Sinsot refund...Its time all farang say no to this outdated peasant dowry system

[jack71]

I was recently married and write to share my story about the sinsot being refunded to me. As the title suggests, I don’t believe in the sinsot dowry. I have travelled extensively to over 75 countries in the last 20 years and know that it’s important to respect cultural ideals when in another country. However, it doesn’t mean that I have to agree with them.

After getting engaged to my lovely lady the sinsot issue was raised and it was mentioned that I would get it refunded to me after the wedding.

After meeting my wife’s brother for the first time (prior to the wedding) my lady said to me that her parents had changed their mind and wanted to keep the money. I was slightly perturbed but persisted with the refund idea. I decided to ask an old family friend of the parents to be the mediator as they respect him a lot- and he speaks fluent English. At the time of the meeting the mediator said to me that the sinsot would ‘eventually be refunded to me and my wife’. I knew I had to be assertive and I told him ‘no, I want it refunded to me right after the wedding’. I asked him to translate that to them a few times. They agreed to this and then asked if the sinsot could be 1million. My wife has Dr in front of her first name and wears a cute little hospital coat. Despite this I didn’t want to pay such a high price and said I would be happy to pay 500k on the condition that it’s refunded to me. They asked if it could be more than that. I said no. That was the end of the negotiation.

I believe that I have to teach the in-laws that I can say no to them and that I’m not an idiot who will give away my hard earned cash. I want to earn their respect slowly by making their daughter happy. But they also have to earn my respect; which they did by paying the money back to me a day after the wedding.

We have all read horror stories about sinsot on this url. 2 years ago I met a young farang who married a bank officer who’s father was a village leader (chief). The father asked for an excessive amount of money which was later reduced to a figure close to 2 mill. I felt sorry for the farang paying that much money. Mr farang still works 2 jobs and will take years to earn back that sort of cash. Meanwhile the thai chief no doubt continues to think his son in law is a rich stupid farang.

It is my opinion that all farang intending to get married should say no to this outdated peasant dowry system. What do you think about this?

Jack

[mrtoad]

Just Say No

[Neeranam]

What is your wife's job?

[Neeranam]

X2

Edited July 20, 2014 by Neeranam

[Neeranam]

There are gullible, stupid Thais too that care too much what others think of them.

You did the right thing. Live and let live - one thing I've learned is not to get involved with the 'look at my poong;sanook' guys. They never listen.

They get brainwashed into total delusion that a pick up is a good idea ; for Songkran or in case they flit.

[krisb]

Each to their own.

I married my wife outside of Thailand so that confused them.

[BookMan]

hey agreed to this and then asked if the sinsot could be 1million. My wife has Dr in front of her first name and wears a cute little hospital coat.

[Neeranam]

Each to their own.

I married my wife outside of Thailand so that confused them.

When they tell her to divorce you outside Thailand that will confuse you

[Neeranam]

hey agreed to this and then asked if the sinsot could be 1million. My wife has Dr in front of her first name and wears a cute little hospital coat.

Exactly. So she's obviously not a medical doctor.

[JesseFrank]

Did anyone care to look at the topic history of this troll English teacher ?

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/741547-how-does-one-take-a-private-car-from-nca-pats-to-bangsaen/

We will arrive at NCA pats and wanted to know how to get to Bangsaen. We are too high class to go on public transport.

[richard_smith237]

IMO this system is more than simple payment of money. Its about how you handle yourself through the process, how you respect different cultures and also how others respect your culture. Where respect is mutual and relationships are balanced, genuine and healthy, issues such as SinSod are rarely issues at all.

OP: you handled yourself much in the same way I handled myself when negotiating SinSod - I too expected all the money to be returned and it was.

A continuing and mutually respectful relationship with my Inlaws is enjoyed partly as a result of my willingness to be flexible and their willingness to be respectful when I stand firm.

[Bernard Flint]

Peasant dowry system, heheheheheheheheh, sorry for laughing but i think you are very funny sir

sir

IS dr meaning Dowry return

[Pralaad]

But just last week OP had a girlfriend who is a doctor .

Did OP get married in the new house he could not rent?

[krisb]

Each to their own.

I married my wife outside of Thailand so that confused them.

When they tell her to divorce you outside Thailand that will confuse you

Happily married with a family.

No divorce here.

Does your wifes family tell her what to do or something?

[thaipod]

I don't agree with the sin sot payment and told my future wife .She put her own money and gold on the tray and the parents rang the next morning to tell us to collect it with extra money and gifts and have been very supportive since.

[thequietman]

"Its time all farang say no to this outdated peasant dowry system"

....................... and then you paid it. Am I missing something?

[thehelmsman]

There are gullible, stupid Thais too that care too much what others think of them.

You did the right thing. Live and let live - one thing I've learned is not to get involved with the 'look at my poong;sanook' guys. They never listen.

They get brainwashed into total delusion that a pick up is a good idea ; for Songkran or in case they flit.

Why, pick-up not a good idea......................

[slipperylobster]

What is your wife's job?

Making name tags....that have Dr. in front?

[cooked]

So Thais will continue to pay it and Farangs pay Farang price? If you can't deal with the Sinsod negotiations then maybe you should go get your mama to help you.

[ATF]

I'd wager it was the Doctor's first day at the bar too! Took over 75 countries to find a wife? Must have been saving yourself?

[NoshowJones]

Just Say No

It's the Farangs who were stupid enough to go through with this nonsense to let it continue the way it has who are to blame. We know it's Thai culture, but it is not western culture, so a compromise must be reached.

Yes we are in their country, but if we are buying houses and land that we can't own, then maybe that's where a compromise can be reached.

[CharlieH]

For someone who recently said "we all dont want this to be another boring debate about sinsot"

Seems an odd title and thread to start.

[laolover88]

It is not Sin Sot that is the problem...it is Sin Ros

Sin Sot provides a way for your in-laws to get their hands on your money.

Sin Ros provides the way for your wife to annex your fortune.

Edited July 20, 2014 by laolover88

[Hedghog]

Easy answer.

Don't get married.

Particularly not to the locals cast offs.

[WorriedNoodle]

Depending on the family you marry into, it's more of a custom/formality like everything else that occurs on the day. You should get the sitsot money and gold back the same day after the festivities are over - they are there for show not any would be money grabbing inlaws. Show is a big thing so the more you got the better, Much like the costs involved in preparing the event, meals, entertainment, monks are all repaid in full or more when family guests leave their envelopes.

[yermanee]

I told them that in my home country parents of the female had to pay a dowry, but I was willing to drop it if they dropped theirs.

Yermanee

[Absolut]

"Its time all farang say no to this outdated peasant dowry system"

....................... and then you paid it. Am I missing something?

No I don't think you did. Doesn't make sense to me either.

[sanuk711]

Jack71 You seem to be very well educated on stuff that you made up ...............................

Edited July 20, 2014 by sanuk711

[Soutpeel]

I am quite amused that the OP thinks his wife and her family are peasants

[mrtoad]

I am quite amused that the OP thinks his wife and her family are peasants

Wasn't the OP th bloke who was having problems renting a house the other week?

He seems to have lot's of stories, which don't really add up.

I like the one where he is suggesting that he is High Class, but he travels on a bus to Pattaya.