]

I can understand the point that you are all making but when I look back on my time in Isaan the girlfriend and her family spent quite a bit of money on me too so I thought it appropriate to pay back the favour and It made me happy to do so.

Some posters here are so anti and so extreme that they distort the picture. This worked like reverse psychology on you and you thought "Oh, not at all like they said".

But you are just at the beginning, can't really judge the journey until you have arrived - and may you have good long trip

The warning voices came & come from people who want to look out for you, do take that into consideration.

[lostinisaan]

Unfortunately, when a Thai woman brings a foreigner to her village/town.city, all people think that this is the goose that lays the golden eggs.\

They knew were your gf worked, what she did and they all received some money. Not saying that you met her in a bar......

When you gave them 5 K, they're sure that a new house will be build soon, plus the usual car and motorbikes. Aehh forgot the gold and so on.

[ryro88]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

[ajarnmarc]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

There's really nothing to be careful about here.

I stated that I'm sure there are exceptions to my experiences or the experiences of others,

but I believe them to be rare.

This forum is about expressions,

and experiences as well as solid advice.

What hinders people is others coming on and trying to sensor replies or posts.

When actually if you don't like what you've read then move on to the next post,

for not every post or comment is for everyone...nor directed as such.

[ryro88]

There are genuine people in the world you know.

[cooked]

Most of those that mistrust Isaan seem to be people that don't live here, they may have made a few forays out into the savage wilderness of poverty and drug ridden abjectness that they think is Isaan and think that they know the place. I had a much harder time doing business with the crooks and thieves I met up with in Switzerland than I do with the drunks, gamblers and prosies (or even worse, ex-prosies) that I get on with every day here.

Maybe get on so well here because I am poverty stricken also, I can recommend it.

[lostinisaan]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

You can't be serious. They have a bad reputation because of the US base? C'mon. and read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udorn_Royal_Thai_Air_Force_Base

Ever thought about all the other airports and "friendship bridges"??

[Khunmanoun]

@ Ryro88 - You stayed 4 days in Isaan, where everything is dirt cheap and you really believe village people spent close to 5000 on you ? Well, I have doubts.

A good meal cost 50 baths, how much is benzine now ? A night in an hotel cost 400-500 baths.

[sirchai]

Your story sounds very similar to my first visit to Buri Ram, with a hooker who worked in a bar in Pattaya many moons ago.

Same thing, a big party, everybody almost too friendly. Then some things like: "Look at my house, it needs a new roof".etc...

Unfortunately that was 20 years ago and I quit my "renting" women life. But I can assure you that most girls/women bring their foreign boy friends to their village in a way that all seems to be fine.

I didn't speak their language, nor could I eat their food. That has changed, when I met my wife when I wasn't looking for companionship. Then I lived a year in her village and guess I know what people think when a foreigner shows up.

Now were're happily married for more than 11 years and we still see foreigners coming to the village from time to time. Same same, but different.-

Edited November 25, 2013 by sirchai

[ajarnmarc]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

You can't be serious. They have a bad reputation because of the US base? C'mon. and read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udorn_Royal_Thai_Air_Force_Base

Ever thought about all the other airports and "friendship bridges"??

I'm glad to see someone else noticed that slander as well.

Here's a warning about slandering Issan women,

but it's ok to slander Udon Thani women,

because of a base supposedly near by???

I have no idea if there is one,

and don't care if there was.

I meet women from all provinces in my daily business,

and can certainly see the differences in their personalities.

But I not comment on that,

just shared my experiences in Issan with the ladies that took me there,

and it was always the same experience, just slightly different approach to it.

I had one ladies father come all the way down from Issan to ask if he could borrow 1,000 bht.

I told my girlfriend at the time, it cost him that much to get here.

I knew it was just a start to get me to open my wallet,

and then would come the big question later.

Not during the same visit...I don't think.

But he would certainly be back within a few days.

I gave my G/F some money and had her buy her father a few beers,

and that would relax him, before I later set him on his way.

After dinner of course, but empty handed.

I've had women from Issan ask for a house,

but willing to settle for the wall that normally goes around the house.

Problem was I never saw a wall around a house in Issan,

but it was the ladies idea at the time.

I moved on with a quickness.

They come at all angles and beauties,

for which there are many.

[Khunmanoun]

@ajarnmarc - Isaan is big, and I have seen many problems with farangs but also a great number of beautiful stories. I would be careful to make a generality. Except for Udon Thani girls, who have a very bad reputation, certainly because of the US base.

You can't be serious. They have a bad reputation because of the US base? C'mon. and read:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Udorn_Royal_Thai_Air_Force_Base

Ever thought about all the other airports and "friendship bridges"??

When I ask Thai people about the bad reputation of Udon Thani girls, they point that Udon Thani reputation is due to the US base which was there during the vietnam war.

And Pattaya, same story, Sattahip base.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/25/world/asia/25iht-thai.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

[ozyjon]

Congractulations, you are more than welcome to take my place in Issan,, great to say that after 7 years of in and out meeting loads of women in the Issan area, building a house there to give to my lady as a gift, i have finally BIT the bullet and got on the bus out of there, i vowed never to travel north of Bangkok again, i've seen enough rice fields to last a life time and NO i do not like ISSAN FOOD so %$#@ off, and i don't like chilli so why drown everything in chilli (mai pet) or *^%$# off.

Your story is the same as everyone's story that have come and gone here in Thailand, the family won't ask you for money (verbally) they will hint hint for you to HELP them with this and with that and then the auntie is sick then the pig then the buffalo she will tell you hospital is very expensive then you offer to pay,, just wait until the honeymoon is over, if your girlfriend is very ugly then you might have a chance otherwise start saving.

[wimpey1946]

Good to hear a story like this, it should be told more then all the negatives, I have the same expierience, not in Esan but in rural area around Phichit.

very nice family and also very nice nabours.

so it is very well possible.

I live here now over a year with my gf and I love it, nabours bring food when they cook nice and we help each other.

[MrRed]

Hello, a lot of members do not know Thailand at all and can hardly speak two words of Thai. Having stayed years in Pattaya does not give one the right to have a authorized opinion on everything Thai -)

Ryro88, imho you made a big mistake. The amount of money you gave to them was the equivalent of one month salary for someone in the country. The simple fact that they took the money is an indication of Thai people bad mentality versus money. They should have refused the money, simply put. It was OK to give them some money, for example pay for the car benzine. And give a small gift on departure. But 5000 baths, certainly not.

The message you have given to them is that you are in fact a walking ATM. Mgjackson69 is perfectly right. Next step is most probably to try to get more and more from you. Not that they are bad people. But because they are Thai and because of the strange relation between Thai and money. Do not show your money, refuse loans, put clear barriers, this is my advice (I am happily married for 17 years with an isaan girl).

I think your misses really really loves you don't you?

Did you say never buy a house?....did you? or are you just living surviving in hers?

The Thai psychology you pretend to know is embarrassing really,i think you need to get out more pal.

[Gsxrnz]

I just can't see where you are coming from here the family spent quite a few thousand baht on myself. Petrol.national park fees.food.beer the list goes on 5000 was a good will gesture on my part which my girlfriend refused twice before I slipped it in the window of the car when we left to head Into the airport.

Mate, you did the right thing. If I stayed at a friends house (as I do when I go home) for a week or two at a time, I would not feel comfortable unless I bought them a gift of some substantial value, or took them out for at least several high cost meals. They save me $1,000 a week in accommodation and car costs - if I spend $400 on them I'm still winning. Arguably the cost to them is negligible, but that is definitely a moot point.

So why should it be any different here. The difference is, what do you buy a poor family from Isaan to show your gratitude? A nice artwork to hang on the wall, tickets to the latest show and a night on the town in BKK, a gift voucher at Central Festival? Yeah right, they could really use all of those couldn't they.

Giving cash was the best solution - they refused as they are bound to do, you insisted as you were socially obliged to do....regardless of what country you're in. They showed you tremendous hospitality and you repaid them in the most practical sense - a cash gift. The amount was IMHO appropriate. 5k is not loose change for a Falang, and it's not a huge fortune for a Thai farmer.

As to the future etc.....well it hasn't happened yet. You'll have to wait and see what it brings and how you handle each and every situation. Try your best to make sure the outcome/s are what you want and are happy with. No doubt you will be tested, as you would be tested in any relationship with in-laws in your own country.

Arm yourself with as much information as you can (good and bad opinions should all be welcomed), put them through the grinder and form your own conclusions. As different things happen, refine your thinking and reform your opinion, ad infinitum. It ain't all good, and it ain't all bad either. Learn from your mistakes, don't make the same mistake twice, remain in control.

[Khunmanoun]

@ Ozyjon. Ha ha ha, how funny. Did someone notice that Isaan was the poorest part of the country ? Did you know that people aged down to 30 years old have sometimes eaten soil to calm their hunger ? You can see the problem with money, you can try to deal with it, but it is not forbidden to try to understand where it is coming from. Once you understand it is much easier.